Category / parents

by Kelly Mattei

College Nesting?

***I posted this two years ago, in 2022, when I was preparing to send our daughter off to college 450 miles away. If you’re about to send your child off to college, you can do this!***

College nesting?

Nineteen years ago, we were eagerly awaiting the arrival of our daughter. She was due on October 11, so in August and September of that year, I was in full-on “nesting mode.” Anyone who has ever expected a baby knows what I’m talking about…that need to get every detail squared away before the baby arrives. Back then, we read all about it in What to Expect When You’re Expecting, so we weren’t surprised when we found ourselves lining drawers and washing everything in sight.

Fast forward 19 years, and I find myself doing the same thing.

Why am I “nesting” for my soon-to-be college freshman?

Why am I nesting for my soon-to-be college freshman? It had never occurred to me that this could happen, but a couple of days ago, as I packed up some IKEA bags with dorm bedding, lighting, and other items, I realized, “I’m nesting.” Unfortunately, I haven’t ever found a book called What to Expect When You’re Sending Your Child to College, so I don’t have any reference. Sure, I have called my friends who have college kids and asked them about it. They all assure me that what I’m doing is perfectly normal…that it’s a way of dealing with the transition. I just wish I could see it in writing somewhere.

Is the transition going to be easy? No. I am beyond excited for our daughter. She is going to enjoy the full college experience at my alma mater. Sure, there will be days she is stressed out or even homesick, but hopefully, I will be able to talk her through it. Or her friends will distract her. Or she will get busy and forget about homesickness. As for me, I don’t know who will talk me through it. I will miss her like crazy. Will I be able to handle it? Yes, of course. No, I’m not planning to move to be near her college. In fact, I have three big vacations planned for the month following her departure. If that doesn’t help take my mind off it, nothing will.

But that’s why this whole college nesting thing happens…for the parents. Any good parent is likely a little worried about their college-bound kid. I’m not worried about her handling the school work. She will figure that out. I know, too, that she will make new friends quickly…especially since she will be living in a dorm. It’s more of a concern about her spinning her wheels trying to get everything else done. I know she can and will do it, but my nesting instinct is making me prepare everything I can for her room. Cold/nausea/pain medications? Check. I don’t want her to have to run out to look for meds if she is feeling poorly. Cleaning supplies/vacuum cleaner? Check. I have no idea how often she and her roommate will clean the bathroom in their dorm room, but I want to make sure the tools are there. Laundry supplies/clothing prep? Check. I have packed a stand-up steamer and laundry supplies, including Static Guard, a wrinkle releaser, an on-the-go spot remover, and a small sewing kit. Basic school supplies? Check. Having a few things in advance won’t hurt. Bins and organizers for the room? Check. They likely won’t be used as planned, but they have them if they want them.

I know she and her roommate will need to go out and get more things after we, the parents, hit the road. It will give them an excuse to get out of the dorm for a little while. Do I think they will end up doubling up on some of the things I have carefully packed and organized for them? Yes, because they won’t even look at a lot of the things I have packed. They won’t even realize they already have rubberbands and paperclips. And that’s OK.

Whether they use the things I have packed or not, I will know I sent her off prepared for most things. She might go out and look for Band-Aids for the blisters on her heels even though I packed them in a medicine box for them. And again, that’s OK. I know those Band-Aids are there for them. That’s why I’m “college nesting,” just like other parents are all over the country right now. Sure, it’s for them, but mostly, it makes me feel better about her departure. By focusing on mundane tasks, I am not focusing on the fact that this child (adult?) I have nurtured and loved for almost 19 years is flying the coop.

She is leaving us and will never live in our house again on a permanent basis. I think that’s the fact I am trying to process while I’m preparing her for the next school year. We are proud parents. We are happy that she is moving into this next phase of life, and we are excited about what it means for us too. But it’s going to be a transition, for sure.

I guess I should get busy packing up some clothes for her today.

by Kelly Mattei

You Are Not Going to College with Your Child

You are not going to college with your child.

