Tag / sanity

by Kelly Mattei

Take a Car to College?

Take a car to college?

Our daughter is a sophomore in college about 450 miles away from home. Last year, when she was a freshman, we sent her with her car. Her university does not discourage freshmen from bringing cars, and honestly, we are a driving family. We are people who like to “have our own horse.” Is it control? Maybe. I don’t need to control everyone else, but I do need to control me, and well…the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

The Facebook Parent Pages

Ahhh…the Facebook parent pages…a great source of entertainment. If you have a child who will be attending college soon or is presently attending college, all you have to do is go to the parent pages for the university to see every possible opinion on every possible topic you can imagine. Questions I never even considered asking pop up daily, and often, I get a good laugh. The latest entertainment on the parent pages for my daughter’s college is the discussion of cars on campus. One parent from out-of-state posted, asking if other parents had an opinion about their child taking a car freshman year. You can imagine the responses! Or can you?!? Holy smokes!

Some parents said they didn’t think any child needed to take a car to college. Several said, “I recommend no car.” Others said, “I think no child should take a car freshman year.” Bah humbug! I didn’t say anything in response, but I was thinking, “You do your thing, and I will do mine.” Some complained about parking issues. My daughter lived on campus last year and is living on campus again this year…no issues with finding parking so far. Yes, I had to purchase a $400 parking permit for fall and a $265 one for spring, but that goes with the territory. I actually feel pretty good about that, since it also offers roadside assistance anywhere on campus. Her university definitely doesn’t discourage freshmen from bringing cars. Heck, her university built a parking deck just for the girls who lived in her freshman dorm! Several parents on the parents page were like me and said they sent their kids with cars. One said, “I’m so glad mine has her car!” Amen, sista! Me too! Does that mean I think parents who don’t send cars with their kids are making a mistake? Nope. Nope. Nope. I will say it louder for those in the back: You do your thing, and I will do mine. Clearly, we all do things differently, and you know what? That is absolutely OK.

Do I think a car is a necessity at my daughter’s college? No. Will students survive without it? You bet. Mine would survive without it, but as my mother would ask, “Is that what you want her to do? Survive? Don’t you want her to thrive?” I know having a car is not important to everyone. I have a friend whose daughter didn’t even learn to drive until she had graduated from the University of Florida. It simply wasn’t important to her. Our daughter, however, is happier if she has a car. She is her mother’s daughter. You know how couples have code words for getting out of parties or social situations? You know…your husband somehow works “unicorn” or “confetti” into a sentence at a party, and you know he’s ready to go? Well, in our family, we look at our cars as our own “way out” when we need it. Cars are our mode of transportation, but they are also our “escape.”

Another reason for her to take a car? Our daughter undoubtedly has more driving experience than most people her age. She probably has more driving experience than people who are several years older than she is! Before she got her license, she had 120 driving hours, double the required amount in the state of North Carolina. I insisted that she have double the hours so she would feel comfortable behind the wheel of the car. In the four years that she has had her license, she has likely driven 100,000 miles. Therefore, I trust her instincts and reflexes better than I trust most other people’s instincts and reflexes. Personally, I would rather she drive herself than ride with most other people. For us, there is also the question of how to get back and forth to the airport without a car. The airport is about 45-50 minutes from her university. If she doesn’t have a car, she becomes dependent on friends or a car service that only books as groups on busy days, meaning she, potentially, could have to wait up to two hours after her flight arrives. Nope. For me, that is not an option. I want her to be able to get off the plane, into a car, and back to school as efficiently as possible. And depending on friends to do it? Well, if the friend is not on the exact same flights on the outbound and return, then it might not work out. Even if the friends are scheduled on the same return flight, they might miss a connection (we live in a hub city with nonstop flights, so we won’t), and then there’s a problem. That’s just not something I’m willing to worry about, especially since sending her car is not a hardship on us.

Maybe parents should make a list of pros and cons if they have trouble deciding. It was an easy decision for us, but if I had to make a list of pros and cons for us, I guess it could look like this:

  • Pro: she can get anywhere she wants when she wants
  • Pro: she doesn’t have to ask other people for a ride or take a shuttle service to the airport
  • Pro: she feels more independent
  • Pro: we don’t worry as much about her driving as we would if she were riding with someone else.
  • Pro: she’s happy
  • Pro: she can drive to visit friends or family in other cities (or at other universities) when she wants
  • Con: finding parking for some people, but it hasn’t been an issue for her at all

Honestly, for us, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I can’t think of another con.

The moral of the story? If you are considering sending your child to college with a car, and the college/university is OK with it, you do what is best for your family. ***If your student’s university discourages it or doesn’t allow freshmen to bring cars, obviously, they shouldn’t take a car.***We all think differently. You might not want to have to worry about the car. You might not want to have to worry about the kid with the car. You might not want to buy the parking pass. Maybe you can’t afford a car to send with your child. Whatever…everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do. That’s one of the great things about parenting: we all make our own decisions based on our own experiences and our own beliefs.

