by Kelly Mattei

You Have A High School Graduate

You have a high school graduate.

I just saw a video of Jennifer Garner on Instagram. She was crying, because her daughter just graduated from high school. In one clip, she asks, “How are we gonna make it?!” Of course, lots of people responded, but my favorite comment was, “Why aren’t people making us casseroles?” I laughed until I cried thinking of a mom being so distraught over her child leaving that she needed comfort food, and while I loved that comment, because I also love any opportunity to make or receive a casserole, I know a secret.

My secret? Having your child graduate and move off to college (or the military or trade school or ATC school or the police academy or whatever) is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s the opposite! If you have more than one child, you’re likely to feel like your life continues on about the same trajectory until all your babies have left the nest. I have one child, so when my daughter went off to college, my husband and I became empty-nesters…empty-nesters who are still paying all our daughter’s bills, but empty-nesters, nonetheless. And you know what? After we dropped her off at her university 450 miles away, the world didn’t come to an end! Our old life ended, but a new life began, and it’s a lot of fun!

I saw a video clip from the TV show, Modern Family, recently that really hit home. In the video, Jay, the family patriarch, talks about how we fall in love with a baby, and then the baby becomes a toddler, and on and on through different stages of life, but we never have time to miss the baby, because it’s replaced with another version of itself…a “toddler with the greatest laugh on earth.” And it’s true! I have loved every stage of our daughter’s life! Has it always been easy? That first year was especially tough. I remember thinking on her first birthday, “I survived the first year.” Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the first year too, but there was some survival involved. I think the fact that it’s not easy is what makes us appreciate it. Struggling with a newborn just bonds us!

My next door neighbor, who is a grandmother several times over, told me recently that she feels like those early years with kids at home are a real gift, but they are a sacrifice too. Once our kids are grown and out of the house, we miss them, but we are grateful for the gift they continue to be (even with crises), and we appreciate not making the daily sacrifices. Since our daughter went off to college, my husband I don’t have to get up early every morning to make sure our daughter gets out to school. Like many people these days, we can do our work from home…or anywhere, for that matter. If we want to leave town during the school year, we can! If we want to eat dinner standing over the kitchen sink, we can! For me, I love that our lives are no longer built around a school schedule. Of course, there are other sacrifices. College is not cheap. Trips abroad for our daughter are not cheap. Also, we have to worry from afar instead of worrying about her in our own home. If she’s in Italy, we worry about her in Italy. If she’s in Tuscaloosa, we worry about her in Tuscaloosa. However, the minute-to-minute sacrifices aren’t there like they are when our children are younger. I don’t spend my weekends at soccer or lacrosse tournaments anymore, praise the Lord! I don’t volunteer at her school anymore, thank God. At the same time, though, we don’t get to watch her play lacrosse, and we don’t have her here every day anymore.

Is it difficult when they first leave? Yes. I’m not gonna kid you about that. The house is quieter. The friends are not in and out all the time anymore, and at first, I was sad about that. Then, by the Christmas of her freshman year, I guess I had grown accustomed to having my own space, because when all the friends were here, I was surprised at how loud and intrusive it could feel! Don’t get me wrong…after a couple of days, it became the norm again, and by the time she went back to school that January, I had to get used to the peace and quiet again.

All this is my long way of saying this: embrace the change! It’s a great stage of life! Do I miss my girl when she’s not here? Yes, but I also appreciate the time she is here, and I appreciate the extra time to do what I want to do. If you have a child who has graduated and is leaving soon for college, the military, or something else, take the time right now, before they go, to make a plan for yourself. Know in advance how you are going to fill up that quiet time! It’s easier to adjust if you have a plan. Play mahjong! Play pickleball! Learn to play bridge! Volunteer somewhere! After our daughter left, I started getting more exercise, and I spend a lot of time planning vacations. I don’t go on vacation constantly, but it’s fun to research destinations. I also spend time with friends once or twice a week.

You can do this, Mama! I think you will find empty-nesting is not scary. It’s fun. Fill up the weekends doing what you want to do! Embrace the change!

by Kelly Mattei

Poison Ivy

Poison Ivy.

