Several people have asked for links to some of my posts about sorority rush. Here are some from the past, and I’m sure I will have some new ones over the next few months. ***I am not a rush consultant.*** Please feel free to send me any questions you might have. I am always open to suggestions and ideas for new posts!
Links to sorority recruitment (rush) posts:
I have fallen in 39 states.
OK, that might be an exaggeration, but probably not by much. I like to claim it’s not that I’m clumsy; maybe I just have bad spacial awareness? In reality, I think we all fall sometimes, but the women on my daddy’s side of the family seem more “predisposed” to falling for some reason.
A couple of years ago, I fell down the stairs in a restaurant in New Orleans…right in front of God and everybody! The result? Nothing. No broken bones. I remember another fall outside a bar in Gainesville, Florida, when I went down for an Alabama/Florida football game some years ago. Again…stairs. These were metal stairs on the outside of the bar. As we were leaving, I was holding the handrail, and that’s probably what kept me from literally dying when I slipped on the stairs. My feet still flew up into the air, but my hand kept me tethered to the rail, and the left side of my legs slammed back down onto those metal stairs. Oh my, the bruising! It was awful! But nothing was broken, and eventually, it was a distant memory. Now that I think about it, stairs seem to be the theme.
Earlier this week, I was reminded of those tumbles when I fell again! This time, I was home. I had gone upstairs to get some papers off the printer. We have been having some work done in our house, so I put a big box across the foot of our stairs to keep the dogs from going upstairs. I was walking down the stairs with my phone in one hand and the papers in the other. I tried to step over the box at the bottom of the stairs, but I guess I didn’t raise my foot high enough. It felt like it was in slow motion…my legs got all tangled up with the box, and I faceplanted into the foyer floor. Bam! In reality, it wasn’t an official “faceplant,” because I kept my face from hitting the floor, but my left elbow also dug into my ribs. After a brief second, I thought, “Is anything broken?” I felt like I had escaped unscathed…until later, when I knew I had done some rib damage with that elbow. It’s painful, and over the past couple of days, it has been difficult to roll over in bed, but I have faith that it will improve.
When I texted my friend, Jennifer, in Ohio, and told her about the fall, she texted back, “Were you hurt?” I replied, “Not badly.” She sent back laughing emojis, and said, “Since you’re not really hurt, I can’t stop laughing! I can see it in my mind!” She had been witness to the New Orleans fall, so it was probably pretty easy for her to conjure up that memory.
I have heard people say, when they are having a string of bad luck, that they are going to stay home to avoid injury. I’m here to tell you, “It doesn’t work that way.” You can still get hurt in the comfort of your own home. I remember my mother stepping over a baby gate and breaking her arm…like really breaking it…she had to have surgery. So yes, injuries can happen in the safety of your own home, for sure. Can an airplane fall onto your house? Well, it’s not likely, but it has happened. It’s probably more likely these days that an airplane part will fall off a particular brand of plane, but I digress.
Here’s the moral of the story: be careful, even at home! Make sure your foot clears that baby gate or box. Take care not to slip in the shower. Don’t walk around in sock feet, unless you’re wearing non-slip socks like the ones you can get at Amazon here. And if you’re going to be accident prone, maybe someone will catch a fall on video, so you can submit it to one of those TV shows and win some money for your fall!
Maybe I need to pull the security footage in our foyer!
Imposter adult.
When my college-age daughter was home for the holidays, at some point, she asked me if I feel old. I laughed. I’m 56, which I don’t really consider “old,” but I know anyone over 30 seems old to her. I told her the truth: No, I do not feel old. Sometimes I feel just like I did at her age. Other times, I want to be in my pajamas at 6pm. But overall, I don’t even really feel like an adult. A friend recently posted on Facebook, “People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.” I get you, girl.
I feel like an imposter as an adult.
I know other people have experienced “imposter syndrome,” because there’s a name for it. I think lots of people feel like imposters at work. I never really felt like an imposter when I worked outside the home, and I don’t really feel like an imposter as a mom. I simply feel like as an imposter as an adult.
