Tag / Greek life

by Kelly Mattei

College Student Struggled?

College student struggled?

The grades have come in for first semester, so by now, parents everywhere know if their college student did well, struggled, or failed. I have a friend whose daughter’s first semester was a disappointment, and I told her what I’m going to tell you: One semester does not a failure make.

It happens every year. Kids who were successful in high school get to college and struggle. Often, it’s students who skated through high school, so they never really learned to study. Other students went to college thinking they were the smartest people in the room, so they decided to start with difficult classes, and they weren’t really prepared. They should have started out with a lighter schedule.

My daughter is a sophomore in college, so I know lots of college students. For students who go to college where football is big and Greek life starts in the fall, I always tell those students, “Take it easy on yourself academically first semester. You’re going to be adjusting to college. You’re rushing a sorority/fraternity. Football season is a lot of fun, and there will be lots of distractions. Don’t make the first semester more difficult than it has to be.” My daughter listened and did very well her first semester. Some of her friends even listened! Others…not so much…and they struggled or even failed first semester. They came home and said, “I should have listened.”

But what I want to tell you is that your student can recover! One of my very best friends made a 1.0 her first semester in college! Her dad sold her car and sent her back to college without it, telling her she had one more semester to get her act together. When she went home for spring break, she asked her dad where her car was, and he replied, “You mean my car? The one I paid for? I sold it!” And you know what? At the end of that second semester, her grades were much better. He got her a new car. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think the car had anything to do with it. I think my friend simply buckled down, because she knew her dad would make her leave school and go home if she didn’t do well her second semester.

Another friend had dreams of going to law school. After two semesters of playing too much, her grades were in the toilet, and her parents did not send her back to the university. Interestingly, after working for a couple of years, her parents sent her back to the university. She did well. She graduated and went to law school! Yet another friend made a 1.6 his first semester of college and eventually went on to a prestigious medical school.

Sometimes, kids just need a little kick in the pants…not literally, of course. I mean they need a little wake-up call. Many of them have never experienced failure, so seeing bad grades at the end of the semester is a shock to their system! Some are motivated by it. Others, not so much. And some just need a little more time to mature. What I’m trying to tell you is, “Don’t give up on your kid!” It’s OK to punish your student. It’s OK to sell the car or use whatever “currency” is important to them, but I have seen many first semester failures turn into successes.

Hang in there, Mom and Dad. Encourage your student to work hard and get the help he/she needs…tutors, study sessions, office hours with professors, time management, etc. Check in regularly. Be your student’s cheerleader.

One semester does not a failure make.

by Kelly Mattei

MORE Sorority and Fraternity Gifts on Amazon

MORE sorority and fraternity gifts on Amazon.

Yesterday, I published a piece with a few items from The Sorority Shop on Amazon. Today, I’m taking a look at Greek Gear on Amazon. I have purchased several items for my daughter and other young ladies from Greek Gear, and everything was a big hit, so without further ado…

  • Greek Gear. For an overview of what they offer, visit the Greek Gear at Amazon home page here. You will see they have a large selection! I’m going to narrow down to some of the more popular options below. You can shop by entering something in the search bar, like “sweatshirts.” Or you can search by specific fraternity or sorority.

  • Comfort Colors Rainbow Arch Crew. I got this for my daughter and the daughter of a friend. They both love it. Its colorful without being “too much.” At $60, it’s not cheap, but it’s the great quality of Comfort Colors, and it’s an awesome gift. I’m showing it in ADPi, but they offer most national sororities in this design here. Or to see more crewneck sweatshirt options, click here.

  • Hooded Sweatshirts. If you’ve seen a design out there, Greek Gear likely has it. See their hooded sweatshirts here.
  • Flannel Plaid PJ Pants. My daughter has these and loves them. They’re great PJs for sleeping, lounging, or studying. Offered in most national sororities and fraternities. Prices start at $48.89. Get them here.

  • Greek Lettered Sweatpants. College students love comfort, and what’s more comfortable than sweatpants in winter? Prices start at about $35, and again, they are offered in most national fraternities and sororities. Get them here.
  • Greek Letter Anorak. An anorak always makes a great gift, and Greek Gear offers them with your recipient’s letters or crest…for most Greek organizations. This is a gift they’ll use forever. Get it here.

  • Quarter Zip Pullover. There are lots of different styles of quarter-zip pullovers for your fraternity or sorority member. See some of the options here.

