Category / daughter

by Kelly Mattei

Halfway Through Sophomore Year

Halfway through sophomore year…

Our daughter just returned to college after being home for a few weeks for the holiday break. We loved having her, and I think she enjoyed being here, for the most part, but she was more than ready to get back to school. I could tell she was getting fidgety about being here too long.

And you know what? As much as I miss her, I am thrilled she wanted to get back to school.

We were fortunate to have a fun night last night. Somehow, the three of us ending up sitting in the keeping room off the kitchen with all three of our dogs, laughing and talking about anything that came to mind. I don’t know how long we laughed and talked, but it was a great way to end the break…on a very positive note. That’s not to say we didn’t get on each other’s nerves here and there while she was home. Of course, we got on each other’s nerves a few times. My mother used to say, “No house is big enough for two women.” My mother was a wise woman, but since our daughter is still our baby, our house is still big enough for all of us. While we annoyed each other a few times, the holiday break was full of positives for our little family. Ending it with an impromptu family. night was perfect.

Today, she drove the 450 miles back to school, and a friend rode with her. I will admit that I checked on them several times, and they even called me to ask some questions about the route. Each time my phone rang, I answered with, “Is everything OK?!?” I got questions like, “What’s a safe place to stop for a bathroom break?” I told them to pay attention to the signs and don’t take the exit if the signage isn’t good. Some generally safe places to stop are Chick-fil-a and even Starbucks, but if they don’t feel safe, don’t stop. Another question? “Should I go straight through Atlanta or get on the bypass?” I told her to just go straight through, and it worked out perfectly. She was on the other side of town in no time. Fortunately, her car gets pretty good gas mileage, so they were able to drive the whole 450 miles without filling up. That’s a big relief, because I don’t need to worry about her standing outside the car, filling it up with gas…and being a sitting duck.

We probably won’t see her for about two months, when we visit for Parents’ Weekend, and that’s OK. If she needs us, we can get there pretty quickly, but we just want her to be happy. She is already making plans to attend some basketball games and gymnastics meets this week, so good times are ahead for her! They’re ahead for me too, as I have a trip with a friend coming up this weekend!

If you have a freshman who is returning to college right now, one thing I can tell you is that, for me, it did get easier to send her back this year. She is established at her school and has friends. She is happy with her living arrangement. She is doing well in school, and she is making lots of fun plans. Did I get a little emotional yesterday? Yes. I was in a mood, but then I realized I was simply dreading her departure, and once I gave into it, I felt better. A few tears later, I felt better.

Before I know it, her sophomore year will be over, and she will be halfway through her bachelor’s degree requirements! Time flies, and I’m just happy she’s having fun!

by Kelly Mattei

Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mother…

Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mother…

All of my adult life, I called my mother “Mother,” except when I was upset. As a little girl, I called her “Mama,” but if I called her that as an adult, it had special meaning. If I called her and started the conversation with “Mama,” I’m sure she knew there was some emotion attached to it. Calling her “Mama” meant lots of different things. It might have meant my daughter wasn’t feeling well. It could mean I was sick, or my husband was sick. It could mean I was upset about something or worried about something. But it could also mean I was excited about something…as in, “Mama, you’re not going to believe this!”

Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of my mother’s passing. Six years without my Mama. I miss her every day, but I especially miss her when emotions run high. Often, I wish I could call her so she could be excited with me, help me with something, or calm me down in a volatile situation. I wish I could ask her for advice when I need it. She was a natural nurturer. She gave good advice, but most of the time, she got me to use my own judgment by nudging me in the right direction. She was a firm believer that it was always a good idea to do the right thing. She also believed we needed to do what was right for ourselves. Many times, when I was younger, she would ask, “Are you doing that because it’s the right thing for you, or because you’re being pressured into it?” She was the voice of reason.

While she has been gone for six years, I still hear her voice in my head on a regular basis. She is still with me. Could I still use her here to talk me down when I’m upset? Yes, definitely. But how many times do I say to friends and family, “Mother would have loved this.” Or maybe, “My mother would have said….” She is still with me, without a doubt. I miss so much about her. I miss the way she listened to me and everyone else she knew. I miss her sense of humor…and it was really good. I miss her strength…her calm. I miss her perspective…how she knew most things we worry about don’t really matter…life, faith, health, death…those were the things that mattered. A bad grade on a test in college? She didn’t care…learn from the experience. She believed life was one big series of lessons, and she was correct.