When I told my daughter this, she gave me one of those sideways looks. She probably said, “Bruh,” even though I’m her mom and not her “bruh.” (It seems to be the word of the moment. I’m still using “dude,” but I guess I need to try to switch to “bruh.”) I went on to explain to her what I meant: I still have a young attitude, for the most part. I still like to try to jump and touch things that appear unreachable. That beam across a ceiling in a parking garage? I want to try to jump and touch it. I’m just a couple inches over five feet, so it’s usually a stretch, but at 56, I still like to try! I love rollercoasters. I hate going to the grocery store. I like to do cannonballs into the pool. I like to go to college bars. I like to stay up late, even though I, generally speaking, don’t want to stay out late. I want to go to speakeasies. I like to go to concerts. I still understand why teenagers and college students enjoy the things they do. I don’t necessarily have to join in on a game of beer pong (even though I have before), but I understand why they enjoy it. Most of all, I love good energy, and I love to laugh. There’s not a lot of fun in adulting. Bills? Responsibilities? I take care of business, but I prefer not to think about those responsibilities all the time.
Do I know I’m not 21 anymore? Yes. Do I sometimes feel like I’m 21? You bet! Would I go back to being 21 again? Maybe. I wouldn’t go back any younger than that, but I would probably be willing to go back to 21. It would be a lot more fun if I could go back to 21 with the “wisdom” I have at 56. I could avoid some of the mistakes I made along the way. Or would I? Those mistakes are part of who I am. They taught me valuable lessons.
Even with all that “wisdom” and those “valuable lessons,” I still feel like a little girl playing grownup most of the time. My parents simply seemed so much more grown up than I do…in my mind, anyway. Perhaps they felt like they were imposters as adults too? I never asked, and they’re no longer with us.
Shout out to all my fellow imposters!
Don’t sweat fall sorority rush yet.
I have received three phone calls from worried friends this week. Their daughters are planning to participate in sorority rush in the fall at big southern schools, and they are worried they should be working on “rush stuff” right now. No. The answer is no. Let your daughter enjoy her senior year!
Mom, you can start thinking about the preparation, but there’s no need to be consumed by it. What can you do now? Look up which sororities have chapters at your daughter’s school. Start thinking of your friends who know your daughter; which ones were in sororities in college and would be willing and able to write recommendations for your daughter? Make a list in the notes on your phone. Or you can do like one of my friends and make a spreadsheet. I’m not Type A, so a spreadsheet was not my thing. I just made a list. Anytime you’re out and about and hear that someone is a member or alumna of a sorority, make a note of it in your phone.
If you’re thinking about hiring a rush consultant, that’s entirely up to you. We didn’t hire one for my daughter when she rushed, and she landed exactly where she wanted to be. I have lots of friends who have daughters who have rushed, and personally, I don’t know anyone who hired a consultant. And all my friends have daughters who are very happy with their rush choices. The hiring of a consultant is a personal choice.
Seriously, right now, just start compiling your recommendation list and having your daughter start working on her resumé. The girls cannot even make a complete resumé right now, because they don’t know what they’ll have to add before the end of the school year.
In May, have your daughter contact your friends who are sorority alumnae by phone, text, or email to ask them to write recommendations for her. This is something she needs to do herself, and she needs to ask people who actually know her. In a pinch, she can ask a friend of a friend. Recommendations are basically introductions of your daughter to the chapters, so she will want them to be able to write about her from personal knowledge. For example, when my neighbor’s daughter participated in “recruitment,” I was able to write a detailed recommendation/introduction of her, because I had first-hand knowledge of her personality and great attributes. Try to get recommendations to every chapter, and whatever you do, make sure your daughter does not say to any alumnae, “I’m only interested in sororities A, B, and C.” First, it sounds bad. Secondly, until rush begins, your daughter might think she knows what she likes, but she might change her mind. She also might not get invited to the ones she think she will.
You can start looking at dresses if you like. Spring dresses are coming out now, so it’s perfectly fine to start looking and even purchasing dresses she thinks she will wear. When shopping, look for fairly conservative dresses but not too conservative. Amanda Uprichard offers some great options at amandauprichard.com.
But right now, the main thing is to have rush in the back of your mind. Keep you ears and eyes open for people who can help with recommendations. Soak up every moment of senior year of high school, and enjoy having your daughter at home with you!
