Category / children

by Kelly Mattei

Now That Our Kids Are Grown(ish)…

Now that our kids are grown(ish)…

Do you look back and think how silly and unimportant some things were? I do. I do it all the time. There were so many things we thought were life-altering, but they just weren’t. When a friend with a 3rd-grade child said to me recently, “I was horrified that my child didn’t turn in her homework,” I responded, “Really? It doesn’t matter.” When another friend said, “My child doesn’t want to play any organized sports,” I responded the same way.

Don’t get me wrong. I think all kids should play a team sport at least once. It teaches them a lot, but that’s all the preaching I will do on that.

As for the forgotten homework in 3rd grade? A few years down the line, I know it didn’t matter, and hopefully, other moms will see it really didn’t matter for their kids either. I wish I had been able to look at my daughter when she was that age and had forgotten to bring a book home and say, “Honey. It’s OK. I promise it’s not a big deal.” Even if I did say it, the hard part was getting her to realize it too. As long as it’s not a habit, I truly believe it’s not a big deal. Educators might disagree, but whatever.

I was not one who ever knew much about our daughter’s homework. When she was in 3rd grade, another parent asked me, “Is your daughter ready for the Bunnicula test?” I must have looked at her like she had fourteen eyes. “The what?” “The Bunnicula test!” I promise I asked, in less nice terms, “What the heck is a bunnicula??” The other mom informed me it was the book they had been reading for school. I laughed and said, “Oh, honey, I have no idea what she’s reading.” The only thing that might have made that scene better is if I’d been wearing a colorful caftan while smoking a cigarette with one hand and holding a martini in the other…you know, like moms in the 1970s. I might have, inadvertently, hurt that mom’s feelings, but it was the truth. I didn’t keep up with my child’s homework. That was her job. I did, however, go back to the school one time (OK, more than once) to get something she had forgotten. The teachers preached against that, but they didn’t have to see my child stress over it. Plus, if I forgot something somewhere, I could drive myself to get it. She couldn’t, so I took her. Yep, I was that mom. I didn’t want to deal with the stress of listening to my child stress out over it, so I took her back to get the book. And you know what? I would do it again, if only so I could have a peaceful evening at home. But in the overall scheme of things? That book didn’t matter one bit. And that assignment really didn’t either. As long as she wasn’t falling behind in school and wasn’t making a habit of forgetting things, it really didn’t matter.

I know. All parents do things differently. Some are trying to make sure their kids are headed for Ivy League colleges, as I learned quickly when my child entered middle school in sixth grade. At the parents’ meeting at the beginning of the year, lots of parents asked about which math track their kids needed to be on. Others asked about the best “science track” and which classes counted as academic classes and which ones didn’t. I wasn’t one of those. I always just believed she would fall into the right “math track” or “science track” for her, so I wasn’t one of the moms asking those questions. At that meeting, I was one of the moms in the back row trying really hard to stifle an uncontrollable giggle about something a science teacher said…a double entendre she didn’t realize was a double entendre, and the fact that she didn’t realize it made it even funnier to me. I think it was something on a graph, and she called it a “g-spot.” I literally had to walk outside and compose myself. But I knew I had found a kindred spirit among the parents when the middle school admin team was talking about school sports and a mom raised her hand with a question. “Do y’all have a laundry service for the uniforms after games?” I had to peek around heads to see who had asked, because I wanted that mom to be my friend! I didn’t care about the math track and science track! That would work itself out. I wanted to know about the laundry service! Alas, there was no laundry service. In hindsight, I should have invited that mom over to drink wine and do laundry with me. It’s OK, though, because our kids are at the same university, so we can get together on campus for drinks and not even have to worry about laundry!

