Month / May 2018

by Kelly Mattei

Hooray for Low-Maintenance Friends!

A friend and I had some tentative plans for tonight. I texted her and asked if she was still up for it, and she explained something had come up with one of her children. She didn’t totally back out of our plans, but she knew I’d let her off the hook. I said, “I’m not going to hold your feet to the fire. You don’t have to go…no biggie.”  I’m a low-maintenance friend.

What does that mean? To me, that means that I love my friends exactly as you are. It means I don’t get mad if they have to change plans or choose to change plans.  I don’t have to talk to them every day. I don’t take it personally if they don’t return my calls, texts, or emails. I don’t “expect” them to be a certain way. I simply want them to be there for me when they can. I know real life gets in the way sometimes, and sometimes, you just want to sit on the sofa and watch some mindless television. Years ago, when we had our toddler playgroup, I told all my friends that I am a low-maintenance friend. I also told them I expect the same in return.

For example, if we have plans to go to dinner on a Tuesday night, and on Tuesday afternoon, I decide I just can’t pull it off…I call and say, “I just can’t pull it off.” And that is fine…no questions asked. My friends know they can do that with me, but I expect the same courtesy in return. If it’s an important event, it’s different…I WANT to attend important events. My friend of 20+ years, Mary Ann, uses our friendship as her example of “low-maintenance friendships.” We have the same views. It doesn’t mean one or the other of us is neglecting the friendship or taking advantage of the other. It means we can be honest and realistic. We don’t get bent out of shape about silly things. We don’t sweat the small stuff. There’s no pressure. We can be forgiving.

Here’s how I tend to look at it: we all mess up sometimes. There have been countless times I’ve messed up with friends…didn’t return calls, ran very late, accidentally didn’t show for something, or maybe I was just plain thoughtless or mean. I’m sure I’ve done worse things, and I have friends who have done all this too at some time. The great thing about low-maintenance friends? They don’t freak out. They don’t unfriend you on Facebook or give you the silent treatment. They forgive. After all, if we want to be forgiven by others, we have to be forgiving, right? You know…without sin/casting stones, right?

And frankly, it’s so much more fun to take the high road. In my younger days…meaning my teens and twenties…there were times I just couldn’t be forgiving. But I’ve learned.  There is no fun in that.  Staying angry just takes too much energy. It’s exhausting, and usually, it’s worse on the person who stays mad. It’s also simply the wrong thing to do. If I ever got mad at you in my teens or twenties, I’m no longer mad. Honestly, chances are I don’t even remember being mad.

Life is a lot more fun if you don’t take it too seriously.

One thing my mother always told me was that if I want to have good friends, I have to BE a good friend. Different people may have different ideas about what that is. But for me, being a good friend means giving your friends the benefit of the doubt. I might be able to remember the names of everyone in my kindergarten class, but I can’t always remember where I’m supposed to be on any given day. My friends know that, and they forgive me when I forget to do something.

This is a roundabout way of saying “thank you” to my friend who couldn’t keep our plans tonight. Thank you for reminding me how fortunate I am to have low maintenance friends. Thank you for being up front with me about tonight. Sounds crazy, right? It’s not. Right after she told me she couldn’t go, I texted her back and said, “I totally get it.” It turned into a love fest when she texted back saying, “I don’t deserve you.”  I texted back the same thing, and then she texted, “I enjoy having a low maintenance friend.”

And that was what prompted me to write this today.

In fact, THANK YOU to all my low maintenance friends out there. You know who you are. You’re the friend with whom I haven’t spoken in a few months, but you know I still love you. You’re the friend who didn’t return my call last week, but we’re cool. You’re the friend who didn’t care when I didn’t want to go to a concert with you. YOU ARE MY FRIEND.

Here’s one thing I know for sure about my low maintenance friends: you would drop everything to help me if I needed your help, and you wouldn’t complain. You would drive a long way to pick me up, or drive to New Orleans with me to get my passport renewed, or babysit my child in an emergency.  In fact, you’ve likely done it before.

