Let’s Talk…We’re the Been There Moms

My friend, Maureen, and I recently started a site called Been There Moms. I have loved spending time with Maureen for years…we chat, we laugh, we share, and now, you can join us for our chats! Been There Moms is a quick look at the things we discuss…and the humor we share. We make videos discussing topics of interest to parents and other folks, too! We share our own parenting fails, share our lessons, and sometimes we just “kvetch” about the hazards of parenting. And we laugh…a lot.

We have a great time, for sure. Maureen’s twenty-something son is very patient with us when he’s helping us with the videos. We are grateful for his patience, his directing skills and especially his mad editing skills. I know it’s hard to believe, but sometimes, we get carried away when we’re talking, and he has to reign us in. We can turn a three minute video into 15 minutes of chat, so he has to edit a lot. Lots of times, he has given us the “wrap it up” sign, and when he turns off the camera, we all laugh. Seeing our chats on video, I’ve realized some things: Maureen is especially talented with her sense of humor. She comes up with the best one-liners. I’m definitely the squirrel chaser, so Maureen has to get me back on topic. I’m the long, drawn-out storyteller. Come to think of it, I’m probably the reason our chats run long. I should apologize to her son, our director/editor.

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Maureen has four children, ranging in age from 14 to a second year law student…three boys and a girl. I have one child…a 15-yr-old girl. Together, we cover a lot of topics, and we offer different perspectives. Maureen is from the north, and I’m from the Deep South. She went to a highbrow, liberal arts college. I went to a big state university. We’ve had different experiences, but we are great friends.

So far, we have discussed some parenting parenting dilemmas: children flying alone; shopping with teenage girls; Homecoming proposals; being nice; high school sports; being the new mom at school; and summer reading. There are more videos to come, but since it’s not our day job, we have to make them when it’s convenient. We are having a great time! It’s a good excuse for us to get together!

This past weekend, my nephew visited with a friend, and the friend (she’s 22) told me she loves the Been There Moms site! Yay! We have a young fan who isn’t even a mom! According to my nephew, his friend watches our videos regularly and walks around saying, “We’re the Been There Moms!” Seriously, I was so excited, and when I saw Maureen at my daughter’s field hockey game Friday afternoon, I could hardly wait to tell her: our young fan thinks we’re funny! I guess it’s not just for moms anymore! Anyone who knows me knows I love a good audience.

So, here’s the deal: we are always looking for new topics to discuss. I have a running list, and Maureen does too, but we would love folks to send us some topics to discuss. Check out our Been There Moms Facebook page here; like the page, and then send us a message or comment with some topics! We would love to hear from you! And who knows? If you offer up a good topic, we might invite you to be a guest on our “show”!

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Be Vulnerable: Is Friendship Worth It?

Life’s not easy. No one ever said it would be. It’s something we should know as adults, but we never learn.

Friendships aren’t always easy, either. Yes, there are times friendships are easy, but there are times they are difficult…hanging by a thread. Because I have a teenage daughter, I spend a lot of time discussing friendships, forgiveness, trust, and communication. But frankly, I’m still learning myself, so I don’t always give sound advice. We all make mistakes in friendships, even as adults, and we all have friends who make mistakes, even as adults.

We’ve all had times in relationships that we realized we needed to “fish or cut bait,” haven’t we? Aren’t there times you step back when a situation arises and think, “Maybe I don’t need to continue this friendship.” When I’ve felt that way, I try to take a deep breath and think logically…evaluate the situation without emotion.

But that’s easier said than done, because friendships are emotional connections. Just like marriage, friendship requires trust.. And just like marriages, friendships can fall apart. Unfortunately, just like marriages, going into them, we don’t know which ones will last and which ones won’t. A friend posted this on Instagram earlier this week:

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How true are those words of C.S. Lewis? We can’t be hurt emotionally by people to whom we don’t have an emotional connection. If you accidentally cut someone off in traffic, making them angry, do you worry about it for days to come? Likely not. But if you accidentally offend a longtime friend, do you worry about it for days to come? Probably. At least, you should, if you care about the person.

