Tag / writing

by Kelly Mattei

My Favorite Everyday Jewelry

My favorite everyday jewelry. *As an Amazon Associate, I receive commission on items purchased through my links.*

I’m giving away some real secrets today!

This past weekend, I met a few friends from college for a weekend full of laughs, memories, drinks, food, and new memories! It’s always fun to get together with people I have known most of my life. I’m very fortunate to have maintained friendships with people I met in college 40 years ago. Did I mention we laugh a lot when we get together?!? Well, we do.

When I travel, whether I’m meeting friends for lunch or traveling, I like to keep the jewelry simple. That doesn’t mean I don’t wear pieces I love. I just like to have some things that will work with anything I wear, so I don’t have to take as much. Also, I find those same pieces are my “fall back” pieces when I’m in a hurry to get somewhere in Charlotte or when I can’t make a decision.

The best thing about them? They’re inexpensive! If I leave them behind somewhere, it’s no disaster. I also get lots of compliments on them. For those reasons and lots more, I highly recommend these pieces:

  • Earrings. Trendy CZ Gold Hoop Earrings for Women. These earrings come in lots of colors, but my favorites for traveling are the multicolor ones, simply for ease. They match everything. They’re not too big but not too small, and I receive countless compliments on them. Best of all? They are only $13.99! I have several pairs of the multicolor ones, and I also have them in pink, green, and blue. ***Also great earrings for sorority rush if you’re still wondering what to take/send/wear!***Purchase here.

  • Necklace. Again, a piece I receive countless compliments on, and again, inexpensive…only $7.99! It’s big enough to be noticed, but not big enough to be the only thing people see. Purchase here.

  • Bangle Bracelets. A trio of bangle bracelets for about $20. Sure, they’re costume jewelry, but they fill a need and dress up an ensemble! Get them here.

There you have it. Some of my best-kept secrets…divulged. Purchase while supplies last!

by Kelly Mattei

Good People Are Easy to Find

Good people are easy to find.

Last Thursday morning, I met my friend, Angela, in the Charlotte airport and boarded a plane to Los Angeles. It was the first time the two of us have taken a real trip together, just the two of us, I think. We have taken vacations with our daughters, and we have even taken vacations with my husband, but as far as I can remember, we had never taken a real vacation without anyone else. We have been friends for almost 40 years, so we were overdue. Before we went, we knew we were likely to have a lot of fun laughing, drinking, talking, relaxing, and more, but we had no idea what was ahead of us. We were pleasantly surprised!

It all started when I boarded the American Airlines flight to LAX. I got to my seat and lifted my carry-on bag into the overhead bin. Immediately, a gentleman in the row in front of me asked, “Would you like to trade seats?” I didn’t want to be rude, but I plan my travel ahead of time and pick my seats carefully. I booked the aisle seat on row 2, because I like to be near the front of the plane, but I do not like to sit at the bulkhead. I like to be able to put my handbag underneath the seat in front of me. When you sit at the bulkhead, you have to put all carry-ons, including your handbag into the overhead bin, and I don’t like to do that. Some people might think it’s ridiculous that I feel that way, but I like having my migraine meds, my reading materials, and my earbuds readily available. Therefore, I told the gentleman, “No, thank you, I don’t like sitting at the bulkhead. Sorry.” At about that time, my seatmate arrived, and he was that gentleman’s business partner. The first gentleman in row 1 turned to the woman in the seat next to him and asked if she would switch with my seatmate. She agreed and came back to sit by me.

Before we took off, I told her, “Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you need to get up during the flight. It’s not likely I will fall asleep, but please just let me know, and I can let you out of the row at any time.” I also told her I always get an aisle seat, because I end up going to the bathroom several times, so I understand needing to get up. We exchanged pleasantries. Soon after takeoff, we engaged in conversation. Her story is not mine to tell, but I can tell you this: she is one of the loveliest, most interesting people I have ever met! I can tell you most people would love to meet her, and she has an incredible life story. In fact, you can read her story in her own words, because she has written a book about her different life experiences. Her name is Dr. Niedre Heckman, and the book is called The World Where I Belong: My Quest for Identity As a Black Woman in White Skin. You can purchase it on Amazon (I started reading it last night) here. Like I said, I will not tell her story, but as an introduction, I will tell you she is an African-American woman who is about my age, and she was born with the condition called albinism. I will not pretend to know everything about the condition, but the most obvious characteristic is the lack of pigmentation in one’s skin/hair/eyes. Those of us who don’t have the condition can only imagine what it’s like to grow up with it, but Dr. Niedre Heckman is sharing some insight into her own life and experience. I highly recommend the book, based simply on the fact that I found her to be fascinating. She is most kind and wants good things for other people. We can all learn something from her. Highly recommend her book! That good person (#1) was easy to find!

It was an incredible start to the weekend! When we arrived at baggage claim in LAX, I introduced my longtime friend (40+ years!), Angela, to Dr. Heckman, and she walked away with the same impression. It was foreshadowing, I believe, for the rest of the weekend. Our meeting set the tone for a weekend with great people.

