Ask me about…
Haven’t we all walked into car dealerships or retail stores and seen someone wearing a button that said, “Ask me about…”? It might be a new warranty plan, or maybe it’s about a new line they’re introducing, but sometimes, it’s something way more funny.
I was reminded of “Ask me about…” one recent morning. My husband brought me coffee in bed, and I did a little reading before opening Facebook. When I finally looked at my Facebook timeline, I laughed till I cried. There was no one else around, but I laughed till I cried…all by myself. A friend…the same one who coined the phrase “friend chicken” (see that story here)…had posted a photo of her husband. They were on their way to his colonoscopy, and she had purchased him a shirt just for the occasion. Apparently, she had to do some pouting to get him to wear it, but he gave in and wore it. It said, “Ask me about my butthole.” Yep…that’s what it said! I even started laughing as I typed it! I know…some folks don’t have a sense of humor and wouldn’t approve, but dang it…it’s funny! It’s especially funny when you go in for your colonoscopy. In fact, they should sell them there…not buttholes; t-shirts…they should sell the t-shirts. You can purchase the shirt from hellotushy.com here.
Of course, I had to share the photo of my friend’s husband on my Facebook page. They are both doctors, so I hope they don’t mind that the picture of him wearing the t-shirt is going viral! I couldn’t help myself! I’ll have to ask her how many times it has been shared.
And after I shared it, a friend from Alabama commented that her husband uses The Butt Hut “for all his colonoscopy needs.” I looked it up. It’s a real place, and it’s in Birmingham. She added that they have t-shirts that say, “The Butt Hut. We stand behind our work.” I love it! What is it about butt humor that makes me laugh so hard?!? I can just imagine myself standing in line at the grocery store and seeing that t-shirt standing in front of me! I’d have to take a picture. And then I’d want one of the t-shirts.
Now that I’m 51, I have a lot more knowledge than I had when I was 21 and playing a silly game in college. I don’t know how useful my knowledge is, but there’s a lot more of that useless knowledge. I was talking with my friend, Mary Ann, about what we could put on our buttons or t-shirts, if we ordered them, and we laughed and laughed. A lot of what we said can’t be put in writing, but here were some of our ideas for things we actually know about:
- Ask me about going back to bed after sending my kid(s) off to school.
- Ask me about where I hide the clutter in my house when I have guests over.
- Ask me about my favorite vodka.
- Ask me where to buy last minute snacks for an entire athletic team.
- Ask me where to buy last minute snacks for the team and my favorite vodka.
- Ask me about the best doughnuts in town.
- Ask me how much I love not camping.
- Ask me how much I love room service.
- Ask me about the time I hung out with Woody Harrelson.
- Ask me about my silly conversations with Mary Ann.
For things we don’t actually know, but we think would make hilarious buttons, we came up with these:
- Ask me about the ten years I served in the state penitentiary for what I did to the last person who asked me that stupid question.
- Ask me about the time Mary Ann helped me drag something to the lake.
- Ask me about the thirty cats in my house.
- Ask me about my explosive diarrhea.
- Ask me about the time I took Ambien and woke up in the parking lot of a bar.
But one thing we never would have come up with is “ask me about my butthole.” Even Mary Ann and I wouldn’t put that on a shirt or a button, but we sure laughed when my friend made her husband wear that shirt! I don’t know why butt humor is so universally funny, but dang it, it is! And if you don’t think so, don’t tell me. I’ll just think you are lacking a sense of humor.
There’s a reason Beavis and Butthead were popular…ask me about them if you’re not familiar with them.
***You can order Ask Me About buttons from zazzle.com (here) if you’re interested in coming up with your own thing.***