A few weeks ago, I was in Miami with my husband. We sat outside on the lanai one evening, and before I realized it, the mosquitoes had feasted on my feet and legs. Mosquitoes love me. I’m one of those people.

The next day, my husband caught me singing a song as I walked around. He stopped me and asked, “What are you singing?!?” I said, “Poison Ivy by The Coasters.” He had never heard it, and if you’re under 65 (maybe 70), chances are, you haven’t ever heard it either. I explained to him that, when I was in college, I went to a fraternity cocktail party where they had an old band called The Coasters playing. They sang some songs you might know like Charlie Brown and Yakkity Yak, and they also sang Poison Ivy. But why was I singing Poison Ivy on that day in Miami? I was singing it, because of the mosquito bites on my feet and legs. There’s a line in the song that says, “It’s gonna take an ocean…of calamine lotion…” I was thinking of how I needed some calamine lotion for my mosquito bites, and that made the song pop into my head.

And that’s when my husband told me he had never heard the song. Being the good wife I am, I had to play it for him, so I found it in Apple Music on my phone, cranked up the volume, and danced around the condo while playing Poison Ivy for him. Much to my surprise, he loved it! I still cannot believe he had never heard it, but he says it’s true. We laughed and sang that song for the rest of the trip. Anytime he could catch me off guard and wanted to make me laugh, he would suddenly play that song on his phone.

To see The Coasters play Poison Ivy, click here.

Fast forward a few weeks to last Friday night. One of my dearest friends of all time lives in Florida. She has two grown children, one of whom is a young man who recently graduated from Florida State University. He and two friends were driving from Florida to Maine, where they will be working at a summer camp, and they stayed at our house Friday night. We all laughed and talked while enjoying cocktails, and at some point, my husband played Poison Ivy on his phone. He was trying to make me laugh, and he was successful. I then explained all the background on the story to our young friends, and we all listened to the song together. Yes, alcohol was involved, but that song sort of became the theme of the evening.

They left early the next morning on a six-day drive to Maine, with stops in New Jersey, New York, Boston, and more…quite an adventure! Several times during their travels, I have received texts from my friend’s son. One text, on Monday, was simply a photo of the radio screen in their car with a short message that said, “We’re still listening!” It showed they were listening to Poison Ivy by The Coasters. I replied, “OMG! Maybe y’all can perform some Coasters tunes at the camp talent show!” Wednesday (yesterday), I received a text in which he said, “We were with [the girl traveler’s] great aunt, and she was delighted to hear that we wanted to play Poison Ivy in the car.” I replied with laughing face emojis and said, “I’m dead!” And then, today, I texted to them, “My husband is playing Poison Ivy right now. When it tops the charts again, we are going to take all the credit!” His response? “We already made a pact for it to be one of our most played songs at camp. We’re gonna put everybody on it!”

It’s a catchy tune, my friends. Once you listen to it, it is forever embedded in your brain! Until recently, it conjured up fun memories from college, but now, it also conjures up great memories of Miami with my husband and a fun evening with our guests! I’m thinking it’s going to hit the Top 40 within a few months, simply because we revived it!

by Kelly Mattei

For Mother’s Day, I’m Quoting Jerry Seinfeld

For Mother’s Day, I’m quoting Jerry Seinfeld.

I just saw a clip of Graham Bensinger interviewing Jerry Seinfeld. Bensinger asked, “How did having children impact your life?” Jerry Seinfeld said, “Only a person who doesn’t have kids would ask that question.” Indeed! What did Seinfeld reply? He said, “Kids are the greatest show on Earth. You just want to watch them live. The entertainment value of watching them live…the kids are very entertaining, because they’re primitive humans.” He went on to say that, because we enjoyed our own childhood, we try to improve upon it and make our kids’ childhood perfect.

