Tag / adulting

by Kelly Mattei

Imposter Adult

Imposter adult.

When my college-age daughter was home for the holidays, at some point, she asked me if I feel old. I laughed. I’m 56, which I don’t really consider “old,” but I know anyone over 30 seems old to her. I told her the truth: No, I do not feel old. Sometimes I feel just like I did at her age. Other times, I want to be in my pajamas at 6pm. But overall, I don’t even really feel like an adult. A friend recently posted on Facebook, “People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.” I get you, girl.

I feel like an imposter as an adult.

I know other people have experienced “imposter syndrome,” because there’s a name for it. I think lots of people feel like imposters at work. I never really felt like an imposter when I worked outside the home, and I don’t really feel like an imposter as a mom. I simply feel like as an imposter as an adult.

When I told my daughter this, she gave me one of those sideways looks. She probably said, “Bruh,” even though I’m her mom and not her “bruh.” (It seems to be the word of the moment. I’m still using “dude,” but I guess I need to try to switch to “bruh.”) I went on to explain to her what I meant: I still have a young attitude, for the most part. I still like to try to jump and touch things that appear unreachable. That beam across a ceiling in a parking garage? I want to try to jump and touch it. I’m just a couple inches over five feet, so it’s usually a stretch, but at 56, I still like to try! I love rollercoasters. I hate going to the grocery store. I like to do cannonballs into the pool. I like to go to college bars. I like to stay up late, even though I, generally speaking, don’t want to stay out late. I want to go to speakeasies. I like to go to concerts. I still understand why teenagers and college students enjoy the things they do. I don’t necessarily have to join in on a game of beer pong (even though I have before), but I understand why they enjoy it. Most of all, I love good energy, and I love to laugh. There’s not a lot of fun in adulting. Bills? Responsibilities? I take care of business, but I prefer not to think about those responsibilities all the time.

Do I know I’m not 21 anymore? Yes. Do I sometimes feel like I’m 21? You bet! Would I go back to being 21 again? Maybe. I wouldn’t go back any younger than that, but I would probably be willing to go back to 21. It would be a lot more fun if I could go back to 21 with the “wisdom” I have at 56. I could avoid some of the mistakes I made along the way. Or would I? Those mistakes are part of who I am. They taught me valuable lessons.

Even with all that “wisdom” and those “valuable lessons,” I still feel like a little girl playing grownup most of the time. My parents simply seemed so much more grown up than I do…in my mind, anyway. Perhaps they felt like they were imposters as adults too? I never asked, and they’re no longer with us.

Shout out to all my fellow imposters!

by Kelly Mattei

Imposter Adult

Imposter adult.

When my college-age daughter was home for the holidays, at some point, she asked me if I feel old. I laughed. I’m 56, which I don’t really consider “old,” but I know anyone over 30 seems old to her. I told her the truth: No, I do not feel old. Sometimes I feel just like I did at her age. Other times, I want to be in my pajamas at 6pm. But overall, I don’t even really feel like an adult. A friend recently posted on Facebook, “People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.” I get you, girl.

I feel like an imposter as an adult.

I know other people have experienced “imposter syndrome,” because there’s a name for it. I think lots of people feel like imposters at work. I never really felt like an imposter when I worked outside the home, and I don’t really feel like an imposter as a mom. I simply feel like as an imposter as an adult.

When I told my daughter this, she gave me one of those sideways looks. She probably said, “Bruh,” even though I’m her mom and not her “bruh.” (It seems to be the word of the moment. I’m still using “dude,” but I guess I need to try to switch to “bruh.”) I went on to explain to her what I meant: I still have a young attitude, for the most part. I still like to try to jump and touch things that appear unreachable. That beam across a ceiling in a parking garage? I want to try to jump and touch it. I’m just a couple inches over five feet, so it’s usually a stretch, but at 56, I still like to try! I love rollercoasters. I hate going to the grocery store. I like to do cannonballs into the pool. I like to go to college bars. I like to stay up late, even though I, generally speaking, don’t want to stay out late. I want to go to speakeasies. I like to go to concerts. I still understand why teenagers and college students enjoy the things they do. I don’t necessarily have to join in on a game of beer pong (even though I have before), but I understand why they enjoy it. Most of all, I love good energy, and I love to laugh. There’s not a lot of fun in adulting. Bills? Responsibilities? I take care of business, but I prefer not to think those responsibilities all the time.

