Tag / October

by Kelly Mattei

Youngest in the Grade

Youngest in the grade.

My daughter just turned 20 a few days ago. She’s a sophomore in college, living her best life. My husband and I traveled to her university to celebrate her, and a good time was had by all! In fact, we are still enjoying our time with her and her friends! It did, however, make me think about how fortunate she is that she will turn 21 at the beginning of her junior year in college. She is definitely not the youngest in her class, and believe me when I say I tried to design it that way.

I was one of the youngest in my grade growing up. I wasn’t the youngest, but with a late May birthday, I definitely wasn’t one of the older ones. Add in the fact that I was short with a round little face, so I looked even younger. I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and then, in college, I was one of the last of my friends to turn 21…after the end of my junior year of college!

Some of you who didn’t experience that might not think it matters. Maybe it didn’t matter at all to some of you when you were growing up. It mattered to me. I hated that I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and in college, I especially hated that I was among the last of my friends to turn 21. It mattered…a lot. It mattered so much to me, in fact, that I literally had a countdown from my 20th birthday to my 21st. I could tell you exactly how many days, hours, and minutes it was until my birthday. Yes, I would actually say things to my friends like, “I will be 21 in exactly 163 days, 7 hours, and 22 minutes.” Annoying? I’m sure. Weird? Probably. But I wanted to be 21.

It makes me wonder about the kids who skip grades. I’m not condemning that concept, so don’t come at me. I will fight back, you know. Personally, for me, it would have been a terrible thing to be the youngest among my “peers,” especially if I were a year younger! Lots of people in college don’t want to be the one who can’t go to the bar when everyone else can. I have a friend whose daughter is the youngest in her friend group, and when Taylor Swift was in Nashville, the daughter was one week shy of her 21st birthday. All her friends were in Nashville and able to go out to bars, but she couldn’t go to all of them. She could go to the 18+ or 19+ bars, but not the real bars. She felt left out of the fun.

When I was a little girl, in first and second grade, it was recommended that I skip a grade. My mother, in her wisdom, refused. She would point out how small I was. And she would also say, “She does not need to be behind the curve socially. No, she’s staying where she is.” She was wise. No, I’m not saying you are unwise if you let your kid skip a grade. You do you. I am saying I definitely would not have been socially ready for college a year earlier. I will say I see a lot of great athletes who are young in their grade at school and could have been even greater athletes if they’d had another year to grow. My child was eligible to go to kindergarten in North Carolina in 2008, but I wanted her to do a year of transitional kindergarten. I didn’t want her to be the youngest in the grade. I wanted her to have the most athletic opportunities she could have, if she wanted them (she did). I wanted her to be among the first to get her driver’s license, and among the first to turn 21 in college.

By giving my girl an October birthday, I ensured that she will be among the first to turn 21 in her class in college. She has thanked me many times for it. My husband and I were thrilled that she was among the first to turn 16, because it meant she would be responsible for driving herself, instead of being dependent on other teens. We trusted her driving, because we taught her, and we made her have double the number of practice driving hours required by the state of North Carolina to get her license. With 120 practice hours, she was a fairly experienced driver for a 16-yr-old.

So now I’m wishing a belated Happy Birthday to our 20-yr-old! That sounds weird to say. She will be 21 in 350-something days.

***I’m not an educator. I’m not a psychologist. I’m not qualified in any way to say whose kid should start school when. I’m a mom and a person who turned 16 and 21 after all her friends. I’m not offering parenting advice or educational advice in any way, shape, or fashion.***

by Kelly Mattei

Crazy Movies We Love

This past weekend, my friend, Angela, and her daughter came in from Montgomery. It was my daughter’s 16th birthday, so we wanted them here for the festivities. The girls “partied” all weekend. When they were around us, we all shared some great meals. And Angela and I talked about our very favorite movies about exaggerated, deranged characters. Yes, we have favorites, and since it’s October, and we are leading up to Halloween, you might be in a crazy movie mood.

At some point during the weekend, Angela told me there’s a new sequel to The Shining coming out in theaters in November. The Shining is one of my very favorite movies of all time…so many great scenes. Who can forget “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”? Or how about “Heeeeere’s Johnny!”? Plus, the twins, the red rum scene, the maze, the snowplow…so many great scenes. I most recently watched it with my friend, Jennifer, and our daughters, a few years ago when we were staying at Mohonk Mountain House, an historic hotel in a lovely, mountain resort setting in Upstate New York. Some claim Mohonk Mountain House is haunted, so that made our viewing of The Shining even more erie! Making it even scarier? About 3/4 of the way through the movie, we heard someone trying to open a door. I thought it was our balcony door, so I threw myself against the door to give everyone else time to get out into the hall. Yes, I was going to sacrifice myself to save the others! Go ahead…laugh. But seriously, I threw myself against that door so hard that my arms hurt the next day! Jennifer ran out the door into the hallway with the girls. Nope, she wasn’t worried about holding back the would-be villain like I was. Of course, it turned to be no deranged villain at all. We discovered it was the neighbors who had just checked in, checking the lock on the door connecting our rooms. For more info on Mohonk Mountain House, click here.