The whole conversation made me ponder parenthood. I only have one child, but how did having that one child impact my life? The answer: in every way possible. She was born almost 21 years ago, and almost 21 years ago, my life was no longer about me…in the most awesome, incredible way. I remember going through security at the airport when I was about six or seven months pregnant, and one of the TSA agents stopped me and said, “I have to tell you I’m psychic.” I laughed, and he continued, “I see big changes in your future.” Nothing could have been more accurate.

I was 36 years old when I became a mother. I had been married for three years, but I had never really had to worry about someone else, and suddenly, at 36, I had to take this little seven pound bundle of joy into consideration before I did anything. Going to the grocery store? I couldn’t just grab the keys and run out the door. I had to put the baby in the car seat, grab the diaper bag, and make sure the stroller was in the car before I could leave. And that was just the beginning. It was a big adjustment, and it wasn’t easy, but wow…it was so worth it.

She is, indeed, as Seinfeld put it, “the greatest show on Earth.” Watching her learn and grow has been the greatest time in my life. I have said before that I feel like I have had three childhoods: my real one, my college years, and then my daughter’s childhood. Now I feel like I’m living my fourth childhood through her college years. She just finished her sophomore year at my college alma mater, and even though I’m not there all the time (that would be weird), I love when she calls to tell me about her daily life or exciting things that happen. I even love connecting that to my own time at the university. She loves hearing my stories of the “old days” at some of the same places she goes, and I love hearing her new stories!

When she became a part of my life, everything immediately changed. Did I realize just how incredible it would be having her here in this world before she arrived? No. There is no way anyone could have prepared me for that. Don’t get me wrong; that first year was tough. I had the baby who wanted to be a part of everything. She didn’t nap. She slept pretty well for eight or nine hours a night, but napping was not on her agenda. She wanted to be in on the fun! I know some people thought I was crazy, but two different pedicatricians assured me that some babies nap, and some don’t. As it turns out, it was just my daughter’s personality. She still doesn’t want to miss out on anyting, and it serves her well now. However, that first year? I wasn’t sure I would survive, but I did…sleep-deprived and all.

And here we are, twenty years later…still enjoying the greatest show on earth. I love being a mom. No job in this whole world is more important or more fulfilling than motherhood.

by Kelly Mattei

What Is That Noise?

What is that noise?

Over the past week or so, I have seen several posts on Facebook in which people ask about a strange, “otherworldly” noise in the Charlotte area. “It sounds like what I think a UFO would sound like!” Well, it’s not an alien spacecraft. It’s the cicadas emerging. I know. They usually sound “buzzy,” but when they are emerging in abundant numbers, and when they aren’t right beside you, they can sound like what we think an alien spacecraft would sound like…kind of a pulsating whir.

I grew up in Alabama. We saw them every year. I know you’re thinking, “But they don’t emerge every year!” No, each brood doesn’t, but in Alabama, there is at least one brood emerging every year. In North Carolina, we only have nine broods, but in Alabama? Twenty! It’s a lot like snakes. In Mecklenburg County, we only have one species of venomous snake, the Copperhead. In Alabama? Six! Yes, six! Three different types of rattlesnakes, the Copperhead, the Cottonmouth (water moccasin), and the coral snake. If you live somewhere that you’ve never had to worry about venomous snakes (Hawaii, Maine, Rhode Island, or Alaska), then it could be a little shocking to encounter a snake elsewhere and wonder if it’s venomous or not. When you grow up in Alabama, if you spend any time outdoors as a child, you will encounter snakes. You will also learn how to identify them, and you will likely play with the exoskeletons of cicadas.

Growing up, we referred to the empty cicada exoskeletons as “locust shells,” even though cicadas and locusts aren’t even related. And yes, we played with the empty locust shells…wearing them on the tips of our fingers, collecting them, lining them up…nature fun. Somehow, we innately knew live cicadas are harmless creatures. We didn’t fear them at all, but then, we had other things to worry about, like all those snakes, alligators, gnats, and love bugs…and those giant horse lubber grasshoppers, which aren’t harmful, but they’re giant (up to four inches long) and downright scary looking. We didn’t really play with cicadas, just the “shell,” but we had no fear of the actual insect. It was just a normal part of spring/summer for us. We always knew there would be heat, humidity, and creatures.

