Category / job

by Kelly Mattei

For Mother’s Day, I’m Quoting Jerry Seinfeld

For Mother’s Day, I’m quoting Jerry Seinfeld.

I just saw a clip of Graham Bensinger interviewing Jerry Seinfeld. Bensinger asked, “How did having children impact your life?” Jerry Seinfeld said, “Only a person who doesn’t have kids would ask that question.” Indeed! What did Seinfeld reply? He said, “Kids are the greatest show on Earth. You just want to watch them live. The entertainment value of watching them live…the kids are very entertaining, because they’re primitive humans.” He went on to say that, because we enjoyed our own childhood, we try to improve upon it and make our kids’ childhood perfect.

The whole conversation made me ponder parenthood. I only have one child, but how did having that one child impact my life? The answer: in every way possible. She was born almost 21 years ago, and almost 21 years ago, my life was no longer about me…in the most awesome, incredible way. I remember going through security at the airport when I was about six or seven months pregnant, and one of the TSA agents stopped me and said, “I have to tell you I’m psychic.” I laughed, and he continued, “I see big changes in your future.” Nothing could have been more accurate.

I was 36 years old when I became a mother. I had been married for three years, but I had never really had to worry about someone else, and suddenly, at 36, I had to take this little seven pound bundle of joy into consideration before I did anything. Going to the grocery store? I couldn’t just grab the keys and run out the door. I had to put the baby in the car seat, grab the diaper bag, and make sure the stroller was in the car before I could leave. And that was just the beginning. It was a big adjustment, and it wasn’t easy, but wow…it was so worth it.

She is, indeed, as Seinfeld put it, “the greatest show on Earth.” Watching her learn and grow has been the greatest time in my life. I have said before that I feel like I have had three childhoods: my real one, my college years, and then my daughter’s childhood. Now I feel like I’m living my fourth childhood through her college years. She just finished her sophomore year at my college alma mater, and even though I’m not there all the time (that would be weird), I love when she calls to tell me about her daily life or exciting things that happen. I even love connecting that to my own time at the university. She loves hearing my stories of the “old days” at some of the same places she goes, and I love hearing her new stories!

When she became a part of my life, everything immediately changed. Did I realize just how incredible it would be having her here in this world before she arrived? No. There is no way anyone could have prepared me for that. Don’t get me wrong; that first year was tough. I had the baby who wanted to be a part of everything. She didn’t nap. She slept pretty well for eight or nine hours a night, but napping was not on her agenda. She wanted to be in on the fun! I know some people thought I was crazy, but two different pedicatricians assured me that some babies nap, and some don’t. As it turns out, it was just my daughter’s personality. She still doesn’t want to miss out on anyting, and it serves her well now. However, that first year? I wasn’t sure I would survive, but I did…sleep-deprived and all.

And here we are, twenty years later…still enjoying the greatest show on earth. I love being a mom. No job in this whole world is more important or more fulfilling than motherhood.

by Kelly Mattei

Moms After Christmas Day (again!)

Moms after Christmas Day (again!).

Two years ago, I wrote a piece the day after Christmas titled Moms After Christmas Day. You can see it here. It’s recognition of all the extra work moms do during the holidays…the list-making, the shopping, the wrapping, the cooking, the baking, the scheduling…and that’s in addition to our regular roles! Lots of moms even take on extra part-time jobs just to make Christmas happen for their families. And no matter how old our children get, moms still want the holidays to feel special.

My husband and I have one daughter. She’s 20 now and a sophomore in college, so Christmas at our house looks a lot different than it did 15 years ago. It’s still fun, but it’s fun in a different way. And you know what? There’s still a lot of preparation that goes into it. As the mom of the house, I still do all the preparation. I’m fortunate to have a sweet husband who will help me upon request, but truthfully, the ultimate responsibility of the holiday is mine. I orchestrate everything. I purchase everything. I wrap everything. I cook everything. I even play bartender! Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy every minute of it. I really do. I finally feel like I have everything planned out in advance now, so I don’t end up dropping the ball on anything. I wrap the gifts as I purchase them, and I love wrapping and making bows…it gets me into the spirit of the holiday. And the meal prep? Well, I even got that right this year! In fact, this year, the timing of the meal even worked out perfectly! We weren’t waiting for biscuits to finish baking. We weren’t waiting for any particular dish to be ready. Somehow, I managed to make it happen on time! And after the meal? I directed the cleanup efforts…and the whole family participated! One cleared the table. One loaded the dishwasher. One put away everything else.

And today? The day after Christmas? I have rested. It’s raining, so I have the perfect excuse to stay in my pajamas. In fact, right now, it’s 3:40pm, and I am still in my pajamas. Am I embarrassed about that? Not one bit. In fact, I’m a little bit proud that I have been lazy after being so busy for the holidays. In fact, it’s my gift to myself. I have watched a little television. I have talked on the phone. Well, I have done two loads of laundry, but that’s all the work I have done…and frankly, because I enjoy doing laundry, it’s not really work at all. There aren’t many household chores I enjoy, but I do enjoy doing laundry…including ironing or steaming. Just don’t ask me to vacuum.