Likewise, if someone who is not your friend tells you a lie, do you care? Unless it’s going to affect something, probably not. If your friend tells you a lie, do you care? Yes. You do. And it’s all because you’ve made yourself vulnerable to that person by letting him/her into your life…trusting them. And that’s when you have to decide what to do. Do you confront them about it? Do you chalk it up to a mistake and let it go? Do you silently harbor ill feelings? Do you walk away from the friendship? It’s difficult. Because you’ve made yourself vulnerable, that hurt cuts a little deeper.

But, as C.S. Lewis says, if you want to keep your heart “intact,” you have to lock it up, don’t risk it by loving anyone. To have love of any kind is to have occasional pain, but the real friendships last…after forgiveness is sought. At the same time, we have to give those very friends the benefit of the doubt until we have reason to believe otherwise. Maybe your friend didn’t hurt you intentionally. Injury without malice, in friendships, should be forgiven. Injury with malice, in friendships, should be forgiven, as well…to free yourself from the burden of anger. I’ve written about forgiveness before. You can read it here.

I cannot imagine my own life without friendships. Sure, there have been friendships that have fallen by the wayside. It’s the way life is. Some of them fall away accidentally…you don’t know the last time you talked, and you didn’t realize at the time it would be the last time you would talk. Sometimes, there’s an argument or disagreement that ends a friendship. Other friendships, we choose to end, for one reason or another. Maybe you feel you’ve been taken for granted. Maybe the other person feels manipulated. Maybe you disagree all the time, and it has become tiresome. It happens, and when it has happened to me, I’ve chosen to believe I’ve learned from each instance.

But here’s one thing: if your heart gets broken, get up, and try again. Making yourself vulnerable is difficult and scary, but if you don’t, you won’t know what it’s like to have real friends. And remember, everyone isn’t going to like you. It’s a fact. And once you are OK with that, life gets a lot easier.

Is friendship worth the risk of heartache? You bet. For every disappointment, heartache, and sorrowful moment involved in friendship, there will be countless more good times.

To love is to be vulnerable. Be vulnerable.

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Photo by Dennis Magati on Pexels.com

Parents’ School Year Goals?

Looking through “the Facebook” today, I came across a friend’s post asking, “Parents, what are your goals for this school year?”

Am I supposed to have school year goals? I’d never considered it, but maybe I’ve been missing out on something. Maybe, while teachers and students are setting goals for the new school year, I should be setting some goals of my own. I’ve asked other friends, and they looked at me like I had fourteen eyes. One of them said she has one goal: drink more wine. Another one said her goal is to keep her children organized for the school year. I told her, “Good luck with that.” I’m not a terribly organized person, so personally, I’d probably hurt my daughter’s organizational skills rather than helping them.

So, after talking with friends, I decided to make my own list of goals for the school year, and they are goals for me, not my daughter:

  • Family time. My first goal is to make sure we carve out some family time. Between school sports, school, real life, and social lives, this can get neglected. This school year, I will make it a priority…to make sure we have time to just be together…maybe dinnertime, maybe watching sports together, maybe vacations…whatever…I will make it happen.
  • Have fun. This is always at the top of my list. No matter what we are doing, we can make it fun. That doesn’t mean we don’t take things seriously; it means we approach it with joy. I’ll use my library volunteer job as an example. I volunteer every other Tuesday, and the job entails checking out books for students, shelving, reloading paper in printers, etc. Sounds boring, right? And I’m sure it can be, but it has always been fun for me. I look forward to it every time, because I became friends with the people who work there, and it’s always fun to spend time with friends. There’s nothing wrong with sharing jokes or life stories while you work! I try to become friends with people in my volunteer positions, so it feels like I’m hanging out with friends while we’re working.
  • Enjoy lunch with friend(s) at least once a week, and once a month, I need to try a restaurant in town I’ve never visited. My friend, Linda, and I meet regularly, and we tend to meet at the same four or five places. Next time, we are going to a new place, and I’ve found the perfect place for us to try. It’s easy to keep going to the same places, and I won’t abandon those, but if I try a new restaurant once a month, that’s twelve new lunch places in a year!
  • Laugh a lot…a whole lot. At the risk of sounding like a song from Mary Poppins, I love to laugh! Really…it’s one of my favorite things to do. I grew up with a brother who loves to laugh and naturally makes people laugh, so I’ve had a lot of laughing practice. It cures a lot of ills. Therefore, I’m going to try to keep myself out of non-laughing situations.
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  • Spend time outdoors…all year. I love being outdoors. I love sunshine. I don’t love camping, so don’t get any ideas about that. In spring, summer, and fall, this doesn’t take much effort. But winter? That’s another story. It’s exactly when I need to get outdoors…to avoid SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder…or what I call the wintertime blues. So this year, I am going to try to spend some time outdoors even when it’s cold. Brrrr.
  • Make some new friends. We have some new families coming to our school this year, and I plan to welcome them with open arms. You never know where you’ll find a friend…and I love fun, new friends…especially ones who like to try new restaurants and laugh a lot.
  • Travel when we can. High school means lots more time spent on homework, and it means lots more time dedicated to school sports. Whenever we can squeeze in some travel fun, we will do exactly that.
  • Exercise more. OK, I had to throw in one of those things that is a “must do.” I need to exercise more, so I added it to the list. If I can find people who want to laugh with me while exercising, that’s even better!
  • Watch more football. Yes, I’m putting it on the list. I watch a lot of football anyway, but I want to watch more. Don’t worry, Bama fans, because I am Schleprock, I will not watch Bama games in real time. I will record them and watch them after the fact. But I want to watch other games…a lot. Besides, this is a good way to fulfill the first goal I listed…spending time with family. How many more days till football season starts?

And those, my friends, are my back-to-school goals…nothing education-related at all. Sure, I could make my goals all about my child, who is now a high school student, but guess what…school is her job. Yes, if she asks me for help or I think she’s having issues, I will help her, of course. She knows that. But she also knows it is her responsibility to take care of school work. After all, I’ve already done 9th grade. It’s a lot more difficult than when I was in school, but she knows I will help her if she needs it, and she knows if I can’t help her, I will help her find someone who can. The one school-related thing I will do is continue to encourage her to establish relationships with her teachers…they can definitely help her if she needs help.

Let’s get this party started!

Favorite Gifts Your Valentine (and you) Will Love

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When I was a little girl, I thought Valentine’s Day was one of the best days of the year! We decorated boxes at school, and it was fun to fill out all those little Valentines for classmates. Occasionally, I’d get one that said, “To a special girl”…a big deal in third grade in Spanish Fort, Alabama!

FullSizeRender-25One of the best Valentine’s Days I had before meeting my husband was in the early 90s. I was living in Atlanta. I had gone out once with a guy who seemed nice, and he asked me out for dinner on Valentine’s Day. After dinner, he gave me a box of conversation hearts (with our names in the to/from spaces on the back!) he purchased at Disco Kroger (near the old Rupert’s and former Limelight, two now-closed Atlanta hotspots)! I thought it was a funny, sweet gesture, since we weren’t really dating. We went out for a couple months after that before parting ways. Years later, I married my  husband, but those conversation hearts are a sweet memory.

Of course, if you’ve been together longer than two weeks, those conversation hearts won’t cut it. The pressure is on, so here are a few favorite things for Valentine’s Day. Find something for your significant other, or if there isn’t one right now, purchase a treat for yourself! I’ve picked places/websites and am suggesting something from each. Listed in alphabetical order, these offer something for everyone. Each is worthy of an entire post, so I will revisit some later.

