Category / children

by Kelly Mattei

Graduation Evokes Memories

Graduation evokes memories.

My daughter graduated from high school last year. It was an exciting and scary time. Everybody talks about the excitement, but it seems not many people talk about the fear. I remember 18. I remember graduating from high school. I knew where I was going to college, but I didn’t really know what it would be like. I had visited the campus many times for cheerleaders camps and football games, but I didn’t really know what it would be like to live in a dorm with a roommate I didn’t know. There is such a thing as fear of the unknown. That didn’t mean I wasn’t excited. I was very excited to be going off to college. I was excited to make new friends. I was excited that I wasn’t doing “13th grade,” which is what we call it when people go to college with lots of their friends from high school. However, I didn’t really know what was ahead of me.

When I look back at pictures from this time last year, I remember my daughter and I were preparing to attend her college orientation. Yes, I had to go to orientation simply so she wouldn’t look like an orphan. Apparently, parents going to orientation is popular now, unlike when I went in the 80s. Do I need to remind you that I drove myself to orientation without my parents? I drove without GPS or a cell phone. I just looked at the map before I left and figured it out. We came home from our daughter’s orientation and tried to enjoy the summer, but even though I don’t think of our daughter as an anxious person, there was trepidation. She was looking forward to everything college life offered, but wondering what to expect, and it showed itself in tears and agitation.

All that freshman year college stuff is behind us now. I look at my daughter’s friends who are preparing to go to college, and I remember what it was like at my house last year. She was nervous. She was scared but wouldn’t admit it. She was fearing the unknown a bit. Therefore, I am reminding parents that it’s not all rainbows and confetti. Going off to college is a big deal. I feel like our daughter learned more in her first year of college than in any other year since toddlerhood. I’m not even including the academics! I mean she learned more about life, in general. She developed more problem-solving skills. She developed more time-management skills. She learned more about taking care of herself and her friends. She learned about living away from home. And she survived it! She not only survived, but she thrived!

And you know what? It’s stressful for them! They might not process it as stress, but the stress is there, and it takes a toll on their bodies. They often live around a lot more people than when they are home, so all kinds of germs are passed around. They end up sick. My daughter had strep throat for the first time since she was a kid. She had the flu for the first time since she was 11. She had a horrible skin infection that started from a heel blister. She was in a car accident. All of that = stress. I’m no psychologist or counselor, but I could see the effects of the stress.

What I’m telling you is you should be happy and excited about your child’s college experience. At the same time, know you are going to get those phone calls. “Mom, I’ve been in an accident.” “Mom, I think I have a fever.” “Mom, should I go to the doctor about this wound on my heel?” You’ll be far away, so you can offer guidance, but you’re not there. They have to actually take care of business. And you know what? They will.

In most cases, they will pull themselves together and get things done. Most of them will make it to class on a regular basis. Most of them will weather the storm. Some of them might not make it academically the first time around, but does that mean they are doomed to failure? No. I have a friend who failed out of college our sophomore year. She went back a few years later and graduated before going on to law school and graduating at the top of her class. Another friend had a 1.6 GPA at the end of his first semester of freshman year. He buckled down the next semester and succeeded at Duke, going on to medical school.

Just remember: we have to trust them but guide them. If at first they don’t succeed, they can try again. They are going to have missteps along the way, and they will learn from them. Just like Elon Musk told the world after a recent failed rocket launch; he reminded us SpaceX will learn from the mistakes on the failed launch and apply that knowledge to the next one.

Keep smiling, moms and dads. Sometimes, they just need to see we, the parents, are calm. It’s a bit like taking a child to the pediatrician when they are sick. Often, the parents just need reassurance. Many times, that’s what our college-age kids need too.

Congratulations to all the 2023 high school graduates…the ones who are going to college, the ones who are taking a gap year, the ones who are learning a trade, the ones entering military service, and the ones who are going into the work force! I celebrate them all! It might sound like I’m only celebrating the ones going to college, but that’s certainly not the case. I’m simply drawing on my own experience. But if your child is entering the workforce or entering military service or taking a gap year or going to trade school, you’re worrying about them just the same.

Fasten your seat belts, moms and dads. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

by Kelly Mattei

Great Mother’s Day Gifts for 2023

Great Mother’s Day gifts for 2023.

You have almost a month to find the perfect gift for Mom. Mother’s Day this year is May 14.

When our daughter was a little girl, she gave me the best Mother’s Day gifts. One I still have a was a bracelet she made for me in third grade. It’s made of safety pins and beads, and it’s awesome. I came across it in my jewelry box last night and thought to myself, “I need to wear this on Mother’s Day this year.” Very few gifts mean as much as the gifts our children make for us when they’re young, but there are some thoughtful gifts mom will love, and they don’t all break the bank. Here are a few suggestions for you to purchase early, so you don’t find yourself scrambling at the last minute. And remember, Amazon ships free if you have a Prime membership!

