Tag / son

by Kelly Mattei

Great Gift: Lamp/Charger/Speaker All-in-One

EZVALO Bedside Dimmable Lamp with Wireless Charger and Bluetooth Speaker. Y’all this is a great gift for anyone on your list. I have been using one of these for months. I got one for my college-age daughter last Christmas, and I liked it so much that I got one for me too! It’s a great addition to the nightstand, because it provides just enough light when I need a little light to get to the bathroom (I’m 58, after all) in the middle of the night. It has the wireless charger for my phone, and there have been nights I have drifted off to sleep while listening to a soothing audiobook through the speaker. I love it. This is a rare HIGHLY RECOMMEND item for lots of people on your list: moms, college students, high school students, Grandma…virtually anyone. Purchase it for anyone on your list who has a smartphone. It’s offered in Wood Grain or White for under $35 on a Cyber Monday Deal with Amazon. Get it here.

*As an Amazon associate, I receive commission on items purchased through my links.*

by Kelly Mattei

You Have A High School Graduate

You have a high school graduate.

I just saw a video of Jennifer Garner on Instagram. She was crying, because her daughter just graduated from high school. In one clip, she asks, “How are we gonna make it?!” Of course, lots of people responded, but my favorite comment was, “Why aren’t people making us casseroles?” I laughed until I cried thinking of a mom being so distraught over her child leaving that she needed comfort food, and while I loved that comment, because I also love any opportunity to make or receive a casserole, I know a secret.

My secret? Having your child graduate and move off to college (or the military or trade school or ATC school or the police academy or whatever) is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s the opposite! If you have more than one child, you’re likely to feel like your life continues on about the same trajectory until all your babies have left the nest. I have one child, so when my daughter went off to college, my husband and I became empty-nesters…empty-nesters who are still paying all our daughter’s bills, but empty-nesters, nonetheless. And you know what? After we dropped her off at her university 450 miles away, the world didn’t come to an end! Our old life ended, but a new life began, and it’s a lot of fun!

I saw a video clip from the TV show, Modern Family, recently that really hit home. In the video, Jay, the family patriarch, talks about how we fall in love with a baby, and then the baby becomes a toddler, and on and on through different stages of life, but we never have time to miss the baby, because it’s replaced with another version of itself…a “toddler with the greatest laugh on earth.” And it’s true! I have loved every stage of our daughter’s life! Has it always been easy? That first year was especially tough. I remember thinking on her first birthday, “I survived the first year.” Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the first year too, but there was some survival involved. I think the fact that it’s not easy is what makes us appreciate it. Struggling with a newborn just bonds us!

My next door neighbor, who is a grandmother several times over, told me recently that she feels like those early years with kids at home are a real gift, but they are a sacrifice too. Once our kids are grown and out of the house, we miss them, but we are grateful for the gift they continue to be (even with crises), and we appreciate not making the daily sacrifices. Since our daughter went off to college, my husband I don’t have to get up early every morning to make sure our daughter gets out to school. Like many people these days, we can do our work from home…or anywhere, for that matter. If we want to leave town during the school year, we can! If we want to eat dinner standing over the kitchen sink, we can! For me, I love that our lives are no longer built around a school schedule. Of course, there are other sacrifices. College is not cheap. Trips abroad for our daughter are not cheap. Also, we have to worry from afar instead of worrying about her in our own home. If she’s in Italy, we worry about her in Italy. If she’s in Tuscaloosa, we worry about her in Tuscaloosa. However, the minute-to-minute sacrifices aren’t there like they are when our children are younger. I don’t spend my weekends at soccer or lacrosse tournaments anymore, praise the Lord! I don’t volunteer at her school anymore, thank God. At the same time, though, we don’t get to watch her play lacrosse, and we don’t have her here every day anymore.

Is it difficult when they first leave? Yes. I’m not gonna kid you about that. The house is quieter. The friends are not in and out all the time anymore, and at first, I was sad about that. Then, by the Christmas of her freshman year, I guess I had grown accustomed to having my own space, because when all the friends were here, I was surprised at how loud and intrusive it could feel! Don’t get me wrong…after a couple of days, it became the norm again, and by the time she went back to school that January, I had to get used to the peace and quiet again.

