Category / life skill

NYC doorman welcoming female tenants at entrance
by Kelly Mattei

Preparing for the Post-College Move/Job

Preparing for the post-college move/job.

The movers arrive in ten days. They will scoop up a bed, mattress, dresser, night stands, vanity/desk, chair for said vanity/desk, some wardrobe boxes, and some boxes full of our daughter’s personal effects and drive them to New York. “Personal effects” sounds like a prison term, but whatever. There’s not a whole lot to move, fortunately, because her roommate has her own stuff and some living room stuff too. I’m guessing I will buy whatever living room and kitchen stuff they still need after they get there. Or maybe I should say “after I get there.” There is a very real possibility that I will have to be there to accept my daughter’s belongings when they arrive in New York, because she might still be enjoying a long weekend at Lollapalooza in Chicago.

A mother’s work is never done.

The movers pick up in ten days, and once they pick up, they will call me to let me know when they will be arriving at her apartment in New York. Chances are, I will have less than 24 hours to get there to meet them, so I will keep a bag packed (much like when we were awaiting her arrival into the world) so I can hop on a plane immediately and get there. And I will wait for them. However, I’m not sleeping in the apartment, because I like to sleep in a meat locker, and they just won’t have that apartment cold enough for me. I will stay in a hotel, thank you very much. If my daughter isn’t there yet, I will supervise the delivery of the furniture and boxes without her. We have drawn up plans for how/where she wants her bedroom furniture placed. If she is there, I will be there for moral support and to take her shopping for whatever she needs. Not gonna lie…moving to New York isn’t cheap. Heck, moving anywhere is expensive, but moving to New York is especially expensive.

Add in all the time required to move there. First, we had to find an apartment. That can take a while, but we were very fortunate in that regard, as she has a lovely roommate who had boots on the ground, and we (she) found an apartment pretty darn quickly. We paid the deposit, filled out the application, went through the application process (not fun), and secured the apartment in a good part of town. Don’t get me wrong…there was a lot of worry involved for me. I had visions of never finding an apartment, but our “boots on the ground” came through! It’s actually a pretty roomy apartment by New York standards, and I am so excited for them to live there. They will even have a skyline view, a rooftop garden, a 24-hour doorman, a gym, and their very own balcony. Win! We haven’t actually seen the apartment yet, but the “boots on the ground” did send us a video, and we were happy with it. Additionally, I have spent time communicating with the movers, and I have had to communicate with them repeatedly. If you ever plan to move to New York or plan to move one of your kids to New York, you should know in advance that the movers will need to send a Certificate of Insurance to move you in. Otherwise…no dice. The building will not let them in without it. It’s not difficult to get from most movers, but it’s something you have to do. Since our daughter is working at an internship in Charlotte this summer, I have tried to help her with some other things too…like getting the electricity at the apartment put in her name. The roommate secured the wifi service.

I find myself feeling sort of how I felt when we were getting ready to send her off to college for freshman year. The foyer is filling up with boxes just like it did then. The garage is holding the furniture we ordered. There are boxes everywhere as I wait for her to pack them with her “personal effects.” Fortunately, she banks with a large international bank, so she won’t have to open a new account after she moves. She will need to find a new doctor and dentist after she settles in, but she has seen both locally in the past month, so she should be good to go until she finds someone.

And honestly, we won’t know what we are missing in the apartment until we know what we are missing. At that point, we can run to TJ Maxx, Target, Home Goods, or somewhere else in the city and get what she needs…toiletries, paper goods, etc. I’m not paying movers to haul toilet paper or cleaning supplies from North Carolina to New York.

In 1989, when my parents moved me to Atlanta from Alabama after graduating from college, I had already secured the apartment on my own and had all the utilities put in my name. In fact, I was already living in the apartment when they drove over with a sofa, a TV, and a few other small items. I purchased a bed plus boxspring and mattress, so that’s basically what I had in the apartment. That’s all I had for a little while. I didn’t care. I was living in my own version of the “big city of dreams” and loving life.

I hope our daughter will love life in The Big Apple. I hope she will settle in as quickly as I settled into life in Atlanta way back when. I pray she will stay safe and keep her head on a swivel.

As soon as I get her settled in, my husband and I plan to take a vacation we postponed because of this move. I remember that I went on vacation as soon as we got her settled into college freshman year too. I have a feeling I will appreciate the relaxation more than ever. Hopefully, she will stay settled in a for a while. Every move just ages me a little more. Like I said, a mother’s work is never done.

by Kelly Mattei

What Are Your Talents?

What are your talents?

I saw a video recently that Reese Witherspoon posted. She said she had just gotten off the phone with a young lady who had called her for career advice. When Reese asked her what her talents are, the young lady had difficulty answering. Reese’s advice? Don’t chase your dreams; chase your talents. It makes sense. Do something you are good at and enjoy; don’t spin your wheels going after a pie-in-the-sky dream.

I have a daughter who is about to graduate from college, and I sent the video to her. Of course, I can’t say too much to her, because she will just push back, but if she asks me her talents, it will be easy for me to tell her what they are. She would kill me if I put them out there for the universe to read, so I will skip to me.