So yes, that “otherworldly” sound you’re hearing around your house in Charlotte right now is the emerging cicadas…nothing to fear. Just be thankful we aren’t hearing other scary sounds. At least we won’t step into our backyards and hear the “rattle” of the rattlesnake. We don’t hear the throaty rumble/growl of the alligator or the defensive hiss of the horse lubber grasshopper. We’re also lucky we don’t have to deal with gnats when we sit by the pool, and we don’t have to wash the dead love bugs off our cars. And while we have red fire ants in North Carolina, they still aren’t as plentiful as they are in Alabama. Don’t get me wrong. I loved growing up in Alabama, and I love that I am familiar with all those creatures…a little too familiar with fire ants, since I learned I was allergic to them at a very young age, resulting in a trip to the hospital. I survived and gained a healthy respect for ant “beds,” which is what we called ant hills when I was growing up.

Those cicadas don’t seem so bad now, do they? They won’t hurt you. They don’t bite. They’re just a little noisy for a little while, and then they’ll be gone. Enjoy what we refer to in Alabama as “the sound of summer.”

***Amazon has some books about cicadas and some of the other creatures I mentioned above. For a book about venomous US snakes, click here. For the National Wildlife Federation Guide to Insects and Spider & Related Species of North America, click here.

***Wondering about some of the Alabama creatures I mentioned above? Here are some photos:

^^^Lubber Grasshoppers^^^

^^^Love Bugs^^^

^^^Red Fire Ants^^^

^^^Venomous Snakes of Alabama^^^ (photo from Outdoor Alabama)…for more info on venomous snakes of Alabama, click here.

by Kelly Mattei

What to Purchase Now for a Dorm Room

What to purchase now for a dorm room.

My daughter just finished her sophomore year of college.. It’s hard for me to believe she is 1/2 of the way through college. I remember my own college days so well; I’m so happy she is getting to go to the same awesome university and have her own experiences. We feel pretty seasoned now that she has survived two years. So while I’m thinking about it, and since you have time to prepare now, I’m going to make some suggestions on necessities. Seriously, I know graduation festivities (ugh) are upon you, but start purchasing and ordering now, and you’ll have less to do as your college freshman’s departure approaches. You can also spread out the expenses over the next few months instead of being slapped in the face with big credit card bills at dorm move-in time. These are just a few items I recommend purchasing early, before everyone else jumps in, and they’re sold out.

Mattress Topper. I never met a dorm mattress I liked. Goodness. One would think they could find a way to improve those things. I was a freshman in 1985, and I daresay my daughter’s freshman dorm mattress was no more comfortable than the one I had way back when. We knew that would be the case, so we invested in a quality mattress topper. There are lots of them out there, but we opted for the Sleepyhead brand. Our daughter’s dorm room has a twin XL bed, so we ordered the Twin XL 3″ Topper from Sleepyhead. She loves it. Priced at over $300, it’s not cheap, but right now, they are offering a $70 coupon. It’s probably some of the best money I’ve ever spent. Our daughter used hers freshman year in the dorm and sophomore year in the sorority house. She loved sleeping in her bed, calling it “cozy and comfy.” She got two full years of use out of it. She will be moving into an apartment next year with a queen bed, so she can’t use it again, but we will purchase another Sleepyhead topper for her queen bed. Check out Sleepyhead on Amazon here.

Stand-up Steamer. I think people thought I was crazy when I told them I was getting our daughter a stand-up steamer to take to college with her, but it is one thing that definitely got used…and it’s so much easier than ironing! Plus, a stand-up steamer won’t “walk away” to someone else’s dorm room, never to be seen again! Our daughter participated in sorority recruitment as soon as she arrived at school, so I knew she would need to steam out her dresses before she wore them. We couldn’t have her showing up all wrinkled! She tells me she has used it countless times throughout the year for steaming formal dresses, cocktail dresses, and anything else that was overly wrinkled. We opted for the a Rowenta model. You can see it and purchase it on Amazon here. If you want to purchase a handheld steamer instead, I highly recommend one from Rowenta you can purchase here.