Do I know I’m not 21 anymore? Yes. Do I sometimes feel like I’m 21? You bet! Would I go back to being 21 again? Maybe. I wouldn’t go back any younger than that, but I would probably be willing to go back to 21. It would be a lot more fun if I could go back to 21 with the “wisdom” I have at 56. I could avoid some of the mistakes I made along the way. Or would I? Those mistakes are part of who I am. They taught me valuable lessons.

Even with all that “wisdom” and those “valuable lessons,” I still feel like a little girl playing grownup most of the time. My parents simply seemed so much more grown up than I do…in my mind, anyway. Perhaps they felt like they were imposters as adults too? I never asked, and they’re no longer with us.

Shout out to all my fellow imposters!

by Kelly Mattei

Weekly Link Recap, Week Ending 4/15/23

Weekly link recap, week ending 4/15/23.

COLLEGE FACEBOOK PARENT PAGES REVISITED: ADVICE FOR FRESHMAN MOMS

  • Adulting Made Easy: Things Someone Should Have Told You About Getting Your Grown-up Act Together by Amanda Morin. Purchase here.
  • Adulting for Beginners – Life Skills for Adult Children, Teens, High School and College Students / The Grown-Up’s Survival Gift by Matilda Walsh. Purchase here.
  • The Manual to Manhood: How to Cook the Perfect Steak, Change a Tire, Impress a Girl & 97 Other Skills You Need to Survive by Jonathan Catherman. Purchase here.
  • Emily Post’s Etiquette, 19th Edition: Manners for Today. by Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning. This is a hardcover book that I think every young lady should have. Having it in hardcover form allows them to keep it forever and reference it often. My mother gave me one when I went to college, and I still use it for reference. Also makes a great graduation gift. Purchase here.
  • SureGuard Mattress Encasement. Click here.
  • Viscosoft Mattress Topper. Click here

COLLEGE GEAR FOR FRESHMEN FAMILIES

  • Amazon Fan Shop for college gear. Purchase here.

MORE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION GIFTS

  • Longchamp bags. Click here.
  • Shower Steamers Aromatherapy. Click here. ***This one has become a personal favorite!***
  • Clear Accessories Bags. Click here.
  • Personal Blender. Click here.
  • Dyson Airwrap System. Click here.
  • Blissy Silk Pillowcase. Click here.
  • Dry Divas Showercap. Click here.
  • Compact Binoculars. Click here.
  • Monocular. Click here.
  • Rumpl Nanoloft Puffy Blanket. Click here.
  • Rumpl Amazon Store. Click here.
  • LapGear Home Office Lap Desk. Click here.
  • LapGear other lap desks. Click here.
  • Illuminated LED Message Board. Click here.
  • Amazon Basics Safe. Click here.
  • Electric Scooter. Click here for various offerings. Click here for Amazon’s recommendation.
  • DynoTag Smart Recovery Luggage Tag. Click here.

FAMILY LADIES WEEKEND

  • Mayhaw Jelly. Click here.
  • Proud Source Water. Click here.

Happy Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

The College Facebook Parent Pages Revisited: Advice for Freshman Moms

The college parent Facebook pages revisited: advice for freshman moms.

Oh yes, the college parent pages….sometimes it’s the best entertainment of the day. Sometimes, I simply cannot believe what I read from other parents. And yet, rarely, I do get some valuable insight and/or information. Today, a mother of an incoming freshman had a good question:

If you could give any advice/suggestion to a parent of an incoming freshman, what would it be?

Oh, I could think of several things, but I haven’t typed a response to her on the page yet, because I really don’t want to offend anyone on there. I will tell you the things that came to my mind, and then I will tell you the answers from other parents. Personally, I think it’s a good time for this advice, as the parents and students are just starting the high school to college transition process.