Last night, I had a social event to attend. Mother would have loved it…a fun party. She loved spending time with young people and she especially loved seeing young people having fun. She loved having energy around her. There were lots of young people having a lot of fun at this particular event. I got home late, and my husband and I did the “post game wrap up” of the event while I enjoyed Bailey’s on the rocks in honor of Mother. That woman loved coffee her whole adult life, and she especially loved Bailey’s in her coffee. While it was too late for me to have Bailey’s and coffee, it wasn’t too late for a little Bailey’s on the rocks. In fact, I was a little hoarse from talking so much at the party, but the Bailey’s was soothing…a good way to wind down before bed…just like talking to Mother used to be.

In a couple of weeks, I’m traveling to Mexico City with a friend for a few days. It was one of Mother’s favorite places. She traveled there with me right before I got married. I had been a couple of times before, and I could hardly wait to share it with her. She loved everything about it…the food, the people, the culture, the architecture, the cathedral at the Zocalo…but afterward, she especially loved the memories we had made. We laughed and laughed, after the fact, about my forcing her to walk up the hill to Chapultepec Castle in the first few hours we were there. The elevation is real. Mexico City is about 7,400 feet above sea level, but I didn’t think about that when I said, “Let’s walk up the hill!” After walking uphill for a while, she told me I was crazy and hopped on the tram. We laughed and laughed. I can hardly wait to share the city with my friend, and while we are there, I will remember my mother too. I’m sure I will share stories about Mother with my friend.

Six years have passed in the blink of an eye. She didn’t see my nephew graduate from college and start his path as an adult, using his artistic talents as a tattoo artist…exactly what he wants to do. She didn’t know his twin brother works for the city and still does the announcing at sporting events…exactly what he wants to do. She didn’t see our daughter graduate from high school, and didn’t get to see her as a college student. Sometimes, it seems like forever since I have seen her, and sometimes, it seems like yesterday. Life is funny that way.

I miss you, Mama.

by Kelly Mattei

Away In A Manger

Away in a manger…

This morning, on “the Facebook,” a friend posted a video of a live nativity scene made up of some adorable children at a church in East Tennessee. The children are dressed as Mary, Joseph, an angel, and some sheep…all gathered around Baby Jesus in the manger. It’s a beautiful scene…right up until one of the sheep steals the Baby Jesus! Honestly, it might make it even more beautiful, because kids will be kids. In the scene, a little girl is portraying a sheep, and I guess she decides Baby Jesus needs to be held. She picks him up and begins swaying to the music with him, until Mary takes him away from her and returns him to the manger…and repeat. You can see the video here.

It reminded me of the live nativity at our church when our daughter was a little girl. It was presented outdoors at our church for two weekends during the Christmas season, and it was, indeed, beautiful. Our daughter, as a toddler/small child, found it fascinating, and she longed to portray Mary. In fact, when she was four, she spent a large portion of the Christmas season pretending to be “Mother Mary,” dressed as Mary with a head veil when we were home. I don’t recall her wearing it in public, but she wore it a lot at home. The days of her pretending to be “Mother Mary” are far behind us, as she is a sophomore in college. As a small child, her great aunt had a nativity scene on a table in her home, and when we gathered for the holidays, she let our daughter place the tiny, ceramic Baby Jesus in the manger before we had lunch. She was thrilled, and even though she did get to portray an angel in a Christmas pageant at a friend’s church when she was six or seven, she never portrayed “Mother Mary” in a live nativity scene.

When I was a little girl, I admired the small, wooden nativity scenes my mother had in our house during the holidays, and I especially remember a live nativity scene at a local church. The Biblical figures were portrayed by adults instead of children, but I remember driving slowly past with my family to see it and being fascinated. I thought it was the most beautiful scene every year.

When our daughter gets home from college for the holidays tomorrow, she will spend her time visiting with friends in town, going on vacation with me, and possibly visiting friends in other cities. However, we will take some time to visit a live nativity scene together, and we’ll drive around and look at Christmas lights throughout the city.

I doubt she will dress as “Mother Mary” this year, though.