All this is my long way of saying this: embrace the change! It’s a great stage of life! Do I miss my girl when she’s not here? Yes, but I also appreciate the time she is here, and I appreciate the extra time to do what I want to do. If you have a child who has graduated and is leaving soon for college, the military, or something else, take the time right now, before they go, to make a plan for yourself. Know in advance how you are going to fill up that quiet time! It’s easier to adjust if you have a plan. Play mahjong! Play pickleball! Learn to play bridge! Volunteer somewhere! After our daughter left, I started getting more exercise, and I spend a lot of time planning vacations. I don’t go on vacation constantly, but it’s fun to research destinations. I also spend time with friends once or twice a week.

You can do this, Mama! I think you will find empty-nesting is not scary. It’s fun. Fill up the weekends doing what you want to do! Embrace the change!

by Kelly Mattei

Take a Car to College?

Take a car to college?

Our daughter is a sophomore in college about 450 miles away from home. Last year, when she was a freshman, we sent her with her car. Her university does not discourage freshmen from bringing cars, and honestly, we are a driving family. We are people who like to “have our own horse.” Is it control? Maybe. I don’t need to control everyone else, but I do need to control me, and well…the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

The Facebook Parent Pages

Ahhh…the Facebook parent pages…a great source of entertainment. If you have a child who will be attending college soon or is presently attending college, all you have to do is go to the parent pages for the university to see every possible opinion on every possible topic you can imagine. Questions I never even considered asking pop up daily, and often, I get a good laugh. The latest entertainment on the parent pages for my daughter’s college is the discussion of cars on campus. One parent from out-of-state posted, asking if other parents had an opinion about their child taking a car freshman year. You can imagine the responses! Or can you?!? Holy smokes!

Some parents said they didn’t think any child needed to take a car to college. Several said, “I recommend no car.” Others said, “I think no child should take a car freshman year.” Bah humbug! I didn’t say anything in response, but I was thinking, “You do your thing, and I will do mine.” Some complained about parking issues. My daughter lived on campus last year and is living on campus again this year…no issues with finding parking so far. Yes, I had to purchase a $400 parking permit for fall and a $265 one for spring, but that goes with the territory. I actually feel pretty good about that, since it also offers roadside assistance anywhere on campus. Her university definitely doesn’t discourage freshmen from bringing cars. Heck, her university built a parking deck just for the girls who lived in her freshman dorm! Several parents on the parents page were like me and said they sent their kids with cars. One said, “I’m so glad mine has her car!” Amen, sista! Me too! Does that mean I think parents who don’t send cars with their kids are making a mistake? Nope. Nope. Nope. I will say it louder for those in the back: You do your thing, and I will do mine. Clearly, we all do things differently, and you know what? That is absolutely OK.

Do I think a car is a necessity at my daughter’s college? No. Will students survive without it? You bet. Mine would survive without it, but as my mother would ask, “Is that what you want her to do? Survive? Don’t you want her to thrive?” I know having a car is not important to everyone. I have a friend whose daughter didn’t even learn to drive until she had graduated from the University of Florida. It simply wasn’t important to her. Our daughter, however, is happier if she has a car. She is her mother’s daughter. You know how couples have code words for getting out of parties or social situations? You know…your husband somehow works “unicorn” or “confetti” into a sentence at a party, and you know he’s ready to go? Well, in our family, we look at our cars as our own “way out” when we need it. Cars are our mode of transportation, but they are also our “escape.”

Another reason for her to take a car? Our daughter undoubtedly has more driving experience than most people her age. She probably has more driving experience than people who are several years older than she is! Before she got her license, she had 120 driving hours, double the required amount in the state of North Carolina. I insisted that she have double the hours so she would feel comfortable behind the wheel of the car. In the four years that she has had her license, she has likely driven 100,000 miles. Therefore, I trust her instincts and reflexes better than I trust most other people’s instincts and reflexes. Personally, I would rather she drive herself than ride with most other people. For us, there is also the question of how to get back and forth to the airport without a car. The airport is about 45-50 minutes from her university. If she doesn’t have a car, she becomes dependent on friends or a car service that only books as groups on busy days, meaning she, potentially, could have to wait up to two hours after her flight arrives. Nope. For me, that is not an option. I want her to be able to get off the plane, into a car, and back to school as efficiently as possible. And depending on friends to do it? Well, if the friend is not on the exact same flights on the outbound and return, then it might not work out. Even if the friends are scheduled on the same return flight, they might miss a connection (we live in a hub city with nonstop flights, so we won’t), and then there’s a problem. That’s just not something I’m willing to worry about, especially since sending her car is not a hardship on us.