My advice/suggestion to the parent of an incoming freshman:

  • Don’t put anything on the Facebook parent page that could, in any way, embarrass your child. Stop and think before you post. You don’t need to help Little Johnny find a girlfriend. In fact, Little Johnny likely doesn’t want the whole world to know that you still call him Little Johnny.
  • Let your child figure it out! This one is important! College is a great transitional time in life. If the parents are supportive, it can be a smooth transition from childhood to young adulthood. However, if you always help Little Mary make her schedule or find a roommate, she will never learn these skills for herself. Do you want Little Mary to be dependent on you her whole life? I started college in 1985, but I remember it very well. I also remember that, other than writing the checks, my parents didn’t help me with it. They didn’t help me make my schedule. They didn’t help me find friends or roommates. In fact, I’ve said before that I’m not even sure they knew what I was majoring in at the time. And that was OK, because 1980s parents were way cooler and more laid back than 2020s parents. Be like 1980s parents…let the students figure it out!
  • Be happy if, when you visit for a football weekend or other busy time, your child doesn’t have tons of time to spend with you. Be happy he/she has friends and activities that are important to her. Don’t get offended and do the “we traveled all this way” speech.
  • Sometimes, when our students think they won’t have any fun at an activity or on a weekend, they have the best time ever. My daughter once called me and said everyone was leaving the university for the weekend, so she might like to come home. I said, “That’s fine, but it’s not that long before your planned trip home. Try to find something to do, and call me back.” She thought it would be the most boring weekend ever. However, a friend from another school called and wanted to visit her, so she stayed for the weekend, and it was later declared “one of the best weekends ever.”
  • If your rising freshman student will be attending a university with big football, I, personally, would advise against taking the hardest classes they can take the fall semester (football season). I told my daughter, who attends an SEC big football school, “Take the easiest classes you can take that first semester. You will be adjusting to college life. You will be pledging a sorority. You will be going to football games and everything that goes with that. You want to adjust and enjoy it too, so take a light load.” Fortunately, she listened. And I know some parents might disagree with me on this, but I’m not giving their advice/suggestions. I’m giving mine.
  • And for the parents: if you’re going to be an empty nester when this child leaves, enjoy your time! Wow! People have asked me if I was sad when our daughter (an only child) went off to college. The answer is a resounding NO. I was (and still am) absolutely thrilled that she gets to experience life at a big university, complete with all the fun and distractions. I’m also glad I’m able to get out and enjoy the things I like to do without having to chaperone anymore. If you need more information about how to enjoy being an empty nester, there are lots of great books on Amazon. Click here.

I’m sure you’re wondering what other parents’ advice/suggestions were, so I’m going to share a few of those too (I did not write these myself):

  • Don’t worry when they cry and say they have no friends, or a friend hurts their feelings. Second semester everything changes and suddenly everything is in bloom!
  • Stagger visits. My husband and I plus other family and friends visited separately so our DD had lots to look forward to throughout her time there.
  • Get a tutor scheduled for any ‘hard’ classes BEFORE classes begin. Once you realize you need a tutor, it is too late!
  • The first year away from home will be the most difficult. Be mentally prepared for the inevitable feelings of homesickness. This bit of advice helped my DD more than I can tell you.
  • Prepare for them to be sick first semester. It’s just going to happen when you bring kids together from all over the country, living in close quarters and not eating or sleeping their best. Have a first aid box with over the counter remedies and have a list of phone numbers and addresses for local urgent cares in area with a plan on how to get there if needed. The student health center is great, but not always open for hours needed or can get backed up with appointments. ***I would add: please make sure they are up to date on all vaccines, including the Meningitis B vaccine before they go, even if it is not required by the college/university. Meningitis is contagious, and living in a group setting makes you more susceptible. By the time doctors diagnose it, it’s often too late.***
  • Know they are smarter, more resilient, and able to think for themselves more than we ever realized. I know all kids are different, but let them make a few “mistakes” along the way…such as over sleeping and figuring out how what dining halls serve what! If they get sick, let them know you are there for them, but they need to find a way to get to the health clinic! We have spent the last 18 or so years thinking and doing so many things for them. I know it’s hard to let go. But, they have to learn to adult and sometimes that includes choosing to do things in ways we wouldn’t. You will be pleasantly surprised at how awesome your kids are at Adulting if given the full chance! And trust me…having 2 daughters (1 has graduated and 1 is in her 2nd year) I have never not helped when they called asking, but I always encouraged them to first talk about ways to fix their issues before just swooping in to do it for them. They usually have the solution and didn’t even know it! Enjoy these last few months with your senior.
  • Send a meds box: Advil, flu meds, allergy stuff, thermometer, tummy meds . bandages etc.