My friends know I often say, “I do not do high maintenance friendships.” And it’s true. Too much drama? No thanks. There is nothing worse to me than a friendship that feels like work because we are always having to apologize to each other, or because the friend is too needy. I have been known to walk away from a friendship like that. While I love to think I can get along with virtually everyone, I can’t.

I can’t get along with complainers, whiners,  negative people, people who try to control me, or high maintenance friends. I don’t need that in my life, and at 50 (almost 51), I won’t even try anymore. It wears me out. It…is…exhausting.

Life is too short.

So, if you consider yourself a low maintenance friend, we would likely get along. Let’s hang out! But if I don’t return your call in a timely fashion, don’t freak out.

by Kelly Mattei

Mother/Daughter Traditions

This Mother’s Day will be my first without my mother. My sweet mother died in December, never getting to see 2018. As anyone knows, the “firsts” are tough. It has me thinking about things we used to do together.

One thing we used to do together was clean silver. Doesn’t sound like much of a tradition, right? I know, it sounds tedious, and it can be, but with Mother, it was fun. When I lived in Mobile as an adult, once a year, usually in December, we would clean silver. I would go to her house on a Sunday afternoon, and she would bring out all her silver and the silver polishing cream. We would sit for hours, polishing silver, talking, and laughing…always laughing. Our hands would ache, but we would keep working…and talking…and laughing…and working. After a few hours, everything was sparkling, and the holidays could begin. Every time I clean silver now, I think of her. I’m grateful for that memory.

I have found a much easier way to clean silver. I tried the aluminum foil dip method, but it didn’t work like I thought it would, and it created a sulfuric odor. I found Connoisseur Silver Wipes and tried those. They worked like a charm. With very little effort, my silver comes clean with these wipes. I highly recommend. You can purchase them at Walmart, Bed Bath & Beyond, or online at Amazon here.

When I was a little girl, she and I would make the traditional Easter Bunny cake together…you know, use one circular layer for the face, and use the other circular layer to make ears and a bowtie. At the holidays, we would make what we called a Marshmallow Cake, but I think some people call it a popcorn cake. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s very festive, and it’s what we did. Marshmallows, butter, peanuts/cashews, M&Ms….it makes a lovely treat, especially if you use red and green M&Ms. I’ve known people to throw in other things too…chocolate chips, pretzel pieces…you pick your favorites.img_85301.jpg

Once my daughter turned four or five, Mother would make biscuits with her every time we visited. I’m so glad they did, because it’s a good memory for my daughter. This year at school, her English class put together a cookbook of recipes, and my daughter’s contribution was the buttermilk biscuit recipe she learned from my mother. When I told Mother, she was thrilled, and now that she has passed, I’m even more glad my daughter chose that recipe and more glad they had that “tradition.”

After I was married and while Mother still lived near Mobile, for birthdays or other special occasions, we would have brunch at The Grand Hotel Resort in Point Clear, Alabama. She never wanted to go for holidays, because the crowd was crazy, but for birthdays, it was great. I remember going for several of her birthdays, for a few of my birthdays, and I remember meeting our family friend, Polly, for brunch there one Sunday. I specifically remember going for my 40th birthday. My daddy had died the previous fall, so it was a bittersweet celebration. My husband and daughter were there too, and we got some cute photos of our daughter playing on the hotel lawn by the bay.

 

It’s funny how these traditions start. Sometimes, you do something once, and you don’t realize it’s something you will continue.

Back in 2011, my friend, Leah, and I took our then-seven-year-old daughters to Los Angeles. It was a special trip. I had gotten passes for the girls to visit the set of the Nickelodeon show, iCarly, which was the hottest show on Nickelodeon at the time. Milly had fallen in love with the show when she was about four, so she was a long-time fan. The girls were excited, and frankly, so were the moms!