Beach kaftan. My family knows I love a good beach kaftan…especially with summer just around the corner! I take good care of the ones I have, but I love adding to my collection. I have found one on Amazon that is inexpensive, colorful, and pretty. What do I love about a kaftan? I can wear it over swim, and instead of looking all sweaty and tired, a good kaftan makes me look a little more put together…even when I have been in the sun or in the water. I throw them on over a swimsuit to have lunch at an outdoor cafe, and I feel good about how I look. To see the latest one I have found, click here. Mom will love it!

Kate Spade scarf. Years ago, I decided adding a “third piece” to my outfit made me look more complete. It could be a scarf, a jacket, or a statement necklace, but whatever it was, that third piece made me feel more put together. Somewhere along the way, over the past couple of years, I lost touch with that idea, but 2023 is the year my “third piece” makes a comeback. Lately, when I have seen scarves I like, I’ve purchased them. Some of my favorites are made by Kate Spade, because they are well-made, not terribly expensive, and many of them add a punch of color or to an ensemble. Amazon offers several at good prices. To see them, click here.

Samiah Luxe Chunky Knit Blanket. I have admired chunky knit blankets for a long time, but I have never purchased one for myself. I considered making one for myself; it would be easy to make. However, to get good quality, thick, cable yarn, I would have to spend a fortune before I even got started on the actual knitting. Therefore, it’s much more cost effective to just purchase one made by Samiah Luxe, and they make beautiful, quality blankets! You can see what they offer on Amazon here.

Kendra Scott Jewelry. It’s no secret that Kendra Scott jewelry is popular with women of all ages. Even teenagers love it. They offer a lot more selection than you think! Personally, I love their trademark shaped jewelry, but they have a lot of other things, including ring sets, beaded bracelets, and necklaces and earrings of different shapes…in a wide range of prices. To see Kendra Scott’s offerings on Amazon, click here.

Blissy Silk Pillowcase. My mother told me when I was a little girl that silk pillowcases will save my skin and hair. She was right. And Blissy makes a great product from Mulberry silk! Moms will love this. I need to make sure my own family knows about Blissy. They come in six colors and three sizes. She’ll thank you and mean it. Purchase at Amazon here.

Pure Enrichment Deluxe Feet Warmer. It’s a relaxing evening at home, but Mom says her feet are cold. Or maybe mom just needs a little extra relaxation. I have a foot warmer at home, and it’s great for nights I need to wind down before going to bed. Check out the Pure Enrichment Deluxe Feet Warmer here. Priced at about $50, it’s a bargain.

Christian Dior Addict Lip Glow Lip Balm. Y’all, I got a couple of these for myself after hearing everyone talk about it, and I love it. I then ended up giving them to my daughter when I visited her at college and she needed a lip balm. I promptly ordered some more for myself. All of them except the “clear” have a hint of color, but just a hint. And they are smooth, not cakey. Mom will love it. Plus, it’s Dior! We love Dior! Priced under $50, it’s a great gift. Purchase from Amazon here.

Shower Steamers Aromatherapy. I know I mention these all the time, but there is a reason: they’re awesome! If someone gave me some Shower Steamers Aromatherapy essential oil shower bombs, I’d be a happy mom! Nothing can make a shower feel like a spa more than some essential oil shower bombs. I found some from Jojowell that are priced under $25 for 21 shower bombs! These are made to hang in your shower, releasing whichever aroma you pick of the seven offered. If no one in my family gives me some for Mother’s Day, I’ll be ordering them myself. Get them at Amazon here.

Monpure Silky Strengthening Shampoo. After I told a friend I needed something to help repair my damaged hair, she recommended I try Monpure. At $49, it’s not cheap, but it sure helped my hair. It received the Good Housekeeping “Tried and Tested Award” in 2021 for the Best anti-breakage shampoo. I love it. My hair has more shine, and the shampoo’s herbal scent is increcible. Mom will appreciate it. Purchase from Amazon here.

If your mom is like me, she considers YOU the best gift ever…just like I think of my daughter. However, it’s nice to get a little recognition on Mother’s Day. Let Mom know she’s special. Maybe some of the ideas above will help you find something for her. Remember, it’s best to purchase early! Order now from Amazon and have the gift in hand with time to spare!

Happy Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

Graduation Season

Graduation season.

Y’all, I’m just glad I don’t have a high school senior graduating this year. I went through that “fun” last year, and honestly, it was exhausting. I know. I know. Lots of people love it. As a southern lady, I’m supposed to enjoy it, but I don’t.

In my opinion, there are two kinds of people in the world: the ones who love ceremonies and those who hate ceremonies. I belong in the latter group. Just like I hate meetings for meeting’s sake, I hate ceremony for ceremony’s sake. I am the person who skipped my own college graduation. Yes, I graduated from college, but I just didn’t feel the need to participate in the “pomp and circumstance.” It seemed so time-consuming, ridiculously formal, and honestly, a little bit corny. While some of my friends were participating in the ceremony, I was hanging out with other friends at our favorite watering hole…raising toasts to each other for getting the job done! Even when I got married, I wondered why we were making it into a spectacle? Why couldn’t we just get married at the courthouse and go on about our business? I didn’t lol need an audience to see me get married. I would have been just as married without the audience. It was a source of great tension for me, and honestly, as grateful as I am to my friends and family who were there, I would have rather gone to the courthouse.