It’s not all about school, though. Parents worry about sleeping babies and overstimulation. As for worrying about sleeping, I did my fair share of that…not so much worrying about our daughter as I was worried about me. I had a livewire on my hands! She was busy from the time she emerged from the womb and didn’t want to miss a thing! It nearly killed me. I had that baby girl/toddler/small child who would not take a nap. Yeah, she slept at night but not excessively long. I heard people talk about how they trained their babies to sleep 16 or 17 hours a day. I should have just handed them mine so they could see what life with her looked like! And when she started moving around, there was no sitting still…ever. In fact, she still doesn’t sit still for long, and she’s almost 21! I think some kids are just born sleepers and some aren’t. Don’t try to argue with me. You won’t win that argument. Later, I was glad she didn’t sleep during the day or need lots of nap time, because we could just keep moving all day…and we did! Looking back on that now, none of it really mattered in the long run. It was all just a blip on the radar of life.

Growing/raising a child has taught me a lot, and one thing it taught me is that lots of issues are simple blips on the radar of life. It’s sometimes difficult to remember that as something is happening, but it’s true. Yes, there are big problems in life, but a third grader not turning in an assignment is not one of them. Not completing the summer reading isn’t a big deal, either. I look back on how those stupid summer reading assignments ruined parts of summer, and it still makes me a little angry. I felt like the stupid summer reading was an intrusion on my time with my child, and in hindsight, I truly wish I hadn’t made her do it. I wish I had told her not to worry about it, because in the overall scheme of life, it wasn’t going to matter. I wish I had told her to enjoy the long, fun days of summer.

However, I let the summer reading assignments get to me (and her), so I’m telling y’all now:

Enjoy the long, fun days of summer together with your children.

by Kelly Mattei

You Have A High School Graduate

You have a high school graduate.

I just saw a video of Jennifer Garner on Instagram. She was crying, because her daughter just graduated from high school. In one clip, she asks, “How are we gonna make it?!” Of course, lots of people responded, but my favorite comment was, “Why aren’t people making us casseroles?” I laughed until I cried thinking of a mom being so distraught over her child leaving that she needed comfort food, and while I loved that comment, because I also love any opportunity to make or receive a casserole, I know a secret.

My secret? Having your child graduate and move off to college (or the military or trade school or ATC school or the police academy or whatever) is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s the opposite! If you have more than one child, you’re likely to feel like your life continues on about the same trajectory until all your babies have left the nest. I have one child, so when my daughter went off to college, my husband and I became empty-nesters…empty-nesters who are still paying all our daughter’s bills, but empty-nesters, nonetheless. And you know what? After we dropped her off at her university 450 miles away, the world didn’t come to an end! Our old life ended, but a new life began, and it’s a lot of fun!

I saw a video clip from the TV show, Modern Family, recently that really hit home. In the video, Jay, the family patriarch, talks about how we fall in love with a baby, and then the baby becomes a toddler, and on and on through different stages of life, but we never have time to miss the baby, because it’s replaced with another version of itself…a “toddler with the greatest laugh on earth.” And it’s true! I have loved every stage of our daughter’s life! Has it always been easy? That first year was especially tough. I remember thinking on her first birthday, “I survived the first year.” Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the first year too, but there was some survival involved. I think the fact that it’s not easy is what makes us appreciate it. Struggling with a newborn just bonds us!

My next door neighbor, who is a grandmother several times over, told me recently that she feels like those early years with kids at home are a real gift, but they are a sacrifice too. Once our kids are grown and out of the house, we miss them, but we are grateful for the gift they continue to be (even with crises), and we appreciate not making the daily sacrifices. Since our daughter went off to college, my husband I don’t have to get up early every morning to make sure our daughter gets out to school. Like many people these days, we can do our work from home…or anywhere, for that matter. If we want to leave town during the school year, we can! If we want to eat dinner standing over the kitchen sink, we can! For me, I love that our lives are no longer built around a school schedule. Of course, there are other sacrifices. College is not cheap. Trips abroad for our daughter are not cheap. Also, we have to worry from afar instead of worrying about her in our own home. If she’s in Italy, we worry about her in Italy. If she’s in Tuscaloosa, we worry about her in Tuscaloosa. However, the minute-to-minute sacrifices aren’t there like they are when our children are younger. I don’t spend my weekends at soccer or lacrosse tournaments anymore, praise the Lord! I don’t volunteer at her school anymore, thank God. At the same time, though, we don’t get to watch her play lacrosse, and we don’t have her here every day anymore.