When we took that trip, it never occurred to me I would start taking Milly to LA every year, but I do. It has become a mother/daughter tradition. We have a favorite hotel, favorite restaurants, favorite foods, favorite shops, and now we have friends we love to visit. Every time we go, we make a point of seeing places we haven’t seen before, but we make sure to visit all our favorites too. Often, we take friends with us. Lots of times, she and I have talked about how it is our mother/daughter tradition, and I tell her I hope we will continue to do it till I’m really old. Maybe one day she will have her own daughter and continue the tradition with her. Don’t get me wrong. I plan to keep going as long as I can! We are making memories she can carry with her for a long time.

I wish I had started doing annual trips with my mother when I was younger. I wasn’t an only child, so sneaking off for mother-daughter trips wasn’t as easy. Plus, my brother always adds an element of humor whenever he’s around. We wouldn’t have wanted to leave him behind anyway. Daddy was funny too.

In 1997, though, I did take Mother on a trip we talked about for years afterward. We went to Mexico City, and it was a glorious, fun trip. I’ve loved Mexico City since 1982, when I visited with a group from high school. Mother and I covered as much of the city as we could in four or five days. The first day we were there, a Sunday, I decided we would go to Chapultepec Park like the locals do on Sundays. Chapultepec Park is Mexico City’s version of Central Park. It’s covers over 1600 acres, and it is the home of Chapultepec Castle, which sits atop a hill with a view overlooking the city. We walked all over that park that day, visiting the castle and the zoo, which was the first zoo outside of China to successfully breed giant pandas. It was a great memory for us that would have made a wonderful tradition.

As Mother’s Day approaches, it has me thinking of all sorts of things I used to do with Mother. Mostly, we laughed, and that’s a great memory. Her compassion and sense of humor were unmatchable. We miss her, but we are thankful to have great memories.

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by Kelly Mattei

Be A Tourist In Your Town

As a child, and later as an adult, I lived on the Alabama Gulf Coast, in Baldwin County and in Mobile County. I moved to Spanish Fort, on the Eastern Shore of Mobile Bay when I was seven, and my mother took us to all the local attractions. What she didn’t cover, the school did on field trips.

Interestingly, no matter where we live, most people rarely hit all the tourist spots in our own towns/cities. When my daughter was between the ages of three and ten, however, we visited a lot of the attractions in the Mobile area when we went to visit my parents. I was able to relive some of the fun, and I was able to learn even more about the area I had called home.

We visited the USS Alabama Battleship Memorial Park numerous times, and while my daughter was never interested in reading all the information about the ship, she was always interested in climbing all the way to the top. Often, while our friends were carefully reading every detail, she and I were feeling the wind in our hair from the crow’s nest on the ship. It has always been amazing to me that it’s so much more breezy up there. After climbing all those stairs/ladders, I needed that cool breeze!

If you have some time to be a tourist in your own city, it’s a lot of fun. I recommend going on a weekday instead of a weekend, as most tourist attractions are busier on weekends. To find out which attractions to visit in your own city, ask friends what they have done, or check out the local visitor center. Another great resource I love to use is TripAdvisor.com. It lists attractions in order of popularity, and you can read reviews to see if it’s something you and/or your kids might be interested in doing.

I have some friends coming to visit soon, and they have never been to Charlotte. They will be in town for a few days, so we can’t just sit around our house the whole time. Therefore, I’ve been doing some homework to find cool things to do with visitors…things that are unique to the Charlotte area.

Anyone who has ever traveled with me could tell you I do my homework. I visited a friend in another city a few years ago, and she said I knew more about her city than she did! That’s why I rarely write a bad review on TripAdvisor…I do my homework.

So, if you have friends coming to town this summer, here’s a list of family-oriented things to do in Charlotte.