My attitude toward all things “ceremonial” is why I could hardly wait for my daughter’s high school graduation to be over last year. It seemed like “much ado about nothing” to me. Here’s my stance on high school graduation: you’re supposed to graduate from high school. It’s not some grand accomplishment, except under special circumstances. Yes, there are situations in which high school graduation is a big deal, but my daughter graduating from a college preparatory private school in Charlotte, North Carolina? Well, the way I see it: she was supposed to graduate. But all the ceremonies? Senior supper? Baccalaureate? And more? I could have skipped them. I wouldn’t have been heartbroken if she had said, “Let’s leave for vacation early and blow this popsicle stand.” She did enjoy the private parties leading up to and after the event, and I did too, so there were some good things about it…getting to spend time with friends, having a reason to get together, etc. I do love a party, just not a ceremony.

However, I guess I’m in the minority on this, because it seems lots of people get very wrapped up in the graduation ceremony thing.

Today, on Facebook, a friend was posting pictures of her second child in his graduation gown. He’ll be graduating from high school in a few weeks, and she is sad to see the end of his high school career. That’s another way I’m different: I didn’t let the door hit me in the butt on the way out of my daughter’s high school. I was so grateful it was over! I was running as fast as I could! I was ready for that to end. But here’s what I wondered after seeing my friend’s post: How do parents muster up the excitement for their second, third, and fourth children’s graduation? I feel like I learned so much the first time around, and I feel like it would be even less of a big deal to me the second and third times, but since I’m the mother of an only child, I might be wrong?!?

Here’s what I mean: with your first child, many parents think every single stage of childhood is important. If I had a second and third child, I can tell you, I would be much more relaxed about elementary school…and maybe even middle school. Don’t get me wrong. I was never the mom who knew what her child’s assignments were…ever. I always thought school was her job, not mine, but it was very important to me that she take elementary school and middle school seriously. Maybe that’s why I have one child. Maybe God knew I’d be a slacker about school stuff with any subsequent children. I feel sure I would have said, “She doesn’t have any random days off from school in October? Eh…doesn’t matter; she’s only in second grade. We’ll take that long vacation in the middle of the school year anyway.” I actually remember sending her to school in kindergarten or 1st grade with a terrible cough. I thought it was important for her to be there. I received a call from the school nurse, with whom I had become friends, telling me to “come get your daughter.” When I got there to pick her up, I explained to the nurse that it was just a residual cough from a cold she had the previous week. She didn’t feel badly. The nurse said, “Keep her home until that cough is gone.” And I did, but I sweated it a little bit, thinking elementary school was so important. You know what the nurse, who had grown children of her own, knew that I didn’t know? My daughter would be OK even if she missed a week or two of elementary school.

Also, with a second or third child, I likely would have rarely volunteered for anything. It’s likely I would have thought, “My work is done. I’ve done all this once; I’m not doing it again.” Would people have thought my second and third children were motherless children? Maybe, but anyone who had any older kids would have known I had done more than my share the first time around. I was room mother almost every year of lower school. I volunteered everywhere I possibly could. If I’d had second and third children, I might have just slowed down outside the school and pushed them out the car door as I drove off to meet my friends for brunch with Mimosas. Not really, of course, but you get my point.

To all you parents who have children graduating from high school this year: Congratulations. If you don’t have anymore children who still need to graduate from high school, I say, “Congratulations on earning your freedom!” I don’t mean freedom from your child. I mean freedom from the constraints that school puts on your life. And if you enjoy all the “pomp and circumstance” that goes with the whole graduation thing, more power to you! Lots of my friends love every minute of it.

There’s a reason they do all those various ceremonies, but it’s not for people like me!

Also, if you have a child or children leaving for college in the fall, start gathering dorm essentials now. Here are some things I recommend to make move-in a little easier:

Hulken Bag. I ordered two. My daughter has one at college, and I have one at home, but I will take mine down with me when we move her out. They simply make moving lots of items easier. We got large ones. Get them here.

Moving Bags. These are similar to the Ikea moving bags, but I ordered from Amazon, because I thought these were a little bigger and sturdier. They worked great for move-in, and I expect them to work great for move-out too! Get them here. (Keep in mind: these sell out during summer, as families stock up on them, so get yours early.)

Collapsible Wagon. We got one of these for our daughter when she was returning to college after the holidays. It was an easy way for her to get everything from the parking garage to her room. Get it here.

Versacart. This is one my aunt told me about, and it’s awesome! She calls it her “old lady cart,” but it does the job! Get it here.