Category / illness

by Kelly Mattei

Was the Balloon Listening?

Was the balloon listening?

If you came here looking for an intelligent op ed piece, you’ve come to the wrong place. Leave now. You will not get any form of intelligence here. In fact, if the balloon that hovered over the US last week listened to phone calls I made, they intercepted a whole different kind of “intelligence.”

Think about that. If “they” were listening to your calls, what would they hear?

Years ago, a friend’s phone was tapped. This was before cellphones were everywhere, and we still used land lines. We were both probably 25-ish. She was married. I was in the dating pool. We talked all the time, and at some point, I realized I would hear strange clicks in the line. Or we would hear a click or two and the call would disconnect. One day, when I called her back after being disconnected, I said, “I think your phone is tapped. This doesn’t happen when I talk to anyone else.” Later, we discovered it was, indeed, tapped. This is when I tell you she had done nothing wrong. I had done nothing wrong. We were just stupid young women talking on a phone line that was tapped for another reason. After we realized it really had been tapped, we wondered aloud to each other, “Can you imagine the frivolous conversations they heard between us?” I still think about it and laugh. They heard me talk about guys I dated. Hopefully, they got a good laugh out of my dating stories, because they could generate some laughs, for sure. They likely heard me talk about going out at night. And they had to listen to endless tales of our work lives. I feel pretty sure the clicks and disconnections were when they hung up to put themselves out of the misery our inane conversations caused them.

However, those calls were undoubtedly more interesting than the phone conversations someone would hear if they listened in on my calls today. What might they hear?

  • On the day I learned about the balloon, they would have heard me call the veterinarian office about our dog’s ear infection. They would have listened to me trying to describe the yuck that I saw and smelled in my dog’s ear. After about 30 seconds of listening to that call, they were likely gagging.
  • Another day, they probably heard me talking with a friend about how we keep telling our college daughters to use the meal plans we have paid for. It’s a struggle. I would have been complaining about the fact that my daughter had a $63 restaurant charge on my credit card for dinner the night before. And that’s on top of the meal I have already paid for in her meal plan! Whoever was listening probably wanted to be my daughter at that point, because it seems she’s living in high cotton (while I’m eating at home every day). However, “they” probably heard me hang up and call my daughter again and remind her I can block her credit card if she keeps pulling that stunt.
  • “They” would have listened to a silly call from my brother, who called to ask me how to say some things in Spanish. If they heard that call, they heard him butcher every Spanish word he tried to repeat. Trust me, it was painful.
  • They could have listened to me on the phone with a friend, singing old TV theme songs. Yes, that really happened. TV show theme songs used to be good…think Gilligan’s Island, The Beverly Hillbillies, Facts of Life, The Brady Bunch, even The Flintstones. Oooh…and because I loved watching shows from before my time: The Patty Duke Show had a great theme song.
  • At some point, I called our daughter at least three or four times to square away the details on an upcoming trip to Miami. I already had my ticket, but she’s flying from a different airport. I was purchasing her ticket, so I needed to make sure I booked flight times that would work for her. Once the tickets were booked, we discussed restaurant reservations. The daughter likely made fun of me at least five times during the call, because that’s what 19-yr-old daughters do, right?
  • After that? A friend called to ask me if I knew where she could get a toenail fungus taken care of. Y’all know a toenail fungus is not easy to cure, right? Sure, you can buy that over-the-counter stuff, and it will improve the appearance, but it won’t cure it. You can take an oral prescription for three months, but it can cause liver damage. Nobody wants liver damage. I will tell you what I told my friend: there are podiatrists that treat it with lasers, and the $1300 treatment works. Don’t ask me how I know. One place to get the treatment is the Carolinas Laser Nail Center; make an appointment here.
  • The friend whose phone was tapped 30 years ago called to tell me about another car mishap. She totaled a car a few weeks ago, and just got a new car. Less than a week after getting a new car, a buck…as in a big deer with antlers…ran into the driver’s side door of her car while she was driving down a city street! She said, “I mean, he ran right into my door! We were eyeball to eyeball!” Ugh. Talk about bad luck…
  • Another morning, they might have heard me describing to my friend, Mary Ann, the scene at our house. One of our dogs had experienced some stomach issues during the night, and all three had somehow, managed to roll in it. They had all slept in a big crate together that night, and we still aren’t sure which one had stomach issues. When “they” heard me say one of our dogs had “exploded” overnight, they were probably really confused! I just don’t think it would translate well. “They” probably lost their appetites after listening to that call.
  • On yet another call, they’d have heard me telling my friend, Kelli, about my husband’s DIY project that became my project. He was assembling a gardening table and asked for my help. Anyone who is married knows DIY projects are recipes for disaster. I knew Kelli would understand the pain I felt as I tried to “assist” my husband with that project.
  • Sadly, “they”would have heard me talking with my daughter, who was sick last week. She called me upset after waking up with fever, and I rushed around getting everything I could think of to help her feel better…calling her repeatedly to ask about different things I thought she might need.
  • On one phone call, I talked with a friend about Charlie’s Angels, the original show from the 1970s, starring Jaclyn Smith, Farrah Fawcett, and Kate Jackson…and later Cheryl Ladd, Shelley Hack, and Tanya Roberts. I actually saw Jaclyn Smith on the sidewalk in New York a few years ago and thought how my little girl self would have gone crazy! As we discussed all the angels, we wondered aloud if Shelley Hack was dead; she’s not. But she did star in some commercials for Charlie perfume back in the day, so of course, we sang the jingle, “There’s a fragrance that’s here today, and they call it…Charlie!” To see one of the commercials on YouTube, click here. That led us to the jingle on the commercials for Enjoli perfume (“I can bring home the bacon…”), which you can see here. It was a real trip down memory lane. And FYI: Tanya Roberts is the angel who is no longer with us; she passed in 2021.
  • The only call that would have been a problem for “them” to hear was the one in which I made a hotel reservation on the phone and gave the hotel reservations rep my credit card number. I guess “they” could have gone on a shopping spree with my credit card. Praying I don’t start seeing charges from China.