Is it difficult when they first leave? Yes. I’m not gonna kid you about that. The house is quieter. The friends are not in and out all the time anymore, and at first, I was sad about that. Then, by the Christmas of her freshman year, I guess I had grown accustomed to having my own space, because when all the friends were here, I was surprised at how loud and intrusive it could feel! Don’t get me wrong…after a couple of days, it became the norm again, and by the time she went back to school that January, I had to get used to the peace and quiet again.

All this is my long way of saying this: embrace the change! It’s a great stage of life! Do I miss my girl when she’s not here? Yes, but I also appreciate the time she is here, and I appreciate the extra time to do what I want to do. If you have a child who has graduated and is leaving soon for college, the military, or something else, take the time right now, before they go, to make a plan for yourself. Know in advance how you are going to fill up that quiet time! It’s easier to adjust if you have a plan. Play mahjong! Play pickleball! Learn to play bridge! Volunteer somewhere! After our daughter left, I started getting more exercise, and I spend a lot of time planning vacations. I don’t go on vacation constantly, but it’s fun to research destinations. I also spend time with friends once or twice a week.

You can do this, Mama! I think you will find empty-nesting is not scary. It’s fun. Fill up the weekends doing what you want to do! Embrace the change!

by Kelly Mattei

Revisiting Childhood

Revisiting Childhood.

Anyone who has spent any time with me has heard me say that I feel like I have had three childhoods: 1. my real childhood 2. college 3. my now 20-yr-old daughter’s childhood. I’ve had a lot of fun in my life, and a lot of it was associated with those three eras. Now, I’ve entered what I think might be a fourth childhood…empty-nesting! I often think of all those other childhoods, including the great experiences I had with my child as a stay-at-home mom. However, it’s not often I revisit a place that we frequented when she was a toddler/young child.

Today I did just that.

I read recently that the Charlotte Nature Museum would be closing. It’s a quiet little nature museum in Charlotte near Freedom Park. When my daughter was a toddler/little girl, we were regulars at the Charlotte Nature Museum. I was fortunate to be a part of a playgroup made up of moms who had kids about the same age. Lucky for us, the moms were pretty close in age too, and we all became great friends. In fact, I’m not sure I would have survived toddlerhood without my awesome playgroup friends. We had places we visited regularly with the kids, and on the short list was Charlotte Nature Museum. It’s likely the kids don’t even remember much, if anything, about the “museum,” but that’s OK. It gave us moms lots of peace when our kids were little. There were turtles, an opposum, a butterfly garden, and there’s even a planetarium. Somehow, we never made it to one of the planetarium shows, but we did enjoy watching the kids watch the animals.

I realized today was the last day for the museum to be open, so yesterday, I called my friend, Kelli, who grew up in Charlotte, and I asked her if she would visit the museum with me. She said she recalled visiting the museum as a schoolgirl; the whole class would load up on school buses, go to the museum, and then go to McDonald’s for lunch…a big treat back in the day. After talking about some of her memories, she agreed to go with me today.

We met at 11:00 and rode together to the museum. When we walked in, she said, “Oh my gosh! It hasn’t changed since the 1970s!” I could verify that it hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years, but Kelli gave me verification that it was much the same in the 70s. We walked around, taking pictures of the taxidermy animals to show our kids, hoping to jog their memories with photos later. I took a picture of myself posing as an insect, in a photo op that has been around since I started going there in 2005. I sent it to my 20-yr-old daughter and asked, “Do you remember this?” She responded, “OMG! Yes!” I knew there probably wouldn’t be much she would remember, but because the kids used to have to take turns with the insect photo op, I thought she might remember it. It warmed my heart that she had some recall of the Charlotte Nature Museum! (See photos from today at bottom of page.)

After we strolled through the butterfly garden and saw a few butterflies, we took photos of the resident turtles, the opossom, and the snakes. Very little had changed since my last visit there. Sadly, the building will be demolished soon to make room for a new and improved Charlotte Nature Museum. While I’m sure it will be awesome, I feel sure it won’t have the same charm as the old museum…small with several small rooms, no hi-tech gimmicks, and lots of little creatures and lessons about little creatures.

