Category / 2024

by Kelly Mattei

You Have A High School Graduate

You have a high school graduate.

I just saw a video of Jennifer Garner on Instagram. She was crying, because her daughter just graduated from high school. In one clip, she asks, “How are we gonna make it?!” Of course, lots of people responded, but my favorite comment was, “Why aren’t people making us casseroles?” I laughed until I cried thinking of a mom being so distraught over her child leaving that she needed comfort food, and while I loved that comment, because I also love any opportunity to make or receive a casserole, I know a secret.

My secret? Having your child graduate and move off to college (or the military or trade school or ATC school or the police academy or whatever) is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s the opposite! If you have more than one child, you’re likely to feel like your life continues on about the same trajectory until all your babies have left the nest. I have one child, so when my daughter went off to college, my husband and I became empty-nesters…empty-nesters who are still paying all our daughter’s bills, but empty-nesters, nonetheless. And you know what? After we dropped her off at her university 450 miles away, the world didn’t come to an end! Our old life ended, but a new life began, and it’s a lot of fun!

I saw a video clip from the TV show, Modern Family, recently that really hit home. In the video, Jay, the family patriarch, talks about how we fall in love with a baby, and then the baby becomes a toddler, and on and on through different stages of life, but we never have time to miss the baby, because it’s replaced with another version of itself…a “toddler with the greatest laugh on earth.” And it’s true! I have loved every stage of our daughter’s life! Has it always been easy? That first year was especially tough. I remember thinking on her first birthday, “I survived the first year.” Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the first year too, but there was some survival involved. I think the fact that it’s not easy is what makes us appreciate it. Struggling with a newborn just bonds us!

My next door neighbor, who is a grandmother several times over, told me recently that she feels like those early years with kids at home are a real gift, but they are a sacrifice too. Once our kids are grown and out of the house, we miss them, but we are grateful for the gift they continue to be (even with crises), and we appreciate not making the daily sacrifices. Since our daughter went off to college, my husband I don’t have to get up early every morning to make sure our daughter gets out to school. Like many people these days, we can do our work from home…or anywhere, for that matter. If we want to leave town during the school year, we can! If we want to eat dinner standing over the kitchen sink, we can! For me, I love that our lives are no longer built around a school schedule. Of course, there are other sacrifices. College is not cheap. Trips abroad for our daughter are not cheap. Also, we have to worry from afar instead of worrying about her in our own home. If she’s in Italy, we worry about her in Italy. If she’s in Tuscaloosa, we worry about her in Tuscaloosa. However, the minute-to-minute sacrifices aren’t there like they are when our children are younger. I don’t spend my weekends at soccer or lacrosse tournaments anymore, praise the Lord! I don’t volunteer at her school anymore, thank God. At the same time, though, we don’t get to watch her play lacrosse, and we don’t have her here every day anymore.

Is it difficult when they first leave? Yes. I’m not gonna kid you about that. The house is quieter. The friends are not in and out all the time anymore, and at first, I was sad about that. Then, by the Christmas of her freshman year, I guess I had grown accustomed to having my own space, because when all the friends were here, I was surprised at how loud and intrusive it could feel! Don’t get me wrong…after a couple of days, it became the norm again, and by the time she went back to school that January, I had to get used to the peace and quiet again.

All this is my long way of saying this: embrace the change! It’s a great stage of life! Do I miss my girl when she’s not here? Yes, but I also appreciate the time she is here, and I appreciate the extra time to do what I want to do. If you have a child who has graduated and is leaving soon for college, the military, or something else, take the time right now, before they go, to make a plan for yourself. Know in advance how you are going to fill up that quiet time! It’s easier to adjust if you have a plan. Play mahjong! Play pickleball! Learn to play bridge! Volunteer somewhere! After our daughter left, I started getting more exercise, and I spend a lot of time planning vacations. I don’t go on vacation constantly, but it’s fun to research destinations. I also spend time with friends once or twice a week.

You can do this, Mama! I think you will find empty-nesting is not scary. It’s fun. Fill up the weekends doing what you want to do! Embrace the change!

by Kelly Mattei

Poison Ivy

Poison Ivy.

A few weeks ago, I was in Miami with my husband. We sat outside on the lanai one evening, and before I realized it, the mosquitoes had feasted on my feet and legs. Mosquitoes love me. I’m one of those people.