Why am I saying that? Well, because it seems lots of parents think they need to be involved with their child’s college experience. I’m here to tell you: you do not need to know anything, Mom. Even if you went to your child’s orientation session (or plan to attend), you don’t need to remember the information. College is your child’s job. It’s not your job. If you keep assisting your child with everything he/she needs to do/know, your child will never learn to do it on his/her own. Stick with me, and at the end of this piece, I will tell you what you can do to make your child’s transition to college more successful.

I think parents became more “helicopterish” with their college students when colleges and universities started offering orientation sessions for parents. No, just no. It makes me sick. I have said before that I went with my daughter two years ago, but I only went because it seemed everyone else was going, and I didn’t want her to feel like an orphan! I skipped out at lunch on the first day and never looked back. I simply couldn’t take it. It made me crazy that parents were asking questions kids should have been asking for themselves. If I had a second child, he/she would be going it alone, and I would feel great about it. You know why? Well, I truly believe those parent sessions are simply babysitting sessions to keep parents busy after they have traveled there. It wasn’t terrible, but I did not need to know the information they were putting out there. Where to park? I don’t care. Where to eat? I don’t care. I have already graduated from college…way back in the 1980s…and I figured it all out myself.

In 1985, my parents didn’t go to orientation with me! No way! I drove myself two hours to the university, found the dorm without a navigation system in my car, learned what I needed to know, made my schedule, and drove myself home…alone. In fact, I don’t recall seeing one parent at orientation at The University of Alabama in 1985!

And while I’m at it, allow me to also remind you that you don’t need to make your child’s academic schedule. Again, he/she needs to learn how to do it on his/her own. I see parents on the parent pages regularly talking about helping their kids make their schedules. What??? I don’t even know what classes my daughter is taking! And my parents never knew what classes I was taking!

Take a deep breath, Mom. Your child can navigate college without you. If you don’t believe that, maybe your child shouldn’t be going too far from home. Mine goes to a school 450 miles away, and it’s the greatest thing I ever did for her…letting her do college on her own. She takes care of herself and handles everything on her own, and we don’t waste our time talking about school. We talk about life and fun things, instead!

So, how can you help your child with the transition to college? I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I am a mom, so I know a little bit. Here’s what you can do:

  • Help them prepare to outfit their dorm room. Gather what they need, and purchase what you don’t have. (Amazon Prime Days are coming up in mid-July, and there will be lots of dorm stuff on sale…a great time to get good prices! Come back to my site to get information on some special deals!)
  • Answer the phone when they call you…anytime, day or night. That first semester can be difficult, so they might need a sounding board. Be there for them. Be supportive. Be positive and encouraging.
  • Make sure they know what to do in emergency situations.
  • Provide whatever they need.
  • Most of all:

Let your little birdie fly! It might not be easy, but it’s important! They can do this! And you can too!

by Kelly Mattei

Sorority Rush Prep Should Be Well Underway

Sorority rush prep should be well underway.

If your daughter is participating in sorority recruitment, especially in the south, you need to be knee deep in preparations by now. If not, it’s not too late, but get busy. I wrote a piece in February called Don’t Sweat Fall Sorority Rush Yet, and in it, I included a timeline of preparation. It’s almost mid-June…let’s gooooooooo! To read the piece I mentioned, click here.

In the piece, the timeline mentions the wardrobe in July. That is when it should be shored up and ready to go. Shop now for rush appropriate dresses. That means you don’t want to be too flashy, too skimpy, or too matronly. Most college-age girls know what is fashionable, but if you wouldn’t wear it in front of your boyfriend’s mother, don’t wear it for rush.

If you haven’t registered for rush or made any required videos, get busy. I’ve mentioned this before: don’t read a script for your video, but have some talking points, making sure you cover any prompts they have requested. Smile and be confident, and use good lighting!

Millions of young women have participated in recruitment over the years; you can do this!

Please send any questions, comments, or concerns. I love getting questions!

by Kelly Mattei

You Have A High School Graduate

You have a high school graduate.

I just saw a video of Jennifer Garner on Instagram. She was crying, because her daughter just graduated from high school. In one clip, she asks, “How are we gonna make it?!” Of course, lots of people responded, but my favorite comment was, “Why aren’t people making us casseroles?” I laughed until I cried thinking of a mom being so distraught over her child leaving that she needed comfort food, and while I loved that comment, because I also love any opportunity to make or receive a casserole, I know a secret.