The next day, we opted for a late lunch in our hotel’s largest restaurant. We had a great table for people watching, one of my favorite hobbies. I was not disappointed that day. We were lingering over cocktails after lunch when a couple came in and sat at a table nearby. I noticed they were taking pictures, so I motioned to the gentleman that I would be happy to take pictures for them. He misunderstood my poor attempt at sign language and came over to our table, asking, “Do y’all want me to take your picture?” I said, “No, thank you! We were offering to take yours, but did you just say ‘y’all’?” He said, “I did! I’m from Alabama!” We said, “We are too!” (I was born in Florida but grew up in Alabama before moving to Charlotte 25 years ago.) After some discussion, we figured out this charming southern gentleman grew up with someone I know in Charlotte! We had a great time chatting with him and his friend…day made! Oh, we also got a glimpse of a few celebrities, one of whom even impressed my college-age daughter! Angela and I were most impressed by the lovely people we spent time with on that beautiful, sunny afternoon. What a great “small world moment”! And another good person (#2) who was easy to find!

The next afternoon, we had a lunch reservation at one of my very favorite restaurants ever. We were welcomed warmly by the manager, whom I had met on a previous visit. He has a positive, uplifting spirit and a genuine warmth about him, so I was thrilled to see him again. I introduced him to Angela, and we enjoyed talking with him. The food was fantastic (as always), and the whole experience could not have been better. Why? Because the staff at the restaurant was attentive; they were friendly and made us feel special! Woot! Good person (#3)…easy to find.

From there, we went to a scheduled shopping session at a store on Rodeo Drive. I love shopping with a particular gentleman who works there, because I have known him for years. I first met him probably 10 years ago when he was working at another store in the area. After COVID, I lost track of him, as he moved back to his hometown. However, last June, I walked into this particular store with my daughter and a friend, but without an appointment. The doorman called for an associate to meet us at the door, and out walked my old friend from the other store! I had found him! We agreed it was a God moment…I cried. Now, every time I’m in town, I shop with him, and I’m thrilled to know he is doing very well. My visits with him (and sometimes my purchases) always put a smile on my face. Good person (#4), easy to find.

But wait! There’s more! Saturday night, Angela and I had a reservation at another of my favorite restaurants, but we weren’t terribly hungry. We were also feeling a little lazy. For a brief moment, we considered canceling our dinner reservation, but finally decided to rally and go. We arrived at the restaurant right on time, and the hostess said, “Ohhh! I have the perfect table for you!” She whisked us off to a table that was, indeed, the perfect table. We could see the whole room! There was a fun birthday group at the table next to us. There was excitement in the air! Our server approached our table almost immediately. When I looked up at her, she asked, “Do I know you from somewhere?” I looked at her, puzzled, and replied, “Maybe here?” She said, “Maybe Bel Air?:” I recognized her then, but it was one of those rare moments I didn’t recall the name…”What is your name?” She replied, “Francesca.” Y’all. I met her when I dined at a restaurant in Bel Air five years ago! She was my server, and the next time I went, a year later, I requested her. This time, she recognized me first. I’m usually the one who remembers all the names and faces, so I was absolutely flattered that she remembered me! She literally said to me, “I have thought of you many times and wondered if I would ever see you again! When I saw you walk in, I recognized you immediately!” I was so happy to reconnect with her, and now, I will request her every time I go to this particular restaurant. Good person (#5) easy to find.

Sunday night, we had dinner with a friend we have known for several years. We have always known he’s a good person. We stumbled upon a friendship with him years ago.

Just goes to show you…good people are easy to find…if you just keep your eyes and ears open. It was a great vacation with a great friends and lots of new friends.

by Kelly Mattei

Sorority Rush Resumés

Sorority Rush Resumés.

Every year, between March and July, I see lots of resumés for girls who are planning to participate in recruitment at various schools throughout the south. And every year, I have to tell almost every young lady to add some information, so I’m going to tell you now what type of information needs to be included on the resumé for recruitment. *Also, keep in mind that old-school “rush packets” are not necessary these days. Most alumnae simply want a digital resumé (not all that paperwork!), because they will be submitting them online anyway.

In asking an alumna to write a recommendation, it’s OK for Mom to make initial contact, but the girl needs to do the “official” ask herself. The girl needs to communicate with the alumna directly via phone/text/email. Also, unless the alumna says “no thank you necessary,” it’s a great idea to follow up with a thank you note. Now, onto the resumé information:

First, keep the resumé to one page if at all possible. In fact, I always say, “Just find a way to make it happen. No one wants to flip pages. They should be able to glance at your resumé and see how awesome you are almost immediately.” There are great samples and templates all over the internet. You can purchase templates on Etsy.com or use the Canva templates. It’s not difficult. See some examples at Etsy here. ***If you have already submitted your multi-page resumé, do not panic. It’s not a big deal; it’s just more ideal if it’s one page.***

So what needs to be included? All of these things:

  • Full name along with the name you prefer to be called. For example, you could put “Mary Ann Jones (Mary)”
  • Full street address, including zip code (you’d be surprised at how many don’t include the zip code). If you want, you can add your dorm information for freshman year, but it’s not necessary.
  • Contact info: email address, cell phone number, and any social media accounts
  • Photo: include a headshot photo of yourself near the top of the resumé.
  • Education: This should include the name and city of the high school (or high schools) you attended. Also, include your year of graduation. THEN put the name of the college you will be attending and what your major is, if you know it.
  • GPA and test scores. It needs to be included. If you don’t put your test scores, they assume they are way lower than they probably are.
  • Family information: Parents’ names, colleges attended, and their Greek affiliations, if applicable.
  • Honors/Awards: This is where you list any and all honors you received in high school, beginning with the most significant! They can be school awards, awards from an athletic club sport, musical awards, theatrical awards…any awards. Remember to include Honor Roll (9,10,11,12), any honor societies, any all-conference or all-state athletic awards, and even any superlatives. If your classmates named you as “Most Likely to Succeed,” put it on the resumé! Add any award that makes you stand out! If you received an award from a volunteer organization for “Outstanding Volunteer,” put it on there.
  • Scholarships: List any scholarships you received for college. If you didn’t receive any, no big deal. Just don’t include the category on your resumé.
  • Leadership: List any leadership positions you have held during high school years. Captain of the volleyball team? Add it. Sunday School leader at church? Add it. Camp counselor? Add it. Secretary of student government? Add it. Swim lesson teacher or coach? Add it.
  • Activities: This is where you list your extracurricular activities…pretty self-explanatory. List any sports, clubs, or anything you are a member of.
  • Service: This is where you include information about your volunteer work during high school years. They like to see that you care about your community. Volunteered to coach little kids in soccer? Add it. Volunteered for Meals on Wheels? Add it. Get it?
  • Work Experience: Had a job? List it. Worked at a Christmas tree lot? Add it. Babysitting? List it. Sold items online for extra cash? If you were doing it as a job, you can count it. Add it.

If you haven’t built and distributed your resumé to alumnae who can write recommendations for you, do it today! It’s officially July! Get it done today! And remember: KEEP IT TO ONE PAGE!

by Kelly Mattei

I Have Fallen in 39 States

I have fallen in 39 states.

OK, that might be an exaggeration, but probably not by much. I like to claim it’s not that I’m clumsy; maybe I just have bad spacial awareness? In reality, I think we all fall sometimes, but the women on my daddy’s side of the family seem more “predisposed” to falling for some reason.

A couple of years ago, I fell down the stairs in a restaurant in New Orleans…right in front of God and everybody! The result? Nothing. No broken bones. I remember another fall outside a bar in Gainesville, Florida, when I went down for an Alabama/Florida football game some years ago. Again…stairs. These were metal stairs on the outside of the bar. As we were leaving, I was holding the handrail, and that’s probably what kept me from literally dying when I slipped on the stairs. My feet still flew up into the air, but my hand kept me tethered to the rail, and the left side of my legs slammed back down onto those metal stairs. Oh my, the bruising! It was awful! But nothing was broken, and eventually, it was a distant memory. Now that I think about it, stairs seem to be the theme.

Earlier this week, I was reminded of those tumbles when I fell again! This time, I was home. I had gone upstairs to get some papers off the printer. We have been having some work done in our house, so I put a big box across the foot of our stairs to keep the dogs from going upstairs. I was walking down the stairs with my phone in one hand and the papers in the other. I tried to step over the box at the bottom of the stairs, but I guess I didn’t raise my foot high enough. It felt like it was in slow motion…my legs got all tangled up with the box, and I faceplanted into the foyer floor. Bam! In reality, it wasn’t an official “faceplant,” because I kept my face from hitting the floor, but my left elbow also dug into my ribs. After a brief second, I thought, “Is anything broken?” I felt like I had escaped unscathed…until later, when I knew I had done some rib damage with that elbow. It’s painful, and over the past couple of days, it has been difficult to roll over in bed, but I have faith that it will improve.

When I texted my friend, Jennifer, in Ohio, and told her about the fall, she texted back, “Were you hurt?” I replied, “Not badly.” She sent back laughing emojis, and said, “Since you’re not really hurt, I can’t stop laughing! I can see it in my mind!” She had been witness to the New Orleans fall, so it was probably pretty easy for her to conjure up that memory.

I have heard people say, when they are having a string of bad luck, that they are going to stay home to avoid injury. I’m here to tell you, “It doesn’t work that way.” You can still get hurt in the comfort of your own home. I remember my mother stepping over a baby gate and breaking her arm…like really breaking it…she had to have surgery. So yes, injuries can happen in the safety of your own home, for sure. Can an airplane fall onto your house? Well, it’s not likely, but it has happened. It’s probably more likely these days that an airplane part will fall off a particular brand of plane, but I digress.

Here’s the moral of the story: be careful, even at home! Make sure your foot clears that baby gate or box. Take care not to slip in the shower. Don’t walk around in sock feet, unless you’re wearing non-slip socks like the ones you can get at Amazon here. And if you’re going to be accident prone, maybe someone will catch a fall on video, so you can submit it to one of those TV shows and win some money for your fall!

Maybe I need to pull the security footage in our foyer!

by Kelly Mattei

Imposter Adult

Imposter adult.

When my college-age daughter was home for the holidays, at some point, she asked me if I feel old. I laughed. I’m 56, which I don’t really consider “old,” but I know anyone over 30 seems old to her. I told her the truth: No, I do not feel old. Sometimes I feel just like I did at her age. Other times, I want to be in my pajamas at 6pm. But overall, I don’t even really feel like an adult. A friend recently posted on Facebook, “People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.” I get you, girl.