Aside from that one call, my calls probably would make them think Americans are idiots. They would likely think we laugh a lot, because I laugh a lot. If nothing else, I hope “they” think I’m funny. And I hope “they” don’t use my credit card. I think it’s safe to say the wouldn’t get any national security secrets from my phone calls, but they would definitely get a snapshot of life in these United States. I hope they were entertained.

by Kelly Mattei

The Best Laid Plans…

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

I have heard that my whole life. It was one of those sayings my parents used when I was upset that things weren’t going the way I had planned. I heard it a lot when I was a teenager, a college student, and well into my twenties. Since my parents were about 30 years older than me, they had perspective I didn’t have. Those movie plans with friends that fell apart when I was 12? My parents knew it seemed like a big deal to me at the time, but they had perspective. Date plans that fell through when I was in high school? Probably for the best, they knew. Study schedule in college that got interrupted? Again, they knew it wasn’t a big deal…I would find a way to circle back and make things happen.

My husband and I returned from visiting our daughter at college yesterday. We drove the seven hours there (including food and gas stops) on Friday and drove the seven hours back yesterday (Sunday). A son of some friends rode with us, because he wanted to visit the university. As we got ready to leave our house Friday to start the journey, I told him he’d be riding shotgun. He looked a little surprised, but I explained that I love riding in the backseat…more room to spread out and less opportunity for me to correct my husband’s driving…thus, avoiding any “tension.” We started our trip at about 8:00 am. I was excited to see our daughter, and I had big dinner plans for both nights with some friends from college who would be visiting at the same time.

When we arrived, our daughter was working on a group project that was due that afternoon, so we had to wait a little while to see her. I knew in advance that our time with her would be limited, because there was a lot going on, and I was OK with that. As long as we got to have a little time with her and some meals with her, I was going to be happy. Once she got the project turned in, she came over and picked up the young man who had ridden down with us, so she could deliver him to the friend he was staying with. We saw her for about five minutes. I then had an afternoon cocktail at a local restaurant with my husband before going out for a lovely dinner with two friends from college, one of whom I had not seen since I graduated 34 years ago! We laughed. We told stories. We drank a little, and laughed some more. And before we turned in for the night, we made plans to get together the next day with another friend, Angela, who would be arriving around lunchtime.

Little did I know my plans were about to go awry.

The next morning, our daughter called me in tears, saying, “I don’t feel well.” I drove over and picked her up, and as soon as she got in the car, I knew she was sick. I felt the back of her neck like I have done her whole life, and yep…she had a fever. I tucked her into bed in the hotel room, and my husband stayed with her while I rushed to the grocery store and pharmacy to get everything I could think of to help her: Tylenol, Advil Cold & Sinus, Gatorade, Chicken Broth, Rice (microwaveable), Premium Saltines , Nyquil, and a COVID test. While I was rushing around, I called my friends and told them I wouldn’t be able to participate in the fun that night, since my baby girl was sick. Of course, they understood. After she got a negative result on the COVID test, we knew it was just a cold with fever, but I felt like she needed me. She was missing some big parties that afternoon, so I knew she was genuinely sick.

A little later, she told me her roommate had the same symptoms back in the dorm, so I rushed back to the grocery store and pharmacy, taking the roommate all the same things I had gotten for our daughter. Then I went back to the hotel and spent the rest of the day watching sports and cheesy movies on TV with my husband and daughter. At one point, later in the evening, our sweet girl looked at me and said, “Mom, I’m so sorry I messed up your plans.” So sweet. I said, “No! Please don’t be sorry! I will see those friends another time! It just gives me a reason to plan something else with them! I’m not happy you’re sick, but I’m getting to take care of you, and that’s what I do. I feel like God wanted us to spend a little more time together.” She got some extra “mama hugs” because she didn’t feel well, and I got extra hugs too. I think we might have both needed them.

Yesterday, she still felt crummy when she woke up, but with a good breakfast and some meds in her, she started to feel a little better. We got her back to her dorm with all the sickness supplies, and I ran to Starbucks to get her and her roommate each a Honey Citrus Mint Tea, what we call a “Medicine Ball” in our house. It always makes us feel better when we have upper respiratory viruses. It’s a blend of steamed lemonade, peach herbal tea, citrus mint tea, hot water, and a touch of honey…the perfect blend to soothe the throat and open up those nasal passages! Read about Starbucks Honey Citrus Mint Tea here.

After dropping off the teas, I gave my daughter a few more hugs before loading up to head back home. Again, I rode in the back seat, so I couldn’t “correct” my husband’s driving. He and our friend’s son picked different music for the trip, and we all laughed and told stories along the way. We also had a “junk food fest” when we stopped at a QT gas station for gas, but that’s a story for later…a story I plan to share soon!