My secret? Having your child graduate and move off to college (or the military or trade school or ATC school or the police academy or whatever) is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s the opposite! If you have more than one child, you’re likely to feel like your life continues on about the same trajectory until all your babies have left the nest. I have one child, so when my daughter went off to college, my husband and I became empty-nesters…empty-nesters who are still paying all our daughter’s bills, but empty-nesters, nonetheless. And you know what? After we dropped her off at her university 450 miles away, the world didn’t come to an end! Our old life ended, but a new life began, and it’s a lot of fun!

I saw a video clip from the TV show, Modern Family, recently that really hit home. In the video, Jay, the family patriarch, talks about how we fall in love with a baby, and then the baby becomes a toddler, and on and on through different stages of life, but we never have time to miss the baby, because it’s replaced with another version of itself…a “toddler with the greatest laugh on earth.” And it’s true! I have loved every stage of our daughter’s life! Has it always been easy? That first year was especially tough. I remember thinking on her first birthday, “I survived the first year.” Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed the first year too, but there was some survival involved. I think the fact that it’s not easy is what makes us appreciate it. Struggling with a newborn just bonds us!

My next door neighbor, who is a grandmother several times over, told me recently that she feels like those early years with kids at home are a real gift, but they are a sacrifice too. Once our kids are grown and out of the house, we miss them, but we are grateful for the gift they continue to be (even with crises), and we appreciate not making the daily sacrifices. Since our daughter went off to college, my husband I don’t have to get up early every morning to make sure our daughter gets out to school. Like many people these days, we can do our work from home…or anywhere, for that matter. If we want to leave town during the school year, we can! If we want to eat dinner standing over the kitchen sink, we can! For me, I love that our lives are no longer built around a school schedule. Of course, there are other sacrifices. College is not cheap. Trips abroad for our daughter are not cheap. Also, we have to worry from afar instead of worrying about her in our own home. If she’s in Italy, we worry about her in Italy. If she’s in Tuscaloosa, we worry about her in Tuscaloosa. However, the minute-to-minute sacrifices aren’t there like they are when our children are younger. I don’t spend my weekends at soccer or lacrosse tournaments anymore, praise the Lord! I don’t volunteer at her school anymore, thank God. At the same time, though, we don’t get to watch her play lacrosse, and we don’t have her here every day anymore.

Is it difficult when they first leave? Yes. I’m not gonna kid you about that. The house is quieter. The friends are not in and out all the time anymore, and at first, I was sad about that. Then, by the Christmas of her freshman year, I guess I had grown accustomed to having my own space, because when all the friends were here, I was surprised at how loud and intrusive it could feel! Don’t get me wrong…after a couple of days, it became the norm again, and by the time she went back to school that January, I had to get used to the peace and quiet again.

All this is my long way of saying this: embrace the change! It’s a great stage of life! Do I miss my girl when she’s not here? Yes, but I also appreciate the time she is here, and I appreciate the extra time to do what I want to do. If you have a child who has graduated and is leaving soon for college, the military, or something else, take the time right now, before they go, to make a plan for yourself. Know in advance how you are going to fill up that quiet time! It’s easier to adjust if you have a plan. Play mahjong! Play pickleball! Learn to play bridge! Volunteer somewhere! After our daughter left, I started getting more exercise, and I spend a lot of time planning vacations. I don’t go on vacation constantly, but it’s fun to research destinations. I also spend time with friends once or twice a week.

You can do this, Mama! I think you will find empty-nesting is not scary. It’s fun. Fill up the weekends doing what you want to do! Embrace the change!

by Kelly Mattei

What to Purchase Now for a Dorm Room

What to purchase now for a dorm room.