Here’s a rough timeline of preparation:
I will have posts later in the spring and summer with more information.
Mostly, relax. Don’t let your daughter get nervous about it.
***Over the next few days, I will be re-posting some posts about rush and preparation for it.***
What does an Izod shirt have in common with a Stanley cup?
If you are a woman who was alive during the 1980s, you likely know the answer to that question immediately. Whether you know the answer or not, stick with me to see the correlation.
Women and teenagers all over the country are going crazy for Stanley cups…snatching up special editions at Target and carrying giant cups of water (vodka?) everywhere they go. Don’t get me wrong. I am not making fun. I love the fact that people are doing a better job of staying hydrated. Stanley brand, of course, is laughing all the way to the bank. After all these years of making thermoses, they have an even bigger moneymaker with these cups!
Apparently, however, teenagers (mostly girls, I think) are being bullied if they don’t have a Stanley cup. People are all up in arms over the fact that their teenage daughters are being “bullied” because they don’t have Stanley cups. (Don’t get me wrong. I know bullying is never OK.) Therefore, lots of people are complaining that it is shameful and sad that teenage girls are going crazy over this product.
They’re acting like it’s a new phenomenon.
It’s nothing new. And this is where the Izod shirts come in. Welcome to the 1980s, when teenage girls went crazy over them…for a while. You could have a cute polo-style collared shirt, but if it didn’t have an alligator emblem on it (or later, a Ralph Lauren Polo symbol), it wasn’t cool. The early ones were pique knit and solid-colored, but they eventually made cute striped ones in a more stretchy knit with solid collars. Every teenage girl wanted them, it seemed. My own mother was not big on overpaying for things, but she did purchase me one…a turquoise one. It’s likely it was a birthday gift. However, my godmother came to town for a visit and brought me a few more in different colors…yellow, red, green! We didn’t have social media then, so it couldn’t be used for constant promotion, but girls all over the country wanted their parents to overpay for those Izod shirts. I talked to someone recently who said her mother would buy cheaper versions of the shirt and cut the alligators off the shirts she didn’t wear anymore…applying them to the newer, cheaper shirts!
You know what else we wanted back in the 80s? Nike sneakers, Tretorn sneakers, Add-a-Bead necklaces and bracelets, Ray-ban Sunglasses, Wood-handled Bermuda bags, Twist-a-Bead necklaces, those awful Jessica McClintock Gunne Sax dresses, Guess jeans, and more. Like I said, Mother wasn’t big on overpaying for things, so I had to add lots of things to my birthday and Christmas lists. The Nike sneakers were not a tough sell with Mother, for some reason, and I got some white Nikes with a turquoise swoosh. My aunt gave me an Add-a-Bead necklace for Christmas! I don’t think I had any Ray-bans or Vuarnets until college, and honestly, that was not a smart thing for me to do, since I broke one pair and lost the other. Did I get every trendy item? No, but I remember wanting them all!
My friend, Angela, still talks about the friend she had who had lots of different colored Bermuda bags to attach to the wood handles as a handbag…all of them monogrammed with her initials or the monogram of their school, for cheer purposes. It’s funny what we remember!
Here’s my point: the Stanley cup craze may be the latest trend, but it certainly isn’t the first and won’t be the last. This has been going on forever. And you know what? If someone wants to spend their money on a Stanley cup, why does someone else care? It’s their money. No one tells me how to spend my money, so who am I to tell someone else how to spend theirs?
Do I think kids and teenagers should be “bullying” people if they don’t have a Stanley cup? No, but I do think it’s something that has been going on since the beginning of time in the teenage world. Maybe it’s just part of growing up. Weren’t we all “bullied” about something in the 1980s? I don’t mean threatened. I mean we were embarrassed because we had “Bill’s Dollar Store” stamped on a notebook our mother purchased there (my mother loved to buy notebooks at Bill’s Dollar Store, seeing no reason to spend two or three times as much when she could buy bunches of them there for practically nothing) or some other silly thing. No joke…I was so embarrassed that my mother bought those notebooks that I ripped the covers off all of them, carrying around notebooks with no covers all school year. Sounds silly, but at least I didn’t have to listen to, “Your mom shops at Bill’s Dollar Store??!?!” Maybe it’s one of those struggles we just have to survive to be tough enough to make it in the real world. I do know we had to be tough in the 80s. Maybe it made me tougher to have to wait for my Izod when other people had those highly desirable items? Maybe it taught us that everyone can’t have everything. I mean, in the real world, everybody can’t have the same thing.