  • Pillowcases. Freshmen girls love their sorority letter pillowcases! There are lots to choose from at Greek Gear at Amazon. Starting at about $22, these make a great gift. See them here.

  • Lettered Crewneck Sweatshirt. A classic, for sure. The crewneck sweatshirt with twill or embroidered letters. Check them out here.

  • Greek Letter Hats. College students love baseball hats. Check out the selection of Greek letter hats here, all reasonably priced.

There you have it! Some more great gift options for sorority and fraternity members! Order early! These gifts are made-to-order. I’m ordering some now!

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

Shopbop on Amazon

Shopbop on Amazon.

I love Shopbop. I have been shopping with Shopbop for years, and a few years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble upon a Shopbop pop-up shop in New York! “Shopbop pop-up shop”…wow, that’s a lot of bops and pops.

Until recently, though, I didn’t know I could shop Shopbop through Amazon to take advantage of my Amazon Prime benefits...free shipping and easy, peasy, Amazon returns! It’s true! Shopbop has an Amazon shop! You can see it and shop it here.

If you’re a fan of Shopbop already, you know how awesome their offerings are. If you’re not a fan of Shopbop, it’s high time you became one. They have the latest styles in apparel, beauty, and accessories from brands at lots of different price points, and they have great sales too! They even have a section of “under $200 fashion finds”! All of it…all of it…is listed on their Amazon site!

Need a dress for an upcoming event? Shopbop. Need something to wear to an athletic event? Shopbop. Want to freshen your wardrobe? Shopbop. Just want to surprise your college-age daughter with a new bracelet or handbag? Shopbop.

Check it all out here. And if you’re still looking for some dresses for sorority recruitment, check out their sales section for dresses like those shown below!

Happy Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

When Sorority Rush is Over

When Sorority Rush is over.

When sorority rush starts, for the potential new members, it seems as though the week will never end. It’s a week of great fun for some and a week of misery for others…and some fall in between. If your daughter is participating in recruitment, here is something you should know: it will end, and it will be emotional.

No matter how it ends, it’s an emotional time…an emotional rollercoaster. They might be overjoyed. The excitement might be overwhelming! They might be sad. They might even be angry or embarrassed. But emotions definitely run high. Here’s something no one warned me about:

A couple of days after rush is over, almost everyone falls flat.

Last year, my daughter completed recruitment and pledged her favorite house as a freshman. She was thrilled. She was excited. For about two days, it was all she could talk about. And then, about 48 hours after pledging, she called me crying. No, she wasn’t disappointed with her choice. She was thrilled. She was simply feeling down in the dumps. At first, I wondered if it was homesickness, but then I realized it wasn’t that at all…she was simply having a “post-rush letdown.” That’s what I call it anyway. After being “courted” by sorority members during the recruitment process and all the excitement of Bid Day, everything else seems flat. If you’re mentally prepared for it, you know what it is, and you know what to do to fight the “blues.”

I wasn’t prepared for it last year. I’m normally really good about remembering my youth, but I had forgotten about the post-rush letdown, so when my daughter called, I was surprised for a minute…until I remembered. I listened to her tearfully tell me she was sad but didn’t know why. Then, I explained to her what was happening. I told her that what she was feeling was normal, because it is. That level of excitement and happiness she had during rush and on Bid Day simply can’t be sustained. She was bound to crash at some point. I told her to go for a walk in the sunshine. Sunshine helps. I also told her to find one of her new friends and invite her to go with her. Then, I suggested she go to her new sorority house and try to meet new friends. Maybe get some exercise with some of those new friends?

A couple of hours later, she called me sounding like her old self. In fact, she went so far as to cheerfully say, “I love it here!” I knew she had turned the corner, and it was a good thing, because I was on vacation in the Bahamas having a great time!

This year, she participated in rush as a member of a sorority. She was rushing new members all week. She was feeling the excitement again! And on Bid Day, she welcomed the girls she had worked so hard to recruit. She was absolutely thrilled! Fast forward 48 hours, and I received a call. “Mom, I don’t know why, but I’m feeling sad.” This time I knew the answer, “Oh, honey, you’re having post-rush letdown! Remember last year? Remember how 48 hours after it was over you had a little bout of sadness? It’s the same thing! The excitement is over and reality is setting in.” I suggested she get some exercise. Two hours later, she called me laughing and telling me a funny story about something that had happened. She had made it through the post-rush letdown again. I just hadn’t expected her to have the same feeling as a member, but she did, and next year, I will be ready to remind her that it’s going to happen.