My daughter just finished her sophomore year of college.. It’s hard for me to believe she is 1/2 of the way through college. I remember my own college days so well; I’m so happy she is getting to go to the same awesome university and have her own experiences. We feel pretty seasoned now that she has survived two years. So while I’m thinking about it, and since you have time to prepare now, I’m going to make some suggestions on necessities. Seriously, I know graduation festivities (ugh) are upon you, but start purchasing and ordering now, and you’ll have less to do as your college freshman’s departure approaches. You can also spread out the expenses over the next few months instead of being slapped in the face with big credit card bills at dorm move-in time. These are just a few items I recommend purchasing early, before everyone else jumps in, and they’re sold out.

Mattress Topper. I never met a dorm mattress I liked. Goodness. One would think they could find a way to improve those things. I was a freshman in 1985, and I daresay my daughter’s freshman dorm mattress was no more comfortable than the one I had way back when. We knew that would be the case, so we invested in a quality mattress topper. There are lots of them out there, but we opted for the Sleepyhead brand. Our daughter’s dorm room has a twin XL bed, so we ordered the Twin XL 3″ Topper from Sleepyhead. She loves it. Priced at over $300, it’s not cheap, but right now, they are offering a $70 coupon. It’s probably some of the best money I’ve ever spent. Our daughter used hers freshman year in the dorm and sophomore year in the sorority house. She loved sleeping in her bed, calling it “cozy and comfy.” She got two full years of use out of it. She will be moving into an apartment next year with a queen bed, so she can’t use it again, but we will purchase another Sleepyhead topper for her queen bed. Check out Sleepyhead on Amazon here.

Stand-up Steamer. I think people thought I was crazy when I told them I was getting our daughter a stand-up steamer to take to college with her, but it is one thing that definitely got used…and it’s so much easier than ironing! Plus, a stand-up steamer won’t “walk away” to someone else’s dorm room, never to be seen again! Our daughter participated in sorority recruitment as soon as she arrived at school, so I knew she would need to steam out her dresses before she wore them. We couldn’t have her showing up all wrinkled! She tells me she has used it countless times throughout the year for steaming formal dresses, cocktail dresses, and anything else that was overly wrinkled. We opted for the a Rowenta model. You can see it and purchase it on Amazon here. If you want to purchase a handheld steamer instead, I highly recommend one from Rowenta you can purchase here.

Bankers Box Smooth Move Wardrobe Boxes. These stand-up boxes are more for the move-in, but they were big helps with our daughter’s hanging garments. They have a bar across the top on which to hang the clothes, and they hold a lot of clothes. We only used one, and our daughter took a lot of clothes with her. When we arrived in the dorm, we simply lifted the hangers off the bar and moved them straight to the closet bar…super easy. For about $44, you’ll get three bankers boxes. We gave one to a friend who was going off to college too, and saved the third one…might use it for move-out. You can purchase here.

Swiffer Sweeper 2-in-1 Mop. I don’t know how often this item has been used, but if they can’t really clean the floor without it. At least give them a fighting chance at having a “clean-ish” floor. Plus, you will want to run it through the room before you set everything up. Just get it. It will make you feel better knowing your child can mop the floor if he/she chooses or needs to! Get it from Amazon here.

Velvet Hangers. I know how easy it is for a college student on the go to grab a shirt and just snatch it off the hanger on the way to class. Hangers go flying, and other items fall to the bottom of the closet. That doesn’t happen with velvet hangers. They have added a lot of organization to my own closet. I purchase Zober non-slip Velvet Hangers in Ivory. Just trust me on this one. Shirts don’t get horns in the shoulders. Dresses hang nicely and don’t fall off the hanger and into the floor. Get them at Amazon here. You’ll think you won’t need many, but start with 200.

And I’m going to repeat some move-in essentials from a piece I wrote recently:

Hulken Bag. I ordered two. My daughter has one at college, and I have one at home, but I will take mine down with me when we move her out. They simply make moving lots of items easier. We got large ones. Get them here.

Moving Bags. These are similar to the Ikea moving bags, but I ordered from Amazon, because I thought these were a little bigger and sturdier. They worked great for move-in, and I expect them to work great for move-out too! Get them here. (Keep in mind: these sell out during summer, as families stock up on them, so get yours early.)

Collapsible Wagon. We got one of these for our daughter when she was returning to college after the holidays. It was an easy way for her to get everything from the parking garage to her room. Get it here.

