Category / mother

by Kelly Mattei

You Are Not Going to College with Your Child

You are not going to college with your child.

Why am I saying that? Well, because it seems lots of parents think they need to be involved with their child’s college experience. I’m here to tell you: you do not need to know anything, Mom. Even if you went to your child’s orientation session (or plan to attend), you don’t need to remember the information. College is your child’s job. It’s not your job. If you keep assisting your child with everything he/she needs to do/know, your child will never learn to do it on his/her own. Stick with me, and at the end of this piece, I will tell you what you can do to make your child’s transition to college more successful.

I think parents became more “helicopterish” with their college students when colleges and universities started offering orientation sessions for parents. No, just no. It makes me sick. I have said before that I went with my daughter two years ago, but I only went because it seemed everyone else was going, and I didn’t want her to feel like an orphan! I skipped out at lunch on the first day and never looked back. I simply couldn’t take it. It made me crazy that parents were asking questions kids should have been asking for themselves. If I had a second child, he/she would be going it alone, and I would feel great about it. You know why? Well, I truly believe those parent sessions are simply babysitting sessions to keep parents busy after they have traveled there. It wasn’t terrible, but I did not need to know the information they were putting out there. Where to park? I don’t care. Where to eat? I don’t care. I have already graduated from college…way back in the 1980s…and I figured it all out myself.

In 1985, my parents didn’t go to orientation with me! No way! I drove myself two hours to the university, found the dorm without a navigation system in my car, learned what I needed to know, made my schedule, and drove myself home…alone. In fact, I don’t recall seeing one parent at orientation at The University of Alabama in 1985!

And while I’m at it, allow me to also remind you that you don’t need to make your child’s academic schedule. Again, he/she needs to learn how to do it on his/her own. I see parents on the parent pages regularly talking about helping their kids make their schedules. What??? I don’t even know what classes my daughter is taking! And my parents never knew what classes I was taking!

Take a deep breath, Mom. Your child can navigate college without you. If you don’t believe that, maybe your child shouldn’t be going too far from home. Mine goes to a school 450 miles away, and it’s the greatest thing I ever did for her…letting her do college on her own. She takes care of herself and handles everything on her own, and we don’t waste our time talking about school. We talk about life and fun things, instead!

So, how can you help your child with the transition to college? I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I am a mom, so I know a little bit. Here’s what you can do:

  • Help them prepare to outfit their dorm room. Gather what they need, and purchase what you don’t have. (Amazon Prime Days are coming up in mid-July, and there will be lots of dorm stuff on sale…a great time to get good prices! Come back to my site to get information on some special deals!)
  • Answer the phone when they call you…anytime, day or night. That first semester can be difficult, so they might need a sounding board. Be there for them. Be supportive. Be positive and encouraging.
  • Make sure they know what to do in emergency situations.
  • Provide whatever they need.
  • Most of all:

Let your little birdie fly! It might not be easy, but it’s important! They can do this! And you can too!

by Kelly Mattei

Now That Our Kids Are Grown(ish)…

Now that our kids are grown(ish)…

Do you look back and think how silly and unimportant some things were? I do. I do it all the time. There were so many things we thought were life-altering, but they just weren’t. When a friend with a 3rd-grade child said to me recently, “I was horrified that my child didn’t turn in her homework,” I responded, “Really? It doesn’t matter.” When another friend said, “My child doesn’t want to play any organized sports,” I responded the same way.

Don’t get me wrong. I think all kids should play a team sport at least once. It teaches them a lot, but that’s all the preaching I will do on that.

As for the forgotten homework in 3rd grade? A few years down the line, I know it didn’t matter, and hopefully, other moms will see it really didn’t matter for their kids either. I wish I had been able to look at my daughter when she was that age and had forgotten to bring a book home and say, “Honey. It’s OK. I promise it’s not a big deal.” Even if I did say it, the hard part was getting her to realize it too. As long as it’s not a habit, I truly believe it’s not a big deal. Educators might disagree, but whatever.