Why am I telling you this? Moms, I want y’all to be prepared. And I want you to know that the post-rush letdown is a totally normal thing. That sad feeling will likely pass quickly if your daughter will get some exercise and make an effort to make some more new friends. It’s a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but just know the sadness will go away with some good coaching from Mom! Stay positive, Mom!

You got this!

by Kelly Mattei

College Hiccups

College hiccups can be deciding factors in the admissions process.

Our daughter is a high school senior who plans to matriculate to my college alma mater in the fall. We have paid the enrollment fee. I know lots of people are still deciding. I am on a college parents’ page, and several of my friends are too. We see red flags in some of the posts, so I’m going to share a few here as “cautionary tales.” Every parent/student needs to do their homework beforehand, because stuff happens. There are often things we don’t consider beyond tuition/dorms and usual college stuff, but here are some surprising posts from different college parent pages:

  • “We live across the country. My son is having mental health issues. Can we get a tuition refund?” What the what?!?! I wasn’t the only person who saw red flags on this. The first response was, “You need to stop worrying about a tuition refund and go help your child.” The original poster’s response? “I can’t afford to fly there.” If I could not afford to get to my child in an emergency situation, I would have to reconsider her college. She would need to go closer to home. My daughter needs an advocate in emergencies. Our daughter is going 500 miles away, but we have family and close friends in the area, and we can afford to get there. What to consider: whether the unexpected cost of a last-minute airline ticket would break the bank for you. And please, if your child is having mental health issues (it can happen to anyone), get there as fast as you can.
  • “My daughter joined a sorority, and we thought the dues/fees were all-inclusive. It’s costing way more than we expected.” Anyone considering joining the Greek community needs to know dues/fees don’t include everything. There are hidden costs…t-shirts for every event, tickets for formals, dresses for formals, gifts for bigs/littles, costumes for parties, lettered gear, sorority/fraternity pins…it adds up. If you’re strapped for cash, you want to know the fees/dues before entering the process. At some big southern universities, Greek dues can be $5000/semester for people who don’t live in the house and $10k per semester for those who do. Whereas, at other colleges with smaller or no houses, they can be much lower. For a US News article from November 2021 about this, click here. What to consider: Be sure it isn’t cost prohibitive. It is unfair to a chapter to accept a bid knowing you can’t afford it.
  • “My son forgot to get his necessary prescription refilled. Can someone tell me the name of a pharmacy that makes same-day deliveries?” I get it. I have forgotten to get meds refilled in a timely manner. If your child has a prescription that he/she needs regularly, it is a good idea to check out pharmacies/delivery services on the front end instead of waiting till the “forget” happens. When you visit the college or university, take time to find a pharmacy that would work with him/her…if there is one. It could be a lifesaver…literally. If there isn’t a pharmacy nearby that can help your child on the fly with deliveries of a life/death medication, you might want to think about another school. What to consider: the health of your child.
  • “My child needs a ride to the airport/city, etc. If you have a child driving that way, maybe you can help him out?“ We are sending our daughter with a car, but if we weren’t, I would do my homework on this. I wouldn’t want her to be dependent on other students for transportation. Sometimes, students need rides. I would research public transportation for rides near campus. For the airport, which is an hour from her college, I would research shuttles/hired cars and expect to pay. I could not expect another student to be my child’s personal airport shuttle; that’s a lot of time/gas/wear and tear. Carpooling is nice for those who have outbound flights at about the same time, but what happens when your child’s return flight is delayed for hours? Expect the other student to wait five or six hours? No. If you’re not sending your child with a car, check college/university web pages for travel information. They often list airport shuttles/car services/taxi companies. What to consider: Make sure transportation is reliable and not cost prohibitive. To read about some of those costs, click here.
  • “I thought there would be nonstop flights between College Town and our city, but there aren’t…” Hmmmm…find out about the flight situation before you enroll your child in a college or university. If your child isn’t going to college in a hub city (Charlotte, Atlanta, Dallas, New York, Chicago, Miami, etc.) and you don’t live in a hub city, chances are there won’t be nonstop flights. Lots of people have trouble with this concept. Sure, Southwest Airlines doesn’t have a spoke-and-hub system for their flights, but most major carriers do. Connecting flights add travel time (making weekend visits shorter) and increase the odds of cancellations/delays, so do your homework beforehand. Check different airline sites or Orbitz/Expedia/Trivago. And get an idea about the costs of those flights. For lots of people, this can be a deciding factor. What to consider: Travel time, and again, if cost is a factor, this needs to be considered. For even more info about travel costs for students, click here. And always remember the costs listed in the article are “average.” For example, I know my daughter’s travel costs will be more than average. If your child is flying to/from college, the costs likely will be higher than a child who is driving to/from college.