Versacart. This is one my aunt told me about, and it’s awesome! She calls it her “old lady cart,” but it does the job! She uses it to bring in groceries or any packages from her car. Get it here.

Stick with me, moms of future college students, and I’ll provide you with all sorts of helpful ideas over the next few months. Start shopping now! And please use my links above to purchase! *I may be compensated for some of the items I suggest, but I wouldn’t suggest them if I didn’t believe in them!

***Featured photo from sleepyheadusa.com

by Kelly Mattei

What Does an Izod Shirt Have in Common with a Stanley Cup?

What does an Izod shirt have in common with a Stanley cup?

If you are a woman who was alive during the 1980s, you likely know the answer to that question immediately. Whether you know the answer or not, stick with me to see the correlation.

Women and teenagers all over the country are going crazy for Stanley cups…snatching up special editions at Target and carrying giant cups of water (vodka?) everywhere they go. Don’t get me wrong. I am not making fun. I love the fact that people are doing a better job of staying hydrated. Stanley brand, of course, is laughing all the way to the bank. After all these years of making thermoses, they have an even bigger moneymaker with these cups!

Apparently, however, teenagers (mostly girls, I think) are being bullied if they don’t have a Stanley cup. People are all up in arms over the fact that their teenage daughters are being “bullied” because they don’t have Stanley cups. (Don’t get me wrong. I know bullying is never OK.) Therefore, lots of people are complaining that it is shameful and sad that teenage girls are going crazy over this product.

They’re acting like it’s a new phenomenon.

It’s nothing new. And this is where the Izod shirts come in. Welcome to the 1980s, when teenage girls went crazy over them…for a while. You could have a cute polo-style collared shirt, but if it didn’t have an alligator emblem on it (or later, a Ralph Lauren Polo symbol), it wasn’t cool. The early ones were pique knit and solid-colored, but they eventually made cute striped ones in a more stretchy knit with solid collars. Every teenage girl wanted them, it seemed. My own mother was not big on overpaying for things, but she did purchase me one…a turquoise one. It’s likely it was a birthday gift. However, my godmother came to town for a visit and brought me a few more in different colors…yellow, red, green! We didn’t have social media then, so it couldn’t be used for constant promotion, but girls all over the country wanted their parents to overpay for those Izod shirts. I talked to someone recently who said her mother would buy cheaper versions of the shirt and cut the alligators off the shirts she didn’t wear anymore…applying them to the newer, cheaper shirts!

You know what else we wanted back in the 80s? Nike sneakers, Tretorn sneakers, Add-a-Bead necklaces and bracelets, Ray-ban Sunglasses, Wood-handled Bermuda bags, Twist-a-Bead necklaces, those awful Jessica McClintock Gunne Sax dresses, Guess jeans, and more. Like I said, Mother wasn’t big on overpaying for things, so I had to add lots of things to my birthday and Christmas lists. The Nike sneakers were not a tough sell with Mother, for some reason, and I got some white Nikes with a turquoise swoosh. My aunt gave me an Add-a-Bead necklace for Christmas! I don’t think I had any Ray-bans or Vuarnets until college, and honestly, that was not a smart thing for me to do, since I broke one pair and lost the other. Did I get every trendy item? No, but I remember wanting them all!

My friend, Angela, still talks about the friend she had who had lots of different colored Bermuda bags to attach to the wood handles as a handbag…all of them monogrammed with her initials or the monogram of their school, for cheer purposes. It’s funny what we remember!

Here’s my point: the Stanley cup craze may be the latest trend, but it certainly isn’t the first and won’t be the last. This has been going on forever. And you know what? If someone wants to spend their money on a Stanley cup, why does someone else care? It’s their money. No one tells me how to spend my money, so who am I to tell someone else how to spend theirs?