There were more, but alas, there’s only so much room in this post. If you’re concerned that your rising freshman doesn’t have “adulting” knowledge, maybe help him/her with some books that contain useful information. Here are a few (and these could make great graduation gifts too):

  • Adulting Made Easy: Things Someone Should Have Told You About Getting Your Grown-up Act Together by Amanda Morin. Purchase here.
  • Adulting for Beginners – Life Skills for Adult Children, Teens, High School and College Students / The Grown-Up’s Survival Gift by Matilda Walsh. Purchase here.
  • The Manual to Manhood: How to Cook the Perfect Steak, Change a Tire, Impress a Girl & 97 Other Skills You Need to Survive by Jonathan Catherman. Purchase here.
  • Emily Post’s Etiquette, 19th Edition: Manners for Today. by Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning. This is a hardcover book that I think every young lady should have. Having it in hardcover form allows them to keep it forever and reference it often. My mother gave me one when I went to college, and I still use it for reference. Also makes a great graduation gift. Purchase here.
by Kelly Mattei

My Nephews Are 21 Today

My nephews are 21 today. Obviously, they are twins, but they are two very different people…more on that later. I simply cannot believe they are 21 today. Come on…21 is an age that is easy for me to remember, even though it was 30 years ago. So it’s very difficult for me to believe these two young gentlemen are full-fledged adults…full-fledged adults.

How did we get here so fast?

I remember when they were born. I remember when they were afraid of Santa…and Cookie Monster. Their mother and I took them to see Cookie Monster when they were about three, and they were so excited on the way to Uptown Charlotte. They were even excited when we got there. But when it was their turn to sit on Cookie Monster’s lap…wow. Just wow. They freaked out. I have a photo somewhere, but I wouldn’t embarrass them by sharing it. You just have to trust me when I say it’s hilarious.

I remember how my brother would call me and tell me about their accomplishments…in fact, he still calls and tells me about their accomplishments. He calls me to tell me about nice things they have done for other people. They’re good boys.

My parents were crazy about them, but my daddy was insane over them. When we were growing up, he traveled with work, and he worked hard, so he wasn’t around as much as he might have liked. But he retired when the boys were little, so he was able to enjoy them. He loved playing ball with them. He loved having Easter egg hunts with them. He loved placing orders with them when they played waiter. He loved how they loved to run to the trunk of his car, because they knew he would have surprises for them. Of course, Mother helped him get the surprises, but he got full credit, and Mother was OK with that. She enjoyed watching him enjoy them. And Daddy always loved leaving them with WAM (walking around money) after visiting with them.

They were crazy over Daddy too. They were heartbroken when he died in 2006. He was larger than life to them, and they knew he loved them dearly. He would be proud of the young men they have become.

One has mad artistic skills. He was blessed with great athletic skill, but that was not what he wanted to do. Now that he is in college, he is pursuing art, and we couldn’t be more proud of him. He is smart. He is handsome. Sure, I wish he would get a haircut, so everybody can see how handsome he is, but I accept the hair (even though, the last time I saw him, I jokingly threatened to cut it in his sleep). And here’s why: he is one of the most genuinely kind people I know. He and a friend were in Charlotte a few months ago, and they were looking to rent some scooters in Uptown. They finally found some, but before they could get to them, a homeless gentleman struck up a conversation with my nephew. Instead of rushing off to the available scooters, he stood and talked with him…and missed out on the scooters. He also “adopted” my mothers’s dog, who loves him dearly. That’s who he is.