These days, besides the Stanley cup, they want Skimms shirts, Lululemon leggings, expensive sneakers, and more. By comparison, the Stanley cup is downright inexpensive, and it will last forever!
Revisiting Childhood.
Anyone who has spent any time with me has heard me say that I feel like I have had three childhoods: 1. my real childhood 2. college 3. my now 20-yr-old daughter’s childhood. I’ve had a lot of fun in my life, and a lot of it was associated with those three eras. Now, I’ve entered what I think might be a fourth childhood…empty-nesting! I often think of all those other childhoods, including the great experiences I had with my child as a stay-at-home mom. However, it’s not often I revisit a place that we frequented when she was a toddler/young child.
Today I did just that.
I read recently that the Charlotte Nature Museum would be closing. It’s a quiet little nature museum in Charlotte near Freedom Park. When my daughter was a toddler/little girl, we were regulars at the Charlotte Nature Museum. I was fortunate to be a part of a playgroup made up of moms who had kids about the same age. Lucky for us, the moms were pretty close in age too, and we all became great friends. In fact, I’m not sure I would have survived toddlerhood without my awesome playgroup friends. We had places we visited regularly with the kids, and on the short list was Charlotte Nature Museum. It’s likely the kids don’t even remember much, if anything, about the “museum,” but that’s OK. It gave us moms lots of peace when our kids were little. There were turtles, an opposum, a butterfly garden, and there’s even a planetarium. Somehow, we never made it to one of the planetarium shows, but we did enjoy watching the kids watch the animals.
I realized today was the last day for the museum to be open, so yesterday, I called my friend, Kelli, who grew up in Charlotte, and I asked her if she would visit the museum with me. She said she recalled visiting the museum as a schoolgirl; the whole class would load up on school buses, go to the museum, and then go to McDonald’s for lunch…a big treat back in the day. After talking about some of her memories, she agreed to go with me today.
We met at 11:00 and rode together to the museum. When we walked in, she said, “Oh my gosh! It hasn’t changed since the 1970s!” I could verify that it hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years, but Kelli gave me verification that it was much the same in the 70s. We walked around, taking pictures of the taxidermy animals to show our kids, hoping to jog their memories with photos later. I took a picture of myself posing as an insect, in a photo op that has been around since I started going there in 2005. I sent it to my 20-yr-old daughter and asked, “Do you remember this?” She responded, “OMG! Yes!” I knew there probably wouldn’t be much she would remember, but because the kids used to have to take turns with the insect photo op, I thought she might remember it. It warmed my heart that she had some recall of the Charlotte Nature Museum! (See photos from today at bottom of page.)
After we strolled through the butterfly garden and saw a few butterflies, we took photos of the resident turtles, the opossom, and the snakes. Very little had changed since my last visit there. Sadly, the building will be demolished soon to make room for a new and improved Charlotte Nature Museum. While I’m sure it will be awesome, I feel sure it won’t have the same charm as the old museum…small with several small rooms, no hi-tech gimmicks, and lots of little creatures and lessons about little creatures.
We left with smiles on our faces. Back in the car, we talked about our memories of the nature museum…how Kelli’s class used to line up on the back porch of the museum and along the boardwalk. I talked about how my daughter and my friend’s kids mostly just wanted to stand and watch the snakes and turtles. They weren’t much interested in the little indoor playground…and I was thankful for that, because it really looked like a germ fest to me.