CHARLOTTE KNIGHTS BASEBALL: Even if you don’t enjoy watching baseball, these games are fun. People of all ages enjoy going to these games, because there’s baseball, beer, and other entertainment. We are fortunate to have a great AAA minor league baseball park in Charlotte, and night games offer a beautiful view of the uptown skyline. This is fun for the whole family…even teenagers enjoy it! And it doesn’t get any more wholesome than a baseball game. The team plays at BB&T Ballpark, which is celebrating its 5th season this year, and there’s not a bad seat in the house. Regular season play runs through Labor Day,  and you can purchase individual game here. Make sure you check the schedule for special promotions. There are Fireworks Fridays and other special promotions through the season.

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Photo courtesy of Milb.com

BANK OF AMERICA STADIUM TOURS: Whenever I’m in different cities, I love to visit different sports facilities/arenas. I’ve visited stadiums and ballparks in cities all over the country. Bank of America Stadium, home of the Carolina Panthers, offers tours at the price of $6 per adult, $4 for children ages 5-17, and $5 for senior citizens. Children under five are free. See tour dates on the website here. According to the website, the stadium is a “working facility year-round,” so tours can adjusted due to safety or security concerns, but generally, the tours visit the stadium bowl, the Panthers locker room, the weight room, practice fields, PantherVision Control Room, the visitors’ locker room, a luxury suite, the various clubs, and of course, the team store. It’s an inexpensive way to entertain sports fans.

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Photo courtesy of panthers.com

CAROLINAS AVIATION MUSEUM This is a very popular attraction in Charlotte, and it became even more popular after they added the aircraft from Miracle on the Hudson, a USAirways jet. This is fun for all ages. The museum serves up some aviation history, as well. It’s not a huge museum, but it’s worth a visit. Kids seem to enjoy seeing the different aircraft displays and exhibits. The museum is located on the grounds of Charlotte-Douglas International Airport. You can see the website here. Admission is $12 for adults, $10 for seniors, and $8 for children and students. Children 3 and under are free. While you’re in the area, take the time to visit the Charlotte-Douglas Overlook, where you can watch planes land and take off. Info can be found here.

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Eastern Airlines DC-7 Photo Courtesy of Carolinas Aviation Museum

VARIOUS PARKS There are lots of great parks throughout the city. One of my favorites in Romare Bearden Park, located uptown on Church Street. This 5.4 acre park is great for families, and it hosts a weekly music series. You can get more info here. Ray’s Splash Planet is a water park funded by Mecklenburg County and operated by Mecklenburg County Park and Rec. With a lazy river, various water slides, and other water activities, it’s a great place to visit during the summer. It is currently undergoing maintenance and upgrades, planning to reopen mid-summer. Check the website frequently for more info here. Latta Park in the Dilworth area offers a great splash park for kids, basketball courts, tennis courts, a playground, and fitness trails. Fun for the whole family. See the website here. Freedom Park offers lots of festivals and activities throughout the year, and is a great place for a family picnic. Located adjacent to the park, on Sterling Road, is Discovery Place Nature. Kids love this place, as they can interact with some animals and see others they might not otherwise see. Worth a visit with children under 10. See the website here.

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Romare Bearden Park

US NATIONAL WHITEWATER CENTER If you live in the Charlotte area and have not visited this attraction, you need to go. We are very fortunate to have this in our area. With lots of outdoor activities, there is something for almost everyone. If you don’t enjoy outdoor activities, you might enjoy watching the rafting. If you like activity but aren’t into rafting or kayaking, you might enjoy the multiple bicycle trails, ziplines, ropes courses, the canopy tour, or some stand-up paddle boarding. I think lots of people are surprised to know they have more than just rafting and kayaking. My family has spent countless hours here. It’s not cheap, but if you think you will enjoy going more than once, get a season pass. You can see information about all activities and pricing here.