I was not one who ever knew much about our daughter’s homework. When she was in 3rd grade, another parent asked me, “Is your daughter ready for the Bunnicula test?” I must have looked at her like she had fourteen eyes. “The what?” “The Bunnicula test!” I promise I asked, in less nice terms, “What the heck is a bunnicula??” The other mom informed me it was the book they had been reading for school. I laughed and said, “Oh, honey, I have no idea what she’s reading.” The only thing that might have made that scene better is if I’d been wearing a colorful caftan while smoking a cigarette with one hand and holding a martini in the other…you know, like moms in the 1970s. I might have, inadvertently, hurt that mom’s feelings, but it was the truth. I didn’t keep up with my child’s homework. That was her job. I did, however, go back to the school one time (OK, more than once) to get something she had forgotten. The teachers preached against that, but they didn’t have to see my child stress over it. Plus, if I forgot something somewhere, I could drive myself to get it. She couldn’t, so I took her. Yep, I was that mom. I didn’t want to deal with the stress of listening to my child stress out over it, so I took her back to get the book. And you know what? I would do it again, if only so I could have a peaceful evening at home. But in the overall scheme of things? That book didn’t matter one bit. And that assignment really didn’t either. As long as she wasn’t falling behind in school and wasn’t making a habit of forgetting things, it really didn’t matter.

I know. All parents do things differently. Some are trying to make sure their kids are headed for Ivy League colleges, as I learned quickly when my child entered middle school in sixth grade. At the parents’ meeting at the beginning of the year, lots of parents asked about which math track their kids needed to be on. Others asked about the best “science track” and which classes counted as academic classes and which ones didn’t. I wasn’t one of those. I always just believed she would fall into the right “math track” or “science track” for her, so I wasn’t one of the moms asking those questions. At that meeting, I was one of the moms in the back row trying really hard to stifle an uncontrollable giggle about something a science teacher said…a double entendre she didn’t realize was a double entendre, and the fact that she didn’t realize it made it even funnier to me. I think it was something on a graph, and she called it a “g-spot.” I literally had to walk outside and compose myself. But I knew I had found a kindred spirit among the parents when the middle school admin team was talking about school sports and a mom raised her hand with a question. “Do y’all have a laundry service for the uniforms after games?” I had to peek around heads to see who had asked, because I wanted that mom to be my friend! I didn’t care about the math track and science track! That would work itself out. I wanted to know about the laundry service! Alas, there was no laundry service. In hindsight, I should have invited that mom over to drink wine and do laundry with me. It’s OK, though, because our kids are at the same university, so we can get together on campus for drinks and not even have to worry about laundry!

It’s not all about school, though. Parents worry about sleeping babies and overstimulation. As for worrying about sleeping, I did my fair share of that…not so much worrying about our daughter as I was worried about me. I had a livewire on my hands! She was busy from the time she emerged from the womb and didn’t want to miss a thing! It nearly killed me. I had that baby girl/toddler/small child who would not take a nap. Yeah, she slept at night but not excessively long. I heard people talk about how they trained their babies to sleep 16 or 17 hours a day. I should have just handed them mine so they could see what life with her looked like! And when she started moving around, there was no sitting still…ever. In fact, she still doesn’t sit still for long, and she’s almost 21! I think some kids are just born sleepers and some aren’t. Don’t try to argue with me. You won’t win that argument. Later, I was glad she didn’t sleep during the day or need lots of nap time, because we could just keep moving all day…and we did! Looking back on that now, none of it really mattered in the long run. It was all just a blip on the radar of life.

Growing/raising a child has taught me a lot, and one thing it taught me is that lots of issues are simple blips on the radar of life. It’s sometimes difficult to remember that as something is happening, but it’s true. Yes, there are big problems in life, but a third grader not turning in an assignment is not one of them. Not completing the summer reading isn’t a big deal, either. I look back on how those stupid summer reading assignments ruined parts of summer, and it still makes me a little angry. I felt like the stupid summer reading was an intrusion on my time with my child, and in hindsight, I truly wish I hadn’t made her do it. I wish I had told her not to worry about it, because in the overall scheme of life, it wasn’t going to matter. I wish I had told her to enjoy the long, fun days of summer.

However, I let the summer reading assignments get to me (and her), so I’m telling y’all now:

Enjoy the long, fun days of summer together with your children.

by Kelly Mattei

Sorority Rush Prep Should Be Well Underway

Sorority rush prep should be well underway.