I will make plans to meet my friends another day somewhere, or maybe they’ll come for a visit in Charlotte.

For now, I’m taking care of the husband, who seems to have caught the virus from our daughter. Anyone with a husband knows how that goes; at our house, we call it the “man flu.”

by Kelly Mattei

First College Birthday

First college birthday.

If you’ve ever read me, you know our daughter is a college freshman. She experienced her first college birthday yesterday, when she turned 19. Let’s hope it didn’t set a precedent for college birthdays.

She called me at 7:00 yesterday morning, the morning of her birthday, saying, “I woke up a little while ago and can’t go back to sleep.” She is more of a night owl than an early bird, and 7am is way too early for her to just “be awake.” I knew something was wrong. Because I knew she had been coughing a sniffling a little for a couple of days, I said, “Go get the thermometer out of your cabinet. I feel pretty sure you are running a fever.” Moms know these things. She checked her temperature, and sure enough, I was right…she had a fever of 100.9…a legit fever. I knew she had a COVID test in her supplies too, because I had purchased them along with $700 of other medical supplies before moving her into her dorm, so I said, “Take the test real quick, just to rule it out.” As soon as she had the negative result, I said, “Take some Tylenol and go back to bed.”

Seriously, it’s hard for a college student to be sick in a dorm instead of their own bed at home…especially a freshman, but not gonna lie…it’s hard for the moms too. I wanted to jump in the car or on a plane and get there as quickly as I could. I asked, “You need a mommy hug! Do you want me to come down and get us a hotel room for a few days? I can take care of you!” I explained that since my husband was out of town, it would have to be the next day, because I would need to board the dogs and get things in order, but I could do it. She said, “Absolutely not. I will be fine. I’ll figure it out, Mom.” I guess I did something right as a parent…somewhere, somehow, I taught her to “figure it out.”

She called me a few hours later and said she was feeling better and had gone to her 10:00 class. I knew it was the Tylenol in her system making her feel better, so I explained to her that she was likely to “hit a wall” soon. It was time for the meds to wear off, so I told her what else to take at that point.

It was sad. She had big plans for her birthday. She managed to drag herself to the Big/Little Reveal at her sorority house that evening, but she didn’t feel like going out to celebrate. Fortunately, she has made some great friends since she arrived on campus two months ago, and they went out and brought her a cookie cake to celebrate her birthday. They had all planned to go out to dinner, but that birthday dinner was postponed. And my daughter texted me, declaring her birthday a “do over.”

I’ve had “do over” birthdays, so I get it, and seriously, shouldn’t we all have the right to declare our birthday a do over?!? I think her “do over” has been rescheduled for this coming Saturday night. In reality, that will probably work better for her and all her friends, since it’s a weekend. They won’t have to worry about staying out late, because they don’t have class the next morning.

But last night, she called me after surviving her sick-away-from-home birthday and said, “I’m going to watch a movie and go to bed. What should I take?” I told her to take some NyQuil, and she took it while we were on the phone. Laughing between coughs and sniffles, she said, “I never thought I’d be taking a shot of NyQuil on my birthday.” After taking it, she settled in to watch Sense and Sensibility, a movie I have been trying to get her to watch, because it is one of my favorites of all time. Emma Thompson adapted the screenplay from the Jane Austen novel, and she did a fabulous job…plus, she’s the star. It’s an incredible film. My daughter, I think, is very much like the Marianne character. I want her to watch it to see the similarities and how Marianne changes in the story. I knew she would fall asleep before the first scene was over, because she had taken the NyQuil, but at least she was willing to try to watch it. Maybe I can get her to sit down and watch it tonight without NyQuil. ***You can rent or purchase Sense and Sensibility (the one from 1996) at Amazon Prime here.***

I’m just glad our favorite girl seems to be on the road to recovery. Maybe the illness kept her from getting into some kind of trouble or accident on her birthday? I like to try to find “sliding doors” (a reference to a movie called Sliding Doors, starring Gwyneth Paltrow, and you can also rent this on Amazon Prime here) logic in things, meaning little things that happen to change the timing on things can change the course of life. She’ll celebrate her birthday with friends this weekend, and when I get to town in about ten days, I’ll take her out to dinner with some of her friends…or not, if she’d rather just the two of us hang out.

I think it’s safe to say she will remember her first college birthday…the one that included taking a shot…of NyQuil. She was sick on her fourth birthday too…strep throat…and it made a lasting impression. I took her to a Disney on Ice Show, even though she had strep, because we weren’t going to be around anyone…and she threw up all over herself while we were there. She still talks about it. That one was a “do over” too.

Making memories…somehow those “not so great” birthdays make an impression.

by Kelly Mattei

A Mother’s Work is Never Done…

A mother’s work is never done.

This week started out so great. I took my “sweet escape” with my friend to Miami for dinner at Nobu, and we had the best time! The day after we returned from that fun adventure, I took my daughter on a college visit. We have done a few, and she didn’t really want to do anymore, but I told her we were going, because some people had gone to a lot of trouble to schedule this tour, and we had a great time. We flew home Thursday night, feeling good about everything we had seen. College visits are one of the great things about motherhood. I love them. I’ve been doing unofficial college visits with our daughter every time we were near a university or college over the years, and we have done a few official visits. This was the last official college visit I plan to make as the parent of a prospective student. We are enjoying the college admissions process, but we are happy to have all the official visits under our belts. We came home on a high.

