Tag / tears

by Kelly Mattei

Mom, I Feel Terrible

Mom, I feel terrible.

If you followed me last year, you know that in September, I received a call from my daughter, and the first words out of her mouth were, “Mom, we’ve been in an accident.” I was in the Bahamas, and she had flown home from college for the weekend. It was not the call I wanted to receive. Fortunately, everything turned out fine.

She is now in her sophomore year and has been back at school since August 2…about four weeks. She had to go back early to prepare for sorority rush for a week before actual rush the following week. In the middle of rush week, I received a late night phone call. When I picked up the phone, she immediately sad, “Mom, I feel terrible.” I could hear that she was trying to choke back tears, so I jumped out of bed and went to the loveseat in the keeping room off our kitchen, so I could talk with her without disturbing my husband. By the sound of her voice, I knew she really felt terrible.

It broke my heart. If you’re a mom who has ever had to deal with a sick child far away, you get it. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to hear your tearful child telling you had badly she feels. I looked at the clock: 12:35am. And I started asking questions. “What’s wrong? Is it your stomach? Where does it hurt? Do you have fever?” You know…all the questions you ask when you are a mom. I seriously considered just getting in the car and going down to her university 450 miles away, but I had taken some sleep meds, so that wasn’t an option. It might have been an overreaction if I had done it, too.

She explained that she was experiencing nausea and chills. First, I needed to make sure it wasn’t appendicitis. I asked if she had pain in her lower abdomen. No, just nausea. I told her to lie on her left side and extend/flex her right hip. No pain. I told her to stand up for just a minute and jump up and down. No pain. Since I felt pretty sure it wasn’t appendicitis, I recommended she take some nausea meds. I asked, “Can you check your temperature before you do that, though?” “I don’t have a thermometer.” What?!?!?!?! I know I sent one last year, and I thought it was still in her medicine box, but I guess not. Note to self: send the girl a thermometer.

She was sick for a few hours…like really sick. I went back to my bed to grab my pillow and a blanket to take to the sofa and kept her company over the phone while she sat in the bathroom floor. Poor baby. It is so hard to know your child is sick so far away! She finally went back to bed and fell asleep at about 4:00am. I encouraged her to sleep most of the next day, even though she would miss one day of rush festivities. She was exhausted and did not argue with me. No one else living with her ever got it, so maybe it was foodborne? (When she felt better, I talked with her about making sure food is cooked properly…and how, in a restaurant, if the food isn’t really hot, don’t eat it.) We will likely never know, but I do know I need to make sure her medicine box has everything she needs! Wondering what that might be? Here are some suggestions:

  • Thermometer. Honestly, I always knew mercury thermometers were accurate, but we can’t get them anymore. I don’t always trust a digital thermometer, but to see the one I trust most, click here.
  • Band-Aids. I prefer actual Band-Aid brand. I like to have some blister Band-Aids and some flexible fabric ones. See a variety here.
  • Tylenol and Motrin. They need both. Tylenol is good for fever and headaches. Motrin is great for body aches and inflammation.
  • Flonase.This is my go-to when we have sniffles or cold symptoms. It doesn’t make me sleepy like some cold meds, but you can take it in conjunction with your preferred cough and cold meds. Order here.
  • Benadryl tablets. If your college student thinks he/she is having a mild allergic reaction, Benadryl can halt the reaction. Get tablets here.
  • Benadryl cream or spray. Insect bites? We use Benadryl cream and/or spray for wasp stings, bee stings, ant bites, even mosquito bites. Get cream here and spray here.
  • OFF insect repellent. Two people in Alabama died recently from Equine Encephalitis. Since our daughter is in college there, I sent her some OFF! Spray and told her to use it. Get it here. I will be taking some in a spritz bottle with me when I vacation in Panama in October. Get the spritz bottle here.
  • Tums and Pepto-Bismol. Get Tums here. Get Pepto here.
  • Cough and Cold Meds. Since everyone seems to have their own preferences on this, I’m not going to recommend a certain brand. Just make sure your college students has some cough and cold meds on hand.
  • Alcohol wipes. Get them here.

Basically, you want to make sure they have anything they might need. And yes, a thermometer is one of those important things…duh!

I hope you don’t ever receive one of those middle-of-the-night calls.

by Kelly Mattei

Pre-Departure Breakdown

Pre-departure breakdown.