Bankers Box Smooth Move Wardrobe Boxes. These stand-up boxes are more for the move-in, but they were big helps with our daughter’s hanging garments. They have a bar across the top on which to hang the clothes, and they hold a lot of clothes. We only used one, and our daughter took a lot of clothes with her. When we arrived in the dorm, we simply lifted the hangers off the bar and moved them straight to the closet bar…super easy. For about $44, you’ll get three bankers boxes. We gave one to a friend who was going off to college too, and saved the third one…might use it for move-out. You can purchase here.

Swiffer Sweeper 2-in-1 Mop. I don’t know how often this item has been used, but if they can’t really clean the floor without it. At least give them a fighting chance at having a “clean-ish” floor. Plus, you will want to run it through the room before you set everything up. Just get it. It will make you feel better knowing your child can mop the floor if he/she chooses or needs to! Get it from Amazon here.

Velvet Hangers. I know how easy it is for a college student on the go to grab a shirt and just snatch it off the hanger on the way to class. Hangers go flying, and other items fall to the bottom of the closet. That doesn’t happen with velvet hangers. They have added a lot of organization to my own closet. I purchase Zober non-slip Velvet Hangers in Ivory. Just trust me on this one. Shirts don’t get horns in the shoulders. Dresses hang nicely and don’t fall off the hanger and into the floor. Get them at Amazon here. You’ll think you won’t need many, but start with 200.

And I’m going to repeat some move-in essentials from a piece I wrote recently:

Hulken Bag. I ordered two. My daughter has one at college, and I have one at home, but I will take mine down with me when we move her out. They simply make moving lots of items easier. We got large ones. Get them here.

Moving Bags. These are similar to the Ikea moving bags, but I ordered from Amazon, because I thought these were a little bigger and sturdier. They worked great for move-in, and I expect them to work great for move-out too! Get them here. (Keep in mind: these sell out during summer, as families stock up on them, so get yours early.)

Collapsible Wagon. We got one of these for our daughter when she was returning to college after the holidays. It was an easy way for her to get everything from the parking garage to her room. Get it here.

Versacart. This is one my aunt told me about, and it’s awesome! She calls it her “old lady cart,” but it does the job! She uses it to bring in groceries or any packages from her car. Get it here.

Stick with me, moms of future college students, and I’ll provide you with all sorts of helpful ideas over the next few months. Start shopping now! And please use my links above to purchase! *I may be compensated for some of the items I suggest, but I wouldn’t suggest them if I didn’t believe in them!

***Featured photo from sleepyheadusa.com

by Kelly Mattei

Green Kool-Aid and Orange Push-ups

Green Kool-Aid and Orange Push-Ups.

The NFL Draft had me thinking about Kool-Aid. Yes, I was thinking about the football player, Kool-Aid McKinstry, and his deal with Kool-Aid brand beverage mix, but while I watched the Draft, I was also on the phone with a friend, and we started talking about the original Kool-Aid drink mix.

I cannot even tell you the last time I actually drank Kool-Aid, but when I was a kid, it was a staple at our house. I’m sure it was cheap, and that’s why my mother let us have it. Plus, it was easy to store the little packets without using up much room in the pantry. We would get to pick our own flavor packet(s) at the grocery store. Grape was always a safe flavor, and I feel like orange was pretty safe too. We didn’t branch out much, because if we picked a bad flavor, we were stuck with it until we went to the grocery store with Mother the next week. However, there was one time of year that we always had a different flavor.

For some reason, at our church, they always seemed to serve green Kool-Aid at Vacation Bible School during the summer. At the time, I thought it was lime flavored, but maybe it was lemon-lime? I can’t find any record of plain lime flavor. Whenever I think of VBS, I think of green Kool-Aid served in tiny, paper Dixie Cups and orange Push-Ups. No, not exercise pushups, but the sherbet treat that appears to be served in a toilet paper roll. If you were a kid when I was a kid, you know what I’m talking about. However, I’m not sure if my college-age daughter has ever even seen one! She’ll be home in a week; I’ll have some Push-Ups in the freezer when she gets home. If she doesn’t like them, I can make cocktails with them later.