I’m a 58-year-old empty nester, but Reese made me start thinking about what my own talents are. I’m not gifted in the fine arts. My singing makes ears bleed. My drawing/painting might win a preschool award. I’m not a good runner. I can walk all day long when I don’t have sciatica, but run? Not so much. Those talents are not mine. One thing I know I do better than most people? I remember names and faces really well. Do I remember every single one? No, but I remember most. I have always known it was something I did better than 99 percent of the population, but how do you turn that into income?

Another talent? My daughter and husband likely would not call this a talent, but I am what they refer to as a “yapper.” I can talk to a wall, as they say. I like to talk to people! I like to get their stories! I like to learn about them and where they’re from! (I’m a perpetual learner; is that a talent?) I also like to think I’m approachable, fun, and funny.

I’m now trying to decide how I can turn those talents into income.

But while I think about that, I’m going to share some talents I have observed in others. One really big talent I have seen in some people? Making other people feel special. You know people who can talk to you and make you feel like the only person in the room? That is real talent. I think that is the kind of talent that can carry someone a long way in life. If I were hiring someone for just about any job, I would want to hire someone who can make people feel special. I don’t even know if that is something that can be learned. I think it might be an innate skill…maybe hereditary or passed down through families.

Positivity. Some people would consider that a personality trait, but I think it’s another great talent. I know you’re thinking it’s not a talent, but it is. I have a friend who had not worked in 15 years while she raised her daughter. She had worked for one of the big banks in the credit card division before having a baby. She wanted to get a job after 15 years, and she finally had an interview with a bank. She called me and said, “I know I won’t get this job, but it will be good interview experience.” I said, “They are going to hire you, and I will tell you why. You are happy and always have a positive attitude. Anyone hiring can see that you will be good for office morale, without a doubt.” Was I right? She got the job. Her first interview in 15 years, and she got the job, and I like to think it’s because of her positive outlook! People want to be around her! I call her Miss Merry Sunshine.

There are other, more tangible talents, of course. Some people are good with numbers, while others are good writers. Some people are natural-born salespeople…you know, the ones who can sell ice to an eskimo. There are people who are very detail-oriented; those are the more type-A people of the world, and I admire them, because I’m not one of them. I’m a big picture kind of person. But “big picture” people have a place in the world too and can be very successful in careers that require delegation. Some people can use their physical strengths in construction. Others can use their automobile knowledge in that industry. I know someone whose mental strength/physical strength/love of animals made him perfect for a post-retirement career in animal control. He’s also fearless, so there’s that. Someone who has exceptional boating abilities could run a charter service. Good with children? Become a teacher or coach! Good with animals? Dog training might be in your future. Trendsetter? A career in fashion might be good or even owning a boutique might be a great option!

I know lots of people who have “children” graduating from high school and college soon. This might be a good time to send them Reese Witherspoon’s video. I think her advice is pretty darn solid: find your talents.

See Reese’s video here.

by Kelly Mattei

Christmas Gifts for Future College Students

Christmas gifts for future college students. ***I might receive commission on items purchased through my Amazon links.***

Have a son or daughter preparing to go to college in January or next fall? Christmas is the perfect opportunity to start stocking up on all the dorm or apartment necessities. Here are some items at different price points that will make great gifts:

  • Sleepyhead Mattress Topper. This is a great Early Black Friday Deal on Amazon! Sleepyhead makes what we call the “Mack Daddy” of mattress toppers! Normally priced at $379, the Sleepyhead Twin XL 3-inch Premium Gel Topper, right now, is just under $285. That’s a 25% savings! My daughter used this mattress topper her freshman and sophomore years, and she loved it. If you’ve ever slept on a dorm mattress, you know a mattress topper is a necessity for all college students. Sleepyhead makes a variety of sizes, from Twin to King. To purchase the 3-inch Twin XL Gel version, click here. But Sleepyhead has is offering 25% off all their mattress toppers on Amazon for Early Black Friday! Maybe you’d like one or two for home to extend the life of your home mattresses?! To shop other sizes Sleepyhead offers, click here.

  • Hollywood Vanity Mirror with Lights. My daughter has this vanity mirror. She is a junior, and this was something she knew she wanted in her apartment this year, and she loves it. It was super easy to set up, and it’s something she uses every day. In fact, she will get another one for Christmas…to use at home. With an Early Black Friday Deal on Amazon, it’s 15% off and priced at $84.99. This one is a no-brainer. Get it before it’s gone here.

  • Keurig K-Express Single Serve K-Cup Coffee Maker. If your child doesn’t drink coffee now, he/she likely will when they get to college! Or maybe they enjoy hot tea or hot chocolate? This Keurig Single Cup Coffee Maker is perfect for a small dorm room or even an apartment bedroom. Amazon is offering it at 33% off for an Early Black Friday Deal! Get it here!

  • Clothes Steamer. I hate wrinkled clothes. I hate wearing them, and I hate seeing them. I love ironing. Seriously, I love it. However, my daughter would never drag out and put away an ironing board. Therefore, we sent her to school with a standup steamer her freshman year. She and her roommate used it, but she did tell me later that it took up valuable space in a dorm room, but it never disappeared! If other girls wanted to use it, they had to come to her room, so the steamer couldn’t “walk away.” To see my favorite standup steamer, click here. If you prefer to get a handheld steamer, click here to see Amazon’s Choice. It’s almost HALF OFF! (Make sure your student’s name is on it, because people will “borrow” the handheld version.)