If your student takes a car, I do recommend that he/she has the Life360 app on his/her phone. Browse their plans to see which one works best for your family. My daughter was in an accident last year, and Life360 dispatched police and called her to see if Medic was needed. Life360 also offers roadside assistance with upgraded memberships. Also, I like having extra “roadside assistance” options. I recommend a AAA membership for peace of mind when roadside assistance is needed. AAA follows the member, so even if she is in someone else’s car and needs roadside assistance, they will help. See the AAA website here.

Bottom line: I took a car to college, so I see nothing wrong with my child having hers. We believed she would be happier with a car to drive. Therefore, we sent the car with her. End of story.

****Amended to add that we have set rules for the car:

  • NO ONE else drives it, unless it’s an emergency situation (like my daughter is incapacitated)
  • Try to park under/near a light
  • Call me if any dashboard lights come on
  • Never let the gas tank get below 1/2 tank
  • Know where the wheelocks are
by Kelly Mattei

I Can See Clearly Now

***I wrote this in September 2020 but never published it. I was afraid of the backlash, but it makes me a little happier to read it now. It’s a reminder that one reason we are having so much infighting right now is that we have lost our normal “outlets” for stress.***

I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind. It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiny day!

-I Can See Clearly Now, Song by Jimmy Cliff

This is how I feel today. I feel like the clouds have been lifted, and I can see the world more clearly than I did before. No, I didn’t have a cataract removed. No, I didn’t get new glasses. I’ve been feelin’ the pandemic blues for quite some time, and it was skewing my view of the world. I think other people are feeling the same thing. I talked to someone today who said he was happy to get to go to a funeral in another city, because it gave him an excuse to get on a plane! I didn’t go to a funeral, but I did get on a plane.

Go ahead. Scold me. Call me selfish. I don’t really care. Yes, I got on a plane, and while some would say it was “unnecessary travel,” I beg to differ. I’m guessing my husband would too, since I came home so much happier. We all make choices. I chose to get on a plane…and go on vacation…during the pandemic. One person on my personal Facebook page said I was “brave” to get on a plane right now. Well, I don’t see it that way. The way I see it…for the past few weeks, people have been brave to approach me, because I’ve been angry. Now, that’s brave. Usually, I’m pretty happy-go-lucky and don’t take myself too seriously, but this whole pandemic thing? Well, it had me downright depressed…and did I mention angry??? You name it, I’ve been angry about it. I knew I needed to get away. I knew what I needed to do to change my mindset, so I did it.

And when I arrived at my hotel, I cried. I promise you, I cried. I was that happy to be there. Make fun. I don’t care. In fact, I told the gentleman at the front desk of the hotel that I could guarantee one thing: no one in that hotel was happier to be there than I was. And I wasn’t kidding. I was on a high for five solid days.

Jennifer met me there. I’ve mentioned her before. Miss Merry Sunshine. Who better to have with you on your vacation during a pandemic than a person who is perpetually happy? She was there for two days, and I was there for five, but we enjoyed the two days we had together. We acted like teenagers…having lunch at a cafe on the beach. When I say it was a cafe on the beach, I mean our toes were in the sand while we ate fish tacos! We took the top off our rented Jeep and drove all through the canyons and took selfies with canyons and selfies with every beautiful vista we could find! We shopped! We laughed. We talked. We ate at a couple of “fancy” restaurants (outdoors, of course)…till we just couldn’t eat more. We drank a lot of champagne. And did I mention we laughed?

After Jennifer left, I dined at a few more “fancy” restaurants…yep, by myself…because I’m cool like that, and because I was just so damn happy to be there, and I was going to take advantage of every moment I had. I ate. I drank. I shopped more. I checked out sights I’d never seen. I met a friend and her new baby for lunch at an outdoor rooftop restaurant. I relished every moment.

When I got home, my husband said he felt like his “old” wife is back. That’s a good thing. That means the “depressed” wife is gone. No joke…staying home all the time was about to make me insane. I was struggling.

I’m putting this out there, because I think we all need to do what we can to become a little happier right now. If you love binge-watching cheesy TV shows, do it. If you like to hike, do it…find somewhere you can hike. If, like me, you need to get on an airplane, well, that’s up to you. I needed to do it. And I can survive on the joy from that trip for a couple of months…till the next time I get on a plane…at Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving travel counts as “necessary” travel, right? To me, it does. And I’m taking my daughter with me too. The hubs doesn’t want to travel, and that’s OK. But when we get home, if the school tells my daughter she has to quarantine for two weeks, because they decided to change the “rules” after telling us they wouldn’t police us outside of school…well, so be it. Damn it. She will just go remote for a couple weeks. And frankly, I won’t give a damn…because we need a Thanksgiving break.