The next day, my husband caught me singing a song as I walked around. He stopped me and asked, “What are you singing?!?” I said, “Poison Ivy by The Coasters.” He had never heard it, and if you’re under 65 (maybe 70), chances are, you haven’t ever heard it either. I explained to him that, when I was in college, I went to a fraternity cocktail party where they had an old band called The Coasters playing. They sang some songs you might know like Charlie Brown and Yakkity Yak, and they also sang Poison Ivy. But why was I singing Poison Ivy on that day in Miami? I was singing it, because of the mosquito bites on my feet and legs. There’s a line in the song that says, “It’s gonna take an ocean…of calamine lotion…” I was thinking of how I needed some calamine lotion for my mosquito bites, and that made the song pop into my head.

And that’s when my husband told me he had never heard the song. Being the good wife I am, I had to play it for him, so I found it in Apple Music on my phone, cranked up the volume, and danced around the condo while playing Poison Ivy for him. Much to my surprise, he loved it! I still cannot believe he had never heard it, but he says it’s true. We laughed and sang that song for the rest of the trip. Anytime he could catch me off guard and wanted to make me laugh, he would suddenly play that song on his phone.

To see The Coasters play Poison Ivy, click here.

Fast forward a few weeks to last Friday night. One of my dearest friends of all time lives in Florida. She has two grown children, one of whom is a young man who recently graduated from Florida State University. He and two friends were driving from Florida to Maine, where they will be working at a summer camp, and they stayed at our house Friday night. We all laughed and talked while enjoying cocktails, and at some point, my husband played Poison Ivy on his phone. He was trying to make me laugh, and he was successful. I then explained all the background on the story to our young friends, and we all listened to the song together. Yes, alcohol was involved, but that song sort of became the theme of the evening.

They left early the next morning on a six-day drive to Maine, with stops in New Jersey, New York, Boston, and more…quite an adventure! Several times during their travels, I have received texts from my friend’s son. One text, on Monday, was simply a photo of the radio screen in their car with a short message that said, “We’re still listening!” It showed they were listening to Poison Ivy by The Coasters. I replied, “OMG! Maybe y’all can perform some Coasters tunes at the camp talent show!” Wednesday (yesterday), I received a text in which he said, “We were with [the girl traveler’s] great aunt, and she was delighted to hear that we wanted to play Poison Ivy in the car.” I replied with laughing face emojis and said, “I’m dead!” And then, today, I texted to them, “My husband is playing Poison Ivy right now. When it tops the charts again, we are going to take all the credit!” His response? “We already made a pact for it to be one of our most played songs at camp. We’re gonna put everybody on it!”

It’s a catchy tune, my friends. Once you listen to it, it is forever embedded in your brain! Until recently, it conjured up fun memories from college, but now, it also conjures up great memories of Miami with my husband and a fun evening with our guests! I’m thinking it’s going to hit the Top 40 within a few months, simply because we revived it!

by Kelly Mattei

What Is That Noise?

What is that noise?

Over the past week or so, I have seen several posts on Facebook in which people ask about a strange, “otherworldly” noise in the Charlotte area. “It sounds like what I think a UFO would sound like!” Well, it’s not an alien spacecraft. It’s the cicadas emerging. I know. They usually sound “buzzy,” but when they are emerging in abundant numbers, and when they aren’t right beside you, they can sound like what we think an alien spacecraft would sound like…kind of a pulsating whir.

I grew up in Alabama. We saw them every year. I know you’re thinking, “But they don’t emerge every year!” No, each brood doesn’t, but in Alabama, there is at least one brood emerging every year. In North Carolina, we only have nine broods, but in Alabama? Twenty! It’s a lot like snakes. In Mecklenburg County, we only have one species of venomous snake, the Copperhead. In Alabama? Six! Yes, six! Three different types of rattlesnakes, the Copperhead, the Cottonmouth (water moccasin), and the coral snake. If you live somewhere that you’ve never had to worry about venomous snakes (Hawaii, Maine, Rhode Island, or Alaska), then it could be a little shocking to encounter a snake elsewhere and wonder if it’s venomous or not. When you grow up in Alabama, if you spend any time outdoors as a child, you will encounter snakes. You will also learn how to identify them, and you will likely play with the exoskeletons of cicadas.

Growing up, we referred to the empty cicada exoskeletons as “locust shells,” even though cicadas and locusts aren’t even related. And yes, we played with the empty locust shells…wearing them on the tips of our fingers, collecting them, lining them up…nature fun. Somehow, we innately knew live cicadas are harmless creatures. We didn’t fear them at all, but then, we had other things to worry about, like all those snakes, alligators, gnats, and love bugs…and those giant horse lubber grasshoppers, which aren’t harmful, but they’re giant (up to four inches long) and downright scary looking. We didn’t really play with cicadas, just the “shell,” but we had no fear of the actual insect. It was just a normal part of spring/summer for us. We always knew there would be heat, humidity, and creatures.