And then, Friday morning, things took a bad turn…

My daughter went to school in her cute little cheerleader uniform, excited about the Friday night football game. She left home at about 7:30am, and at exactly 9:30am, I received a text from her, saying she wasn’t feeling well. She was experiencing nausea. I responded, “Go see the school nurse.” Our daughter had lots of fun plans for the weekend, and I knew she wanted to tough it out, but when she called me a little while later, I knew she needed to come home. She had been to see the nurse and gotten some Tums, but she was feeling worse. I instructed her to go to the nurse and tell her she needed to come home.

She fought the good fight, but she was home at about 11:00am, and she went straight upstairs to her bed. And soon thereafter, the real nausea kicked in. Thank God she made it home before that started happening! It was a loooong day, to say the least. I didn’t know if she had a stomach bug or food poisoning, but either way, it was a long day. It’s hard to be sick, but it might be harder to see your own child sick like that. I did everything I knew to do…encouraged her to sip Gatorade, wiped her face and neck with a damp washcloth, rubbed her feet, prayed with her, stayed with her, encouraged her to try to sleep it off. We finally called the doctor, who prescribed some anti-nausea meds, and after taking them, she fell asleep till the next morning (yesterday). I was so thankful she wasn’t “hugging the porcelain throne” anymore. She was on the road to recovery, but I made her stay in bed most of the day yesterday. Her body had to be exhausted. I was pretty tired too, after staying up most of the night with her, which I was glad to do, because she is my baby, after all. A mother’s work is never done.

All day yesterday, my husband and I watched college football. My team won…barely…but a W is a W. We watched other games and relaxed all day. Our daughter crawled into bed with us last night and watched a game before retiring to her own bed for the night. I slept really well after being up most of the night before.

And then…

This morning, at about 6:30, I heard my husband jump up and run to the bathroom. The stomach bug had struck again. Man…the hits just keep on coming! We have managed to get his nausea under control somewhat, and again, I’ve worked hard keeping his drinks fresh, keeping a damp washcloth handy, rubbing his feet, and encouraging him to try to sleep it off, but now that I know how contagious this particular virus is, I’m not getting anywhere near his face. I’ve been washing my hands so much for the past three days that they’re starting to crack! I ran the dishwasher on extra hot this afternoon, and I’ve washed all the towels and washcloths in hot water. I’ll be moving them to the dryer soon…on high heat. These germs must die!

Our daughter went out for a little while this afternoon, but she wasn’t gone long. She called me and said she was on her way home. When she arrived, I met her at the door with a fresh cup of Gatorade and helped her get upstairs to her room. She is simply exhausted. I went to the nearby 7-11 and got her a Coca-Cola Slurpee. There’s just something about a Slurpee (or an Icee) that makes us feel better; she has believed since she was a little girl that Slurpees/Icees cure all ills. When she was a little girl and not feeling well, she would ask, “Will you go get me an Icee/Slurpee?” I dashed out and got her one every time. A mother’s work is never done.

I’m praying the husband starts to feel better in the next couple of hours. And I’m also praying I don’t catch this bug. Oh, it’s terrible. I’m even eating bland foods, just in case…grits have been the staple of my diet today. There’s very little I hate more than a stomach virus.

I’ll be sleeping in the guest room tonight, in hopes that I can bypass it! Yes, I slept in the bed with my husband last night, but I have a pretty strong fan on my side of the bed, and I hope it was blowing all his germs in the other direction. We shall see!

One thing I know for sure: when our house is rid of this horrible bug, I’ll need another “sweet escape.”

by Kelly Mattei

I’ve Been Out of Circulation

I’ve been out of circulation.

Last week, I woke up one day with a fever and a sore throat. I recognized the feeling…it felt like strep throat. When I was growing up, my mother would say I would catch strep throat “if someone who had it walked within 500 feet of me.” I’m beginning to think that might have been true. The last time I had it, I was in my 30s. I’m 53 now, so it’s been a good run, but I still know what strep throat feels like…and looks like. So when I woke up with a sore throat and fever, I felt sure I had strep throat, but I knew I needed to get a COVID test too.

I went to my local Urgent Care and got a COVID test first. I did not get the rapid test, because I don’t trust it. I know too many people who have gotten false results, and I wanted to know for sure, so I got the PCR test. I knew I would have to wait a little while for the results…and isolate…but that was OK. I also told them I wanted a strep test. The doc did a rapid strep that came back negative, but that wasn’t good enough for me. I literally said, “It looks like strep and feels like strep. I still think it’s strep. I need you to send it off for a culture.” The next day, my PCR results said I did not have COVID. And after waiting three miserable days with 102+ fever and a horribly sore throat, the strep culture results came back positive, and the doc prescribed an antibiotic.

The moral of the story? Don’t trust those rapid tests. I don’t care if you’re a doctor and you argue with me here…I don’t trust those, and this experience was a prime example of why you absolutely must get throat swabs cultured when you think you have strep throat. If you don’t learn anything else from me, learn that. I can’t guarantee I can teach anything else, but I can teach you that.