The daughter leaves in three days. I haven’t had a breakdown. My husband hasn’t had a breakdown. In fact, our daughter only had a minor sniffle earlier today because she is going to miss her friends.

But something wicked this way comes…

I can feel it in the air at our house. I’m a little tense. She’s a little tense. And she is trying to squeeze in as much time with her friends as she possibly can. She slept at a friend’s house last night and came home long enough today to pick which clothes she wants to pack…or maybe I should say she picked which clothes she wants me to pack for her. And that’s OK.

After she dashed out to spend time with her friends again, my husband said, “Wow. She doesn’t want to spend time with us as much as she wants to spend time with her friends.” I told him, “That’s normal. In fact, I would be worried if she wanted to be with us more than she wants to be with her friends right now.” He looked surprised, so I explained further, “She knows we are here for her. She knows we always love her. We are the sure thing. But her friends are all going in different directions. I’m glad she wants to spend time with her friends.” And he got it. The fact that she wants to be with her friends means she feels secure in her relationship with us. It’s a good thing. We should actually be flattered by it.

It’s like when a kid behaves perfectly well in public but then gets home and acts like the spawn of Satan. My mother used to tell a story about 4-yr-old me. She said she took me somewhere, and I acted like a perfect angel, but when we got home…I was mean and fussy. She finally asked me, “Why do you act like this at home?” My 4-yr-old answer? “Where else can I act like this?” And she got it. She said, “Nowhere, honey. Just here…where we love you.” She knew I felt secure enough at home to have the breakdowns and act a little out of sorts. I knew she would love me no matter what. And that’s what our college-age daughter is feeling right now. She knows we will always love her no matter what, but she is trying to cement her relationships with friends before she leaves.

So yes, she teared up a little earlier, telling me she was going to miss her friends. She then told me, as we were packing her clothes, that one friend texted her earlier that she had a full-on meltdown about leaving for college. I think our daughter knows it is going to happen to her too. She had a fearful look in her eye. And I reminded her that she is going to be OK. She will, in fact, love it once she gets there and gets through the initial jitters. She laughed and said, “I feel like I am going to sleepaway camp. I guess it’s kind of like that.” I said, “Oh, honey…it’s so much better. You’ll have a brand new dorm room with a great roommate and your own bathroom. You’ll have lots of new friends. You’ll have lots of boys to meet…they don’t have boys at sleepaway camp.” She laughed. She knows I’m right.

She also remembered that I said I would like for her to stay there till Thanksgiving, so she can become a part of the community, and she asked, “What if I want to come home one weekend?” I laughed and said, “Honey, you know I will get you home if you need to come home.”

She can always come home.

I reminded her of something that happened when she was on a group trip hiking across Iceland a few years ago. They were near a volcano, and the guide told them it was overdue for an eruption. Apparently, she also told them that air traffic is halted for a month when the volcano erupts. (I actually remember that happening 10 or 12 years ago.) Another girl on the trip panicked and ran to their tent (yes, a tent…ugh). My daughter followed her in there, and the friend said, “We could be stuck here for an extra month if it erupts!” And my daughter replied, “Don’t worry. There is no way my mother will let that happen. If that volcano erupts, she will find a way to get us out of here. She knows people.” I laughed out loud when she told me that after she returned home from Iceland. But she wasn’t wrong…I do know people…people who could have “extracted” her from Iceland in no time. And so today, when she was saying she might need to visit home before Thanksgiving, I assured her she can always come home. But if it’s just homesickness…try to stick it out, because she will enjoy college life a lot more if she becomes a part of the community, and you can’t do that if you’re running home all the time. Make college your home.

So with three days left before departure, I feel pretty sure a meltdown is on the horizon. The question is…will it be my meltdown or hers?!?!

by Kelly Mattei

Preparing for Launch to College

Preparing for launch to college.

Boxes are piling up in the foyer of our house…Amazon, Nordstrom, Bed Bath & Beyond, Neiman Marcus, Target, Walmart, Zappos, more Amazon…you name it, we have it. Seriously, the foyer is starting to look like a warehouse. And it’s all because we are preparing to send our only daughter off to college to start her freshman year.