  • Bluetooth Speaker. They need it. College students need their music, and they need to be able to hear it well. My daughter has two different JBL bluetooth speakers, and my husband has one too! They come at different price points, so stick with me from highest to lowest. For big sound, I recommend the JBL Boombox. At Amazon, you can purchase the latest Boombox 3 for $499.95 here, or go for the Boombox 2 for $299.95 (a Black Friday savings of $25%) here. Both offer 24 hours of playtime on a charge, and both are waterproof! The Boomboxes are portable, but a little bulky. For something smaller, go for the JBL Extreme. The latest version, the Extreme 3, is available for Early Black Friday Savings at 24% off here. However, for big price savings without sacrificing quality, you can get the Extreme 2 on an Early Black Friday Deal for as low as $144.99 here. Both offer 15 hours of playtime on a charge!

  • Hulken Bag. When I tell people about Hulken Bags, they look a little confused at first, but when I show them a Hulken Bag, they get it. These bags carry a lot. They are lightweight, and they roll very easily. I keep one in my car, for those times I need to take a lot of returns somewhere. My daughter uses hers when she had a lot of items she needs to take in from the car or to the car. I recommend the medium Hulken Bag, and right now, you can get a great Early Black Friday Deal! These rarely go on sale, but there’s a 20% off coupon on Amazon right now that will save you $22 off the $114 price! That’s a deal! Take advantage of it now here.

  • Cordless Handheld Vacuum. This one is self-explanatory, I think. College students use these to clean up crumbs or small messes, and they use it to suck the dust/dirt out of their laptop keyboards. Come to think of it, I need to use one on my keyboard right now! Amazon’s Choice is the Black and Decker Dustbuster QuickClean you can purchase here.

  • Amazon Fire TV. I purchased this very 32″ TV for our daughter’s bedroom in her apartment, and then I purchased one for outdoor use at our house. Our daughter doesn’t care anything about regular programming. She simply wants to be able to access her streaming apps on a TV screen, and this Amazon Fire TV does the trick! Priced at just $99 right now (normally $139), it’s a deal you can’t beat! Get it here.

  • Air Purifier. Dorm living means lots of people sharing space. An air purifier can work to absorb some of those germs and clean up any dust particles in the air. Lots of people say it is absolutely essential for dorm living. Get Amazon’s Choice here.

  • Lapdesk. These have been around for a long time! I remember using one at home in high school…and maybe before! They’re not terribly expensive, but now you can get 20% off this one on a special Amazon Early Black Friday deal! Get it here.

Happy Shopping for the future college student on your list!

by Kelly Mattei

Safety/Wellness Items I Have Ordered for My College Daughter

Safety/wellness items I have ordered for my college daughter.

As parents, we never stop worrying, do we? Our daughter is a junior in college. A few weeks ago, she fell ill…mono/pneumonia/bronchitis. It was scary when I could hear deep wheezing through the phone, so I jumped on a plane and went down there. She is living in an apartment with three friends, but I was surprised they didn’t have some of the basics for illness/wellness and safety. I’m sharing, so you can double-check that your college student has the necessities if he/she gets sick. Here are some items I ordered or picked up for them while I was there:

  • Thermometer. I swear my daughter had one in her medicine box when she went to school, but it wasn’t there anymore, and none of the roommates could come up with one either. This is an absolute essential. In fact, go ahead and get two of them, because you know one will go missing.There are lots of them out there, but get the one I got from Amazon here. *Also, make sure they have the meds they need if they do get sick: acetaminophen, ibuprofen, cough and cold meds, etc.
  • COVID/Flu Home Test. Y’all, I had the flu in January. I feel pretty sure I acquired it standing in line at Customs when I came home from Mexico City. When I started feeling badly, I thought, “I guess I’ll be going to a germ infested doctor’s office tomorrow to get tested for flu.” But then I checked to see if there is a test on Amazon. There is, and it was delivered to my home overnight. With one sample, it tests for COVID, Flu A, and Flu B. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS ITEM! Soon after receiving the test, I knew I had Flu A. After that, I knew I wanted to keep those tests on hand during flu season at my house. I also got one for our daughter at her college house. If she tests positive for flu A or B, she can call her doctor or an online doctor and get Tamiflu. ***Also, encourage your child to get a flu shot!*** Purchase the test here. (While you’re thinking about it, go ahead and order one or two for home…you’ll thank me this flu season if someone gets sick.)
  • Cold Mist Humidifier. As soon as my daughter was diagnosed with pneumonia, I knew she needed a humidifier. When I mentioned it, she said, “The doctor recommended it too.” I actually ordered one at a local drugstore for her to pick up, even though she was sick, just so she could have it quickly. This is one of those things we should just have anyway. Order one at Amazon here.
  • Pedialyte. A proven brand for replacing electrolytes and staying hydrated, Pedialyte makes powder packets that you mix with water. Powder mixes are easier to store than bulky bottles, and these last a long time. They’re good to have on hand for mono, pneumonia, flu, or even stomach issues. Get them from Amazon here.
  • Multivitamin. When I had mono as a teenager, the only things my old-school doctor recommended were lots of rest and a good multivitamin. These college students burn the candle at both ends. Get them a multivitamin, simply because you don’t really know what they’re eating or how much rest they are getting. Get a good one from Amazon here.
  • Ring Doorbell. While I was there, one of my daughter’s roommates mentioned that she would feel a lot safer if they had a Ring Doorbell, so you know I had to get one. I opted for the wireless one for easy installation. It’s not cheap, but it’s the lastest model and easy to install. Get it at Amazon here.
  • Window Alarms. Another safety feature? Window alarms. If your kids have a ground floor bedroom, they might feel safer with window alarms on the windows. For under $30, you get alarms for four windows. Get the ones I purchased here.
  • Portable Safe. I know, the words “portable” and “safe” don’t go together, but this one attached to a fixed item. She doesn’t have any real valuables, but she does have some small items that might walk away if someone didn’t ask to borrow them and forgot to return them. No, I don’t mean her roommates. I mean other people who visit. Sometimes, there are lots of people in their apartment. This safe attaches to the shelving in her closet and has a combination lock. Get it here.
  • She’s Birdie Personal Alarm. You’ve probably seen these before. Highly recommend. At about $30, it does offer a little peace of mind. Get it here.
  • Pepper Gel Spray. If you’re really concerned about safety, pepper gel spray can be a great thing to have. Instead of the old school liquid spray, this won’t blow back on the person spraying it. A friend told me about it over lunch yesterday when she was telling me a story about a guy walking into her daughter’s room! The guy was friends with someone else who lived there, but that’s not OK. Get the pepper gel spray here.***Just make sure they don’t try to board an airplane with it.***
  • Door Security Bar. After the Idaho murders, our daughter became more aware of real dangers. We have door security bars on all our exterior doors at home, but she wanted one for her bedroom door in her apartment. If your child lives somewhere that people might be in and out of the apartment or house at all hours, it could be a good idea to have one of these to secure the door. Get it here.