So yes, that “otherworldly” sound you’re hearing around your house in Charlotte right now is the emerging cicadas…nothing to fear. Just be thankful we aren’t hearing other scary sounds. At least we won’t step into our backyards and hear the “rattle” of the rattlesnake. We don’t hear the throaty rumble/growl of the alligator or the defensive hiss of the horse lubber grasshopper. We’re also lucky we don’t have to deal with gnats when we sit by the pool, and we don’t have to wash the dead love bugs off our cars. And while we have red fire ants in North Carolina, they still aren’t as plentiful as they are in Alabama. Don’t get me wrong. I loved growing up in Alabama, and I love that I am familiar with all those creatures…a little too familiar with fire ants, since I learned I was allergic to them at a very young age, resulting in a trip to the hospital. I survived and gained a healthy respect for ant “beds,” which is what we called ant hills when I was growing up.

Those cicadas don’t seem so bad now, do they? They won’t hurt you. They don’t bite. They’re just a little noisy for a little while, and then they’ll be gone. Enjoy what we refer to in Alabama as “the sound of summer.”

***Amazon has some books about cicadas and some of the other creatures I mentioned above. For a book about venomous US snakes, click here. For the National Wildlife Federation Guide to Insects and Spider & Related Species of North America, click here.

***Wondering about some of the Alabama creatures I mentioned above? Here are some photos:

^^^Lubber Grasshoppers^^^

^^^Love Bugs^^^

^^^Red Fire Ants^^^

^^^Venomous Snakes of Alabama^^^ (photo from Outdoor Alabama)…for more info on venomous snakes of Alabama, click here.

by Kelly Mattei

I Have Fallen in 39 States

I have fallen in 39 states.

OK, that might be an exaggeration, but probably not by much. I like to claim it’s not that I’m clumsy; maybe I just have bad spacial awareness? In reality, I think we all fall sometimes, but the women on my daddy’s side of the family seem more “predisposed” to falling for some reason.

A couple of years ago, I fell down the stairs in a restaurant in New Orleans…right in front of God and everybody! The result? Nothing. No broken bones. I remember another fall outside a bar in Gainesville, Florida, when I went down for an Alabama/Florida football game some years ago. Again…stairs. These were metal stairs on the outside of the bar. As we were leaving, I was holding the handrail, and that’s probably what kept me from literally dying when I slipped on the stairs. My feet still flew up into the air, but my hand kept me tethered to the rail, and the left side of my legs slammed back down onto those metal stairs. Oh my, the bruising! It was awful! But nothing was broken, and eventually, it was a distant memory. Now that I think about it, stairs seem to be the theme.

Earlier this week, I was reminded of those tumbles when I fell again! This time, I was home. I had gone upstairs to get some papers off the printer. We have been having some work done in our house, so I put a big box across the foot of our stairs to keep the dogs from going upstairs. I was walking down the stairs with my phone in one hand and the papers in the other. I tried to step over the box at the bottom of the stairs, but I guess I didn’t raise my foot high enough. It felt like it was in slow motion…my legs got all tangled up with the box, and I faceplanted into the foyer floor. Bam! In reality, it wasn’t an official “faceplant,” because I kept my face from hitting the floor, but my left elbow also dug into my ribs. After a brief second, I thought, “Is anything broken?” I felt like I had escaped unscathed…until later, when I knew I had done some rib damage with that elbow. It’s painful, and over the past couple of days, it has been difficult to roll over in bed, but I have faith that it will improve.

When I texted my friend, Jennifer, in Ohio, and told her about the fall, she texted back, “Were you hurt?” I replied, “Not badly.” She sent back laughing emojis, and said, “Since you’re not really hurt, I can’t stop laughing! I can see it in my mind!” She had been witness to the New Orleans fall, so it was probably pretty easy for her to conjure up that memory.

I have heard people say, when they are having a string of bad luck, that they are going to stay home to avoid injury. I’m here to tell you, “It doesn’t work that way.” You can still get hurt in the comfort of your own home. I remember my mother stepping over a baby gate and breaking her arm…like really breaking it…she had to have surgery. So yes, injuries can happen in the safety of your own home, for sure. Can an airplane fall onto your house? Well, it’s not likely, but it has happened. It’s probably more likely these days that an airplane part will fall off a particular brand of plane, but I digress.

Here’s the moral of the story: be careful, even at home! Make sure your foot clears that baby gate or box. Take care not to slip in the shower. Don’t walk around in sock feet, unless you’re wearing non-slip socks like the ones you can get at Amazon here. And if you’re going to be accident prone, maybe someone will catch a fall on video, so you can submit it to one of those TV shows and win some money for your fall!

Maybe I need to pull the security footage in our foyer!