We left with smiles on our faces. Back in the car, we talked about our memories of the nature museum…how Kelli’s class used to line up on the back porch of the museum and along the boardwalk. I talked about how my daughter and my friends’ kids mostly just wanted to stand and watch the snakes and turtles. They weren’t much interested in the little indoor playground…and I was thankful for that, because it really looked like a germ fest to me.

As we drove away from the Charlotte Nature Museum in our car instead of a school bus, I asked Kelli, “Where would you like to have lunch?” She didn’t really have a preference, but after a brief discussion, we decided McDonald’s would be the perfect ladies lunch place today. We agreed it would be the perfect ending to a nature museum visit, so we went to McDonald’s and ate in the dining room there. That also conjured up memories of my daughter’s childhood, as someone’s child had left a Happy Meal toy on the table we chose. I told Kelli, “This would have been pure gold when my daughter was little.” I didn’t know a lot of moms who took their kids to McDonald’s, but I did, and fortunately, my playgroup friends did too. McDonald’s was a great rainy day destination back in the day, because the one we went to had an indoor playground…yes, a germ fest, for sure…but on a rainy day, I didn’t really care.

Lucky me! I got to revisit my daughter’s childhood today! Just walking into the nature museum, I stepped back in time…it still smelled the same, and basically, it looked the same. Now I wish I had taken my daughter when she was home for the holidays.

by Kelly Mattei

Moms After Christmas Day (again!)

Moms after Christmas Day (again!).

Two years ago, I wrote a piece the day after Christmas titled Moms After Christmas Day. You can see it here. It’s recognition of all the extra work moms do during the holidays…the list-making, the shopping, the wrapping, the cooking, the baking, the scheduling…and that’s in addition to our regular roles! Lots of moms even take on extra part-time jobs just to make Christmas happen for their families. And no matter how old our children get, moms still want the holidays to feel special.

My husband and I have one daughter. She’s 20 now and a sophomore in college, so Christmas at our house looks a lot different than it did 15 years ago. It’s still fun, but it’s fun in a different way. And you know what? There’s still a lot of preparation that goes into it. As the mom of the house, I still do all the preparation. I’m fortunate to have a sweet husband who will help me upon request, but truthfully, the ultimate responsibility of the holiday is mine. I orchestrate everything. I purchase everything. I wrap everything. I cook everything. I even play bartender! Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy every minute of it. I really do. I finally feel like I have everything planned out in advance now, so I don’t end up dropping the ball on anything. I wrap the gifts as I purchase them, and I love wrapping and making bows…it gets me into the spirit of the holiday. And the meal prep? Well, I even got that right this year! In fact, this year, the timing of the meal even worked out perfectly! We weren’t waiting for biscuits to finish baking. We weren’t waiting for any particular dish to be ready. Somehow, I managed to make it happen on time! And after the meal? I directed the cleanup efforts…and the whole family participated! One cleared the table. One loaded the dishwasher. One put away everything else.

And today? The day after Christmas? I have rested. It’s raining, so I have the perfect excuse to stay in my pajamas. In fact, right now, it’s 3:40pm, and I am still in my pajamas. Am I embarrassed about that? Not one bit. In fact, I’m a little bit proud that I have been lazy after being so busy for the holidays. In fact, it’s my gift to myself. I have watched a little television. I have talked on the phone. Well, I have done two loads of laundry, but that’s all the work I have done…and frankly, because I enjoy doing laundry, it’s not really work at all. There aren’t many household chores I enjoy, but I do enjoy doing laundry…including ironing or steaming. Just don’t ask me to vacuum.

Our daughter is out and about this afternoon. That’s a lot different than just a few years ago when the new toys were still exciting. I do regret that she didn’t get any toys this year. In fact, she told me a college friend’s mom insists that everyone in the family should get at least one toy every year. I love that! The friend got a pogo stick this year, and I immediately wished I had gotten one for our daughter! She was quite good at pogo back in the day, so it would be fun to see her do it again. So my daughter and I have made a pact that all of us will get at least one toy next year. We will see what we come up with!