This list, obviously, is not a complete list of everything they need for health and wellness, but it’s a start! Don’t forget you can likely order groceries for them through Instacart! ***Also, remember to check/replace batteries in smoke and carbon monoxide detectors! *** Do what you can for your child!

***I am an Amazon Associate, so I am compensate for items purchased through my links.***

by Kelly Mattei

Now That Our Kids Are Grown(ish)…

Now that our kids are grown(ish)…

Do you look back and think how silly and unimportant some things were? I do. I do it all the time. There were so many things we thought were life-altering, but they just weren’t. When a friend with a 3rd-grade child said to me recently, “I was horrified that my child didn’t turn in her homework,” I responded, “Really? It doesn’t matter.” When another friend said, “My child doesn’t want to play any organized sports,” I responded the same way.

Don’t get me wrong. I think all kids should play a team sport at least once. It teaches them a lot, but that’s all the preaching I will do on that.

As for the forgotten homework in 3rd grade? A few years down the line, I know it didn’t matter, and hopefully, other moms will see it really didn’t matter for their kids either. I wish I had been able to look at my daughter when she was that age and had forgotten to bring a book home and say, “Honey. It’s OK. I promise it’s not a big deal.” Even if I did say it, the hard part was getting her to realize it too. As long as it’s not a habit, I truly believe it’s not a big deal. Educators might disagree, but whatever.

I was not one who ever knew much about our daughter’s homework. When she was in 3rd grade, another parent asked me, “Is your daughter ready for the Bunnicula test?” I must have looked at her like she had fourteen eyes. “The what?” “The Bunnicula test!” I promise I asked, in less nice terms, “What the heck is a bunnicula??” The other mom informed me it was the book they had been reading for school. I laughed and said, “Oh, honey, I have no idea what she’s reading.” The only thing that might have made that scene better is if I’d been wearing a colorful caftan while smoking a cigarette with one hand and holding a martini in the other…you know, like moms in the 1970s. I might have, inadvertently, hurt that mom’s feelings, but it was the truth. I didn’t keep up with my child’s homework. That was her job. I did, however, go back to the school one time (OK, more than once) to get something she had forgotten. The teachers preached against that, but they didn’t have to see my child stress over it. Plus, if I forgot something somewhere, I could drive myself to get it. She couldn’t, so I took her. Yep, I was that mom. I didn’t want to deal with the stress of listening to my child stress out over it, so I took her back to get the book. And you know what? I would do it again, if only so I could have a peaceful evening at home. But in the overall scheme of things? That book didn’t matter one bit. And that assignment really didn’t either. As long as she wasn’t falling behind in school and wasn’t making a habit of forgetting things, it really didn’t matter.

I know. All parents do things differently. Some are trying to make sure their kids are headed for Ivy League colleges, as I learned quickly when my child entered middle school in sixth grade. At the parents’ meeting at the beginning of the year, lots of parents asked about which math track their kids needed to be on. Others asked about the best “science track” and which classes counted as academic classes and which ones didn’t. I wasn’t one of those. I always just believed she would fall into the right “math track” or “science track” for her, so I wasn’t one of the moms asking those questions. At that meeting, I was one of the moms in the back row trying really hard to stifle an uncontrollable giggle about something a science teacher said…a double entendre she didn’t realize was a double entendre, and the fact that she didn’t realize it made it even funnier to me. I think it was something on a graph, and she called it a “g-spot.” I literally had to walk outside and compose myself. But I knew I had found a kindred spirit among the parents when the middle school admin team was talking about school sports and a mom raised her hand with a question. “Do y’all have a laundry service for the uniforms after games?” I had to peek around heads to see who had asked, because I wanted that mom to be my friend! I didn’t care about the math track and science track! That would work itself out. I wanted to know about the laundry service! Alas, there was no laundry service. In hindsight, I should have invited that mom over to drink wine and do laundry with me. It’s OK, though, because our kids are at the same university, so we can get together on campus for drinks and not even have to worry about laundry!

