Tag / rude

by Kelly Mattei

When I Was a Kid…

When I was a kid…

***Feature photo from ABC News***

When I was growing up, I heard adults (including my parents) start sentences with “when I was a kid” all the time. As a teenager, I would hear it and think, “Everything’s not like it was in the 1950s!” Now, I catch myself saying it.

We are staying in a rental beach condo for the long weekend. Our college student daughter and a friend met us here. Yesterday, my daughter texted me at 8:30am, asking, “What is that noise?” I thought it was probably people at the elevator, so I told her to turn on white noise to drown it out. This morning, she texted me again, “I hear kids outside my window again.” Her window faces the hallway. I decided to investigate, expecting to find people talking while waiting for the elevator.

I opened the door and stepped into the hallway, and I was surprised to find four little boys…ages approximately 3, 4, 8, and maybe 10…playing in the hall. Yes, playing in the hall. Don’t get me wrong. I love when children play, but in the hallway of a hotel-type building? No, thank you.

This is where “when I was a kid” comes in. When I was a kid, my parents had very strict rules about hotels. We were not allowed to run and play in hotel hallways. We were not allowed to talk loudly in the hallway or even in the room…no indoor “horseplay” at all. We were not allowed to play on the elevators. We were allowed to play as much as we wanted in the pool and in resort play areas. It was about respecting the other hotels guests. We didn’t want to disturb them. My husband and I held our daughter to the same standard and had the same rules. We didn’t even have to “enforce” the rules, because she understood she wasn’t supposed to do those things. Not once in my life have I ever had someone ask me to hold down the noise in a hotel.

I know I’m not alone about this rude behavior, because I read an article about the “most annoying” hotel guests, and you can read it here.

That brings me back to the kids in the hall. I was on the phone with a friend when the kids were playing in the hallway today, so I asked my friend what she thought. She told me her parents had the same rules as mine, and she and her husband have the same rules for their kids. Apparently, the parents of the kids in the hall this morning don’t have the same rules.

There is no way I would admonish them, but I decided to speak nicely with them. I stepped outside where the four kids under ten were playing and said, “Hey guys! I have a favor to ask. Do you mind holding the noise down a little? My kids are trying to sleep in the room right here.” They said, “Yes ma’am.” And I said, “Thank you so much. Y’all are very sweet.”

And you know what? They actually kept the noise down! They were good kids. It wasn’t their fault their parents were allowing them to engage in the most annoying hotel guest behavior. When I was a kid, that wouldn’t have happened on my parents’ watch.

by Kelly Mattei

Leaving the Group

Leaving the group.

Remember when you were a teenager? I do. I remember my parents telling me that if I attended a gathering where things started to get “out of hand” or “go awry” or if I were uncomfortable, to leave. Get myself out of the situation. At different stages of life, that could mean different things. As a teenager, maybe people were getting too rowdy. Or maybe I had the choice of whether or not to get into a car with someone I didn’t really trust. In college, maybe there were drugs present that I didn’t need to around. Maybe there was a mob mentality about something, and people were about to do something they wouldn’t have done if they were alone.

Recently, I found myself in a virtual group that started to scare me. By “virtual,” I mean it was the Facebook page for a group I joined long ago. According to the Facebook page of this group I remember as always quite civilized and respectful, the goal of the page is stated to be “to build a network of [members]…to share resources and opportunities.” It states clearly in the group rules that there is to be no hate speech or bullying. “Communicate with courtesy and respect,” it says.

Imagine my surprise when communication on this same page recently turned quite ugly and disrespectful. People are calling each other names. People are addressing members in ways I wouldn’t address anyone. People are using profanity left and right as a means of conveying their viewpoints, instead of using respectful speech.

Don’t get me wrong. Generally speaking, I don’t care about profanity, but I don’t like when it is hurled at someone…especially in a setting where we should be treating each other with respect. Imagine hurling obscenities at your coworkers in a professional setting. Or imagine your children hurling them at their teachers in the classroom setting. I don’t know about you, but the school wouldn’t even have to punish my child; she would be in big enough trouble at home.

I’ve seen kids on sports fields and sports courts in recent years sassing referees and gesturing after what they believe is a bad call, and every time, I think, “Holy smokes. My daddy would have walked out there and snatched me off that field.” I’ve been watching when my daughter was playing high school sports, and when a girl behaves poorly or with poor sportsmanship on the field, I’ve thought, “My daughter’s coach surely knows that I would take her home right now if she acted that way on the field.”

That brings me back to my group. Apparently, a lot of people don’t feel the same way. They think respecting others is no longer important. They think it’s OK to get out there and say whatever you want and say it however you want to whomever you want, without regard for others. They think it’s OK to use profanity in every sentence when they are trying to make a point. In this particular group, someone actually typed out these words to another member recently: Sit the hell down. 

And that’s when I knew I needed to leave the group. That was that moment my parents had warned me about. When things start to go awry or you are uncomfortable, leave. So I left the Facebook page of a group I’ve been a member of most of my life. It broke my heart, because I really wanted to try to make a difference. I’m really good at listening to other people’s viewpoints. I know everyone doesn’t feel the same way about everything…and I think that’s OK. That’s what makes the world go around. But I will not tolerate disrespectful behavior. I do not want to be a part of a group that communicates that way.

If it had been a one off situation, I could have gotten past it. But it wasn’t. People were accusing each other of horrible things. Worst of all, no one was hearing anyone else. And as soon as I saw “sit the hell down,” I was done. I left the Facebook page of a group I’ve loved for years…a group I have dedicated time and financial resources to…a group that, for me, was always a soft place to land, a place I made lifelong friends. I had to leave the Facebook page. I hope the behavior of those people is not indicative of the members of the group as a whole. Is civility dead?!?!

I keep getting messages from friends who are still in the group. I’ve received six or eight from people who have left it too, but I’m getting messages showing me screenshots of some of the posts, and I’m brokenhearted. I’m disappointed. I don’t want to be a part of a group that behaves that way.

So I left the Facebook group. I had to. My parents would be proud that I chose not to participate in the insanity, because that’s what it looked like to me. It looked like a bunch of spoiled, entitled, participation-trophy kids who think they’re the smartest things on the planet, and they’re probably 25 years old. They think their education makes them knowledgeable about life, I guess. At 53, I know that’s not true. They know very little, but they’re not even smart enough to realize that yet. When they’re 53, hopefully, they will look back and realize just how incredibly rude they were.

I’m out.

 

 

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