If your daughter is participating in sorority recruitment, especially in the south, you need to be knee deep in preparations by now. If not, it’s not too late, but get busy. I wrote a piece in February called Don’t Sweat Fall Sorority Rush Yet, and in it, I included a timeline of preparation. It’s almost mid-June…let’s gooooooooo! To read the piece I mentioned, click here.

In the piece, the timeline mentions the wardrobe in July. That is when it should be shored up and ready to go. Shop now for rush appropriate dresses. That means you don’t want to be too flashy, too skimpy, or too matronly. Most college-age girls know what is fashionable, but if you wouldn’t wear it in front of your boyfriend’s mother, don’t wear it for rush.

If you haven’t registered for rush or made any required videos, get busy. I’ve mentioned this before: don’t read a script for your video, but have some talking points, making sure you cover any prompts they have requested. Smile and be confident, and use good lighting!

Millions of young women have participated in recruitment over the years; you can do this!

Please send any questions, comments, or concerns. I love getting questions!

by Kelly Mattei

For Mother’s Day, I’m Quoting Jerry Seinfeld

For Mother’s Day, I’m quoting Jerry Seinfeld.

I just saw a clip of Graham Bensinger interviewing Jerry Seinfeld. Bensinger asked, “How did having children impact your life?” Jerry Seinfeld said, “Only a person who doesn’t have kids would ask that question.” Indeed! What did Seinfeld reply? He said, “Kids are the greatest show on Earth. You just want to watch them live. The entertainment value of watching them live…the kids are very entertaining, because they’re primitive humans.” He went on to say that, because we enjoyed our own childhood, we try to improve upon it and make our kids’ childhood perfect.

The whole conversation made me ponder parenthood. I only have one child, but how did having that one child impact my life? The answer: in every way possible. She was born almost 21 years ago, and almost 21 years ago, my life was no longer about me…in the most awesome, incredible way. I remember going through security at the airport when I was about six or seven months pregnant, and one of the TSA agents stopped me and said, “I have to tell you I’m psychic.” I laughed, and he continued, “I see big changes in your future.” Nothing could have been more accurate.

I was 36 years old when I became a mother. I had been married for three years, but I had never really had to worry about someone else, and suddenly, at 36, I had to take this little seven pound bundle of joy into consideration before I did anything. Going to the grocery store? I couldn’t just grab the keys and run out the door. I had to put the baby in the car seat, grab the diaper bag, and make sure the stroller was in the car before I could leave. And that was just the beginning. It was a big adjustment, and it wasn’t easy, but wow…it was so worth it.

She is, indeed, as Seinfeld put it, “the greatest show on Earth.” Watching her learn and grow has been the greatest time in my life. I have said before that I feel like I have had three childhoods: my real one, my college years, and then my daughter’s childhood. Now I feel like I’m living my fourth childhood through her college years. She just finished her sophomore year at my college alma mater, and even though I’m not there all the time (that would be weird), I love when she calls to tell me about her daily life or exciting things that happen. I even love connecting that to my own time at the university. She loves hearing my stories of the “old days” at some of the same places she goes, and I love hearing her new stories!

When she became a part of my life, everything immediately changed. Did I realize just how incredible it would be having her here in this world before she arrived? No. There is no way anyone could have prepared me for that. Don’t get me wrong; that first year was tough. I had the baby who wanted to be a part of everything. She didn’t nap. She slept pretty well for eight or nine hours a night, but napping was not on her agenda. She wanted to be in on the fun! I know some people thought I was crazy, but two different pedicatricians assured me that some babies nap, and some don’t. As it turns out, it was just my daughter’s personality. She still doesn’t want to miss out on anyting, and it serves her well now. However, that first year? I wasn’t sure I would survive, but I did…sleep-deprived and all.

And here we are, twenty years later…still enjoying the greatest show on earth. I love being a mom. No job in this whole world is more important or more fulfilling than motherhood.

by Kelly Mattei

What to Purchase Now for a Dorm Room

What to purchase now for a dorm room.