Do I think kids and teenagers should be “bullying” people if they don’t have a Stanley cup? No, but I do think it’s something that has been going on since the beginning of time in the teenage world. Maybe it’s just part of growing up. Weren’t we all “bullied” about something in the 1980s? I don’t mean threatened. I mean we were embarrassed because we had “Bill’s Dollar Store” stamped on a notebook our mother purchased there (my mother loved to buy notebooks at Bill’s Dollar Store, seeing no reason to spend two or three times as much when she could buy bunches of them there for practically nothing) or some other silly thing. No joke…I was so embarrassed that my mother bought those notebooks that I ripped the covers off all of them, carrying around notebooks with no covers all school year. Sounds silly, but at least I didn’t have to listen to, “Your mom shops at Bill’s Dollar Store??!?!” Maybe it’s one of those struggles we just have to survive to be tough enough to make it in the real world. I do know we had to be tough in the 80s. Maybe it made me tougher to have to wait for my Izod when other people had those highly desirable items? Maybe it taught us that everyone can’t have everything. I mean, in the real world, everybody can’t have the same thing.

These days, besides the Stanley cup, they want Skimms shirts, Lululemon leggings, expensive sneakers, and more. By comparison, the Stanley cup is downright inexpensive, and it will last forever!

by Kelly Mattei

I’m Glad I Went to College in the 1980s

I’m glad I went to college in the 1980s.

Most people my age probably agree with me on this. I have always thought college was great in the 1980s for lots of reasons, and here are a few:

  • No smartphones. Sure, there are advantages to smartphones. You can call for roadside assistance if you need it. However, you can also take videos and photos with smartphones…not always the best thing for college students. I have to always remind my daughter there are cameras everywhere. I’m just thankful that was not the case in the 1980s when I was a student. We all tell stories about what we did, but we don’t need photographic evidence.
  • Our parents were clueless. I know what my daughters major is, but I don’t know what classes she is taking or what classes she needs to take to complete her degree…that makes me more like an 80s parent. Based on the Facebook parents’ pages for her university, parents are making their kids schedules these days, telling them what to take, and monitoring their progress toward graduation! They’re even checking their grades online! Nope. I don’t have access to my daughter’s grades, and I don’t even know what classes she is taking. OK, so I know she is taking a math and an English class this semester (because she mentioned them in passing), but I don’t know her other classes or anything else. I just expect her to handle it. I do, however, see her grades at the end of each semester, because she shows them to me.
  • Information was in an easy-to-read catalogue. We got hardcopy catalogues about majors and graduation requirements. It made it easy to look up what classes we had to take to graduate. It’s just as easy to look online, but apparently, students don’t do that! Well, I think lots of them do, but apparently, some don’t, and as the graduation date nears, they realize they have more classes to take! How does that happen? If they had a hardcopy catalogue on their nightstands, would this happen?
  • A night out was cheap. Seriously, I think I could buy a bottle of beer at my favorite watering hole for $1.50 or $1.75…then leave a dollar tip. I could take $15 and enjoy a night!
  • Transfer portals didn’t exist. Sure, athletes could transfer, but they often had to sit out a year after doing so. Athletes made their decisions and usually stuck to them. There was loyalty. Now the thinking is more like a 1986 Janet Jackson song, “What have you done for me lately?” There are athletes who transfer two and three times during their college careers! It’s insanity! Not only are they not loyal to their teams, they are ruining their own college experience! That’s just my opinion. People can do what they want, but I wouldn’t want mine doing that. Honestly, I think this generation expects immediate gratification in everything. Maybe we learned something from having to send off film from our 110 cameras and wait a week to see the photos! Now they see the photos as soon as they take them…even faster than a Polaroid! And speaking of Janet Jackson…
  • We had the real MTV! Yes, it’s a thing. We had the real MTV that actually showed music videos and featured music-related content. Plus, there was Remote Control, the MTV gameshow! Good times! How many of us can remember rushing home to see the world premier of the videos for Thriller and The Reflex? For me, that was high school, but even in college, we watched a lot of MTV…I can still dance along with Bobby Brown! (If you’d like to purchase an MTV sweatshirt to help you remember the good old days, click here.)
  • We could make prank phone calls. It’s a fact. We loved making prank calls in college. My junior and senior years , we made one prank call Monday nights…sending a college boy on a wild goose chase, and it worked every time. It was so funny that I often laughed until…well, you get the idea. With “caller ID” automatic now, students can’t make those prank calls now. Well, I guess they can, but it’s not the same.