Soon after I started the antibiotics, I started feeling better. What a relief! When I say I was miserable, it is an understatement. I don’t think I have felt that badly since I had mononucleosis when I was 17. No joke. It was horrible…and I lost six days of my life!

And of course, the next day, my husband said to me, “My throat is sore and I have fever.” He called his doctor’s office and explained the Hell I had just been through with strep, and they immediately ordered an antibiotic for him…sight unseen, because strep is that contagious.

I’m not sharing all this just to complain. I want to share a few things that made us both feel better while we waited for antibiotics to do their job…just in case you find yourself waiting for some antibiotics or suffering from cold or flu:

  • Icees and Slurpees. When our daughter was a little girl (she’s now 17), anytime she was sick, one of us would run get her an Icee at Target or a Slurpee at our local 7-11 store. She thought Icees/Slurpees cured all ills, and truly, we may have been on to something. When I was so miserable last weekend, my husband got me a Slurpee, and it made me feel so much better. The cold on my throat was a Godsend! In fact, while I was drinking it, my daughter walked to the bedroom door (no closer, because she didn’t want to catch it) and said, “That Slurpee will make you feel a lot better.” Therefore, I highly recommend Icees and Slurpees, if you can get them. You have to stay hydrated when you’re sick…why not with a frozen drink?
  • Cool Mist Humidifier. Lots of illnesses make your throat dry or cause you to have nighttime cough. Strep made my throat dry, and that made me have a hacking, dry cough at night. I read online that a cool mist humidifier might help, so I ordered one online at Walgreen’s, and my husband picked it up same day. When he got it home, I set it up and added a little DoTerra Breathe essential oil. What a difference! The humidifier kept my throat from drying out, and the essential oil made my room feel like a spa!
  • Hall’s Cough Drops. I’ve tried them all, and nothing worked as well as Hall’s Cherry Cough Drops. They taste good and soothe your throat.
  • Chloraseptic Spray. Chloraseptic makes lozenges too, but I prefer the spray, because I can target it right to my throat when I need it. If I felt my throat starting to tickle as I was getting ready to fall asleep, I’d spray a few sprays, and that did the trick. We keep it on hand all the time. Always follow directions when using…might not be advisable for children.
  • Cool, damp washcloth. Never underestimate the power of a cool, damp washcloth. My husband has finally learned that from me. When you’re sick, a cool, damp washcloth can help in lots of ways. Since this time, I had fever, I placed a cool, damp washcloth on my neck when I was trying to sleep or anytime I was feeling worse. Something about it is soothing. If you have a stomach bug, it helps then too…wipe your face, cool your skin…whatever.
  • Starbucks Medicine Ball Tea. Wow! This stuff might not work miracles, but it might make you feel like it’s working miracles for a short time, anyway! It’s actually called a Honey Citrus Mint Tea, and it contains all the perfect ingredients. A friend brought me one (thanks, Dawn), and I love it! I had no idea it existed! It’s even good on a cold morning when you’re not sick!
  • Soup. We’ve always been told to have soup when we’re sick. It helps. I don’t know why, but it does. I have a friend who sent over some yummy, homemade, vegetable-beef soup, and it made me feel so much better. (Thanks, Linda.)

I certainly don’t claim to know everything about strep throat and recovery, but I do know what helped me feel better with this most recent bout. Obviously, you want to have plenty of analgesics and pain reducers (Acetaminophen and Ibuprofen) on hand, but all the things listed above brought me some relief. The first thing I recommend? Don’t get sick.

by Kelly Mattei

October 2 Has Meaning for Me

October 2 has meaning for me.

Different days have different meanings. To a lot of people, October 2 means nothing different than any other day. To me, it has meaning.

October 2 is the anniversary of a day my life changed forever…the day my Daddy died in 2006. Pancreatic cancer. I’ve written about it before. Today is the 14th anniversary of his passing. While it’s hard to believe it has been 14 years, it also feels like I haven’t seen his face or heard his laugh in forever.

For years, I could only remember him sick. Pancreatic cancer was a cruel disease for him. Frankly, it was cruel for me and the rest of the family too. I had never felt such emotional pain. I thought I would lose my mind with grief. Yes, the disease was terrible, but through those months from diagnosis to his passing, we managed to have some good times. We laughed…a lot. We cried a lot too. We spent a lot of time together. My husband and I moved our little family down to the Alabama Gulf Coast for months, to be closer to Mother and Daddy. We were lucky we had a condo on the bay near their house. Our daughter was about to turn three. It wasn’t easy to uproot the family. We had good support in Charlotte…great friends we had made over the course of our marriage. They called to check on us, and they mailed little treats to our daughter. I called them and cried regularly. We didn’t have a lot of support in Alabama, but I enrolled our daughter in a church preschool…they very graciously took her when they didn’t have to. And I did everything I could to keep my little family happy while trying to help my mother help my daddy. Daddy was so sweet throughout his illness. It was heartbreaking watching him get sicker and sicker…and that was all I could remember for a long time.