Our daughter is out and about this afternoon. That’s a lot different than just a few years ago when the new toys were still exciting. I do regret that she didn’t get any toys this year. In fact, she told me a college friend’s mom insists that everyone in the family should get at least one toy every year. I love that! The friend got a pogo stick this year, and I immediately wished I had gotten one for our daughter! She was quite good at pogo back in the day, so it would be fun to see her do it again. So my daughter and I have made a pact that all of us will get at least one toy next year. We will see what we come up with!

Today has been a lazy day, but tomorrow, I will hit the ground running. There are more things to prepare for before the New Year’s celebration, including a big party on the 30th, so there won’t be any laziness tomorrow! Until then, I’ll be searching for the next movie to stream. Or maybe I can watch a few episodes of some favorite old shows? First, though, I’m taking a shower and putting on some real clothes. It’s time.

by Kelly Mattei

Is Your College Student Wearing Dirty Clothes?

Is your college student wearing dirty clothes?

Mine is not. I know this, because she has worked out an arrangement with a friend who does her laundry. “You scratch my back; I’ll scratch yours.”

Before you get all judgy and start lecturing me on how my daughter should be spending her spare time in a laundry facility, waiting for her clothes to wash and dry, let me remind you that I could have paid a laundry service to do her laundry. Instead, another student is benefitting from the fact that my daughter doesn’t have a personal washer and dryer. And the friend? Well, as part of the bargain, my daughter takes her friend to run errands weekly, since the friend doesn’t have a car. It all works out, and they are both happy.

Remember when we were in college? Lots of us did jobs for extra cash. I typed papers for friends. I had a word processor, and they knew I could type a paper in no time, thanks to my high school typing teacher, Mrs. Ruby Lewis. She taught me well, and I put that skill to work in college. I didn’t get paid in cash, though. I got paid in food, beer, Icees…whatever I needed or wanted at the time. So my friend, Angela, might have brought a paper to me and said, “I need this 10-page paper by tomorrow morning at 8:00. Can you make that happen?” We would discuss the terms, and I would start typing. Angela would likely run to the Corner Store (it was actually called that) and buy me an Icee for me to drink while I worked…plus any snacks or school supplies I requested. When we went out later, she probably bought my dinner and drinks for the night. No cash exchanged hands. She scratched my back, and I scratched hers.

I wish I could have found someone who was willing to do my laundry back then. But I didn’t do my own laundry in college either. I took it to the local Fluff and Fold, which was actually a laundry facility where I paid a nice lady to wash/dry/fold my clothes for me. They charged by the pound, and I didn’t mind paying whatever I had to pay. I needed clean clothes. It worked out nicely for the Fluff and Fold, and it worked out nicely for me.

Recently, on a college parents page, a mom posted, “Can someone recommend a cleaning lady or service to clean my son’s dorm room and bathroom?” You would have thought she was trying to hire a hitman! The judgy moms came out of the woodwork and totally attacked her. I didn’t. I get it. I have even told my daughter it’s fine to pay someone to clean her bathroom if someone needs some extra spending money. I pay someone to clean my house! What’s the difference?!? Isn’t life about finding ways to make things happen? In fact, to the mom on the parents’ page, I said just that. “I think it is absolutely fine to pay someone to clean your college student’s room. I pay someone to clean my house, so why would I hesitate to encourage my daughter to do the same?!?” It’s helping the economy and helping someone else, right? What’s the difference in paying someone to clean your room or type your paper? No one ever had issues with paying someone to type a paper for them! No one has issues with paying someone to walk their dog! No one has issues with paying someone to wash a car!

So, lucky me. I know my daughter is wearing clean clothes. She isn’t having to turn her clothes inside out to keep wearing them for multiple days. She isn’t having to search through the dirty clothes in her laundry bag to decide what’s the least dirty so she can wear it to class. She definitely has clean clothes. Don’t get me wrong. She might opt to wear the same sweatshirt two or three days in a row, but that’s a choice, because I know she always has something clean she can wear.

And you know what else? She even has clean sheets! Can you say the same about your college student? If you’re not sure about that, it might be a good idea for your college student to find a friend who can do a bartering system to get his/her laundry done. Or maybe it’s your child who needs to be driven around to do errands? If so, maybe he/she offers to do someone’s laundry in exchange for a drive to do weekly errands…or a ride to the airport…or whatever.

I know my daughter has taken several friends to the airport an hour away. That’s a good opportunity for her to work out a deal! Maybe she needs someone to bake some cookies for her to take to an event? Or maybe she needs a dress hemmed? “I’ll take you to the airport if you will hem my dress for me next week.”

And despite what the judgy moms of the world think, being able to strike a deal that benefits both people is what makes the world go around! I love when I hear college students are getting creative to get things done! I take no issue with the person who wants to pay someone to clean a dorm room. My own parents thought it was hilarious that I typed papers in exchange for Icees, food, and beer back in the 1980s! I was quite the enterprising young college girl!

Let me know if you need me to type anything for you…especially if you are a good cook. Will type for food.

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