I feel like an imposter as an adult.

I know other people have experienced “imposter syndrome,” because there’s a name for it. I think lots of people feel like imposters at work. I never really felt like an imposter when I worked outside the home, and I don’t really feel like an imposter as a mom. I simply feel like as an imposter as an adult.

When I told my daughter this, she gave me one of those sideways looks. She probably said, “Bruh,” even though I’m her mom and not her “bruh.” (It seems to be the word of the moment. I’m still using “dude,” but I guess I need to try to switch to “bruh.”) I went on to explain to her what I meant: I still have a young attitude, for the most part. I still like to try to jump and touch things that appear unreachable. That beam across a ceiling in a parking garage? I want to try to jump and touch it. I’m just a couple inches over five feet, so it’s usually a stretch, but at 56, I still like to try! I love rollercoasters. I hate going to the grocery store. I like to do cannonballs into the pool. I like to go to college bars. I like to stay up late, even though I, generally speaking, don’t want to stay out late. I want to go to speakeasies. I like to go to concerts. I still understand why teenagers and college students enjoy the things they do. I don’t necessarily have to join in on a game of beer pong (even though I have before), but I understand why they enjoy it. Most of all, I love good energy, and I love to laugh. There’s not a lot of fun in adulting. Bills? Responsibilities? I take care of business, but I prefer not to think about those responsibilities all the time.

Do I know I’m not 21 anymore? Yes. Do I sometimes feel like I’m 21? You bet! Would I go back to being 21 again? Maybe. I wouldn’t go back any younger than that, but I would probably be willing to go back to 21. It would be a lot more fun if I could go back to 21 with the “wisdom” I have at 56. I could avoid some of the mistakes I made along the way. Or would I? Those mistakes are part of who I am. They taught me valuable lessons.

Even with all that “wisdom” and those “valuable lessons,” I still feel like a little girl playing grownup most of the time. My parents simply seemed so much more grown up than I do…in my mind, anyway. Perhaps they felt like they were imposters as adults too? I never asked, and they’re no longer with us.

Shout out to all my fellow imposters!

by Kelly Mattei

Last Minute Great Gifts

Last minute great gifts. Still have some shopping to do? Here are some items for everyone on your list. Seriously, I’m trying to make your life easier by providing links, so all you have to do is click and purchase!

  • Push Pin Travel Map. A framed world map made for push pins to mark places visited? Yes, please! If someone on your list is a world traveler, this is a great gift! Purchase here.

  • Doodle Dazzles Shimmer Marker Set. I don’t even know where I saw these, but they are awesome! I like to “doodle” and practice different writing styles, and when I was in college, I would have loved these for personalizing gifts! They make a great stocking stuffer! Purchase here.

  • Scarf ring. Another great stocking stuffer! I was out at breakfast with a friend yesterday, and she was wearing a lovely scarf. The hostess at the restaurant admired it, and it occurred to me that not everyone has a scarf ring! I have some, and now I need to remember to use them! Get them here. Purchase here.

  • Space Heater. Sometimes, we don’t want to heat a whole big space; maybe I just want warm feet? Or maybe I just want a little warmth in the bathroom when I step out of the shower! My mother loved a good space heater when she was watching TV. Purchase here.

  • AirFort. What kid wouldn’t love an easily-inflatable “fort”? I know mine would have loved it when she was a little girl! She might even enjoy it now, and she’s 20! Connect them to a box fan, and they self-inflate! Great for indoor play! They come in lots of different styles…space shuttle, cottage, mushroom…check them out and purchase here.

  • Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask. I just got home from a “favorite things party,” and one of the hot items was a Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask. My daughter has this product and loves it, but now that I know lots of other people love it too, I’m offering you the link! It’s to be applied at bedtime…wake up with soft lips! This makes a great stocking stuffer or gift. Purchase here.

  • Southern Cocktails. For your friend who loves to try new cocktail recipes, this book makes a great gift! Someone gave it to me, and I love it! From the editors of Southern Living. Purchase here.

  • Preseasoned Cast Iron Skillet. Every southerner needs a preseasoned cast iron skillet (or two!). Heck maybe everyone in the world should have one! They can be used stovetop, in the oven, or over a fire! And nothing cooks cornbread, skillet corn, sauteed or pan roasted veggies, or even latkes like a seasoned cast iron skillet! Seriously, if someone on your list doesn’t own one, this makes a great gift. Just make sure they have cleaning instructions, so they don’t mess it up! Get an inexpensive version here. Or support small business with Backcountry brand here.

  • Neroli Soap, Body Wash, and hand cream. I don’t know why, but my favorite scent is orange blossom, also known as neroli. Therefore, I love this soap. Someone gave it to me, and I think it makes a fantastic stocking stuffer! If neroli is not your preferred scent, they offer others. Get it here. Or get the bath gel here. Or hand and nail cream here.

Happy Shopping!

***As an Amazon Associate, I receive commissions on items purchased through the links I provide.

by Kelly Mattei

The Wisdom of Mad Men

I’m behind the curve. I just started watching Mad Men a couple of weeks ago, and I’m into Season 5 of the seven seasons. Mad Men premiered in 2007. I was busy with a toddler in 2007 and didn’t spend a lot of time watching TV. The series ended in 2015. After watching the first two seasons of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel recently, I was in the mood for a show set in the early 60s, and someone recommended Mad Men.