  • “I loved the university when I was there, but my child has not made friends and wants to transfer to a smaller school. What to do?” Maybe it’s going to take time, or maybe they need to transfer. The school that was perfect for you might not be perfect for your child. Or maybe you didn’t go there but wanted to; it might not be the place for your child. Maybe you thrived, or would have thrived, in that environment, but your child won’t. I have friends who went to big schools, but their children need to go to smaller colleges…and vice versa. One friend who went to college with me said her daughter is intimidated by the school. She said her “less-than-fashionable” daughter (her words, not mine) fears she won’t “find her people” in the big setting. She even went so far as to say her child is afraid she would feel like “the poor kid” (again, her words). Yikes. If she’s concerned about it, it’s a real concern. I spoke with a friend this morning whose daughter has been accepted to her southern alma mater that’s mostly in-state students, but they live in Ohio. My friend said, “I was southern, but she’s not. We are taking that into consideration.” Make sure your child spends some time at the colleges he/she is considering. What to consider: They need to feel comfortable. You can’t fit a square peg into a round hole. Are you pushing your child to do what you did/wanted to do? Same with this next post…
  • “I always wanted my child to attend Prestigious University, but he wanted to go to Big State University. Anyone else have trouble reconciling that?” This one bothers me. Your child is going to college; you aren’t. Instead of saying anything further, I’m going to recommend you read a piece from Grown and Flown here. What to consider: where your child goes to school is not who he/she is.
  • “We want to visit our son during a football game weekend, but I’m having trouble finding inexpensive lodging. Suggestions?” Depending on where your child goes to school, it’s important to consider lodging costs. If you want to visit your child on a “big football” weekend at some schools (especially SEC schools), it’s not going to be cheap. And if it is cheap, you probably don’t want to stay there. Factor in lodging costs if you are going to need to stay overnight when you visit your child. You can’t stay in the dorm! Where our daughter is going, I know hotels are not inexpensive, and the price goes up during football weekends (supply and demand!), and on some other weekends too. You want to be able to visit without breaking the family budget. What to consider: will you be able to visit when you want? To read an article from 2018 that offers some examples of the cost of attending college football games…without inflation, click here.
  • “We live out of state, and my daughter only wants to to to College Z, but being out of state, we are going to have to get loans for everything. I’m worried about the debt. Anyone else?” I feel so badly for this mom. She clearly cares about her child’s happiness. But I worry about their taking on unnecessary debt. I know lots of people who tell their children they can’t go out-of-state, because of cost. I have a friend who went out of state for a specific major; when she changed her major, her parents told her, “Then you’re coming back to our state. We aren’t paying out of state tuition if you can get the same degree in-state.” And she did. I feel like, in the 1980s, when I was a teenager, lots of parents told their kids they had to stay in-state. The person who created the post in question is sending her child to a school that is going to cost her $50-$55K per year…all in loans. She could likely send her to an in-state public university for $30k or less per year. Big difference: $200k vs $120k. If you can afford the out-of-state tuition, it’s one thing, but she would be taking on all that as debt when her child can likely find an acceptable, fun in-state school. Remember what the Rolling Stones said: You can’t always get what you want. What to consider: Are you or your child going to be in debt forever for an educational experience they could get closer to home for less?

Here’s my official disclaimer: I am not a college counselor. I am not a professional anything. I am a parent of a high school senior, and the posts above are from parent pages of different colleges. Trust me when I say these are tame examples. Some of them are real doozies.

My thoughts? Do your own homework about the school, all possible hidden costs, and as many different situations as you can conjure up in your brain. It seems like a lot of the posts I see are about money and mental health. Do your homework. It can make a big difference in whether your child will be happy and healthy or not…and whether you’ll be able to visit each other during the school year or not.

And good luck with the process. One day, we will look back on this with fond memories.

***If you are on a college parents’ page and have seen some submissions to share, please send them to me in a private message! Maybe we will have a Part 2!***