I’m sure there are lots more reasons I love college in the 80s! My own daughter has said many times that she wishes she had been in high school/college in the 80s, and I tell her, “It was a good time to be alive!”

If you have other reasons it was great to be in college in the 1980s, please share!

by Kelly Mattei

College Student Struggled?

College student struggled?

The grades have come in for first semester, so by now, parents everywhere know if their college student did well, struggled, or failed. I have a friend whose daughter’s first semester was a disappointment, and I told her what I’m going to tell you: One semester does not a failure make.

It happens every year. Kids who were successful in high school get to college and struggle. Often, it’s students who skated through high school, so they never really learned to study. Other students went to college thinking they were the smartest people in the room, so they decided to start with difficult classes, and they weren’t really prepared. They should have started out with a lighter schedule.

My daughter is a sophomore in college, so I know lots of college students. For students who go to college where football is big and Greek life starts in the fall, I always tell those students, “Take it easy on yourself academically first semester. You’re going to be adjusting to college. You’re rushing a sorority/fraternity. Football season is a lot of fun, and there will be lots of distractions. Don’t make the first semester more difficult than it has to be.” My daughter listened and did very well her first semester. Some of her friends even listened! Others…not so much…and they struggled or even failed first semester. They came home and said, “I should have listened.”

But what I want to tell you is that your student can recover! One of my very best friends made a 1.0 her first semester in college! Her dad sold her car and sent her back to college without it, telling her she had one more semester to get her act together. When she went home for spring break, she asked her dad where her car was, and he replied, “You mean my car? The one I paid for? I sold it!” And you know what? At the end of that second semester, her grades were much better. He got her a new car. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think the car had anything to do with it. I think my friend simply buckled down, because she knew her dad would make her leave school and go home if she didn’t do well her second semester.

Another friend had dreams of going to law school. After two semesters of playing too much, her grades were in the toilet, and her parents did not send her back to the university. Interestingly, after working for a couple of years, her parents sent her back to the university. She did well. She graduated and went to law school! Yet another friend made a 1.6 his first semester of college and eventually went on to a prestigious medical school.

Sometimes, kids just need a little kick in the pants…not literally, of course. I mean they need a little wake-up call. Many of them have never experienced failure, so seeing bad grades at the end of the semester is a shock to their system! Some are motivated by it. Others, not so much. And some just need a little more time to mature. What I’m trying to tell you is, “Don’t give up on your kid!” It’s OK to punish your student. It’s OK to sell the car or use whatever “currency” is important to them, but I have seen many first semester failures turn into successes.

Hang in there, Mom and Dad. Encourage your student to work hard and get the help he/she needs…tutors, study sessions, office hours with professors, time management, etc. Check in regularly. Be your student’s cheerleader.

One semester does not a failure make.

by Kelly Mattei

Halfway Through Sophomore Year

Halfway through sophomore year…

Our daughter just returned to college after being home for a few weeks for the holiday break. We loved having her, and I think she enjoyed being here, for the most part, but she was more than ready to get back to school. I could tell she was getting fidgety about being here too long.

And you know what? As much as I miss her, I am thrilled she wanted to get back to school.

We were fortunate to have a fun night last night. Somehow, the three of us ending up sitting in the keeping room off the kitchen with all three of our dogs, laughing and talking about anything that came to mind. I don’t know how long we laughed and talked, but it was a great way to end the break…on a very positive note. That’s not to say we didn’t get on each other’s nerves here and there while she was home. Of course, we got on each other’s nerves a few times. My mother used to say, “No house is big enough for two women.” My mother was a wise woman, but since our daughter is still our baby, our house is still big enough for all of us. While we annoyed each other a few times, the holiday break was full of positives for our little family. Ending it with an impromptu family. night was perfect.