Maybe parents should make a list of pros and cons if they have trouble deciding. It was an easy decision for us, but if I had to make a list of pros and cons for us, I guess it could look like this:

  • Pro: she can get anywhere she wants when she wants
  • Pro: she doesn’t have to ask other people for a ride or take a shuttle service to the airport
  • Pro: she feels more independent
  • Pro: we don’t worry as much about her driving as we would if she were riding with someone else.
  • Pro: she’s happy
  • Pro: she can drive to visit friends or family in other cities (or at other universities) when she wants
  • Con: finding parking for some people, but it hasn’t been an issue for her at all

Honestly, for us, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I can’t think of another con.

The moral of the story? If you are considering sending your child to college with a car, and the college/university is OK with it, you do what is best for your family. ***If your student’s university discourages it or doesn’t allow freshmen to bring cars, obviously, they shouldn’t take a car.***We all think differently. You might not want to have to worry about the car. You might not want to have to worry about the kid with the car. You might not want to buy the parking pass. Maybe you can’t afford a car to send with your child. Whatever…everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do. That’s one of the great things about parenting: we all make our own decisions based on our own experiences and our own beliefs.

If your student takes a car, I do recommend that he/she has the Life360 app on his/her phone. Browse their plans to see which one works best for your family. My daughter was in an accident last year, and Life360 dispatched police and called her to see if Medic was needed. Life360 also offers roadside assistance with upgraded memberships. Also, I like having extra “roadside assistance” options. I recommend a AAA membership for peace of mind when roadside assistance is needed. AAA follows the member, so even if she is in someone else’s car and needs roadside assistance, they will help. See the AAA website here.

Bottom line: I took a car to college, so I see nothing wrong with my child having hers. We believed she would be happier with a car to drive. Therefore, we sent the car with her. End of story.

****Amended to add that we have set rules for the car:

  • NO ONE else drives it, unless it’s an emergency situation (like my daughter is incapacitated)
  • Try to park under/near a light
  • Call me if any dashboard lights come on
  • Never let the gas tank get below 1/2 tank
  • Know where the wheelocks are
by Kelly Mattei

He’s Somebody’s Baby

He’s somebody’s baby.

Late yesterday afternoon, when my daughter got home from a Secret Santa party, she asked me to order her a pizza. I normally order from a favorite local place, but I remembered some cheesy bread another pizza place has, so I ordered from there, thinking it would be fun to try something different.

We live in a gated neighborhood, so when I placed the order, I included directions about how to get in. About an hour later, I received a phone call, and when I answered, a man on the other end of the line was rambling, saying, “I’m outside the gate and can’t get in. Do you want me to leave your pizza at the gate? I see a sign out here that says go to the light and turn left and turn left again, and I don’t understand that, so should I leave your pizza for your here? I don’t see a keypad. I’m not sure what you want me to do…leave the pizza here?” Seriously. I had to interrupt him to say, “No! Please don’t leave it at the gate! You went to the wrong gate, but I will come get it from you. Just wait there!”

It took me about sixty seconds to get into my car and to the back gate, but I was a little hesitant, because I had no idea what was going on. On my way out the door, I told my husband I would be right back, but I added, “The guy sounded weird. I have no idea what’s going on.” Was the pizza delivery guy hopped up on drugs? It sure sounded like it on the phone. What was I walking into?

As soon as I got to the gate and saw the pizza delivery guy outside his car, I knew. The pizza delivery guy was outside his car, pacing. When he saw me walk to the fence in front of my car, he said, “Oh! Let me get your pizza! I’ll get your pizza now!” He hurried to his car and got the pizza, then brought it over to me, handing it over the fence. I thanked him and wished him a Merry Christmas. He thanked me and wished me a Merry Christmas too. And he started rambling again, “I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should leave the pizza at the gate. Some people want me to leave it at the gate.” He went on and on. I just said, “This was perfect! Thank you again! And Merry Christmas!” (I tipped in advance on my credit card.)

He wasn’t hopped up on drugs at all. He had special needs…likely “on the spectrum” somehow. But he was out there trying to earn a living and working hard to do it correctly! He was worried that he was doing it wrong. He wanted to make the customer happy. He simply wanted to do a good job. And he did. I was thrilled to see him working hard, and I thought his mother would be proud.

Because yes, he has a mother. Somewhere, he has a mother. And she probably has always worried he wouldn’t be able to get a job. She probably worried he wouldn’t be able to function in society or contribute to the “greater good.” She might have worried people would be afraid of him or make fun of him. He is her baby, after all.

But last night, he definitely contributed to society. He delivered a much-needed pizza for a tired, hungry, teenage girl. He did a good job. I wish I could tell his mom.

by Kelly Mattei

Learning to Drive

As our daughter’s 15th birthday approaches, so does the excitement about the driver’s learner permit. Yes, it’s exciting, but it’s nerve-wracking at the same time.