As we drove away from the Charlotte Nature Museum in our car instead of a school bus, I asked Kelli, “Where would you like to have lunch?” She didn’t really have a preference, but after a brief discussion, we decided McDonald’s would be the perfect ladies lunch place today. We agreed it would be the perfect ending to a nature museum visit, so we went to McDonald’s and ate in the dining room there. That also conjured up memories of my daughter’s childhood, as someone’s child had left a Happy Meal toy on the table we chose. I told Kelli, “This would have been pure gold when my daughter was little.” I didn’t know a lot of moms who took their kids to McDonald’s, but I did, and fortunately, my playgroup friends did too. McDonald’s was a great rainy day destination back in the day, because the one we went to had an indoor playground…yes, a germ fest, for sure…but on a rainy day, I didn’t really care.
Lucky me! I got to revisit my daughter’s childhood today! Just walking into the nature museum, I stepped back in time…it still smelled the same, and basically, it looked the same. Now I wish I had taken my daughter when she was home for the holidays.
See Mexico City
I know what you’re thinking, because I have heard it a million times. “It’s so dangerous!” “You’ll get kidnapped!” “Won’t the cartel get you?” No, no, and no. Most people in the United States don’t know about Mexico City, the governmental center of the country directly to our south; they don’t know it’s a beautiful, vibrant, cosmopolitan city with some of the best food in the world!
I just got back from Mexico City. I’m not a “sit at a resort” kind of vacationer. I like to move around. I like to learn. I like to have experiences. If you’re like me in that regard, you will likely appreciate this magnificent city. I visited several times in the 1980s and 90s, but I had not been since my daughter was born in 2003. Many times, I have tried to get friends or family members to go with me, and finally, my friend, Jennifer, from Ohio, agreed to go. Not only did she agree to go, but after she looked up information online, she was downright excited! You know why? Because she had taken a little time to learn something about the city, and she found, quickly, that it’s an amazing, massive city that is safer than many cities we don’t hesitate to visit in the United States…like Baltimore, Dallas, Portland, St Louis, and even San Antonio. In my opinion, the US media makes the entire country of Mexico look scary, but really, it’s only certain areas that are particularly dangerous. Even the US government has the same level of travel advisory for Mexico City as it has for France, Italy, and the United Kingdom. Sure, other parts of Mexico are considerably more dangerous, but we never felt threatened in Mexico City.
Allow me to share some fun things to do there (we did some, but not all of these):
All of that information doesn’t even begin to touch on the restaurants! When I say it’s a world-class foodie city, I mean it’s world class! The only problem with the restaurants? There’s not enough time to try all of them!
If you’ve ever considered it, or even if you haven’t, you might want to think about visiting Mexico City now! It’s gorgeous! The food is incredible. You’ll never run out of things to do. And the people are awesome too!
Viva Mexico!
I’ve had the flu.
Seriously. I haven’t had the flu since third grade, and at 56, I contract the flu. What a way to start 2024!
I went on vacation last week with a friend. We visited to Mexico City. I had visited several times in the 80s and 90s, and I was overdue for a visit. I was so excited about the trip. In fact, I was so excited about it that two weeks prior to traveling, I realized I had not gotten my flu vaccine this year, so I made an appointment and took care of that. I didn’t want to catch the flu on the way there and ruin our trip.
The trip was fantastic! We did everything we could possibly do in Mexico City over the course of a few days…and we ate everything in sight! I’m going to tell you that Mexico City is a foodie’s wonderland, and if you haven’t been, I highly recommend it! Everything went smoothly while we were there, and even the return trip was uneventful. The flight was full, and the airport was crowded, but other than that…piece of cake.
Or so I thought…
I had no idea until about 48 hours later that I had contracted Influenza A somewhere along the line. Was it from one of the flight attendants? Was it the person standing next to me in line for boarding? Maybe it was the bartender in the Admirals Club? Or the guy talking to me in the customs line? Whoever it was…someone gave me the gift that keeps on giving…the flu.