Today, she drove the 450 miles back to school, and a friend rode with her. I will admit that I checked on them several times, and they even called me to ask some questions about the route. Each time my phone rang, I answered with, “Is everything OK?!?” I got questions like, “What’s a safe place to stop for a bathroom break?” I told them to pay attention to the signs and don’t take the exit if the signage isn’t good. Some generally safe places to stop are Chick-fil-a and even Starbucks, but if they don’t feel safe, don’t stop. Another question? “Should I go straight through Atlanta or get on the bypass?” I told her to just go straight through, and it worked out perfectly. She was on the other side of town in no time. Fortunately, her car gets pretty good gas mileage, so they were able to drive the whole 450 miles without filling up. That’s a big relief, because I don’t need to worry about her standing outside the car, filling it up with gas…and being a sitting duck.

We probably won’t see her for about two months, when we visit for Parents’ Weekend, and that’s OK. If she needs us, we can get there pretty quickly, but we just want her to be happy. She is already making plans to attend some basketball games and gymnastics meets this week, so good times are ahead for her! They’re ahead for me too, as I have a trip with a friend coming up this weekend!

If you have a freshman who is returning to college right now, one thing I can tell you is that, for me, it did get easier to send her back this year. She is established at her school and has friends. She is happy with her living arrangement. She is doing well in school, and she is making lots of fun plans. Did I get a little emotional yesterday? Yes. I was in a mood, but then I realized I was simply dreading her departure, and once I gave into it, I felt better. A few tears later, I felt better.

Before I know it, her sophomore year will be over, and she will be halfway through her bachelor’s degree requirements! Time flies, and I’m just happy she’s having fun!

by Kelly Mattei

Last Minute Great Gifts

Last minute great gifts. Still have some shopping to do? Here are some items for everyone on your list. Seriously, I’m trying to make your life easier by providing links, so all you have to do is click and purchase!

  • Push Pin Travel Map. A framed world map made for push pins to mark places visited? Yes, please! If someone on your list is a world traveler, this is a great gift! Purchase here.

  • Doodle Dazzles Shimmer Marker Set. I don’t even know where I saw these, but they are awesome! I like to “doodle” and practice different writing styles, and when I was in college, I would have loved these for personalizing gifts! They make a great stocking stuffer! Purchase here.

  • Scarf ring. Another great stocking stuffer! I was out at breakfast with a friend yesterday, and she was wearing a lovely scarf. The hostess at the restaurant admired it, and it occurred to me that not everyone has a scarf ring! I have some, and now I need to remember to use them! Get them here. Purchase here.

  • Space Heater. Sometimes, we don’t want to heat a whole big space; maybe I just want warm feet? Or maybe I just want a little warmth in the bathroom when I step out of the shower! My mother loved a good space heater when she was watching TV. Purchase here.

  • AirFort. What kid wouldn’t love an easily-inflatable “fort”? I know mine would have loved it when she was a little girl! She might even enjoy it now, and she’s 20! Connect them to a box fan, and they self-inflate! Great for indoor play! They come in lots of different styles…space shuttle, cottage, mushroom…check them out and purchase here.

  • Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask. I just got home from a “favorite things party,” and one of the hot items was a Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask. My daughter has this product and loves it, but now that I know lots of other people love it too, I’m offering you the link! It’s to be applied at bedtime…wake up with soft lips! This makes a great stocking stuffer or gift. Purchase here.

  • Southern Cocktails. For your friend who loves to try new cocktail recipes, this book makes a great gift! Someone gave it to me, and I love it! From the editors of Southern Living. Purchase here.

  • Preseasoned Cast Iron Skillet. Every southerner needs a preseasoned cast iron skillet (or two!). Heck maybe everyone in the world should have one! They can be used stovetop, in the oven, or over a fire! And nothing cooks cornbread, skillet corn, sauteed or pan roasted veggies, or even latkes like a seasoned cast iron skillet! Seriously, if someone on your list doesn’t own one, this makes a great gift. Just make sure they have cleaning instructions, so they don’t mess it up! Get an inexpensive version here. Or support small business with Backcountry brand here.

  • Neroli Soap, Body Wash, and hand cream. I don’t know why, but my favorite scent is orange blossom, also known as neroli. Therefore, I love this soap. Someone gave it to me, and I think it makes a fantastic stocking stuffer! If neroli is not your preferred scent, they offer others. Get it here. Or get the bath gel here. Or hand and nail cream here.

Happy Shopping!

***As an Amazon Associate, I receive commissions on items purchased through the links I provide.