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Canopy Tour Photo Courtesy of US National Whitewater Center

CAROWINDS Even if you don’t enjoy amusement park rides, the people-watching at Carowinds is like nowhere else in Charlotte. Another attraction we are fortunate to have, Carowinds brings in people come from far and wide to ride the rollercoasters, watch the shows, and play in the water park. We have been going since our daughter was two years old. In fact, when she was between the ages of two and four, we went almost every day the park was open. Crazy, I know, but she loved the activity, and I loved being outdoors. Since we had a season pass, it was an inexpensive outing. She now goes with friends several times during the summer. Carowinds has some of the best, biggest, and fastest rollercoasters in the country. Lots of thrills! I highly recommend going on weekdays during the summer. Weekends are crazy. Or go without the kids and “be a kid again”! If you plan to visit more than once in a season, you should opt for the Season Pass. Check the website for daily rates, parking rates, and Season Passes. You can see the website here.

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Photo Courtesy of Carowinds

These are just a few of the “things to do” in Charlotte. We have lots of great museums and theaters, and countless fun things to do with families. We even have Segway tours of uptown and other types of tours as well. You can get more info from the Charlotte Visitors Center here. Or if you’d like to see some reviews of attractions, you can check TripAdvisor here.

Be a tourist in your own town! If that is somewhere besides Charlotte, see what TripAdvisor says are the top attractions in your area. And if you need to get away, Charlotte is a great place to visit! You can get a full dose of southern hospitality right here. The weather is great, and the people are friendly. It’s a beautiful city full of great things to do.

by Kelly Mattei

Let’s Hit the Road

As the end of the school year approaches, it means the summer travel season will be gearing up quickly. It’s one of my favorite times of year…the summer I mean, not the last weeks of school. Any time we have extra days, weeks, or even months to go somewhere, I’m happy.

I have one daughter, who is now 14, and travel is pretty darn easy with her.

Of course, there was a time it was a little more difficult, but that didn’t stop me!

Frankly, there’s not a lot of fun in traveling with an infant, so there weren’t lots of great vacations in that year, but things ramped up after that. I did take her to visit family regularly, though.

Infant travel was always a crap shoot. I vividly remember one flight when my daughter was about ten months old, and she wasn’t happy about being stuck in a car seat on the plane. She wanted to get out of that seat, and she let everyone know it. She cried. She fussed. And she cried some more. The man sitting across the aisle from me had the chutzpah to reach over, tap me on the arm, and tell me she needed a bottle.

I wanted to throat punch the guy, but I resisted the urge.

I gave him my legendary stinkeye and didn’t say anything. As a former flight attendant, I am aware that sucking on a bottle will help open a child’s ears at takeoff and landing. My child didn’t take a bottle. She was breastfed, and I knew she wasn’t needing that. Her ears weren’t bothering her. I knew what she wanted. She wanted to get out of that seat. If I had taken her out of the carseat to breastfeed, she would have wanted to get in the floor, and the crying would have gotten louder.

Stupid, stupid man. Bless his heart.

We all survived it. And every time I’m on a plane and a baby cries, I sympathize with the mother. I remind everyone around me that we’ve been there before…we were all babies at one time, and lots of us have survived it as parents.

When our daughter was a toddler, we traveled. We traveled by plane, and we traveled by car. I even traveled alone with her on a regular basis. My husband doesn’t like to travel as much as I do, so often, we were traveling on our own. I remember regularly trekking through airports, pushing my one-yr-old in a stroller with the carry-on bag in the bottom of the stroller, all while carrying the car seat strapped to my back. I felt like a warrior, and I must have looked like one too, as I would hear multiple times, “You go, girl!” or “Wow! You know what you’re doing!” I felt tough, and frankly, I was…and still am.

That carry-on bag that was tucked into the bottom basket of that stroller held all the tools of airplane survival. Keeping a toddler happy on a plane is the key to your own happiness and the happiness of the passengers around you. I always had “special treats” in that bag. I would go to Target and arm myself with lots of little things from the Dollar Spot…anything that would keep her entertained, and I would take cards and books with pictures of animals, cupcakes, and babies. My toddler loved pictures of animals, cupcakes, and other babies. Any little trinket she had never seen before was fun.