So I was talking with my friend, named Kelli with an “i,” about VBS, and she reminded me that, not only did we have the Kool-Aid and Push-Ups at VBS, but we also had butter cookies! Remember butter cookies? You know, the ones that were shaped like little flowers with the hole in the middle? We would each get two or three at VBS and hold them on our fingers until we were ready to eat them. I hadn’t thought about those in years until Kelli mentioned them, but now, I have to go purchase some. They’re made by Lil Dutch Maid, and it appears they are sold in Publix for $1.25 for an 11 ounce package. No wonder they served them at VBS…they were cheap. Thinking about it, I realize now that the church was giving us the cheapest possible snacks they could give! It was the 1970s. If they tried to serve the same items today, it’s likely some moms would complain about “too much sugar” or “too much artificial flavoring/coloring.” In the 1970s, no one cared about that. Everything had artificial flavoring, and we lapped it up! Moms didn’t shop for “organic” foods…not where I lived, anyway. We were able to get fresh fruits and vegetables from local farms at the farmer’s market, so everything we ate wasn’t “bad,” but it was at VBS! Of course, this was the same era when you could toss just about anything into a Jell-O mold and call it a salad.

As usual, I find myself reliving my childhood, but this time, I will be reliving it through Kool-Aid, Push-Ups, and butter cookies. When I stop to pick up the lemon-lime Kool-Aid packets, I also hope I’ll find the limited edition Black Cherry Blitz Kool-Aid that was recently released as part of a merchandising deal with Kool-Aid McKinstry after his draft by the New Orleans Saints!

I suppose I can make cocktails with Black Cherry Blitz or Lime Kool-Aid! Do I mix them with vodka? Prosecco? I might be on to something here!

by Kelly Mattei

Links to Sorority Rush Posts

Several people have asked for links to some of my posts about sorority rush. Here are some from the past, and I’m sure I will have some new ones over the next few months. ***I am not a rush consultant.*** Please feel free to send me any questions you might have. I am always open to suggestions and ideas for new posts!

Links to sorority recruitment (rush) posts:

  • Sorority Rush Preparation in the South, click here.
  • Sorority Rush Bags, click here.
  • Moms and Sorority Rush, click here.
  • Sorority Rush: Last Minute Items, click here.
  • Sorority Rush Conversations, click here.
  • OK, Moms, It’s Sorority Rush Time, click here.
  • When Sorority Rush is Over, click here.
by Kelly Mattei

I Have Fallen in 39 States

I have fallen in 39 states.

OK, that might be an exaggeration, but probably not by much. I like to claim it’s not that I’m clumsy; maybe I just have bad spacial awareness? In reality, I think we all fall sometimes, but the women on my daddy’s side of the family seem more “predisposed” to falling for some reason.

A couple of years ago, I fell down the stairs in a restaurant in New Orleans…right in front of God and everybody! The result? Nothing. No broken bones. I remember another fall outside a bar in Gainesville, Florida, when I went down for an Alabama/Florida football game some years ago. Again…stairs. These were metal stairs on the outside of the bar. As we were leaving, I was holding the handrail, and that’s probably what kept me from literally dying when I slipped on the stairs. My feet still flew up into the air, but my hand kept me tethered to the rail, and the left side of my legs slammed back down onto those metal stairs. Oh my, the bruising! It was awful! But nothing was broken, and eventually, it was a distant memory. Now that I think about it, stairs seem to be the theme.