My daughter just finished her sophomore year of college.. It’s hard for me to believe she is 1/2 of the way through college. I remember my own college days so well; I’m so happy she is getting to go to the same awesome university and have her own experiences. We feel pretty seasoned now that she has survived two years. So while I’m thinking about it, and since you have time to prepare now, I’m going to make some suggestions on necessities. Seriously, I know graduation festivities (ugh) are upon you, but start purchasing and ordering now, and you’ll have less to do as your college freshman’s departure approaches. You can also spread out the expenses over the next few months instead of being slapped in the face with big credit card bills at dorm move-in time. These are just a few items I recommend purchasing early, before everyone else jumps in, and they’re sold out.

Mattress Topper. I never met a dorm mattress I liked. Goodness. One would think they could find a way to improve those things. I was a freshman in 1985, and I daresay my daughter’s freshman dorm mattress was no more comfortable than the one I had way back when. We knew that would be the case, so we invested in a quality mattress topper. There are lots of them out there, but we opted for the Sleepyhead brand. Our daughter’s dorm room has a twin XL bed, so we ordered the Twin XL 3″ Topper from Sleepyhead. She loves it. Priced at over $300, it’s not cheap, but right now, they are offering a $70 coupon. It’s probably some of the best money I’ve ever spent. Our daughter used hers freshman year in the dorm and sophomore year in the sorority house. She loved sleeping in her bed, calling it “cozy and comfy.” She got two full years of use out of it. She will be moving into an apartment next year with a queen bed, so she can’t use it again, but we will purchase another Sleepyhead topper for her queen bed. Check out Sleepyhead on Amazon here.

Stand-up Steamer. I think people thought I was crazy when I told them I was getting our daughter a stand-up steamer to take to college with her, but it is one thing that definitely got used…and it’s so much easier than ironing! Plus, a stand-up steamer won’t “walk away” to someone else’s dorm room, never to be seen again! Our daughter participated in sorority recruitment as soon as she arrived at school, so I knew she would need to steam out her dresses before she wore them. We couldn’t have her showing up all wrinkled! She tells me she has used it countless times throughout the year for steaming formal dresses, cocktail dresses, and anything else that was overly wrinkled. We opted for the a Rowenta model. You can see it and purchase it on Amazon here. If you want to purchase a handheld steamer instead, I highly recommend one from Rowenta you can purchase here.

Bankers Box Smooth Move Wardrobe Boxes. These stand-up boxes are more for the move-in, but they were big helps with our daughter’s hanging garments. They have a bar across the top on which to hang the clothes, and they hold a lot of clothes. We only used one, and our daughter took a lot of clothes with her. When we arrived in the dorm, we simply lifted the hangers off the bar and moved them straight to the closet bar…super easy. For about $44, you’ll get three bankers boxes. We gave one to a friend who was going off to college too, and saved the third one…might use it for move-out. You can purchase here.

Swiffer Sweeper 2-in-1 Mop. I don’t know how often this item has been used, but if they can’t really clean the floor without it. At least give them a fighting chance at having a “clean-ish” floor. Plus, you will want to run it through the room before you set everything up. Just get it. It will make you feel better knowing your child can mop the floor if he/she chooses or needs to! Get it from Amazon here.

Velvet Hangers. I know how easy it is for a college student on the go to grab a shirt and just snatch it off the hanger on the way to class. Hangers go flying, and other items fall to the bottom of the closet. That doesn’t happen with velvet hangers. They have added a lot of organization to my own closet. I purchase Zober non-slip Velvet Hangers in Ivory. Just trust me on this one. Shirts don’t get horns in the shoulders. Dresses hang nicely and don’t fall off the hanger and into the floor. Get them at Amazon here. You’ll think you won’t need many, but start with 200.

And I’m going to repeat some move-in essentials from a piece I wrote recently:

Hulken Bag. I ordered two. My daughter has one at college, and I have one at home, but I will take mine down with me when we move her out. They simply make moving lots of items easier. We got large ones. Get them here.

Moving Bags. These are similar to the Ikea moving bags, but I ordered from Amazon, because I thought these were a little bigger and sturdier. They worked great for move-in, and I expect them to work great for move-out too! Get them here. (Keep in mind: these sell out during summer, as families stock up on them, so get yours early.)