But in discussing The Shining and its sequel, Angela and I started talking about other “crazy” movies we love. ***Disclaimer: we call these movies crazy because the characters are extreme. We are, in no way, saying people who are mentally ill are “crazy.” There’s a difference between deranged movie character and a mentally ill person.*** Here are a few films we recommend:

  • Fatal Attraction, starring Michael Douglas and Glenn Close, released in September of 1987. Angela and I were a little shocked when we looked up the release date…can it really have been that long?!?! We were both only 20 years old when it came out. Wow. The film centers around a brief weekend affair between Dan, a married man played by Douglas, and Alex, a woman (played by Close) who refuses to let the affair end. Yes, Alex becomes obsessed with Dan and inserts herself into his life in various ways, and when things don’t go the way she hopes, she boils his daughter’s pet bunny in their kitchen. If you’ve ever heard someone call someone a “bunny boiler,” well, they are referring to a scene in Fatal Attraction. My friend, Wendy, who passed away in 2018, loved that reference. You can see the film on Amazon Prime.
  • Single White Female, starring Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason-Leigh. Taking it way back again, Angela and I both thought of Single White Female, and we agreed it is worth mentioning. Based on a novel by John Lutz called SWF Seeks Same, it’s the story of Allie (Fonda), a young software designer who, after finding out her boyfriend has cheated on her, advertises for a roommate. Hedra, aka Hedy, (Jason Leigh) responds to the ad and moves in. Hedy becomes obsessed with details of Allie’s life and even becomes jealous when Allie reconciles with her boyfriend. In one memorable scene, Hedy is clearly trying to become Allie. Hedy, as it turns out, is not mentally stable, and as that becomes obvious, characters start dying. The film was released in 1992, but I still hear references to it on a regular basis. When a female becomes “obsessed” or overly interested in the life of another female, I’ve seen people look at each other and utter three words: single white female. I’ve even said it myself. Heck, I’ve felt like I had my own single white female following me around before. You can see the film on Amazon Prime. It’s a good one to watch with girlfriends.
  • The Gift, starring Jason Bateman, Rebecca Hall, and Joel Edgerton, released in 2015. This is one my husband discovered, and I made Angela watch it. She loves a good, suspenseful movie, so it was right up her alley. First of all, there’s Jason Bateman…a great reason for any woman to watch a movie. This film is about a young married couple (Bateman and Hall) who run into an acquaintance from high school in a store, bringing the acquaintance, Gordo, back into their lives. The plot takes lots of twists and turns. The first time I saw the movie, I was surprised by some of the twists, and it left me a little shaken. It will make me question my own character judgment. You can see it on Amazon Prime. *There’s another movie called The Gift on Prime that was released in 2001, so make sure you get the right one. The other one might be good too, but I’m not familiar with it.
  • Gone Girl, starring Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike, released in 2014. This film centers around the disappearance of the young wife of Ben Affleck’s character. When it appears he might have been involved in her disappearance, Affleck’s character becomes the focus of the investigation. Again, lots of twists and turns, and I won’t spoil it by telling you which one is crazy, but believe me, there’s a lot of crazy…a whole lot of crazy. This movie was well-received by audiences and critics. It’s worth seeing. See it on Amazon Prime.

There are others…Diabolique, starring Sharon Stone…one of my favorite lines of all time was from this movie. Kathy Bates, as a detective, suggests to Sharon Stone’s character that she might have killed the man involved because he left her and went back to his wife. Her response? “Have you seen his wife? Honey, if I couldn’t get a man to leave her, I wouldn’t kill him; I’d kill myself.” A biting line, indeed. Misery, starring Kathy Bates and James Caan, is another good one; What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? starring Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, is a classic; Sunset Blvd, starring William Holden and Gloria Swanson; Natural Born Killers, starring Woody Harrelson and Juliet Lewis…and many more.

So go ahead, become the winter caretaker of a mountain hotel. Find a roommate who wants to take over your life. Marry someone you thought you knew. Run into an acquaintance from long ago. Better yet, have an affair and find a boiling bunny in your kitchen.

Or instead…just watch movies about it.