She moves in the first week of August. Are we ready? Well, we don’t have everything she is going to need. But I guess we are as emotionally ready as we will ever be. Who knows? We likely won’t know until we drive away from her dorm. I’m sure there will be tears at some point. Will we cry in the dorm room? Will we cry over dinner after we get everything moved in? Will we cry in the car after we leave? Or will it be a delayed reaction? Maybe we will cry after we get home and see her empty room? I have no way of knowing, but I will gladly answer all those questions after the fact.

Freshman move-in day is a day she will remember for the rest of her life. She already knows her roommate, but she will make lots of new friends on the very first day of dorm life…just like I did back in 1985. I have written before about my first college friends. You can see that here.

My friend, Angela, whose daughter is a junior in college (fortunately, at the same college where our daughter is going), tells me she didn’t cry when she left her in the dorm the first time. However, she did cry after she got home, and she occasionally still cries.

This whole “preparing for launch” thing is real. It’s a lot these days. When I went to college as a freshman in 1985, I feel like I took the bare minimum…linens, towels, enough clothes to last me a couple of weeks, some shoes, toiletries, an alarm clock, photos and posters to hang on the bulletin board in the room…and that’s about it. I wasn’t abnormal for the time, I don’t think. But wow, times have changed.

Now, you can look online and find all kinds of dorm decorating ideas. Girls decorate their dorm rooms with lots of stuff: pillows, rugs, lamps, curtains, extra shelving, headboards…all kinds of stuff. Fortunately, my daughter’s roommate’s mom is an interior designer. Yay, me! When I first talked with her on the phone, she told me, “I can do this in my sleep.” Thank you, Lord! It wouldn’t be left up to me! No one wants me to decorate a room. I think there are two types of people: the ones who see surroundings, and the ones who see faces. I am the latter. You could ask me right now what color the walls are in different rooms of my house, and I wouldn’t be able to tell you. In fact, I am working in our guest room right now, and even though I have been in that bathroom numerous times over the last few days, I couldn’t tell you what the cabinetry in there looks like. Is it white? Is it black? I’m not sure.

But back to the dorm…

The roommate’s mom and I agree that the girls’ room should not be so stuffed with extra things that it feels claustrophobic. It’s a small dorm room for two girls…two XL twin beds, a desk, two wardrobes, a refrigerator/microwave combo, a vanity area, and a bathroom with a shower. Obviously, we need to outfit it with the basics. They’ll need a shower curtain, a bath mat/rug, linens/bedding, towels, hangers, clothes, and their personal belongings. We have added some bed pillows, headboards, two throws for the beds, a rug for the bedroom, curtains, a couple of lamps, a few wall hangings, laundry bags, under-the-bed shoe storage compartments, a stand-up steamer, a vacuum (for the rug), Clorox toilet wand, and a table to put between the beds for the lamps. We aren’t taking extra shelving. We just want them to be comfortable, and I think they will be.

But for now, I am feeling a little overwhelmed by the boxes in the foyer. I just walked into our daughter’s room and told her we need to go through the boxes to see what is “keep” and what is “return.” She just looked at me. I’m sure she feels overwhelmed by the boxes too. Looking at the ever-growing stack of boxes, it seems like a daunting task to open them and make decisions right now.

Last year, I purchased lots of big, blue IKEA moving/storage bags well in advance of this endeavor. A friend told me to purchase them early, because by the time I realized I needed them, they would be out of stock. So they’ve been in a closet just waiting to be used. And tonight, we will carry some of them downstairs to start sorting through the boxes. We will start packing the “keep” items in the moving bags, and we will start putting the returns in my car for me to transport to the store, UPS, or FedEx…wherever they need to go.

I need to get out my checklist and start checking things off. There are checklists all over the internet. I found a helpful one on the Colleges of Distinction website. You can see it here. Some of the items we definitely won’t need, so we will redline those items, but then we will finish collecting all the other items we need and getting them packed. We also have to remember we must be able to fit it all in the car when we go! Sure, we could ship things ahead to the university post office, but honestly, that just sounds like a bigger pain to me, because I’m sure parking would be difficult, and there will be lines to stand in. No thanks. We will simply have to figure this out with the space we have.

Am I dreading the process? In a word…yes. But I’m not dreading it because we will be leaving our daughter behind. I’m dreading it, because we actually have to get all the stuff there and into the room. Even though we are trying to take a somewhat minimalist approach, we will have lots of “stuff.” Once the stuff is in the room and put away, I’m sure I will dread the actual departure without our girl.

Preparing for launch to college is no joke.