Collapsible Wagon. We got one of these for our daughter when she was returning to college after the holidays. It was an easy way for her to get everything from the parking garage to her room. Get it here.

Versacart. This is one my aunt told me about, and it’s awesome! She calls it her “old lady cart,” but it does the job! She uses it to bring in groceries or any packages from her car. Get it here.

Stick with me, moms of future college students, and I’ll provide you with all sorts of helpful ideas over the next few months. Start shopping now! And please use my links above to purchase! *I may be compensated for some of the items I suggest, but I wouldn’t suggest them if I didn’t believe in them!

***Featured photo from sleepyheadusa.com

by Kelly Mattei

Revisiting Childhood

Revisiting Childhood.

Anyone who has spent any time with me has heard me say that I feel like I have had three childhoods: 1. my real childhood 2. college 3. my now 20-yr-old daughter’s childhood. I’ve had a lot of fun in my life, and a lot of it was associated with those three eras. Now, I’ve entered what I think might be a fourth childhood…empty-nesting! I often think of all those other childhoods, including the great experiences I had with my child as a stay-at-home mom. However, it’s not often I revisit a place that we frequented when she was a toddler/young child.

Today I did just that.

I read recently that the Charlotte Nature Museum would be closing. It’s a quiet little nature museum in Charlotte near Freedom Park. When my daughter was a toddler/little girl, we were regulars at the Charlotte Nature Museum. I was fortunate to be a part of a playgroup made up of moms who had kids about the same age. Lucky for us, the moms were pretty close in age too, and we all became great friends. In fact, I’m not sure I would have survived toddlerhood without my awesome playgroup friends. We had places we visited regularly with the kids, and on the short list was Charlotte Nature Museum. It’s likely the kids don’t even remember much, if anything, about the “museum,” but that’s OK. It gave us moms lots of peace when our kids were little. There were turtles, an opposum, a butterfly garden, and there’s even a planetarium. Somehow, we never made it to one of the planetarium shows, but we did enjoy watching the kids watch the animals.

I realized today was the last day for the museum to be open, so yesterday, I called my friend, Kelli, who grew up in Charlotte, and I asked her if she would visit the museum with me. She said she recalled visiting the museum as a schoolgirl; the whole class would load up on school buses, go to the museum, and then go to McDonald’s for lunch…a big treat back in the day. After talking about some of her memories, she agreed to go with me today.

We met at 11:00 and rode together to the museum. When we walked in, she said, “Oh my gosh! It hasn’t changed since the 1970s!” I could verify that it hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years, but Kelli gave me verification that it was much the same in the 70s. We walked around, taking pictures of the taxidermy animals to show our kids, hoping to jog their memories with photos later. I took a picture of myself posing as an insect, in a photo op that has been around since I started going there in 2005. I sent it to my 20-yr-old daughter and asked, “Do you remember this?” She responded, “OMG! Yes!” I knew there probably wouldn’t be much she would remember, but because the kids used to have to take turns with the insect photo op, I thought she might remember it. It warmed my heart that she had some recall of the Charlotte Nature Museum! (See photos from today at bottom of page.)

After we strolled through the butterfly garden and saw a few butterflies, we took photos of the resident turtles, the opossom, and the snakes. Very little had changed since my last visit there. Sadly, the building will be demolished soon to make room for a new and improved Charlotte Nature Museum. While I’m sure it will be awesome, I feel sure it won’t have the same charm as the old museum…small with several small rooms, no hi-tech gimmicks, and lots of little creatures and lessons about little creatures.

We left with smiles on our faces. Back in the car, we talked about our memories of the nature museum…how Kelli’s class used to line up on the back porch of the museum and along the boardwalk. I talked about how my daughter and my friends’ kids mostly just wanted to stand and watch the snakes and turtles. They weren’t much interested in the little indoor playground…and I was thankful for that, because it really looked like a germ fest to me.