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1818 Farms specializes in natural bath/beauty products for men and women, all of which are “handmade, hand-packaged, and include all-natural ingredients.” It’s a real farm with chickens, goats, and more, and they grow herbs for use in their wide range of products, from soaps to coffee…the list goes IMG_8612on and on. Their shea creme comes highly recommended; some favorite scents are Lavender and Wedding Cake. They come in 4 oz. jars for $10, 8 oz for $20, and a gift set is $28 (see photo right). Specially for men, they offer several products, one of which is the Man of the Farm Grooming Can for $32, a great gift (see photo above). This place is something special! You’ll hear more from me about 1818 Farms. In fact, I’d love to visit (road trip!). Follow their Instagram page to see farm pics/videos here. To see their products, click here: 1818farms.com. Order now with code 1818Love and get 20% off your purchase!

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Fatboy Hair  Developed by a hairdresser who “became frustrated with the lack of styling products that really did the business,” according to their website.  I use the Fatboy Daily Hydrating Shampoo ($26 for 10 oz) and Daily Hydrating Conditioner ($26), and they definitely “do the business,” even on curly/frizzy hair! The scents are invigorating and fresh, not feminine, so anyone can enjoy them. I use their soap ($10.50), which has a mild scent and lathers nicely. They also offer hair putty, styling creme, water wax, and pomade. I love every product I’ve tried! The Fatboy Essential Collection ($55 for several products) makes a great gift, or purchase a la carte and bundle items you want. To view the entire line, visit their website: fatboyhair.com. Enter your email address for 10% off your first purchase. Subscribe to repeat purchases, and get 10% off. See their Instagram here: instagram.com/fatboyhair/

FullSizeRender-24Goldbely Time Magazine calls Goldbely “one of the 50 best websites in America.” A marketplace, they offer access to food from restaurants all over the country. You know how certain foods or restaurants can trigger memories? College days at Alabama meant road trips with friends to New Orleans…oh, the memories. Late nights…nothing some Cafe du Monde beignets couldn’t cure, but we didn’t wear black, because powdered sugar gets everywhere! Order from Goldbely. You click on any state and order from popular restaurants. The list of offerings is fascinating and nostalgic.  Check Goldbely by clicking here: goldbely.com.

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Sweet Girl Cookies Made in Charlotte, they are perfect for anyone. Someone recently gave me the Mixed Bag (see photo), containing one of each of their cookies: Chocolate Chip, Lemon Blueberry White Chocolate Chip, Dark Chocolate Sea Salt, White Chocolate Cherry, and Oatmeal Raisin…all giant and delicious! (I hid them from the rest of my family!) My favorite is the Dark Chocolate Sea Salt, but I loved them all. Purchase here, starting at $12.50.

 

FullSizeRender-20Topgolf  Its website says it’s a “premier golf entertainment complex where the competition of sport meets your favorite local hangout.” My friends have been and give glowing reviews! It’s great for all ages and very popular. With locations all over the country, they have quite a following, so I’m including Topgolf on my list of favorite things for Valentine’s Day.  Go to their website and purchase a gift card almost anyone would love. Receive it via email, so you know you’ll have it on time! Click here to get started.

henry-fournier-68573Vinebox “The wine by the glass club”, their website says, “You won’t find anything mass produced here.” My favorite is their Personalized Wine Flight, priced at $81 for three months.  Answer a series of questions about the recipient, and Vinebox personalizes the selections. It’s perfect for anyone who enjoys wine. You can check it out here.

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So there you have it. Not your average Valentines…little something for everyone: natural bath/beauty products from a working farm, hair care products that actually work, a food site with all your favorites from around the country, cookies made by a Charlotte family, a popular experience, and wine flights! ORDER NOW!

And if it’s just your second date with someone, those conversation hearts are still a sweet gesture.

Please invite your Facebook friends to follow my Facebook page! On the app, go to Kelly Mattei’s Favorite Things. Scroll to Community, click “invite friends to Like this page;” start inviting!

Hugs and Kisses,

Kelly