If you have never seen it but think you would like to, purchase it on Amazon Prime Video. It’s about men and women working at an advertising agency in New York in the 1960s…their professional and private lives, but it is centered around the life of Don Draper, the creative genius behind the agency’s most successful ad campaigns.

The late 1950s/early 1960s are the era when television was becoming influential, and the general public was just starting to enjoy air travel. We were beginning space exploration, and everyone was looking to the future. The cold war was in full swing…and Vietnam was real. Lots of it reminds me of my own childhood in the late 60s and early 70s.

And it is good…really good. The characters are well-written. The sets are glorious. The storylines are intriguing. And even though it is the 1960s, there are so many things happening in these people’s lives…they could be our friends, our neighbors, or even ourselves.

I love it for any number of reasons…the dashing, charismatic Don Draper, played by Jon Hamm; the storylines; the wardrobes; the incredible 1960s sets; New York City; and the wisdom…yes, the wisdom.

Since I wasn’t born until 1967, I wasn’t alive in the early 60s, but it still seems familiar. The console televisions…and when they turn them off, the screen shrinks down to a dot of light. The smoking. The beautiful ashtrays that were sometimes a freestanding piece of furniture and sometimes colorful decor. The green and orange sofa pillows. The rotary dial telephones. The wood paneling. The green kitchen appliances.  The old automobiles. The office politics. The constant day drinking. The social climbing.

But what has surprised me most is the wisdom of some of the characters. It seems Mr. Cooper, the head of the agency, is a wise, well-read and well traveled man. Many of the quotes I love can be attributed to him. Yes, I know he’s not a real person. I know the show’s writers actually write the lines I love so much, but nevertheless, I find some of them to be enriching.

And here, some of the wisdom of Mad Men:

  • “You haven’t thought this through. When you threaten someone in this manner, you should be aware of the fact that if your information is powerful enough to make them do what you want, what else can it make them do?” –Don Draper to Pete Campbell, an account executive with the agency, after Pete tried to blackmail him. I really love this one. It might just be my favorite quote from the series so far. I think this is a quote everyone should ponder…especially before they try to manipulate someone else. You want to get a reaction from me? It might not be the reaction you want. Trying to blackmail someone? They might just kill you instead of complying. I will definitely use this quote at some point in my life! I can think of some instances I should have used it in the past!
  • “Don’t waste your youth on age.” This was immediately a favorite. It is the wisdom of Mr. Cooper. One night, another partner, Mr. Sterling, has a heart attack at the office after hours, and Mr. Cooper calls in the office manager to help send telegrams to clients. She arrives at the office with an older gentleman in tow but quickly tells her companion to leave. She and Mr. Cooper send the telegrams, and as they are leaving, he imparts this bit of wisdom on her in reference to her date. I like to think he’s telling her to spend her time doing youthful things while she’s young.
  • “I know people say ‘life goes on,’ and it does, but no one tells you that’s not a good thing.”–Betty Draper, Don’s wife. This quote is from an episode in Season 1. Betty lost her mother a few months before, and her father has just introduced her to his new lady friend. Anyone who has lost someone understands this. Yes, life goes on, but there are lots of times life’s progression without our loved ones is difficult…we wish we could turn back time.
  • “One never knows how loyalty is born.” –Mr. Cooper. This is another one from the old man, and I like it. I don’t even remember to whom he was speaking or what it was about, but I liked it enough to write it down. It’s true, though. I’ve found loyal friends in the least likely places, and sometimes I’ve learned about their loyalty in the strangest ways. Sometimes we find out about a lack of loyalty in the least expected places too.
  • “The faintest ink is more powerful than the best memory.” –Paul Kinsey, quoting a Chinese Proverb to Don and Peggy in a meeting about ads for telegraphs. While memories are fantastic, proof of those memories is even better, because it solidifies them for us. It makes them permanent. I have childhood memories of being at my grandfather’s house, but when I look at pictures from the era, it backs up my memories. I have cards and letters from my mother. I can’t converse with her, but I know she wrote the messages in those cards and letters. They are permanent.
  • “People tell you who they are, but we ignore it, because we want them to be who we want them to be.”–Don Draper, in his memoirs. Oh my, this is so true. Throughout my life, as I’ve met people, they have told me their flaws early on, but often, I’ve chosen not to believe them. I’ve chosen to think those flaws don’t exist, when in reality, they do. Therefore, when I tell you I often say the wrong thing, and I’m often way too direct, believe me. And if you’re single and dating someone who tells you their flaws up front, believe them! Do not think they will be different with you.

There are also so many scenes without great quotes that communicate “wisdom.” For example, the horror on Pete Campbell’s face is obvious when a coworker says, “Harry told me you said I married for money.” Pete didn’t say it, but Harry did…and he put his words in Pete’s mouth. Any viewer could see through it, and hopefully, we all thought of ways to prevent it from happening to us in the future. The disappointment displayed by Betty Draper in Season 5 when she realized her attempt at revenge on Don and Megan…telling her daughter about Don’s previous marriage to Anna…had failed. Don and Megan taught us all a lesson about how to handle that type of thing…don’t give them the satisfaction of getting you upset. Megan was right when she reminded Don that if he called Betty, he would be playing right into her hands…she would get the satisfaction of knowing she had upset him…because sometimes, the best revenge is living well.