As we drove away from the Charlotte Nature Museum in our car instead of a school bus, I asked Kelli, “Where would you like to have lunch?” She didn’t really have a preference, but after a brief discussion, we decided McDonald’s would be the perfect ladies lunch place today. We agreed it would be the perfect ending to a nature museum visit, so we went to McDonald’s and ate in the dining room there. That also conjured up memories of my daughter’s childhood, as someone’s child had left a Happy Meal toy on the table we chose. I told Kelli, “This would have been pure gold when my daughter was little.” I didn’t know a lot of moms who took their kids to McDonald’s, but I did, and fortunately, my playgroup friends did too. McDonald’s was a great rainy day destination back in the day, because the one we went to had an indoor playground…yes, a germ fest, for sure…but on a rainy day, I didn’t really care.

Lucky me! I got to revisit my daughter’s childhood today! Just walking into the nature museum, I stepped back in time…it still smelled the same, and basically, it looked the same. Now I wish I had taken my daughter when she was home for the holidays.

by Kelly Mattei

Halfway Through Sophomore Year

Halfway through sophomore year…

Our daughter just returned to college after being home for a few weeks for the holiday break. We loved having her, and I think she enjoyed being here, for the most part, but she was more than ready to get back to school. I could tell she was getting fidgety about being here too long.

And you know what? As much as I miss her, I am thrilled she wanted to get back to school.

We were fortunate to have a fun night last night. Somehow, the three of us ending up sitting in the keeping room off the kitchen with all three of our dogs, laughing and talking about anything that came to mind. I don’t know how long we laughed and talked, but it was a great way to end the break…on a very positive note. That’s not to say we didn’t get on each other’s nerves here and there while she was home. Of course, we got on each other’s nerves a few times. My mother used to say, “No house is big enough for two women.” My mother was a wise woman, but since our daughter is still our baby, our house is still big enough for all of us. While we annoyed each other a few times, the holiday break was full of positives for our little family. Ending it with an impromptu family. night was perfect.

Today, she drove the 450 miles back to school, and a friend rode with her. I will admit that I checked on them several times, and they even called me to ask some questions about the route. Each time my phone rang, I answered with, “Is everything OK?!?” I got questions like, “What’s a safe place to stop for a bathroom break?” I told them to pay attention to the signs and don’t take the exit if the signage isn’t good. Some generally safe places to stop are Chick-fil-a and even Starbucks, but if they don’t feel safe, don’t stop. Another question? “Should I go straight through Atlanta or get on the bypass?” I told her to just go straight through, and it worked out perfectly. She was on the other side of town in no time. Fortunately, her car gets pretty good gas mileage, so they were able to drive the whole 450 miles without filling up. That’s a big relief, because I don’t need to worry about her standing outside the car, filling it up with gas…and being a sitting duck.

We probably won’t see her for about two months, when we visit for Parents’ Weekend, and that’s OK. If she needs us, we can get there pretty quickly, but we just want her to be happy. She is already making plans to attend some basketball games and gymnastics meets this week, so good times are ahead for her! They’re ahead for me too, as I have a trip with a friend coming up this weekend!

If you have a freshman who is returning to college right now, one thing I can tell you is that, for me, it did get easier to send her back this year. She is established at her school and has friends. She is happy with her living arrangement. She is doing well in school, and she is making lots of fun plans. Did I get a little emotional yesterday? Yes. I was in a mood, but then I realized I was simply dreading her departure, and once I gave into it, I felt better. A few tears later, I felt better.

Before I know it, her sophomore year will be over, and she will be halfway through her bachelor’s degree requirements! Time flies, and I’m just happy she’s having fun!

by Kelly Mattei

Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mother…

Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mother…

All of my adult life, I called my mother “Mother,” except when I was upset. As a little girl, I called her “Mama,” but if I called her that as an adult, it had special meaning. If I called her and started the conversation with “Mama,” I’m sure she knew there was some emotion attached to it. Calling her “Mama” meant lots of different things. It might have meant my daughter wasn’t feeling well. It could mean I was sick, or my husband was sick. It could mean I was upset about something or worried about something. But it could also mean I was excited about something…as in, “Mama, you’re not going to believe this!”

Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of my mother’s passing. Six years without my Mama. I miss her every day, but I especially miss her when emotions run high. Often, I wish I could call her so she could be excited with me, help me with something, or calm me down in a volatile situation. I wish I could ask her for advice when I need it. She was a natural nurturer. She gave good advice, but most of the time, she got me to use my own judgment by nudging me in the right direction. She was a firm believer that it was always a good idea to do the right thing. She also believed we needed to do what was right for ourselves. Many times, when I was younger, she would ask, “Are you doing that because it’s the right thing for you, or because you’re being pressured into it?” She was the voice of reason.