But now, I can remember him not sick. I can remember his laugh. I can remember his stories and his wordplay. I can remember watching Atlanta Braves baseball on WTBS with him. I can remember watching the Chicago Cubs on WGN and listening to Harry Caray with him. We loved the early days of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire…when Regis hosted. He was into all the same “useless knowledge” I’m into. I remember what a jokester he was. I remember how he carried me to the car when I had a stomach bug at 17…just picked me up like I weighed nothing and carried me to the car to take me to the doctor. I can remember how big his hands looked when I was a little girl. When he was dying, I kept looking at his hands…trying to etch them in my memory. I don’t know why that was so important, but for some reason it was. I think his hands represented his strength to me…his physical strength, but also his emotional strength. He was rock solid to us. He carried the burden of supporting our family, and he didn’t have a financial safety net in the form of parents who could help him in a financial emergency. He gave us that safety net, though.

My brother and I laughed just recently talking about how Daddy always made sure we were taken care of. He provided for us…everything we needed and most of what we wanted…throughout life. And here’s the funny thing…he’s still providing for us, in a way. Just recently, almost three years after my mother died, we discovered they had a life insurance policy he had set up many years ago. Today, on the fourteenth anniversary of Daddy’s passing, I deposited the check from that policy into a bank account, and afterward, I sat in the car and thought, “Wow. Fourteen years to the day after he died, and he’s still giving to us.”

Don’t get me wrong. Mother provided lots for us too…in a different way, but today is about remembering Daddy. I used to dread October 2 every year, because it meant heartache to me, but now I smile. I’m certainly not happy he’s gone, but when October 2 rolls around, I spend the day thinking about Daddy. I’ll look at the moon tonight and remember how he used to call me in Charlotte from his home in Alabama and tell me to go outside and look at the moon when it was particularly spectacular.

Just this weekend, when I was in a store with a friend, someone heard me call her “Miss Merry Sunshine” and asked if that was her name. I explained that I just call my friend that because she’s perpetually happy. And even that made me think of Daddy. When he was sick, I would take our toddler daughter over to visit, and he would sing Good Morning, Merry Sunshine any time she walked into the room. She loved it…and frankly, I did too. In one of his final days, I walked into the room with her, and he had a lot of morphine in his system…his speech wasn’t clear. His smile was clear, but his speech was garbled. He was “singing” but it wasn’t clear. I took that almost-three-yr-old little girl outside, and said, “I wonder what Big Ken was trying to say to you?” She looked up at me with a big smile and said, “Good morning, Merry Sunshine!” So yes, I thought of him this past weekend when the woman in the store thought my friend’s name was Merry Sunshine.

Now that little toddler girl is almost 17. In memory of Daddy, before she goes out with her friends tonight, I’ll take her hand and press a crisp $20 bill into it. He used to do that…give me “walking around money,” or WAM, as we started calling it when I was in college.

His passing was difficult. That’s not even a good word for it. It hit me hard. But it also taught me some coping skills…his final lesson to me.

Lots of good memories of Daddy. Thanks, October 2, for making me sit back and think about him. I still miss him, but I have wonderful memories of him.

by Kelly Mattei

Vote Me Off the Island…Please!

Vote me off the island…please!

Last night, I accidentally woke my husband up about 15 minutes after he had fallen asleep. He was fast asleep, and I was scrolling Facebook, waiting for my restless leg syndrome meds to kick in…pun intended. As I passed pictures of different people around the country in various stages of “shelter in place” or “economy is open,” I came across something from the Today.com Facebook page titled Married? Quarantined? These hilarious parents get the struggle. And that got my attention. So I clicked.

Do you remember middle school health class? Remember when the teacher told the whole class they were going to learn about sex, but if you laughed, you were just showing your own immaturity? Remember how just knowing you weren’t supposed to laugh caused a giggle to start welling up inside you, even before anyone said the word “penis”? That’s how I felt while I was reading this piece on Today.com…I felt like that kid in health class who was trying to stifle a laugh, but because she was trying not to laugh, everything was funnier.

Well, I started reading the piece on Today.com, and everything it said was so familiar! Those other people writing the posts could have been me! You can see the whole post by clicking here. But just so you get the idea, one post, from “Lurkin’ Mom,” said, “My husband came home from the store with red delicious apples like he thinks I won’t divorce him just because we’re in the middle of a pandemic.”  Aren’t we all tired of listening to our family members chew?!?! I started to giggle…even though I knew I wasn’t supposed to, because my husband would be angry if I woke him up….and knowing I wasn’t supposed to laugh just made it worse. My silent giggles were causing me to shake, which in turn, was causing the bed to shake. I kept reading, because there was no turning back once I got the giggles, and then I read this post by Maryfairyboberry:

Quarantine Day 2, Hour 689- I’ve become very aware of my husband’s toenails and I’d like to be voted off the island now.

And that was it…I lost it. All those giggles I had been trying to suppress came out in repeated snorts! Yes, I was snort-laughing, because I was trying so hard not to laugh! It wasn’t just one snort…and they were loud snort-laughs! I knew I was in trouble when my husband sat straight up and said, “Are you OK?!?!?!”

That’s when I could just let the laughter go…tears of laughter were rolling down my face as I tried to explain to him while gasping for air, “I’m…fine…I’m…just…laughing…at…this…post!” He was not amused. He wasn’t terribly angry, but he did say, “Why don’t you just go to sleep like a normal person?!?”

Hmmm…because I’m not a normal person?