Oh…so much wisdom…

And these are just from the first few seasons. I’m sure I’ll garner more wisdom as I continue to watch. I am absolutely enthralled. If you can’t find me over the next week or so, it’s because I’m still watching Mad Men.

 

***Photo from the Huffington Post***

 

 

 

 

by Kelly Mattei

One Year of Blogs

I say it all the time, and the older I get, the more true it is: time flies.

It has been one year since I started “blogging.” I started it as my own form of therapy a month after my mother died, and I do believe it has helped me cope with her death. If you had asked me about that this past December, I might have said otherwise. The first anniversary of her passing was extremely difficult for me…maybe harder than when she actually died. I think I was in so much shock after her death that I didn’t fully digest what had happened. At the one year mark of her death, I was heartbroken. Fortunately, the holidays are a busy time, so I could find lots of things to occupy my mind: shopping, parties, wrapping gifts, spending time with family, spending time with friends. I still grieved throughout the year. There are still times I think I’m losing my mind with grief. But the blog was also a big help.

The blog has morphed somewhat over the year. Originally, I wanted it to be a place where I could share great things I had found and share the stories behind them. There has been some of that, but sometimes, I find myself just sharing stories. I love a good story. I also have a pretty good memory, so I have a story for lots of things that happen. I don’t profess to be a great storyteller, but I appreciate folks who are.

I love writing about my favorite products, but my favorite pieces are stories about my life, my friends, or family members. Yes, I have favorites. I’ll list them at the end of this piece.

Just when I think I’ve run out of stories or new things to share, something else pops up. Lots of times, I see someone or something that reminds me of something else. I make a note in my phone, and then, when I get time, I sit down and write about it. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Some things are easier to write about than others.

But here’s the thing: I write for me. Do I like that people read it and sometimes reach out to me? Of course I do! Does that make it more fun? You bet! But I’m really writing it for a selfish reason: my sanity. It’s a great outlet. If I’m mad, sometimes I write about it. I might not ever share it, but it’s saved in my “drafts” folder. If I’m sad, I write about it, and again, it might not make it past “drafts.” If I’m happy or amused, I might write about that too! In fact, I just took a look at my drafts folder and found that I have about 240 blogs in that folder! And I’ve published just over 140. And hopefully, one day, when I’m long gone, my daughter will still have some of my stories.

Thank you for reading me. I never expected this to become “the next big thing.” I expected it to help me get through the first year without my mother. And it did. Now, I hope it will help me through the second year without my mother. Readers have sent me messages about how some of my stories remind them of things that have happened in their own lives. That’s what I enjoy. I enjoy the feedback. I enjoy the interaction.

So thank you. I’m grateful.

***Some of my favorite pieces from the past year (click on title):

 

 

 

 

 

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by Kelly Mattei

Turning 50

Next weekend, I’m going to a friend’s birthday party. She’s turning 50, quite a milestone birthday. I asked her recently if she is as excited about her 50th birthday as I was about mine, and she said she’s not sure how she feels about it.

I turned 50 last year. If you didn’t have to tolerate me then, I will tell you I was pretty obnoxious. I was almost as excited about turning 50 as I was about turning 21…almost. I’ve never been as excited about one of my own birthdays as I was about turning 21. Turning 50 was a close second, though.

When my friend, Nikki, said she wasn’t sure how she felt about fifty, I thought, “She’s got this.” She’s a young fifty. She lives life to the fullest and has a positive outlook on life. All those things point to being happy about a milestone birthday.

Maybe I’m weird, but I look at fifty as a positive.

Of course, I look for reasons to celebrate. Fifty was the perfect excuse for celebrating myself! Fifty deserves Champagne at lunch and anytime I want it! Trust me, almost anyone who has had lunch with me in the past year will tell you I love Champagne with lunch.

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Bellinis in some adorable stemless flutes my friends, Jenn and Neill, gave me.

When I turned fifty in May of last year, I took full advantage of the fact that I was having a big, important, milestone birthday. My husband had turned fifty the year before, and he wanted no fanfare. I honored that. He didn’t really even want it mentioned. He did, however, go to the beach with some friends one weekend near his birthday. Judging by the late night phone call I received, he had a good time.

I didn’t want “fanfare” in the way of my husband throwing a party. Some sweet friends did come together and surprise me with a small dinner party, and some other friends took me out to lunch and to see Smokey and the Bandit (its 40th anniversary) on the big screen. Both events were great fun, as we had fun at the dinner celebrating my birthday, and we lusted after a young Burt Reynolds in the movie theatre after lunch. I wore a “50 Looks Good On Me” sash and black feather boa at dinner and a Smokey and the Bandit homemade t-shirt at the movie. ***Note: black feather boas shed, and if you have any sweat on your chest, the loose feathers will stick, making it appear as though you have a hairy chest.***

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My sweet friends humoring me by wearing Smokey and the Bandit t-shirts at the movie

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Drinking Dr. Peppers my friend smuggled into Smokey and the Bandit

My husband gave me a gift I planned: a trip to Los Angeles with my daughter and one of her friends (taking the daughter and a friend gave me lots of time to do whatever I wanted)…staying at my favorite hotel, where we had a lovely suite with a beautiful, gigantic patio that I enjoyed every…single…day. I love outdoor spaces; the hotel gifted me with a glorious outdoor space unlike any other.