While she has been gone for six years, I still hear her voice in my head on a regular basis. She is still with me. Could I still use her here to talk me down when I’m upset? Yes, definitely. But how many times do I say to friends and family, “Mother would have loved this.” Or maybe, “My mother would have said….” She is still with me, without a doubt. I miss so much about her. I miss the way she listened to me and everyone else she knew. I miss her sense of humor…and it was really good. I miss her strength…her calm. I miss her perspective…how she knew most things we worry about don’t really matter…life, faith, health, death…those were the things that mattered. A bad grade on a test in college? She didn’t care…learn from the experience. She believed life was one big series of lessons, and she was correct.

Last night, I had a social event to attend. Mother would have loved it…a fun party. She loved spending time with young people and she especially loved seeing young people having fun. She loved having energy around her. There were lots of young people having a lot of fun at this particular event. I got home late, and my husband and I did the “post game wrap up” of the event while I enjoyed Bailey’s on the rocks in honor of Mother. That woman loved coffee her whole adult life, and she especially loved Bailey’s in her coffee. While it was too late for me to have Bailey’s and coffee, it wasn’t too late for a little Bailey’s on the rocks. In fact, I was a little hoarse from talking so much at the party, but the Bailey’s was soothing…a good way to wind down before bed…just like talking to Mother used to be.

In a couple of weeks, I’m traveling to Mexico City with a friend for a few days. It was one of Mother’s favorite places. She traveled there with me right before I got married. I had been a couple of times before, and I could hardly wait to share it with her. She loved everything about it…the food, the people, the culture, the architecture, the cathedral at the Zocalo…but afterward, she especially loved the memories we had made. We laughed and laughed, after the fact, about my forcing her to walk up the hill to Chapultepec Castle in the first few hours we were there. The elevation is real. Mexico City is about 7,400 feet above sea level, but I didn’t think about that when I said, “Let’s walk up the hill!” After walking uphill for a while, she told me I was crazy and hopped on the tram. We laughed and laughed. I can hardly wait to share the city with my friend, and while we are there, I will remember my mother too. I’m sure I will share stories about Mother with my friend.

Six years have passed in the blink of an eye. She didn’t see my nephew graduate from college and start his path as an adult, using his artistic talents as a tattoo artist…exactly what he wants to do. She didn’t know his twin brother works for the city and still does the announcing at sporting events…exactly what he wants to do. She didn’t see our daughter graduate from high school, and didn’t get to see her as a college student. Sometimes, it seems like forever since I have seen her, and sometimes, it seems like yesterday. Life is funny that way.

I miss you, Mama.

by Kelly Mattei

Moms After Christmas Day (again!)

Moms after Christmas Day (again!).

Two years ago, I wrote a piece the day after Christmas titled Moms After Christmas Day. You can see it here. It’s recognition of all the extra work moms do during the holidays…the list-making, the shopping, the wrapping, the cooking, the baking, the scheduling…and that’s in addition to our regular roles! Lots of moms even take on extra part-time jobs just to make Christmas happen for their families. And no matter how old our children get, moms still want the holidays to feel special.

My husband and I have one daughter. She’s 20 now and a sophomore in college, so Christmas at our house looks a lot different than it did 15 years ago. It’s still fun, but it’s fun in a different way. And you know what? There’s still a lot of preparation that goes into it. As the mom of the house, I still do all the preparation. I’m fortunate to have a sweet husband who will help me upon request, but truthfully, the ultimate responsibility of the holiday is mine. I orchestrate everything. I purchase everything. I wrap everything. I cook everything. I even play bartender! Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy every minute of it. I really do. I finally feel like I have everything planned out in advance now, so I don’t end up dropping the ball on anything. I wrap the gifts as I purchase them, and I love wrapping and making bows…it gets me into the spirit of the holiday. And the meal prep? Well, I even got that right this year! In fact, this year, the timing of the meal even worked out perfectly! We weren’t waiting for biscuits to finish baking. We weren’t waiting for any particular dish to be ready. Somehow, I managed to make it happen on time! And after the meal? I directed the cleanup efforts…and the whole family participated! One cleared the table. One loaded the dishwasher. One put away everything else.