I’m over the worst of it now, but I have to tell you that the worst of it wasn’t terrible. No, it wasn’t fun. The coughing! The sniffles! The fever! Oh, the fever was the worst part…or maybe the cough…or the lack of appetite…but at least I didn’t have the body aches everyone complains about. There were no body aches at any time…no muscle aches…no joint pain. But it was definitely Influenza A. I know, because instead of dragging myself to the doctor, I ordered a test on Amazon. I suspected it was flu and not COVID. I’ve had COVID a couple of times, and neither of those times bothered me at all. The test arrived the morning after I ordered it, and I followed the directions to the letter. It’s a test that checks for COVID, Influenza A, and Influenza B. Crazy, right? A few minutes after I completed all the steps, the test “told” me I had Influenza A. If you’d like to keep one on hand for the rest of flu season or for next year, you can order it from Amazon here. At $49.99, it’s not cheap, but at least it confirmed what I had, and I didn’t have to drag my sick self to the doctor’s office! I’m sure some of you are thinking, “But you could get Tamiflu from the doctor!” I wouldn’t take it anyway. My stomach was sensitive enough. I didn’t need to risk feeling sick from the Tamiflu too. And as it turns out, my illness was pretty mild and short-lived, so did I really need Tamiflu? I think the fact that I had gotten my flu vaccine saved me from a worse case!
Well, the vaccine helped, plus the fact that my husband took great care of me while I was under the weather. He brought me coffee, cough drops, medicine, smoothies, soup; I have to give him credit.
So what’s the moral of this story? Get your flu vaccine. It’s not too late to get it this year. Reports of flu in North Carolina are on the rise right now, and they might not peak until February or March. While the vaccine might not keep you from catching it, it might lessen the severity of it. I feel pretty sure I had a mild case because I had the vaccine.
Oh, and wash your hands…often.
I’m glad I went to college in the 1980s.
Most people my age probably agree with me on this. I have always thought college was great in the 1980s for lots of reasons, and here are a few:
I’m sure there are lots more reasons I love college in the 80s! My own daughter has said many times that she wishes she had been in high school/college in the 80s, and I tell her, “It was a good time to be alive!”
If you have other reasons it was great to be in college in the 1980s, please share!
College student struggled?
The grades have come in for first semester, so by now, parents everywhere know if their college student did well, struggled, or failed. I have a friend whose daughter’s first semester was a disappointment, and I told her what I’m going to tell you: One semester does not a failure make.
It happens every year. Kids who were successful in high school get to college and struggle. Often, it’s students who skated through high school, so they never really learned to study. Other students went to college thinking they were the smartest people in the room, so they decided to start with difficult classes, and they weren’t really prepared. They should have started out with a lighter schedule.
My daughter is a sophomore in college, so I know lots of college students. For students who go to college where football is big and Greek life starts in the fall, I always tell those students, “Take it easy on yourself academically first semester. You’re going to be adjusting to college. You’re rushing a sorority/fraternity. Football season is a lot of fun, and there will be lots of distractions. Don’t make the first semester more difficult than it has to be.” My daughter listened and did very well her first semester. Some of her friends even listened! Others…not so much…and they struggled or even failed first semester. They came home and said, “I should have listened.”
But what I want to tell you is that your student can recover! One of my very best friends made a 1.0 her first semester in college! Her dad sold her car and sent her back to college without it, telling her she had one more semester to get her act together. When she went home for spring break, she asked her dad where her car was, and he replied, “You mean my car? The one I paid for? I sold it!” And you know what? At the end of that second semester, her grades were much better. He got her a new car. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think the car had anything to do with it. I think my friend simply buckled down, because she knew her dad would make her leave school and go home if she didn’t do well her second semester.
Another friend had dreams of going to law school. After two semesters of playing too much, her grades were in the toilet, and her parents did not send her back to the university. Interestingly, after working for a couple of years, her parents sent her back to the university. She did well. She graduated and went to law school! Yet another friend made a 1.6 his first semester of college and eventually went on to a prestigious medical school.
Sometimes, kids just need a little kick in the pants…not literally, of course. I mean they need a little wake-up call. Many of them have never experienced failure, so seeing bad grades at the end of the semester is a shock to their system! Some are motivated by it. Others, not so much. And some just need a little more time to mature. What I’m trying to tell you is, “Don’t give up on your kid!” It’s OK to punish your student. It’s OK to sell the car or use whatever “currency” is important to them, but I have seen many first semester failures turn into successes.
Hang in there, Mom and Dad. Encourage your student to work hard and get the help he/she needs…tutors, study sessions, office hours with professors, time management, etc. Check in regularly. Be your student’s cheerleader.
One semester does not a failure make.
Kelly's Favorite Things 