Today has been a lazy day, but tomorrow, I will hit the ground running. There are more things to prepare for before the New Year’s celebration, including a big party on the 30th, so there won’t be any laziness tomorrow! Until then, I’ll be searching for the next movie to stream. Or maybe I can watch a few episodes of some favorite old shows? First, though, I’m taking a shower and putting on some real clothes. It’s time.

by Kelly Mattei

Have A Gamer On Your List?

Have a gamer on your list?

If so, this video game chair could be the perfect gift! For about $100, the gamer on your list gets a headrest, a footrest, and lumbar support! Get it while supplies last here.

by Kelly Mattei

Active Game Gifts

Active game gifts.

Lots of people love active games! Maybe you need one or two for family fun this holiday season? Or maybe someone on your list would love an active game as a gift? See some options below:

  • Tower Ball. I just heard about this one recently. Looks like a little skill is involved, but it looks like lots of fun! Get it here.

  • Cornhole. An old school favorite, Cornhole is fun for big groups, small groups, and can even be played alone! Kids and adults love it. Coming in under $80, this kit is a deal. Get it here.

  • Badminton/Pickleball Set. Badminton is an oldie but goodie. Add in the face that you can also play pickleball with this set, and it’s a bargain! All ages. Purchase here.

  • Spike Ball. Spike ball is a newer game, but people who have played it tell me they love it. I have friends whose college-age kids took Spike Ball to college with them. Get it here.

  • Beer Pong. Amazon has a Portable Beer Pong Table. I know lots of people who would love this gift…a folding table with precut cup holes to help prevent spills! If you have someone on your list who plays beer pong with friends or family, this is a fantastic gift! Four different styles/colors are offered. See them here.

  • Paddle Smash. I saw this one on Shark Tank, where they called it a smash up of Spikeball and Cornhole! It was a hit with the Sharks, and it would be a hit at a family gathering or party. Get it here.

  • Ladder Toss. Remember this game? Loads of fun and competitive! Great for kids or adults…or both! It’s an inexpensive gift at about $31. Get it here!

All of the above are great for holiday gatherings or as gifts for friends and family members!

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

More Holiday Shopping in October

More holiday shopping in October…

Be ahead of the curve, my friends! Purchase gifts now, so you aren’t struggling to get them at the last minute! Here are some suggestions and great deals! ***All prices are valid at time of writing.*** Here are twelve suggestions:

  • Apple Airpods. Y’all, I never owned Airpods until recently. Right before I traveled to Panama earlier this month, I finally decided to purchase some for myself. Normally, I don’t download things to watch on planes, but before this trip, I decided I would, so I needed Airpods to be able to hear my downloads. I was so happy I had purchased them! You don’t have to get the most expensive ones, unless that’s your jam. I got mine on Amazon for $99. They are Gen 2, so they aren’t the latest model, but for those of you, like me, who do not want to spend more on Airpods, these could be perfect. Yes, they have the charging case. They’d make a great gift for any Apple user in your family who doesn’t have Airpods already. Purchase here.
  • I Luv My Buds. If you’d like some less expensive wireless earbuds for someone on your list, these get great reviews. Don’t trust your kid to keep up with them? Get these less expensive ones and see how it goes. At just $24.99, these are waterproof and come with a charging case. Plus, they come in lots of cool colors! They are compatible with Apple and Android. Purchase here. Pictured here:
  • Amazon Fire TV. Someone on your list need a new TV? Amazon Fire TV makes a great addition to any dorm room, apartment, bedroom, gameroom, or living room. My friend, Angela, got one recently and loves it. Amazon has great deals on their 32″ model ($109, a savings of $45%) and their 40″ model ($179, a savings of 28%). Act fast, though. These deals won’t last forever! And they’re only available to Prime members. Purchase here. Pictured here:
  • Amazon Essentials Men’s Packable Jacket. Have a man on your list who needs a lightweight, packable, puffer jacket? Look no further! Amazon Essentials has one for just $35.60 (20% off) right now, and it gets great reviews. Maybe he just needs a jacket he can take on vacation for chilly evenings? This one is perfect, and it won’t break the bank. Plus, it comes in lots of colors…basic black and more! Get it here.
  • Amazon Essentials Women’s French Terry Joggers. I have about six pairs of these. I love them that much. I wear them everywhere…when I’m relaxing at home, on airplanes, running errands, and out to lunch with friends. They come in lots of colors, but I prefer basic black. You can wear them with sneakers for a casual look or even dress them up a little with boots/booties/sandals. Truly, these are one of my best purchases ever! They retain their shape. They have pockets. And they are uber-comfy. Get them here.
  • Victrola Nostalgic 6-in-1 Bluetooth Record Player and Multimedia Center. Is there someone on your list who has some old 45s or LPs laying around unused? This Victrola unit is normally $159, but it’s on sale right now for just $99.99 for Prime members. I think my husband would love to have one of these upstairs in his “man cave.” In addition to a turntable, it offers a CD player, cassette player, AM/FM radio, and it even offers streaming from your phone through the speakers. If you have a nostalgic music buff on your list, this could be the perfect gift! Get it here. Purchase it with a stand here for $169.24 or with a Victrola crate and stand for $219.83 here.
  • K Cups Holder/Organizer Stand. These things are crazy handy for coffee drinkers like me. I love my coffee, but I refuse to purchase it at chain coffee stores. Therefore, I prepare my own coffee at home with my Keurig and K Cups. A K Cup holder is a great place to store the cups and makes it easy for selecting which coffee you want. Get one at Amazon for $22.97 here. Or maybe you like the drawer-style organizer? See it here.
  • Samsung Freestyle Portable Projector. Not gonna lie. This one is not cheap, but if someone on your list likes big movies projected onto big screens with big sounds, this could be the perfect gift. Priced right now at $459.99 (regularly $597.99, a savings of 23%), you’ll get it at a discounted price. Have friends over for outdoor movies? Have family over to watch a movie during summer? Project onto a wall or a screen! It’s good for travel, and it comes loaded with apps. Purchase here.
  • Bug Hull Rechargeable Hand Warmers. These can be a gift or make great stocking stuffers for anyone on your list who doesn’t live in south Florida. They hold a charge for 16 hours! Keep these in your jacket pockets!They’re inexpensive but very useful…especially at January sporting events or anything outdoors. Heck, just getting to work or school can be no fun in the freezing cold! Get these for $28.99 at Amazon here.
  • Anti-Theft Backpack. When I travel, I like to walk around new cities or areas with my hands free, so I can shop, snack, whatever. However, lots of backpacks open on the outside, making it easy for pickpockets to unzip the backpack quickly and easily, taking whatever they want. Therefore, I like to carry a small backpack that opens on the side facing my back. There are lots of them out there, but you don’t have to spend a fortune for a small backpack to carry your items safely. For $28.99, you can get a cute nylon one from Pincnel at Amazon here. Before a recent trip to Panamá, I purchased a “leather” one from Amazon for $26.99 that worked great. You can see it here. I tend to not purchase black ones, because I’m less likely to leave it somewhere if it’s a standout color. I chose lavender. Or see lots of anti-theft backpacks from Amazon here.
  • Hanging Toiletry Bag. When I traveld with a friend to Pittsburgh earlier this year, she had a hanging toiletry bag. All her toiletry items in one place…not taking up valuable counter space in a hotel room! Hang it over a door in the bathroom or closet. I just remembered and ordered one for myself. Get one at Amazon for $20.99 here. It’s great for college students or anyone on your list who travels.
  • Amazon Kindle Paperwhite. For anyone on your list who enjoys reading, this is a great gift, no doubt. I would love to find one under the tree for me on Christmas morning! Get the 8G version here for $139.99, or the 32G version here for $189.99.

We will post more ideas leading up to Christmas!

by Kelly Mattei

Youngest in the Grade

Youngest in the grade.

My daughter just turned 20 a few days ago. She’s a sophomore in college, living her best life. My husband and I traveled to her university to celebrate her, and a good time was had by all! In fact, we are still enjoying our time with her and her friends! It did, however, make me think about how fortunate she is that she will turn 21 at the beginning of her junior year in college. She is definitely not the youngest in her class, and believe me when I say I tried to design it that way.

