Youngest in the grade.

My daughter just turned 20 a few days ago. She’s a sophomore in college, living her best life. My husband and I traveled to her university to celebrate her, and a good time was had by all! In fact, we are still enjoying our time with her and her friends! It did, however, make me think about how fortunate she is that she will turn 21 at the beginning of her junior year in college. She is definitely not the youngest in her class, and believe me when I say I tried to design it that way.

I was one of the youngest in my grade growing up. I wasn’t the youngest, but with a late May birthday, I definitely wasn’t one of the older ones. Add in the fact that I was short with a round little face, so I looked even younger. I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and then, in college, I was one of the last of my friends to turn 21…after the end of my junior year of college!

Some of you who didn’t experience that might not think it matters. Maybe it didn’t matter at all to some of you when you were growing up. It mattered to me. I hated that I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and in college, I especially hated that I was among the last of my friends to turn 21. It mattered…a lot. It mattered so much to me, in fact, that I literally had a countdown from my 20th birthday to my 21st. I could tell you exactly how many days, hours, and minutes it was until my birthday. Yes, I would actually say things to my friends like, “I will be 21 in exactly 163 days, 7 hours, and 22 minutes.” Annoying? I’m sure. Weird? Probably. But I wanted to be 21.

It makes me wonder about the kids who skip grades. I’m not condemning that concept, so don’t come at me. I will fight back, you know. Personally, for me, it would have been a terrible thing to be the youngest among my “peers,” especially if I were a year younger! Lots of people in college don’t want to be the one who can’t go to the bar when everyone else can. I have a friend whose daughter is the youngest in her friend group, and when Taylor Swift was in Nashville, the daughter was one week shy of her 21st birthday. All her friends were in Nashville and able to go out to bars, but she couldn’t go to all of them. She could go to the 18+ or 19+ bars, but not the real bars. She felt left out of the fun.

When I was a little girl, in first and second grade, it was recommended that I skip a grade. My mother, in her wisdom, refused. She would point out how small I was. And she would also say, “She does not need to be behind the curve socially. No, she’s staying where she is.” She was wise. No, I’m not saying you are unwise if you let your kid skip a grade. You do you. I am saying I definitely would not have been socially ready for college a year earlier. I will say I see a lot of great athletes who are young in their grade at school and could have been even greater athletes if they’d had another year to grow. My child was eligible to go to kindergarten in North Carolina in 2008, but I wanted her to do a year of transitional kindergarten. I didn’t want her to be the youngest in the grade. I wanted her to have the most athletic opportunities she could have, if she wanted them (she did). I wanted her to be among the first to get her driver’s license, and among the first to turn 21 in college.

By giving my girl an October birthday, I ensured that she will be among the first to turn 21 in her class in college. She has thanked me many times for it. My husband and I were thrilled that she was among the first to turn 16, because it meant she would be responsible for driving herself, instead of being dependent on other teens. We trusted her driving, because we taught her, and we made her have double the number of practice driving hours required by the state of North Carolina to get her license. With 120 practice hours, she was a fairly experienced driver for a 16-yr-old.

So now I’m wishing a belated Happy Birthday to our 20-yr-old! That sounds weird to say. She will be 21 in 350-something days.

***I’m not an educator. I’m not a psychologist. I’m not qualified in any way to say whose kid should start school when. I’m a mom and a person who turned 16 and 21 after all her friends. I’m not offering parenting advice or educational advice in any way, shape, or fashion.***