It’s not all about school, though. Parents worry about sleeping babies and overstimulation. As for worrying about sleeping, I did my fair share of that…not so much worrying about our daughter as I was worried about me. I had a livewire on my hands! She was busy from the time she emerged from the womb and didn’t want to miss a thing! It nearly killed me. I had that baby girl/toddler/small child who would not take a nap. Yeah, she slept at night but not excessively long. I heard people talk about how they trained their babies to sleep 16 or 17 hours a day. I should have just handed them mine so they could see what life with her looked like! And when she started moving around, there was no sitting still…ever. In fact, she still doesn’t sit still for long, and she’s almost 21! I think some kids are just born sleepers and some aren’t. Don’t try to argue with me. You won’t win that argument. Later, I was glad she didn’t sleep during the day or need lots of nap time, because we could just keep moving all day…and we did! Looking back on that now, none of it really mattered in the long run. It was all just a blip on the radar of life.

Growing/raising a child has taught me a lot, and one thing it taught me is that lots of issues are simple blips on the radar of life. It’s sometimes difficult to remember that as something is happening, but it’s true. Yes, there are big problems in life, but a third grader not turning in an assignment is not one of them. Not completing the summer reading isn’t a big deal, either. I look back on how those stupid summer reading assignments ruined parts of summer, and it still makes me a little angry. I felt like the stupid summer reading was an intrusion on my time with my child, and in hindsight, I truly wish I hadn’t made her do it. I wish I had told her not to worry about it, because in the overall scheme of life, it wasn’t going to matter. I wish I had told her to enjoy the long, fun days of summer.

However, I let the summer reading assignments get to me (and her), so I’m telling y’all now:

Enjoy the long, fun days of summer together with your children.

by Kelly Mattei

Keep Passing the Open Windows

Keep passing the open windows.

Words to live by, if you understand the meaning behind them. In 1990, my mother gave me a hardback copy of The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving. I probably wouldn’t have picked it up if I had seen it in a bookstore, but since she gave it to me, I read it. And I loved it. Yes, it’s a weird novel…a little absurd…but it’s good. It’s memorable. If you’ve ever read John Irving, you know he has some pretty crazy ideas in Cider House Rules, A Prayer for Own Meany and The World According to Garp, and The Hotel New Hampshire is no exception. It was also made into a film starring Rob Lowe, Jodie Foster, Beau Bridges, and more, but the film did not do well. In fact, when I met Rob Lowe a few years ago, I mentioned it, and he said, “YOU are the one person who saw it!”

In the novel, the Berry family often uses the catchphrase “keep passing the open windows” to encourage each other to persevere, keep moving forward. It comes from a story the parents tell of a street performer who killed himself by jumping out a window. “Keep passing the open windows” is a phrase they use to tell their kids, when things get bad, keep moving forward. The windows are there, but refrain from jumping through them.

It’s a metaphor. Don’t think I’m saying “keep passing the open windows” to someone considering suicide. That’s a lot more complicated. But smaller issues or problems? “Keep passing the open windows” might be exactly what a friend or family member needs to hear. Persevere. Keep moving forward.

Personally, I have thought of this phrase many times in my life, and I have said it and explained it many times over the years. In fact, I have likely used it several times in the last month! If my daughter calls and tells me she didn’t do well on a test in college, it’s what I say, “Keep passing the open windows.”

Last night, my college football team lost a big game in the playoffs. And you know what I thought? “Keep passing the open windows.” No, I was not contemplating suicide. The loss was simply a blip on the radar of life…nothing big, for sure. Life and death…that’s important. College football games = not important. However, I still needed to manage the disappointment, and for me, the key to managing disappointment (or passing the open windows) is having something else to look forward to all the time. Right now, I have a trip planned with a friend in 10 days, so after my team lost and I knew they wouldn’t be in the National Championship, I turned my attention to the trip I have coming up. I pivoted my attention to that trip! Is it always easy? No, but it’s pretty easy after the minor problem of a football loss, and it’s always a lot easier if I already have something fun planned, so disappointment won’t hit me so hard. It works for me! I’m not one bit sad today about that loss, because I know there’s some fun ahead!

Find your way of passing the open windows when you’re disappointed. It sure makes it easier to keep moving forward.

Keep passing the open windows.

***If you’d like to read some John Irving novels (I highly recommend them!), you can purchase them at Amazon. My personal favorites are A Prayer for Owen Meany (click here), The Hotel New Hampshire (click here), and Cider House Rules (click here).

by Kelly Mattei

Mom, I Feel Terrible

Mom, I feel terrible.

If you followed me last year, you know that in September, I received a call from my daughter, and the first words out of her mouth were, “Mom, we’ve been in an accident.” I was in the Bahamas, and she had flown home from college for the weekend. It was not the call I wanted to receive. Fortunately, everything turned out fine.