Earlier this week, I was reminded of those tumbles when I fell again! This time, I was home. I had gone upstairs to get some papers off the printer. We have been having some work done in our house, so I put a big box across the foot of our stairs to keep the dogs from going upstairs. I was walking down the stairs with my phone in one hand and the papers in the other. I tried to step over the box at the bottom of the stairs, but I guess I didn’t raise my foot high enough. It felt like it was in slow motion…my legs got all tangled up with the box, and I faceplanted into the foyer floor. Bam! In reality, it wasn’t an official “faceplant,” because I kept my face from hitting the floor, but my left elbow also dug into my ribs. After a brief second, I thought, “Is anything broken?” I felt like I had escaped unscathed…until later, when I knew I had done some rib damage with that elbow. It’s painful, and over the past couple of days, it has been difficult to roll over in bed, but I have faith that it will improve.

When I texted my friend, Jennifer, in Ohio, and told her about the fall, she texted back, “Were you hurt?” I replied, “Not badly.” She sent back laughing emojis, and said, “Since you’re not really hurt, I can’t stop laughing! I can see it in my mind!” She had been witness to the New Orleans fall, so it was probably pretty easy for her to conjure up that memory.

I have heard people say, when they are having a string of bad luck, that they are going to stay home to avoid injury. I’m here to tell you, “It doesn’t work that way.” You can still get hurt in the comfort of your own home. I remember my mother stepping over a baby gate and breaking her arm…like really breaking it…she had to have surgery. So yes, injuries can happen in the safety of your own home, for sure. Can an airplane fall onto your house? Well, it’s not likely, but it has happened. It’s probably more likely these days that an airplane part will fall off a particular brand of plane, but I digress.

Here’s the moral of the story: be careful, even at home! Make sure your foot clears that baby gate or box. Take care not to slip in the shower. Don’t walk around in sock feet, unless you’re wearing non-slip socks like the ones you can get at Amazon here. And if you’re going to be accident prone, maybe someone will catch a fall on video, so you can submit it to one of those TV shows and win some money for your fall!

Maybe I need to pull the security footage in our foyer!

by Kelly Mattei

Imposter Adult

Imposter adult.

When my college-age daughter was home for the holidays, at some point, she asked me if I feel old. I laughed. I’m 56, which I don’t really consider “old,” but I know anyone over 30 seems old to her. I told her the truth: No, I do not feel old. Sometimes I feel just like I did at her age. Other times, I want to be in my pajamas at 6pm. But overall, I don’t even really feel like an adult. A friend recently posted on Facebook, “People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.” I get you, girl.

I feel like an imposter as an adult.

I know other people have experienced “imposter syndrome,” because there’s a name for it. I think lots of people feel like imposters at work. I never really felt like an imposter when I worked outside the home, and I don’t really feel like an imposter as a mom. I simply feel like as an imposter as an adult.

When I told my daughter this, she gave me one of those sideways looks. She probably said, “Bruh,” even though I’m her mom and not her “bruh.” (It seems to be the word of the moment. I’m still using “dude,” but I guess I need to try to switch to “bruh.”) I went on to explain to her what I meant: I still have a young attitude, for the most part. I still like to try to jump and touch things that appear unreachable. That beam across a ceiling in a parking garage? I want to try to jump and touch it. I’m just a couple inches over five feet, so it’s usually a stretch, but at 56, I still like to try! I love rollercoasters. I hate going to the grocery store. I like to do cannonballs into the pool. I like to go to college bars. I like to stay up late, even though I, generally speaking, don’t want to stay out late. I want to go to speakeasies. I like to go to concerts. I still understand why teenagers and college students enjoy the things they do. I don’t necessarily have to join in on a game of beer pong (even though I have before), but I understand why they enjoy it. Most of all, I love good energy, and I love to laugh. There’s not a lot of fun in adulting. Bills? Responsibilities? I take care of business, but I prefer not to think about those responsibilities all the time.

Do I know I’m not 21 anymore? Yes. Do I sometimes feel like I’m 21? You bet! Would I go back to being 21 again? Maybe. I wouldn’t go back any younger than that, but I would probably be willing to go back to 21. It would be a lot more fun if I could go back to 21 with the “wisdom” I have at 56. I could avoid some of the mistakes I made along the way. Or would I? Those mistakes are part of who I am. They taught me valuable lessons.