If you see me in the airport around Thanksgiving, that means you’re there too. Give me a wave or a thumbs up, and I can promise I will smile at you, because I’ll just be so damn happy to be traveling again.

As for now, I’m still on a “high” from this last trip. I’m smiling again. I’m laughing. I’m making fun of myself. I’m not taking everyone so seriously. I’m back to my old self. And it feels good.

by Kelly Mattei

Hurricane Sanity Preparedness

This is not one of those standard posts about hurricane preparedness. You’re hearing plenty of that with 24-hour news, I hope. Between the hype and the doom, they throw in a little information about getting prepared for a disaster. This is about being prepared for the long hours of being stuck indoors…waiting. How will you stay sane?

Hurricanes are scary. No doubt about that. I “survived” four hurricanes and a tropical storm (at least one) when I lived on the Gulf Coast, so I know how scary they are. For one of them, I was 20 miles from the eye at landfall, so I know how long it can take for a hurricane to arrive and move out…making for some long hours.

So for Hurricane Florence, do everything you can to be prepared…stock up on nonperishables (and favorite junk food snacks!) and bottled water, remove any possible projectiles from your yard (planters, patio furniture, etc), fill your tubs with water in case you need it to flush toilets later (this is rare), bring in pets, charge your cellphones and laptops, charge your portable chargers, put fresh batteries in your flashlights, and settle in for a long ride.

aerial view atmosphere clouds cold front

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What they won’t tell you on TV is how to stay sane during the storm. My disaster preparedness routine includes entertainment for sanity. I’m not making light of the storm, but if the power goes out, we will need entertainment. Otherwise, everybody just gets grumpy. We don’t need a situation like The Shining after everyone starts getting cabin fever.

So here is my list for hurricane entertainment in the event of a power outage:

  • Charades. I know. Sounds boring, but charades by flashlight is hilarious. I’ve done it. Heck, even if the power doesn’t go out, it’s fun to play Charades by flashlight!
  • Movies. Have movies pre-downloaded on your phone or iPad and watch an old favorite or one you haven’t seen before. Since Burt Reynolds just passed away, I will be downloading some of his movies. Or maybe watch movies about a storm…The Perfect Storm, Adrift, or even Sharknado! Or rewatch a favorite classic…maybe some Hitchcock: Vertigo, Rear Window (one of my all-time favorites), or The Birds. I was at my parents’ house one time during a storm, and since Daddy loved Lonesome Dove, we watched the whole series while we waited for the storm to pass. We were very close to where the storm made landfall (20 miles away on the bay, and my parents lived less than a 1/4 mile inland) and we never lost power.
  • Prompt stories. Have everyone in the family write single words on tiny pieces of paper. Put the papers into a bowl or hat and take turns pulling words from the hat. When you pick a word, you have to tell a story from your life using the word. Some good words to use: sunset, key, gate, walk, accomplishment, sport, etc. It’s a lot of fun, and it’s a good way to get people to talk.
  • Start a blog…or do lots of writing for a current blog. I’m always looking for subjects for my blog and making notes. I have a long list of topics, so what better time to sit down and write than in the middle of a hurricane? Aside from the storm itself, there won’t be many distractions or obligations.
  • Clean. I know…cleaning with no electricity sounds terrible, but you might not lose power, and if you do, there are some things you can clean by flashlight. My bathroom cabinets can always use a purge. Being trapped inside is the perfect opportunity to sit down and go through all the stuff to see what can go.
  • Read a book on your Kindle or Ipad. If you’re going to be stuck without TV or power for a few days, it creates the perfect opportunity to finally read that book you’ve been meaning to read. Daily life is so busy that it can be difficult to carve out time to sit down and read.
  • Play board games or cards. How often do you bring out those old board games? Well, this is your chance. I could spend hours playing Yahtzee and Scattergories. In fact, I could likely destroy my family’s sanity by forcing them to play.
  • Laugh. Find things to laugh about. Laughter will cure a lot of ills and get us through a lot of hard times. Laugh, laugh, laugh.
  • Watch sports. Download ESPN, CBS, and ABC, so you can watch all your favorite college teams Saturday and favorite NFL teams Sunday, even if the power goes out. You’ll need your login information for your provider. Again, make sure your electronics are charged in advance, and remember you can charge things in your car if you need to!

And if your grocery store was out of bread and water when you went, I hope you bought cake and champagne. This is a good time to enjoy that!

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In all seriousness, hurricanes are dangerous and frightening. It’s not a good time to be inebriated, because you need to be able to react in an emergency. Take care of yourselves and your family, and say a prayer that no one is injured or worse, but please don’t sit around worrying! If you’ve prepared, there is nothing else to do. Worrying won’t help. Try to relax and stay aware of what’s going on in your area.

Stay safe, friends.

 

 

 

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