She is now in her sophomore year and has been back at school since August 2…about four weeks. She had to go back early to prepare for sorority rush for a week before actual rush the following week. In the middle of rush week, I received a late night phone call. When I picked up the phone, she immediately sad, “Mom, I feel terrible.” I could hear that she was trying to choke back tears, so I jumped out of bed and went to the loveseat in the keeping room off our kitchen, so I could talk with her without disturbing my husband. By the sound of her voice, I knew she really felt terrible.

It broke my heart. If you’re a mom who has ever had to deal with a sick child far away, you get it. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to hear your tearful child telling you had badly she feels. I looked at the clock: 12:35am. And I started asking questions. “What’s wrong? Is it your stomach? Where does it hurt? Do you have fever?” You know…all the questions you ask when you are a mom. I seriously considered just getting in the car and going down to her university 450 miles away, but I had taken some sleep meds, so that wasn’t an option. It might have been an overreaction if I had done it, too.

She explained that she was experiencing nausea and chills. First, I needed to make sure it wasn’t appendicitis. I asked if she had pain in her lower abdomen. No, just nausea. I told her to lie on her left side and extend/flex her right hip. No pain. I told her to stand up for just a minute and jump up and down. No pain. Since I felt pretty sure it wasn’t appendicitis, I recommended she take some nausea meds. I asked, “Can you check your temperature before you do that, though?” “I don’t have a thermometer.” What?!?!?!?! I know I sent one last year, and I thought it was still in her medicine box, but I guess not. Note to self: send the girl a thermometer.

She was sick for a few hours…like really sick. I went back to my bed to grab my pillow and a blanket to take to the sofa and kept her company over the phone while she sat in the bathroom floor. Poor baby. It is so hard to know your child is sick so far away! She finally went back to bed and fell asleep at about 4:00am. I encouraged her to sleep most of the next day, even though she would miss one day of rush festivities. She was exhausted and did not argue with me. No one else living with her ever got it, so maybe it was foodborne? (When she felt better, I talked with her about making sure food is cooked properly…and how, in a restaurant, if the food isn’t really hot, don’t eat it.) We will likely never know, but I do know I need to make sure her medicine box has everything she needs! Wondering what that might be? Here are some suggestions:

  • Thermometer. Honestly, I always knew mercury thermometers were accurate, but we can’t get them anymore. I don’t always trust a digital thermometer, but to see the one I trust most, click here.
  • Band-Aids. I prefer actual Band-Aid brand. I like to have some blister Band-Aids and some flexible fabric ones. See a variety here.
  • Tylenol and Motrin. They need both. Tylenol is good for fever and headaches. Motrin is great for body aches and inflammation.
  • Flonase.This is my go-to when we have sniffles or cold symptoms. It doesn’t make me sleepy like some cold meds, but you can take it in conjunction with your preferred cough and cold meds. Order here.
  • Benadryl tablets. If your college student thinks he/she is having a mild allergic reaction, Benadryl can halt the reaction. Get tablets here.
  • Benadryl cream or spray. Insect bites? We use Benadryl cream and/or spray for wasp stings, bee stings, ant bites, even mosquito bites. Get cream here and spray here.
  • OFF insect repellent. Two people in Alabama died recently from Equine Encephalitis. Since our daughter is in college there, I sent her some OFF! Spray and told her to use it. Get it here. I will be taking some in a spritz bottle with me when I vacation in Panama in October. Get the spritz bottle here.
  • Tums and Pepto-Bismol. Get Tums here. Get Pepto here.
  • Cough and Cold Meds. Since everyone seems to have their own preferences on this, I’m not going to recommend a certain brand. Just make sure your college students has some cough and cold meds on hand.
  • Alcohol wipes. Get them here.

Basically, you want to make sure they have anything they might need. And yes, a thermometer is one of those important things…duh!

I hope you don’t ever receive one of those middle-of-the-night calls.

by Kelly Mattei

Summer Travel Necessities

Summer travel necessities.

Our little family got home last night from a sunny vacation. Based on experience, I knew exactly what I needed to make my life easier while traveling, so I’m going to share some ideas. Lots of these items also make great graduation gifts, in case you’re still searching for the perfect gift. Also, some of them make good Father’s Day gifts…that’s coming up…don’t forget!

No matter what, there are some things I like to have when I’m away from home. Here are some suggestions for making your life easier:

  • LeakLocks Toiletry Skins. I found these at Amazon a year or two ago, and now, they are absolute essentials when I travel. They are rubber “skins” that you pull over the top of bottles to keep them from leaking in your luggage. I used them on my shampoo, my self-tanner, and my sunscreens, and I still put them in Ziploc bags for extra protection. There’s nothing worse than arriving at my destination to find my self-tanner has leaked all over the plastic bag it’s in. Secretly, I will tell you I’ve even used this over the top of a plastic flask I was sneaking into a college football game. I didn’t need vodka leaking all over my clothes. LeakLocks are an inexpensive way to save all your stuff, and they stretch to fit different types of bottles. To purchase LeakLocks, click here. And if you’d like to look into a plastic flask before football season starts, you can get one at Amazon. Plastic flasks are great, because metal detectors don’t pick them up. To purchase a Rabbit plastic flask for under $8, click here. *The Rabbit flask says it is leak-proof, but I recommend using the LeakLock with it.*
  • Packing Cubes. Don’t groan. I always thought packing cubes were a waste of time and money until recently, when I tried them at the suggestion of a friend. What did they do for me? They made packing and unpacking a lot easier when I arrived at my destination and again when I returned home. For under $25, you get a set of eight packing accessories, and they come in lots of different colors! Get them at Amazon here. Or check out some others from Olarhike for about $20 here.
  • Travel Adapter. If you’re traveling internationally, it’s possible (likely) you’ll need a travel adapter. Otherwise, you’ll burn up any electrical appliances like hairdryers, curling irons, and straighteners when you plug them into the hotel outlet. Back when I was a flight attendant, I burned up a hairdryer this way, and one of my coworkers burned off her bangs when she used her curling iron in a hotel in another country. Seriously, she burned off her bangs. Even she thought it was funny! Purchase for about $18 here.
  • Laundry bags. It’s a lot easier for me to start laundry when we get home if I have all the dirty laundry in one (or two) bags. I can put one bag in my luggage, and my husband can put one in his, if we have that many dirty items. When we get home, I just grab those two bags out of the suitcases and take them straight to the laundry room…no sorting through the clothes to figure it out. Anything that wasn’t worn can be steamed and put away quickly. To see the laundry bags I use, click here. Or you can get a different type from Miamica on Amazon here.
  • Portable Bluetooth Speaker. If you’re going to be on a beach or in a boat, it’s nice to have a quality portable bluetooth speaker. We love the JBL Clip 3 when we travel. It puts out quality sound and is easy to operate. It’s small and lightweight, so it doesn’t take up a lot of space in your carry-on or checked baggage. It also comes in a variety of colors. To purchase for under $60 from Amazon, click here. ***This also makes a great graduation gift!!!***
  • Lifestraw products. If you’re traveling somewhere that might not have a clean water supply, you need some Lifestraw products. If you’ve ever had Montezuma’s Revenge in Mexico, you know you need something to purify the water. Lifestraw makes lots of travel products…personal straws and collapsible cups/pitchers. This is a product I highly recommend! Also, they’re great for camping trips and hiking trips, and they make great gifts for someone who might be traveling to a developing country. I gave one to a friend’s daughter as part of her graduation gift when I knew she would be traveling on a mission trip to Cuba. I am traveling to Panama in October, and I will be taking some Lifestraw products with me. See the Lifestraw straws here. And see their whole line of products here. These are products I highly recommend!

  • Travel Door Alarm. If you have ever been awakened in a hotel room by someone coming into your room, you know how important a travel door alarm can be. I had someone walk into my room one time, because a hotel accidentally checked him into my room after I had already been checked in. When I screamed, he left immediately. I called the front desk, and they apologized profusely for the error. There are different types of travel door alarms. One is in a door stopper, and the other is not. If you’re concerned someone wouldn’t be able to get to you in an emergency, don’t get the door stopper one. You can see the door stopper one here. It keeps people from entering the room and emits a siren. For a travel alarm that doesn’t block the door but emits a loud sound, there’s the Lewis and Clark Travel Alarm. You can purchase here.
  • Travel Fan. I love my O2 Cool Travel Fan. It’s small and lightweight, and it doesn’t take up much room in my suitcase. It also puts off way more air than you think it will. I usually plug it in (it’s can be battery-operated or plugged in, which I prefer) on the nightstand right next to my head in any hotel. I turn it on, and I don’t get hot during the night. It’s an inexpensive way to improve your sleep in hotels. Get it at Amazon here. This is another product I highly recommend!
  • Road Trip Games. Interstate driving travel can be boring. If you have a road trip planned, you might benefit from having some road trip games in the car. It can improve the ride and helps keep kids from staring at phones the whole time. I love road trip games. See a selection of them at Amazon here.

There you have some suggestions. Feel free to message me with more ideas for travel necessities, and I will share those too!

by Kelly Mattei

The College Facebook Parent Pages Revisited: Advice for Freshman Moms

The college parent Facebook pages revisited: advice for freshman moms.

Oh yes, the college parent pages….sometimes it’s the best entertainment of the day. Sometimes, I simply cannot believe what I read from other parents. And yet, rarely, I do get some valuable insight and/or information. Today, a mother of an incoming freshman had a good question:

If you could give any advice/suggestion to a parent of an incoming freshman, what would it be?

Oh, I could think of several things, but I haven’t typed a response to her on the page yet, because I really don’t want to offend anyone on there. I will tell you the things that came to my mind, and then I will tell you the answers from other parents. Personally, I think it’s a good time for this advice, as the parents and students are just starting the high school to college transition process.

My advice/suggestion to the parent of an incoming freshman:

  • Don’t put anything on the Facebook parent page that could, in any way, embarrass your child. Stop and think before you post. You don’t need to help Little Johnny find a girlfriend. In fact, Little Johnny likely doesn’t want the whole world to know that you still call him Little Johnny.
  • Let your child figure it out! This one is important! College is a great transitional time in life. If the parents are supportive, it can be a smooth transition from childhood to young adulthood. However, if you always help Little Mary make her schedule or find a roommate, she will never learn these skills for herself. Do you want Little Mary to be dependent on you her whole life? I started college in 1985, but I remember it very well. I also remember that, other than writing the checks, my parents didn’t help me with it. They didn’t help me make my schedule. They didn’t help me find friends or roommates. In fact, I’ve said before that I’m not even sure they knew what I was majoring in at the time. And that was OK, because 1980s parents were way cooler and more laid back than 2020s parents. Be like 1980s parents…let the students figure it out!
  • Be happy if, when you visit for a football weekend or other busy time, your child doesn’t have tons of time to spend with you. Be happy he/she has friends and activities that are important to her. Don’t get offended and do the “we traveled all this way” speech.
  • Sometimes, when our students think they won’t have any fun at an activity or on a weekend, they have the best time ever. My daughter once called me and said everyone was leaving the university for the weekend, so she might like to come home. I said, “That’s fine, but it’s not that long before your planned trip home. Try to find something to do, and call me back.” She thought it would be the most boring weekend ever. However, a friend from another school called and wanted to visit her, so she stayed for the weekend, and it was later declared “one of the best weekends ever.”
  • If your rising freshman student will be attending a university with big football, I, personally, would advise against taking the hardest classes they can take the fall semester (football season). I told my daughter, who attends an SEC big football school, “Take the easiest classes you can take that first semester. You will be adjusting to college life. You will be pledging a sorority. You will be going to football games and everything that goes with that. You want to adjust and enjoy it too, so take a light load.” Fortunately, she listened. And I know some parents might disagree with me on this, but I’m not giving their advice/suggestions. I’m giving mine.
  • And for the parents: if you’re going to be an empty nester when this child leaves, enjoy your time! Wow! People have asked me if I was sad when our daughter (an only child) went off to college. The answer is a resounding NO. I was (and still am) absolutely thrilled that she gets to experience life at a big university, complete with all the fun and distractions. I’m also glad I’m able to get out and enjoy the things I like to do without having to chaperone anymore. If you need more information about how to enjoy being an empty nester, there are lots of great books on Amazon. Click here.

I’m sure you’re wondering what other parents’ advice/suggestions were, so I’m going to share a few of those too (I did not write these myself):

  • Don’t worry when they cry and say they have no friends, or a friend hurts their feelings. Second semester everything changes and suddenly everything is in bloom!
  • Stagger visits. My husband and I plus other family and friends visited separately so our DD had lots to look forward to throughout her time there.
  • Get a tutor scheduled for any ‘hard’ classes BEFORE classes begin. Once you realize you need a tutor, it is too late!
  • The first year away from home will be the most difficult. Be mentally prepared for the inevitable feelings of homesickness. This bit of advice helped my DD more than I can tell you.
  • Prepare for them to be sick first semester. It’s just going to happen when you bring kids together from all over the country, living in close quarters and not eating or sleeping their best. Have a first aid box with over the counter remedies and have a list of phone numbers and addresses for local urgent cares in area with a plan on how to get there if needed. The student health center is great, but not always open for hours needed or can get backed up with appointments. ***I would add: please make sure they are up to date on all vaccines, including the Meningitis B vaccine before they go, even if it is not required by the college/university. Meningitis is contagious, and living in a group setting makes you more susceptible. By the time doctors diagnose it, it’s often too late.***
  • Know they are smarter, more resilient, and able to think for themselves more than we ever realized. I know all kids are different, but let them make a few “mistakes” along the way…such as over sleeping and figuring out how what dining halls serve what! If they get sick, let them know you are there for them, but they need to find a way to get to the health clinic! We have spent the last 18 or so years thinking and doing so many things for them. I know it’s hard to let go. But, they have to learn to adult and sometimes that includes choosing to do things in ways we wouldn’t. You will be pleasantly surprised at how awesome your kids are at Adulting if given the full chance! And trust me…having 2 daughters (1 has graduated and 1 is in her 2nd year) I have never not helped when they called asking, but I always encouraged them to first talk about ways to fix their issues before just swooping in to do it for them. They usually have the solution and didn’t even know it! Enjoy these last few months with your senior.
  • Send a meds box: Advil, flu meds, allergy stuff, thermometer, tummy meds . bandages etc.

There were more, but alas, there’s only so much room in this post. If you’re concerned that your rising freshman doesn’t have “adulting” knowledge, maybe help him/her with some books that contain useful information. Here are a few (and these could make great graduation gifts too):

  • Adulting Made Easy: Things Someone Should Have Told You About Getting Your Grown-up Act Together by Amanda Morin. Purchase here.
  • Adulting for Beginners – Life Skills for Adult Children, Teens, High School and College Students / The Grown-Up’s Survival Gift by Matilda Walsh. Purchase here.
  • The Manual to Manhood: How to Cook the Perfect Steak, Change a Tire, Impress a Girl & 97 Other Skills You Need to Survive by Jonathan Catherman. Purchase here.
  • Emily Post’s Etiquette, 19th Edition: Manners for Today. by Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning. This is a hardcover book that I think every young lady should have. Having it in hardcover form allows them to keep it forever and reference it often. My mother gave me one when I went to college, and I still use it for reference. Also makes a great graduation gift. Purchase here.
by Kelly Mattei

Weekly Link Recap, Ending 4/8/23

Weekly link recap, ending 4/8/23. Click on the item name to go straight to the corresponding site page of items I posted this week. To read the piece about the items, click on the TITLE of the piece. Thank you!

*Each week, I will post a recap of any links I have shared in any posts during the week prior. Happy Shopping!*

WHAT TO PURCHASE NOW FOR A DORM ROOM

HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION GIFTS 2023

WHOA DOUGH EDIBLE COOKIE DOUGH

BASIC TRAVEL OUTFITS FOR WOMEN