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On my glorious patio at the hotel, recreating Faye Dunaway’s pose the day after she won the Academy Award. She posed by the pool, but she was a young, tall, skinny Hollywood star. I posed on the private patio, because I’m not.

While we were there, I visited with a friend who had just turned 40, and we traded “war stories” over dinner while watching celebrities dine. I also had the chance to meet two hot gentlemen, Tony Romo and Chace Crawford, and pretend I was just meeting them so I could take a picture of my daughter and her friend with them.

I embraced turning fifty. I see it as the age of respect. I have knowledge I didn’t have at 20, 30, or 40. I have experiences I wouldn’t trade. As a result of those various experiences, I have wisdom. If you’re thirty and want to tell me about “real life,” be prepared to get, “Bless your heart. I’m 50. Let me tell you about real life.”

There’s also something relaxing about being fifty. When you’re twenty, you worry about what other people think. When you’re thirty, that becomes less of a worry. You understand that when you go to a party, other people don’t really care what you’re wearing…they’re more concerned with what they are wearing. In fact, I like to think that at 30, that all went out the window with me. Some people refer to 40 as their “kiss my a** age” (I heard someone say that on David Letterman’s show years ago), meaning they stopped letting other people influence them and stopped caring so much about what other people think, but I think mine was 30. Some people who knew me in my 20s might argue that it was earlier.

If my mother were here today, she would tell you I was the “classic strong-willed child.” I didn’t cause problems, but I was stubborn. I was known for it in my family. Daddy always talked about it and wondered aloud where I got that lovely trait. He would often say, “If she doesn’t want to do something, or if she doesn’t agree with something, she is not going to give in.” Generally speaking, I didn’t care what other people did, but I wasn’t going to do something I didn’t want to do, and I wasn’t going to be talked into changing my mind about something.

As life has gone on, I’ve become less rigid, more relaxed, and most of the time, I don’t sweat the small stuff. I like to think I quit sweating the small stuff when I was in college. My parents used to say, “She might have been ‘switched’ at college” (a reference to Switched at Birth), meaning a different person came back than the one they dropped off four years before. Whatever happened, I had gained wisdom in those four years, and I’ve gained even more since…I don’t care who is right and who is wrong…unless, of course, it negatively affects me, my child, or my family. Then…well, you already know about Mama Bear.

For me, with age has come peace. I have peace in knowing God is in charge. I truly have peace in knowing there are some things over which I have no control. I have peace in knowing that I, generally speaking, try to do the right thing. I will admit that I’m perfectly capable of being petty, but I try to do the right thing most of the time. I have peace in knowing I have a nice family and good friends. I have peace in knowing I’m trying to raise my daughter to take care of herself and others. I have peace in knowing a small act of kindness can mean a lot to someone. I have peace in knowing my brother and I will talk almost everyday, whether we have something to say or not. I have peace in knowing he is happy. I have peace.

So, to my friend, Nikki, and all my other friends who will be turning fifty in the next year or two, this is my gift to you: Embrace the 5-0! Tell everyone you see you are enjoying your 50th birthday! Enjoy it! And don’t just celebrate it for one day; celebrate the whole dang year! Find the peace you deserve at 50!

My 51st birthday is approaching one month from today, and I have called this past year The Year of Me, this year that I am 50.

Unfortunately, I lost my mother during this year, but she laughed and laughed last May at how I embraced turning 50. She had a great sense of humor, and she was happy I was celebrating life. She was glad I took some extra vacations (my favorite thing to do), and she was glad I was spending time with friends and family during the year. She encouraged me to enjoy every single day. As my parents used to tell me, “Life is not a dress rehearsal. Make it good the first time around.” I’m certainly trying.

Friends, enjoy every day. Be glad you’re turning fifty. It’s a milestone. Eat cake! Cake is for winners! (Nikki knows what that means.) It should be a celebration.

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Now, let’s pop the Champagne!

Cheers!

by Kelly Mattei

Why Write Now?

 

“I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.”

–Anne Frank

Yesterday, it occurred to me that it has been two months since my mother died. I remember when Daddy died, when things would happen, I would think, “And Daddy’s missing this.” Now I’m doing the same thing, “Mother’s missing this.”

I started my website/blog about a month ago…a month after Mother died. I find myself wondering what she would think. She loved to read blogs on Facebook…especially Sean of The South by Sean Deitrich. If you haven’t read his blog, you should. You can find it on facebook here.

Looking back at my posts, I know which ones she would have enjoyed. She’d have loved the one about Sunflowers, for sure, but she would be especially happy about My Favorite Rescue. Of course, that story could not have happened if she were still with us. I like to think she is smiling in Heaven about her dog’s homecoming. I know Sam (the dog) misses Mother, but she sure is happy to be home, and she loves living with my nephew. Thank goodness my brother agreed to bring her home.

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Mother loved stories, and she loved to laugh, so she would love any of my blog entries that made her laugh. Pee in my shoes during the kindergarten play? She would have remembered it, and she would have laughed out loud about it.