As much as that nephew has mad artistic skills, his brother has mad speaking skills and mad writing skills. This nephew has cerebral palsy, but he doesn’t let it stop him from doing what he loves. He’s also handsome and kind. As a little boy, he loved baseball, but he realized his love for baseball would not manifest itself in playing the sport. He knows more about baseball than anyone else I know. I was at a Pittsburgh Pirates/Chicago Cubs game, and I started texting him about the game. He knew about each player, warning me the third baseman for one team would likely make an error soon. And he was right! He took that love for baseball to the press box and earns money announcing baseball and softball games. He writes sports pieces for a local online publication and works in publications for the city. 

I love them them both, and I love the men they are becoming. They survived childhood, the teenage years, and some hiccups along the way, but they’re going to be OK. They’re going to be great. My mother died last December, but she was so proud of them, and she’d be even more proud now. And Daddy…well, he would be bursting with pride.

And he would still be giving them WAM every time he saw them.

Happy Birthday to my nephews…you’re full-fledged adults.

by Kelly Mattei

My Favorite Things About Adulthood

Remember when you were a teenager? I vividly remember being a teenager and all the stuff that went with it. I remember thinking adults had it made. I thought all adults had freedom to go wherever they wanted for lunch. I thought they had it made, because they could choose how late they wanted to stay out. I thought adulthood must be the best thing ever.

What I didn’t consider at the time was that adults have real responsibilities. We have to provide for our families. We have to pay bills. We have to worry about our children when they are with us and when they aren’t with us. We lose sleep when our children are sick. We feel every bit of pain our kids feel…and on and on.

But there are some great things about being an adult, and here are some of my favorites:

  • We can eat lunch wherever we want, some of the time. Of course, if you’re working in an office, it has to be somewhere near your office, so you can get back quickly, but still…choices. Sometimes, I’m so busy with meetings or errands that I eat lunch in a hurry…like a protein bar…but I guess that’s still getting to choose where I eat. I remember when I had to eat in the school cafeteria. We thought it was the worst thing ever. I actually try to remember that sometimes when I’m enjoying a lunch at Ilios Noche or Cafe Monte. I try to “relish the moment.” My 14-yr-old self would be so jealous.
  • We can stay out as late as we want, as long as we don’t have to be back in time to get a babysitter home safely, or as long as we don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn the next morning to get our kids to a soccer game. Sure, we can stay out as late as we want, but usually, we don’t want to stay out later than 10pm. I remember when my nights (in college) didn’t even start till 11pm. We are officially adults. We can even drink whatever we want, as long as we aren’t driving, and again, as long as we don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn the next morning.
  • We get to decide what’s for dinner. The catch? We have to prepare it…or pay for it. Either way, it’s our responsibility. But yeah, we get to decide. If I want to cook chili for dinner, then I get to make that decision. I might be the only one who eats it, but I decide it. My daughter might make herself a grilled cheese instead (but maybe I get her to make one for me too since it would go great with chili).
  • We get to pick vacation destinations. Yep…almost every time, but most of the time, we discuss it as a family. There are times we’ve done exactly what my daughter wanted to do for vacation, because I will admit, it’s fun to see her face light up about being at a special event.
  • We have the freedom, and we feel the freedom to be who we are, be who we want to be, and be with whom we want to be. We feel the freedom to say “no” if we don’t want to do something, but we also know sometimes we have to do some things we don’t want to do. We have wisdom…wisdom we use to help others and help ourselves. That comes with age and experience.
  • For me, the greatest thing about being an adult is that I get to be a mother. There’s no catch here. I really love being a mother. Yes, I only have one child, but she has the energy of three. And I love almost every minute of it. I love talking with her. I love laughing with her. I love traveling with her, and I even love helping her with her problems. I love watching her play sports, and I love seeing her learn new things. I just love being with her while she’s growing up.

I just love life, in general. Sure, there are bad things that happen and bad things about life (those bills I mentioned earlier), but adulting is not all bad.

Frankly, I’m just glad I am an adult. We should be thankful for every day we wake up. Every day is a gift.

Relish the moments!