Here’s the thing…I was laughing so hard at all those posts, because they ring so true! I don’t mean the toenail thing is true. My husband’s toenails are just fine, but when you’re cooped up together for so long, something is going to bother you! I love my husband, but we just aren’t meant to be together 24/7 for weeks/months on end! Is any couple really supposed to be together 24/7 for weeks/months on end?!?! I feel pretty sure that if someone asked my husband right now, “If you were stranded on a deserted island and could pick one person to have with you, who would it be?”…he would not pick me. I’d probably pick Bear Grylls, for his survival skills alone, but he’d make fun of my lack of survival skills…so I’m going with Jason Momoa or The Rock…or maybe Mike Rowe! Yes, Mike Rowe would be my choice. My husband would for sure pick Heidi Klum or Giselle Bundchen. He would not pick me.

Trust me when I say he wants to be voted off this island too! It’s not just me! We enjoy each other’s company, and we have had a lot of fun together during the shelter-in-place order. We’ve spent time in the sun. He has helped me with my gardening. We’ve watched a lot of bad TV. We’ve had cocktails under the stars….and laughed till our stomachs hurt. But it’s time to leave Isolation Island, and if one of us doesn’t leave soon, well, don’t blame us for what happens.

Lucky for him (and me), he is going to the beach this weekend. I guess here is where I need to put another disclaimer: I love my husband. I do not want him to be gone permanently, but his going to the beach for the weekend will be good for both of us! When he comes home, I will welcome him with open arms. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

But back to that Today.com piece…do you want to know which post resonated the most with me? My friend, Mary Ann, called me after I reposted the whole piece from Today.com. She said, “I know exactly which post made you laugh the hardest.” And she was right. If you read my piece back on February 26 titled Karma Bit Me (you can see it here), then you’ll understand. In the Today.com piece, jackwax04 posted this exchange:

(my husband has the man flu. After 3 days):

M: will you please just take the medicine?

H: “pouts” fine, what flavor is it?

M: what flav…it’s ADULT FLAVORED!

 

Holy moly…welcome to my world! And yes, please vote me off the island now!

by Kelly Mattei

The Bloom is Off the Rose

The bloom is off the rose.

I will admit it. At first, since no one in my family was sick with the coronavirus, it was fun hanging out at home with my family. We were fortunate to have a warm March (and April), so we were able to use the pool and spend time in the sun together. We slept in a little every day and watched some movies and series on Netflix and Amazon. It was like we were on a staycation…for about a week.

And then we became accustomed to living the lives of shut-ins. That’s something I never thought I would say. I never thought I would become accustomed to being stuck at home all the time, but I did. I’ve done everything around my house I can do except the difficult stuff I need to do. I need to be going through boxes in the attic and getting rid of stuff. I need to be cleaning closets and other spaces, but instead, I’ve been gardening…in my dining room. OK, so I’m just keeping my seeding pots in the dining room till they’re big enough to transfer to the ground outside, but it’s a little weird to see hundreds of plants in the dining room floor. I’ve been exercising every day, and I’ve been knitting some too. I rarely knit in April, because we’re pushing toward summer, but I’m knitting in April this year. I’ve been enjoying time with my family…lots of it.

But here we are…weeks into the “stay-at-home” order…and I’m getting tired of it. What seemed like fun in the beginning is growing stale now. Yes, the bloom is off the rose, so to speak. I’m tired of getting nervous before I check the stock market every day. I want to meet friends for lunch. I want to go into non-essential businesses! I want businesses to get back to work and start making money again.

Basically, I want life to be normal again.

I know normal will look different than it has before, and that’s OK. I remember when we had to get used to a different normal after 9/11. I can get used to a different normal, but I just don’t want this isolation to be that normal. I want to stop worrying about the stupid coronavirus. I want people to get well. I want to see friends. I want to visit family. I want our economy to recover and thrive. I want to go on vacation! Yes! I remember vacations! And by golly, I want to take, at least, some of the vacations I had planned before this insanity started. In fact, I’m still holding out hope against hope that I can take some of the trips I have planned for this summer. Oh, please! Oh, please! I love Charlotte, North Carolina, but I want out of this place! Is that too much to ask?

Speaking of the bloom being off the rose…I have worn makeup one time in the weeks since this whole isolation started. I had a Zoom meeting a couple of weeks ago, and since people were going to see me, I decided I needed to actually put on makeup. Maybe I should practice over the next week or so, just so I can remember how to do it when we can actually go places again! And let’s not even talk about hair! I’m sure my husband thinks I look like a dragon lady, because it’s long and untamed right now, and I don’t even care! I have a friend who says she will head straight to the thrift store when stores are open. She wants to buy long a-line skirts and other conservative clothing to go with the new sister wife look she has adopted during the pandemic. She is joking, of course…I hope.

I want to start moving around again. I want us to be allowed to figure out what normal is going to look like after all this insanity has passed. I haven’t started a letter-writing campaign or participated in any protests against the government, but I sure will be glad when we can start moving around again. I live in a great city, but I’m tired of being here for now. We have a lovely home, but I’m tired of looking at it day in and day out.

The bloom is officially off the rose.

by Kelly Mattei

Snail Mail Therapy

Snail mail therapy.

I just dropped three letters in the mail. Yep…three handwritten letters. I know, I know…when was the last time you just sat down and wrote letters/notes and stuck them in the real mail?