I was one of the youngest in my grade growing up. I wasn’t the youngest, but with a late May birthday, I definitely wasn’t one of the older ones. Add in the fact that I was short with a round little face, so I looked even younger. I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and then, in college, I was one of the last of my friends to turn 21…after the end of my junior year of college!

Some of you who didn’t experience that might not think it matters. Maybe it didn’t matter at all to some of you when you were growing up. It mattered to me. I hated that I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and in college, I especially hated that I was among the last of my friends to turn 21. It mattered…a lot. It mattered so much to me, in fact, that I literally had a countdown from my 20th birthday to my 21st. I could tell you exactly how many days, hours, and minutes it was until my birthday. Yes, I would actually say things to my friends like, “I will be 21 in exactly 163 days, 7 hours, and 22 minutes.” Annoying? I’m sure. Weird? Probably. But I wanted to be 21.

It makes me wonder about the kids who skip grades. I’m not condemning that concept, so don’t come at me. I will fight back, you know. Personally, for me, it would have been a terrible thing to be the youngest among my “peers,” especially if I were a year younger! Lots of people in college don’t want to be the one who can’t go to the bar when everyone else can. I have a friend whose daughter is the youngest in her friend group, and when Taylor Swift was in Nashville, the daughter was one week shy of her 21st birthday. All her friends were in Nashville and able to go out to bars, but she couldn’t go to all of them. She could go to the 18+ or 19+ bars, but not the real bars. She felt left out of the fun.

When I was a little girl, in first and second grade, it was recommended that I skip a grade. My mother, in her wisdom, refused. She would point out how small I was. And she would also say, “She does not need to be behind the curve socially. No, she’s staying where she is.” She was wise. No, I’m not saying you are unwise if you let your kid skip a grade. You do you. I am saying I definitely would not have been socially ready for college a year earlier. I will say I see a lot of great athletes who are young in their grade at school and could have been even greater athletes if they’d had another year to grow. My child was eligible to go to kindergarten in North Carolina in 2008, but I wanted her to do a year of transitional kindergarten. I didn’t want her to be the youngest in the grade. I wanted her to have the most athletic opportunities she could have, if she wanted them (she did). I wanted her to be among the first to get her driver’s license, and among the first to turn 21 in college.

By giving my girl an October birthday, I ensured that she will be among the first to turn 21 in her class in college. She has thanked me many times for it. My husband and I were thrilled that she was among the first to turn 16, because it meant she would be responsible for driving herself, instead of being dependent on other teens. We trusted her driving, because we taught her, and we made her have double the number of practice driving hours required by the state of North Carolina to get her license. With 120 practice hours, she was a fairly experienced driver for a 16-yr-old.

So now I’m wishing a belated Happy Birthday to our 20-yr-old! That sounds weird to say. She will be 21 in 350-something days.

***I’m not an educator. I’m not a psychologist. I’m not qualified in any way to say whose kid should start school when. I’m a mom and a person who turned 16 and 21 after all her friends. I’m not offering parenting advice or educational advice in any way, shape, or fashion.***

by Kelly Mattei

Freshman Move-In vs Sophomore Move-In

Freshman move-in vs sophomore move-in.

A friend texted me today telling me her daughter hasn’t helped her gather or pack anything for move-in to her college freshman dorm next week. She seemed annoyed about it, but I chuckled to myself. I know what she is going through. I know how she feels. I went through the same thing last year.

Last year, as we were preparing for our daughter to go off to college for her freshman year, I was making lists and shopping for everything she could possibly need in her dorm room. Boxes filled our foyer. I washed and folded new sheets for her that are better than the sheets I have on my own bed. I packed all the medical supplies, cleaning supplies, and toiletries I could possibly think to pack.