Even with all that “wisdom” and those “valuable lessons,” I still feel like a little girl playing grownup most of the time. My parents simply seemed so much more grown up than I do…in my mind, anyway. Perhaps they felt like they were imposters as adults too? I never asked, and they’re no longer with us.

Shout out to all my fellow imposters!

by Kelly Mattei

Don’t Sweat Fall Sorority Rush Yet

Don’t sweat fall sorority rush yet.

I have received three phone calls from worried friends this week. Their daughters are planning to participate in sorority rush in the fall at big southern schools, and they are worried they should be working on “rush stuff” right now. No. The answer is no. Let your daughter enjoy her senior year!

Mom, you can start thinking about the preparation, but there’s no need to be consumed by it. What can you do now? Look up which sororities have chapters at your daughter’s school. Start thinking of your friends who know your daughter; which ones were in sororities in college and would be willing and able to write recommendations for your daughter? Make a list in the notes on your phone. Or you can do like one of my friends and make a spreadsheet. I’m not Type A, so a spreadsheet was not my thing. I just made a list. Anytime you’re out and about and hear that someone is a member or alumna of a sorority, make a note of it in your phone.

If you’re thinking about hiring a rush consultant, that’s entirely up to you. We didn’t hire one for my daughter when she rushed, and she landed exactly where she wanted to be. I have lots of friends who have daughters who have rushed, and personally, I don’t know anyone who hired a consultant. And all my friends have daughters who are very happy with their rush choices. The hiring of a consultant is a personal choice.

Seriously, right now, just start compiling your recommendation list and having your daughter start working on her resumé. The girls cannot even make a complete resumé right now, because they don’t know what they’ll have to add before the end of the school year.

In May, have your daughter contact your friends who are sorority alumnae by phone, text, or email to ask them to write recommendations for her. This is something she needs to do herself, and she needs to ask people who actually know her. In a pinch, she can ask a friend of a friend. Recommendations are basically introductions of your daughter to the chapters, so she will want them to be able to write about her from personal knowledge. For example, when my neighbor’s daughter participated in “recruitment,” I was able to write a detailed recommendation/introduction of her, because I had first-hand knowledge of her personality and great attributes. Try to get recommendations to every chapter, and whatever you do, make sure your daughter does not say to any alumnae, “I’m only interested in sororities A, B, and C.” First, it sounds bad. Secondly, until rush begins, your daughter might think she knows what she likes, but she might change her mind. She also might not get invited to the ones she think she will.

You can start looking at dresses if you like. Spring dresses are coming out now, so it’s perfectly fine to start looking and even purchasing dresses she thinks she will wear. When shopping, look for fairly conservative dresses but not too conservative. Amanda Uprichard offers some great options at amandauprichard.com.

But right now, the main thing is to have rush in the back of your mind. Keep you ears and eyes open for people who can help with recommendations. Soak up every moment of senior year of high school, and enjoy having your daughter at home with you!

Here’s a rough timeline of preparation:

  • January-April: Find out which sororities have chapters on campus. Also, make a list/spreadsheet of sorority alumni who can write recommendations for your daughter. ***ALSO, make sure your daughter cleans up her social media…no alcohol or extreme photos.***
  • March-May: watch the university’s Panhellenic website to find out when registration is. At most southern universities, you can register for fall rush starting in May.
  • May-June: Your daughter can contact sorority alumni and ask for recommendations, telling them they will send their resumé soon.
  • June: create a resumé using the Canva app or another app. Distribute the resumé to the alumni who have agreed to write recommendations. Most sororities want digital recommendations now, so please don’t do old school “rush packets.” If you don’t know what that is, don’t worry about it…you don’t need to know.
  • July: make sure you have your rush wardrobe, and finish gathering everything for the “rush bag.” For more information on the rush bag, click here.
  • Late July/August: move her into her dorm and let the magic happen!

I will have posts later in the spring and summer with more information.

Mostly, relax. Don’t let your daughter get nervous about it.

***Over the next few days, I will be re-posting some posts about rush and preparation for it.***