Two days ago, my daughter received a  sweet, handwritten note from one of her school teachers. The bright pink envelope was a welcome sight in the middle of all the regular junk mail, and I immediately took it upstairs to her. The envelope had a return address that I recognized, her school, but no name, so I waited while she opened it. When she opened it, she looked and realized it was from her English teacher, and she smiled as she read the sweet note aloud to me. It truly brightened her day…and mine!

And that gave me an idea! I can write a few snail mail notes of my own and stick them in the mail!

So today, I sat down at my computer and printed off a few photos from old times. I picked three friends in different cities to write to, and I sat down and wrote notes to them. I wrote about the photos from happier times. One photo I mailed was of my daughter and a friend’s daughter playing in our front yard years ago. I know my friend will smile when she sees it. I also included a few funny things that have happened at our house during the pandemic isolation, and I reminded my friend that brighter days are ahead. We are going to get through this, and life will be better again. I think we all need to hear that right now, don’t we?

I would love to see the faces of my friends when they open their little letters, but here’s an added benefit: it made me feel better! I could hardly wait to get the letters into the mailbox! It lifted my spirits to know I might be sharing some joy with my friends.

Now, I can hardly wait to sit down every single day of the pandemic isolation and write a note or two to stick in the mail. My husband keeps us well-supplied in stamps, but I’m thinking I might need to order more through USPS.com. I’m also going to order some more note cards/stationery, since they offer it on the site. Order by clicking here.

Seriously, it takes very little time or effort to sit down and write a quick note to someone, and it might brighten their day when they receive it…if even for a moment. But I would love for it to have a bigger effect! Maybe my friends will “pay it forward” and send a note or two to some friends near and far! And it’s totally therapeutic for me! First, I get all the fun of going through photos, and then, I get a chuckle out of some of the memories.

I hope it will help me have a little bit of happiness every single day of this pandemic. Snail mail…who knew?!?

 

by Kelly Mattei

Keeping a Coronavirus “Wartime” Journal

Keeping a coronavirus “wartime” journal.

I do think of this pandemic as wartime. We are waging a war against an unseen enemy…COVID-19. When our country has been at war in the past, we could see our enemies, but now…the enemy is all around; we just don’t know where.

We are prisoners in our own homes. Our children are missing out on real school…learning online, but missing their friends, their sports, and their social lives. Those who are supposed to graduate from high school are missing out on more…”lasts,” proms, and graduations, even.

During the “greatest generation,” people wrote letters…snail mail, real letters with pen and paper. For lots of people, that is their historical record of what happened during those days. People don’t write a lot of snail mail these days, so it’s not likely we’ll have that type of historical record of this “war.” And then there was Anne Frank, who wrote in her diary about her days in hiding with her family during the war…an historical record, for sure.

I was talking with my teenage daughter today and told her she needed to start keeping a daily journal of her thoughts, her feelings, and her activities during this pandemic. She likely thought it was a weird mom idea, but she agreed, nonetheless. At first, I was searching through the house for an unused composition notebook or spiral notebook for her to used as a journal, but after having no luck, I realized she doesn’t need a notebook. All she needs is her computer. She’ll be more likely to keep a journal on her computer. And her private thoughts are probably safer there anyway. I’m planning to keep my own journal on my computer too, simply because I know I’d be likely to misplace a journal, but I’m not going to misplace my computer. We can print our pages daily and bind them later.

Journaling, in my opinion, is a good idea anyway…in “normal” life. It’s relaxing, and I have found, in my past, that it was therapeutic. Sometimes, if I write down my feelings, I can get some clarity. Maybe I realize what I’m feeling is ridiculous, or maybe I realize my feelings are justified, but either way, it is helpful. As for journaling during this pandemic, I suggested to my daughter that we write something every day. It doesn’t even have to be meaningful…just something. But I reminded her we need to count our blessings. Sure, we can complain and write the facts about the pandemic…how many are infected, how many have died, all the restrictions to daily life, the shortages…but we need to write about the things we enjoy too and how we feel every day.

Take, for example, how fortunate we are that today is a beautiful day…75 degrees and sunny…in Charlotte. We are fortunate to have a backyard pool, where we can lounge and soak up the sun…something that is very good for improving mood, by the way. Roses are beginning to bloom on the back patio, and trees are growing thicker with bright green leaves every day. We are fortunate to have plenty of food in the pantry. And yes, plenty of toilet paper and Clorox wipes. And as far as we know, we do not have the dreaded coronavirus. Digging deeper into our situation, I might write that I’m beginning to feel really uneasy about the way the world is now. Will our economy ever rebound? Will we forget who we are while we’re all hunkered down in fear of the invisible virus? Will we be fearful of each other after this? Will we be afraid to travel?

Hopefully, my daughter will join me in journaling these crazy days in world history. I told her it’s likely her children won’t believe what we have been doing and will likely continue to do for the next few weeks, possibly months. Hopefully not months, though…seriously…hopefully not months. Her kids likely won’t believe people were hoarding toilet paper, paper towels, and groceries. They will likely be perplexed when she tells them airlines had to cut way back on flights, and people were wearing all kinds of crazy getups to “essential” stores. Hopefully, she will laugh when she tells them we made regular trips to the Krispy Kreme drive-thru, since thankfully, doughnuts are considered “essential.” Oh, I hope my daughter remembers to write all the funny stuff.

And after we write our own little historical records, I will say a prayer of thanks and forgiveness, and I will ask Him to keep us safe and end this pandemic as soon as possible.