Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mother…

All of my adult life, I called my mother “Mother,” except when I was upset. As a little girl, I called her “Mama,” but if I called her that as an adult, it had special meaning. If I called her and started the conversation with “Mama,” I’m sure she knew there was some emotion attached to it. Calling her “Mama” meant lots of different things. It might have meant my daughter wasn’t feeling well. It could mean I was sick, or my husband was sick. It could mean I was upset about something or worried about something. But it could also mean I was excited about something…as in, “Mama, you’re not going to believe this!”

Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of my mother’s passing. Six years without my Mama. I miss her every day, but I especially miss her when emotions run high. Often, I wish I could call her so she could be excited with me, help me with something, or calm me down in a volatile situation. I wish I could ask her for advice when I need it. She was a natural nurturer. She gave good advice, but most of the time, she got me to use my own judgment by nudging me in the right direction. She was a firm believer that it was always a good idea to do the right thing. She also believed we needed to do what was right for ourselves. Many times, when I was younger, she would ask, “Are you doing that because it’s the right thing for you, or because you’re being pressured into it?” She was the voice of reason.

While she has been gone for six years, I still hear her voice in my head on a regular basis. She is still with me. Could I still use her here to talk me down when I’m upset? Yes, definitely. But how many times do I say to friends and family, “Mother would have loved this.” Or maybe, “My mother would have said….” She is still with me, without a doubt. I miss so much about her. I miss the way she listened to me and everyone else she knew. I miss her sense of humor…and it was really good. I miss her strength…her calm. I miss her perspective…how she knew most things we worry about don’t really matter…life, faith, health, death…those were the things that mattered. A bad grade on a test in college? She didn’t care…learn from the experience. She believed life was one big series of lessons, and she was correct.

Last night, I had a social event to attend. Mother would have loved it…a fun party. She loved spending time with young people and she especially loved seeing young people having fun. She loved having energy around her. There were lots of young people having a lot of fun at this particular event. I got home late, and my husband and I did the “post game wrap up” of the event while I enjoyed Bailey’s on the rocks in honor of Mother. That woman loved coffee her whole adult life, and she especially loved Bailey’s in her coffee. While it was too late for me to have Bailey’s and coffee, it wasn’t too late for a little Bailey’s on the rocks. In fact, I was a little hoarse from talking so much at the party, but the Bailey’s was soothing…a good way to wind down before bed…just like talking to Mother used to be.

In a couple of weeks, I’m traveling to Mexico City with a friend for a few days. It was one of Mother’s favorite places. She traveled there with me right before I got married. I had been a couple of times before, and I could hardly wait to share it with her. She loved everything about it…the food, the people, the culture, the architecture, the cathedral at the Zocalo…but afterward, she especially loved the memories we had made. We laughed and laughed, after the fact, about my forcing her to walk up the hill to Chapultepec Castle in the first few hours we were there. The elevation is real. Mexico City is about 7,400 feet above sea level, but I didn’t think about that when I said, “Let’s walk up the hill!” After walking uphill for a while, she told me I was crazy and hopped on the tram. We laughed and laughed. I can hardly wait to share the city with my friend, and while we are there, I will remember my mother too. I’m sure I will share stories about Mother with my friend.

Six years have passed in the blink of an eye. She didn’t see my nephew graduate from college and start his path as an adult, using his artistic talents as a tattoo artist…exactly what he wants to do. She didn’t know his twin brother works for the city and still does the announcing at sporting events…exactly what he wants to do. She didn’t see our daughter graduate from high school, and didn’t get to see her as a college student. Sometimes, it seems like forever since I have seen her, and sometimes, it seems like yesterday. Life is funny that way.

I miss you, Mama.