And today? The day after Christmas? I have rested. It’s raining, so I have the perfect excuse to stay in my pajamas. In fact, right now, it’s 3:40pm, and I am still in my pajamas. Am I embarrassed about that? Not one bit. In fact, I’m a little bit proud that I have been lazy after being so busy for the holidays. In fact, it’s my gift to myself. I have watched a little television. I have talked on the phone. Well, I have done two loads of laundry, but that’s all the work I have done…and frankly, because I enjoy doing laundry, it’s not really work at all. There aren’t many household chores I enjoy, but I do enjoy doing laundry…including ironing or steaming. Just don’t ask me to vacuum.

Our daughter is out and about this afternoon. That’s a lot different than just a few years ago when the new toys were still exciting. I do regret that she didn’t get any toys this year. In fact, she told me a college friend’s mom insists that everyone in the family should get at least one toy every year. I love that! The friend got a pogo stick this year, and I immediately wished I had gotten one for our daughter! She was quite good at pogo back in the day, so it would be fun to see her do it again. So my daughter and I have made a pact that all of us will get at least one toy next year. We will see what we come up with!

Today has been a lazy day, but tomorrow, I will hit the ground running. There are more things to prepare for before the New Year’s celebration, including a big party on the 30th, so there won’t be any laziness tomorrow! Until then, I’ll be searching for the next movie to stream. Or maybe I can watch a few episodes of some favorite old shows? First, though, I’m taking a shower and putting on some real clothes. It’s time.

by Kelly Mattei

Away In A Manger

Away in a manger…

This morning, on “the Facebook,” a friend posted a video of a live nativity scene made up of some adorable children at a church in East Tennessee. The children are dressed as Mary, Joseph, an angel, and some sheep…all gathered around Baby Jesus in the manger. It’s a beautiful scene…right up until one of the sheep steals the Baby Jesus! Honestly, it might make it even more beautiful, because kids will be kids. In the scene, a little girl is portraying a sheep, and I guess she decides Baby Jesus needs to be held. She picks him up and begins swaying to the music with him, until Mary takes him away from her and returns him to the manger…and repeat. You can see the video here.

It reminded me of the live nativity at our church when our daughter was a little girl. It was presented outdoors at our church for two weekends during the Christmas season, and it was, indeed, beautiful. Our daughter, as a toddler/small child, found it fascinating, and she longed to portray Mary. In fact, when she was four, she spent a large portion of the Christmas season pretending to be “Mother Mary,” dressed as Mary with a head veil when we were home. I don’t recall her wearing it in public, but she wore it a lot at home. The days of her pretending to be “Mother Mary” are far behind us, as she is a sophomore in college. As a small child, her great aunt had a nativity scene on a table in her home, and when we gathered for the holidays, she let our daughter place the tiny, ceramic Baby Jesus in the manger before we had lunch. She was thrilled, and even though she did get to portray an angel in a Christmas pageant at a friend’s church when she was six or seven, she never portrayed “Mother Mary” in a live nativity scene.

When I was a little girl, I admired the small, wooden nativity scenes my mother had in our house during the holidays, and I especially remember a live nativity scene at a local church. The Biblical figures were portrayed by adults instead of children, but I remember driving slowly past with my family to see it and being fascinated. I thought it was the most beautiful scene every year.

When our daughter gets home from college for the holidays tomorrow, she will spend her time visiting with friends in town, going on vacation with me, and possibly visiting friends in other cities. However, we will take some time to visit a live nativity scene together, and we’ll drive around and look at Christmas lights throughout the city.

I doubt she will dress as “Mother Mary” this year, though.

***Feature photo is from a beautiful nativity scene in the Iglesia de San Felipe (Church of San Felipe) in Casco Viejo, Panamá City, Panamá.

***In Charlotte, we are fortunate to have the Billy Graham Library, where we can enjoy a live nativity during the holiday season, starting at 5pm, every day except Sunday, through December 23. Tickets are required but are free. For info, click here.

***To see other nativity events in the Charlotte area, click here.