The story about the cute waiter in Boone would have made her smile. She always rooted for the underdog. We would have discussed that one a hundred times by now, as each of us made up different stories about what might have happened to Ricky. Did his day get better? Did he marry the out-of-his-league girl? Is he traveling the world, leaving great tips for servers everywhere he goes? The possibilities are endless.

What I find myself wondering, though, is WHY did I start my blog after Mother died?! WHY didn’t I start it sooner? She would have given me honest feedback, so why did I wait?! I had wanted to do a blog for a long time, but I was hesitant. Why now?

Maybe I was afraid of her honest feedback. Maybe that’s why I waited.

Well, here’s what I think: I used to talk to Mother every day…mostly in the car, because that was the only time I was alone and could actually converse without interruption
(except my husband has some sort of phone radar and ALWAYS calls when I’m on the phone…Mother and I used to laugh about it). I can’t talk with her anymore. I think this blog started as a coping mechanism. Writing, for whatever reason, helps me deal with grief. That’s what I think. I just realized that yesterday as I sat down in front of my laptop again. I’m channeling some of the conversations I would have had with Mother into this blog.

Daddy and Mother sitting outside on a chilly day in 2006.

When Daddy died in 2006, I didn’t cope well at all. I was younger, of course, and while I’d lost grandparents, losing Daddy was huge. Oh, I struggled. Thank God I had good friends and family around who helped me. My daughter was almost three when Daddy died, and I was 39. Fortunately for me, I had some great friends and family, near and far, and we had the very best playgroup ever. They were the people with whom I had daily interaction after coming home from Daddy’s funeral.

Our playgroup was full of kids about my daughter’s age, and all the moms were in their late 30s. We were a hodgepodge group from all over the country. Lots of states were represented: Alabama, South Carolina, Virginia, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Maryland…we were all different, but  we rallied around each other. In talking with my friend, Jenn, recently, we laughed about our playgroup, because it was really for the moms. The kids got to have REAL unstructured playtime, because for the most part, they were free ranging wherever we were. People talk about how kids don’t get to have unstructured playtime anymore; well, ours did. My daughter is an only child, so I feel like those friends in the early years of playgroup felt like siblings to her, so she experienced that to some extent.

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Most of the time, we were at Wendy’s house, because it was most kid-friendly, and frankly, Wendy can cook. Jenn can cook really well too, but back then, Wendy always had something on the stove or in the oven. Her mother is Italian…from the North End in Boston…real Italian…she can cook. So while our kids played, the moms gathered in the kitchen and talked and sampled dinner. Recently, Jenn and I laughed about just how unstructured the kids’ play was. Usually, they were in a playroom, while the moms were gathered in another room. If anything happened, one of the kids would come get us.

I think the loss of my daddy was one of the first big crises we had experienced together as a group of friends. My coping skills were less than great, but my friends rallied and got me through it. I remember being at Wendy’s house one day soon after he died. Jenn was there too. I’d had a headache for DAYS. They talked to me about the stress I was dealing with and sent me upstairs to bed…in Wendy’s house…before noon. They fed me and my family, and they helped ME.

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Playgroup moms, children, and a couple of aunts and grandparents gathered for Halloween Birthday Party for Wendy’s dad. I dressed as Hester Prynne.

We’ve been through a lot together. One mom suffered a late miscarriage before Daddy died. Several members of our group moved away. A few have survived divorces. One lost her mother to ALS. Some of their husbands lost their jobs during the financial crisis in 2008/2009. One almost died from an allergic reaction at lunch with me in California Pizza Kitchen. My husband had two brain surgeries. One studied for and passed the NC State Bar Exam. We got all our kids enrolled in school…some at public, some at private. Broken bones. Surgeries for children. Sleep issues. And one friend from our group has battled cancer for years, but she is one tough chick. She moved away years ago, but we wish she were in Charlotte, so we could help her. Fortunately, she has a very supportive family in Boston, but we miss all of them in Charlotte. We are all still friends, and those of us who remain in Charlotte still try to get together with the kids a few times a year, and every time, the kids are thrilled to be together.

I’m fortunate to have great friends in Charlotte and elsewhere…lots of friends who recently sent me cards, letters, and food when Mother died, and friends who called or visited. I have friends who have listened to me cry and tell story after story. I have friends who came to the hospital and sat with me and held my hand, and I have friends who honored Mother’s memory by placing her cup of Bailey’s and coffee on the bar when a group of us gathered. I have friends who know when to stop by for a cup of coffee. People are kind. Every single person and every single gesture has been a part of learning to face life without my Mother.

So maybe I’m writing to cope. I have a degree in journalism, and I’ve always enjoyed writing, but I haven’t been doing a lot of writing in the past few years. I know Mother would be proud that I’m doing something related to that degree she and Daddy financed.

If you enjoy the blog/website, please invite friends to read it. So far, I’ve loved sharing ideas for different things, and I’ve laughed (and cried!) while telling stories. Grief after Mother’s death led me here.

Mother would be proud that I’m writing and proud that I’m coping.

Thank you for helping me cope.

Kelly

NEXT POST, WEDNESDAY: Fun provisions for a stay-in weekend with a friend or friends.

Mother and I, probably 1974
My last photo with Mother, November 2017