***Feature photo is from a beautiful nativity scene in the Iglesia de San Felipe (Church of San Felipe) in Casco Viejo, Panamá City, Panamá.

***In Charlotte, we are fortunate to have the Billy Graham Library, where we can enjoy a live nativity during the holiday season, starting at 5pm, every day except Sunday, through December 23. Tickets are required but are free. For info, click here.

***To see other nativity events in the Charlotte area, click here.

by Kelly Mattei

Moms Make Things Happen

Moms make things happen.

I just read an article in Inc. Magazine about how United Airlines lost a teenager’s luggage containing $2000 of lacrosse gear and how her mom took matters into her own hands to get it back. Because her daughter had put an Apple Air Tag tracking device in her bag, Mom could see the bag was at baggage claim in Chicago, even though the airline said it had never left Baltimore. Tired of waiting for the airline to solve the problem, she cashed in some frequent flyer miles to fly from her home in Denver to Chicago, where the bag was sitting in unclaimed baggage area, retrieved the bag, and took the bag home with her. You go, girl! You can read the article here.

I have to tell you: I wasn’t surprised one bit to read that a mother who didn’t trust the airline to get the bag back to her daughter was the one who solved the problem in her own way. Moms make things happen. No, not every mom could or would go to extremes to help their kids, but lots of us would. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean helping them in ways that will hurt them. I don’t mean doing their homework. I don’t mean posting on the college parents’ page asking for tutors for their college student or trying to help them find friends. I don’t mean rescuing them from every bad situation. Kids need to learn to handle things on their own. However, sometimes a teen is not equipped to handle something.

And that’s where Mom comes in.

I truly believe being a mom is the single most important job in the world. Sure, we need a president. We need doctors. We need coaches and teachers, but Mom? A good mom is multi-talented and has knowledge about lots of things. A good mom nurtures, acting as a nurse. A good mom listens, acting as a counselor. A good mom encourages, acting as a coach. A good mom teaches, acting as a teacher. A good mom protects, acting as a security officer. A good mom guides, acting as a captain. A good mom instills morals/beliefs, acting as a spiritual leader. A good mom nourishes, acting as a chef. A good mom puts in the time. A good mom does it all. A good mom makes things happen.

One thing I know for sure: my daughter knows I always have her back. I always have her best interest at heart…just like my mom did before I lost her six years ago. She knows I will hop on a plane to help her. She also knows I will not live her life for her. I wouldn’t dream of calling or emailing a college professor. I won’t try to find friends for her or tutors. She has learned her own problem-solving skills by doing things herself…and by observing over the years.

But would I catch a flight to pick up her bag filled with lacrosse gear that had been abandoned by an airline in an airport? You bet your sweet bippy!

So am I surprised the mom in Denver flew to Chicago to fetch her daughter’s bag? Not one bit.

There are, however, some lessons to be learned here. First, when you fly, ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOUR CHECKED BAG IS TAGGED FOR YOUR FINAL DESTINATION…look at the check bag tag and make sure it has “Los Angeles/LAX” (or your destination) on it before releasing it to an agent. Second lesson? Purchase some Apple Air Tags or Tile Pros to stick in your checked bags, so you know where they are! You won’t be surprised to know that, after reading about the girl’s luggage issues, I’m purchasing some Apple Air Tags and some Tile Pros for our family for Christmas. Purchase Tile Pros here. Purchase Apple Air Tags here. They make great Christmas gifts and stocking stuffers!

***As an Amazon associate, I receive commissions on items purchased through the links I provide.

by Kelly Mattei

Outdoor Bluetooth Projector BIG Deal TODAY ONLY

TODAY ONLY! If someone on your list would like a wifi/bluetooth compatible OUTDOOR PROJECTOR, I have a promo code that takes 80% off this great one! It’s compatible with smartphones, tablets, computers, etc…so you can watch all your shows/movies/sports from your apps, projected onto a screen or wall outdoors with your friends! It’s normally $399, but YOU can get it now with my link for just about $80!!! Discount will reflect AT CHECKOUT. Click this link: https://amzn.to/47K3UDn

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*As an Amazon Associate, I receive commission on purchases made through my links.*

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by Kelly Mattei

MORE Sorority and Fraternity Gifts on Amazon

MORE sorority and fraternity gifts on Amazon.