Often, I shared those “special treats” with other families on the flights who were not as prepared. I clearly remember sitting behind a family with their toddler daughter. She was whining and restless, till we started sharing our animal picture cards. She got happier, so her mom could relax, and we were happier too!

I also learned early to let my daughter wear whatever she wanted. When she was two and three, she flew many times wearing a Snow White costume top, a yellow costume skirt, and a pink plastic grass hula skirt pulled on over that, but she was happy…and she was proud of that crazy outfit she had put together. She loved all the compliments she received. I have a friend whose daughter wore her Daphne costume (from Scooby Doo) for months on end…but she was happy.

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My 2-yr-old daughter wearing her Snow White top and grass skirt while enjoying ice cream with my daddy.

Two and three- year- old girls also love to play with makeup. I discovered this one time when we were flying to visit my parents. You know how grocery stores have those tiny toy sections? I had been in the grocery store the day before we left, and I saw this cute little makeup palette for little girls. I grabbed it, thinking it might be entertaining for her on the plane.

Was it ever! We were only taking a one hour flight, but it kept her entertained the whole time! It was like “peace in a packet” for me! She put on eye shadow. She put on lip gloss. She put on blush. And of course, she overdid it…all of it. But it kept her happy and occupied, and therefore, I was happy. She looked like a two-dollar hooker when we landed, but I didn’t care. I had been able to relax for one full hour!

Traveling by car with an infant or toddler can be more tricky. Road trips less than four hours were OK. In 2004, when Hurricane Ivan was threatening the Gulf Coast of Alabama, we were visiting my parents, who lived near Mobile Bay. We had flown down, but we ended up renting an SUV to drive back to Charlotte, because flights were cancelling. We opted to drive overnight, so our 11-month-old would sleep all the way home. It worked out fine, till we got home, and she was wide awake, but we were groggy. We took turns taking care of her that day.

I discovered age five was the golden year…the year travel became super easy. Kids are more self-sufficient and can entertain themselves really well at five. Plus, they can manage their own carry-on bag of “stuff.”

When my daughter was seven, I took her on her first transcontinental trip. We went to Los Angeles, and it was one of the best trips ever. Not only could she entertain herself on the flight, but she could keep up with me all day without fussing! My friend, Leah, and her daughter met us there on that trip, and we still talk about that fun trip. I had learned years before on other trips the the secret to keeping a child moving is food. When my daughter was under age ten, I always tried to stop, sit down, and get her something small to eat every couple of hours…maybe an ice cream cone…maybe some yogurt…maybe some fries…maybe some peanut butter crackers…maybe a banana…anything that would give her energy so she could stay on the go. Now that she is older, she knows when she needs to grab a little something to eat, and she lets me know.  Also, stay hydrated…crucial.

Now that she is fourteen, we have taken countless trips together by plane and by car. We have walked many miles in lots of different cities and locales. We have climbed waterfalls, zip lined through rainforests, climbed a rock scramble, hiked a mountain, visited landmarks, toured cities, climbed lighthouses, and made lots of great memories.

We have made lengthy road trips with friends, and we’ve learned a lot along the way. We’ve learned about this great country in which we live, and we have learned what is necessary for a pleasant road trip…snacks, minimal packing, beverages, lots of quick stops, games for the car, and lots of laughter.

I no longer have to take a carry-on filled with treats for flights, but now, she always wants to take a friend or two. That’s perfectly fine with me. I truly have a “the more, the merrier” approach. I have found that if there are more people around, more events get locked into long term memory. Funny things are funnier in a group. Exciting things are more exciting with other people.

Now, our summers are shorter as she enters high school. Starting in ninth grade, varsity and junior varsity fall sports start practicing at the beginning of August, a few weeks before school starts. So, we have to cram in a lot of fun in less time. This year, all new adventures await, and I can hardly wait to get it started. I’m counting down to the last day of school.

Travel safely and have fun this summer!