It’s a lot more difficult to get a driver’s license now than it was when I was a teenager. Our daughter doesn’t even have her permit yet, and we’ve already had to jump through some hoops.

In North Carolina, there are lots of moving parts to getting a learner’s permit. If no one tells you the different steps, it can be rather confusing. I’ve had to ask multiple people a million questions throughout the process, so hopefully, this will help some of you. This has been our process:

  • Register for Driver’s Education at age 14 1/2, if it isn’t offered in your school. (see bottom of page for contact info for three companies)
  • Send in payment for course.
  • Attend course and pass written driver’s ed test.
  • Go to the DMV for the eye test (if the company doesn’t offer it)
  • Schedule the driving portion of Driver’s Ed.
  • Complete the practice driving (six hours) with instructor.
  • Obtain proof of enrollment form from school.
  • Go to DMV on or after 15th birthday for written test and permit…take birth certificate, form from school, completed Driver’s Ed form, and Social Security card.

If I didn’t have friends who reminded me of things to do throughout the process, my poor daughter probably wouldn’t be on her way to getting her permit in a couple of weeks.

She completed the classroom/written test portion of Driver’s Ed the first week of June, getting it out of the way. She had to be 14 1/2 to enroll in the course. We then had to wait till about a month before her birthday to schedule the driving portion of the course. She had the first of two three-hour sessions this past Saturday, and she said everything went smoothly.

Anyone who has ridden with a new driver knows it can be nerve-wracking, but the only way to learn is through practice.

When the instructor arrived at our house, she told me that she usually stays in the neighborhood for the first two hours, and she never takes anyone on the highway in their first session. I wasn’t worried. I knew our daughter was in good hands, so I was very relaxed while they were gone. Plus, my daughter has practiced driving me around on private roads for months.I knew she would do well driving the instructor in the neighborhood.

When my daughter got home three hours later, she said she thought she had done very well, and she did go on the highway. She said that after they drove around the neighborhood a couple of times, the instructor said she was ready to get out on the open road. First, they practiced some parking skills at a nearby parking lot, and then they got in the interstate! Yikes! I love interstate driving, but some people hate it. I asked my daughter what she thought of it, and she said she liked it. Near the end of the lesson, they drove to pick up the next student driver and came home. She has her next session this weekend.

I’m excited for her, and nervous for us. I remember when I was learning to drive. It was exciting thinking about the freedom that was coming my way! I’m sure she feels the same way, but first, we have to make sure she knows what she’s doing. We have a year to help her practice to get her prepared.

It was a lot easier when I as a teenager. We took Driver’s Ed at school, and then when we turned 15, we could test for our learner’s permit. That was it. I don’t even think we had to show any proof that we had taken Driver’s Ed. But Driver’s Ed at school was fun. We had driving simulators. They were nothing like real driving, but they were fun!

Drivers-Ed-simulator-2

LEAD Technologies Inc. V1.01

I remember some of the driving mistakes I made early on when I was learning to drive. My poor Daddy. Our house was at the top of a hill, so if you backed out of our driveway in one direction, you were backing a little downhill on the road. One day, with my daddy in the car, I forgot to put the car into Drive after backing out, and I stepped on the gas pedal, sending us speeding down the hill backward! Somehow, Daddy stayed calm, and I got things under control. He probably never wanted to drive with me again, but he did. Another time, I stepped on the gas instead of the brake as we turned into a street. And somehow, we survived it.

I’m sure when Daddy was teaching my brother to drive, it was much less stressful for him. My parents had caught my brother driving a friend’s car when he was just 14, so there’s no telling how much driving experience he really had when he got his permit. It wasn’t funny at the time, but Daddy laughed about it years later.

Later, after I had my license, he taught me to drive a manual transmission on a Jeep we had…another adventure, but not one my daughter is likely to have, since so few manual transmission cars are made now.

So our adventure in driving is about to begin. It’s difficult to believe. I remember when our daughter first started walking, and we said she didn’t have walking around sense. Will we feel the same way about her driving?

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DRIVING SCHOOLS IN CHARLOTTE (I’m only listing companies my friends have used):

Helms Driving School…Website:   http://www.helmsdrivingschool.com/Services.html

Jordan Driving School…Website:   http://www.jordandrivingschoolcharlotte.com

Faulkner Driving School…Website:   http://faulknersdrivingschool.com/about-us.aspx

 

 

 

 

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