I told my friend, “I think that’s normal. She is probably in denial about her upcoming departure. You’re nesting…just like you did when you were expecting a baby. Nesting/staying busy takes your mind off the fact that your child is about to move hundreds of miles away. If you’re busy you won’t think about it, and if she doesn’t pack anything, she doesn’t have to think about leaving her friends behind.” I told her, “Last year, my daughter packed absolutely nothing. She brought down the clothes/shoes/toiletries she wanted to take (after I told her to), but I did all the packing.” In fact, it was such a foreign concept to me at the time that I wrote a piece about college nesting. You can see it here.

This year, her sophomore year, was much different. We moved her into her sorority house last week. Preparations? I did almost nothing. Seriously. I didn’t order anything. She brought down the very expensive sheets she had packed last year, and I washed them, but that was about it. I did order some wardrobe boxes from Amazon (see them here) for her to pack in, but that’s it. I don’t think I did anything else. I guess she learned something from living away from home: how to take care of business. In fact, I went out for a little while the afternoon before we were taking her to school, and when I got home, all her belongings were in the foyer. She had two wardrobe boxes packed with her clothes, and she had everything else in moving bags and Hulken bags. She really made it easy on me this year.

Do I think that’s normal? Yes. Every friend I have spoken with says their sophomore children have handled all the moving logistics on their own. And all my friends told me last year that their kids did nothing.

What did those rising freshmen do with their time leading up to departure? They spent a lot of time with their high school friends. Perfectly normal. I’m no psychologist, but I remember how hard it is to leave friends behind. By the time sophomore move-in rolls around, they know their high school friends can visit anytime, and they are excited to get back to their college friends.

So don’t worry if your freshman isn’t taking care of business on the move-out process. It’s normal. Let them be with their friends. I can almost guarantee they will handle it next year.

by Kelly Mattei

Father’s Day Gifts 2023

Father’s Day Gifts 2023.

Father’s Day is this Sunday, June 18!

Let’s just get right to it. You know Dad needs a gift. Here are some things you can order from Amazon and have delivered directly (and quickly) to you or your dad:

  • Ice Ball Mold. If Dad’s a whiskey drinker, he’ll love this ice ball mold. If he drink’s sodas but doesn’t like them diluted, ice balls melt more slowly, because they are larger. At under $12, this is a great gift! Purchase here.
  • JBL Portable Speaker. Teenagers aren’t the only ones who love to have tunes! My husband takes his JBL speaker on vacation, so he can use it on boats, beaches, or by the pool. He also uses it if he’s working outside at home. JBL makes lots of great portable speakers. If you need something really small and easily portable, the JBL Go 3 or the JBL Clip might be best. They’re both small but put out big sound. See them here. My husband prefers the JBL Flip 6, which is a little larger speaker with great sound for the beach. See JBL Flip speakers here at lots of different price points between $67 and $200. It’s a gift Dad will love!
  • Massage Chair Cushion. My husband loves a good massage. No, he won’t get a full-on massage from this chair cushion, but for $49, he will get some soothing heat and vibration. Get it at Amazon here.
  • Yeti Cooler/Cup. If dad ever tailgates, camps, or spends time at the beach, a Yeti cooler will always come in handy. They come in lots of different sizes and price points. They are built to last and keeps sodas and beers super cold! If you don’t want to spend the $$$ for a cooler, a Yeti cup won’t set you back so much, and it makes a great gift for Dad too! Check out the Yeti page on Amazon here.
  • Tabletop Ice Maker. These are great for tailgates or in the mancave. I know several people who have the portable tabletop ice makers, and they love them! Priced under $80, they’re a bargain! See it here.
  • Lifestraw Products. If dad enjoys the great outdoors, camps, or travels to countries where the water supply is questionable, Lifestraw Products could make a great gift for him! I love the originial Lifestraw (the actual straw) for portability, but they also make pitchers and bottles with the Lifestraw technology to clean water. See Lifestraw here. Prices start as low as about $9 for the original straw.
  • Solo Stove. Solo Stove makes great, easy-to-use, smokeless firepits. Some are portable, and some are even tabletop (shown in photo below)…perfect for roasting marshmallows for s’mores! Or get a larger one for those evenings when he’s gathering with family and friends on the patio. We love ours! See all of Solo Stove’s offerings on Amazon here.

There are a few ideas! Get busy shopping! Father’s Day is Sunday!