Yesterday, I published a piece with a few items from The Sorority Shop on Amazon. Today, I’m taking a look at Greek Gear on Amazon. I have purchased several items for my daughter and other young ladies from Greek Gear, and everything was a big hit, so without further ado…

  • Greek Gear. For an overview of what they offer, visit the Greek Gear at Amazon home page here. You will see they have a large selection! I’m going to narrow down to some of the more popular options below. You can shop by entering something in the search bar, like “sweatshirts.” Or you can search by specific fraternity or sorority.

  • Comfort Colors Rainbow Arch Crew. I got this for my daughter and the daughter of a friend. They both love it. Its colorful without being “too much.” At $60, it’s not cheap, but it’s the great quality of Comfort Colors, and it’s an awesome gift. I’m showing it in ADPi, but they offer most national sororities in this design here. Or to see more crewneck sweatshirt options, click here.

  • Hooded Sweatshirts. If you’ve seen a design out there, Greek Gear likely has it. See their hooded sweatshirts here.
  • Flannel Plaid PJ Pants. My daughter has these and loves them. They’re great PJs for sleeping, lounging, or studying. Offered in most national sororities and fraternities. Prices start at $48.89. Get them here.

  • Greek Lettered Sweatpants. College students love comfort, and what’s more comfortable than sweatpants in winter? Prices start at about $35, and again, they are offered in most national fraternities and sororities. Get them here.
  • Greek Letter Anorak. An anorak always makes a great gift, and Greek Gear offers them with your recipient’s letters or crest…for most Greek organizations. This is a gift they’ll use forever. Get it here.

  • Quarter Zip Pullover. There are lots of different styles of quarter-zip pullovers for your fraternity or sorority member. See some of the options here.

  • Pillowcases. Freshmen girls love their sorority letter pillowcases! There are lots to choose from at Greek Gear at Amazon. Starting at about $22, these make a great gift. See them here.

  • Lettered Crewneck Sweatshirt. A classic, for sure. The crewneck sweatshirt with twill or embroidered letters. Check them out here.

  • Greek Letter Hats. College students love baseball hats. Check out the selection of Greek letter hats here, all reasonably priced.

There you have it! Some more great gift options for sorority and fraternity members! Order early! These gifts are made-to-order. I’m ordering some now!

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

Sorority Girl Christmas Gifts

Sorority girl Christmas gifts.

If you have a young lady on your Christmas list who pledged a sorority this year, your shopping can be easy! The Sorority Shop on Amazon has lots of sorority gifts. Check out The Sorority Shop here.

Here are some popular items:

  • Sorority Necklace with Gemstone. Pictured below are necklaces for different sororities, but Sorority Shop offers necklace for almost all national sororities. They make great gifts, and they are priced right at about $20! Get them here.
  • Sorority Drinkware. College girls, in general, love insulated cups. I don’t know when this trend started, because when I was in college, we didn’t carry giant cups with us everywhere…unless it was a party, and then they didn’t have water in them! These days, they love the insulated cups, and you can get one with sorority letters on it. See them here.
  • Throw blankets. Doesn’t everyone love a good throw blanket? College sorority girls will love these for their dorm rooms/apartments. Get them here.
  • Sorority Keychains. This is always a great gift, and Sorority Shop has several different styles. Check out the offerings here.

There are lots more great gifts on The Sorority Shop at Amazon!

FOR SORORITY AND FRATERNITY APPAREL GIFTS AND MORE, CLICK HERE.

If you’re a Prime member, remember, you get free shipping on Prime items! Check out The Sorority Shop here.

SORORITY AND FRATERNITY APPAREL GIFTS AND MORE TO COME TOMORROW!

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

College Fall Break

***I originally posted this in 2022, when my daughter was a freshman in college. She is a sophomore now, and this year, she has a fall break. It is much needed after midterms. To all the moms of college freshmen out there: hang in there! I can hardly wait for her to come home later this week.***

College fall break.

This morning, I walked into a local breakfast place and literally ran into a girl my daughter went to high school with. I was surprised to see her, because she is supposed to be in college hundreds of miles away. I’m sure I audibly gasped before giving her a big hug. She quickly explained that she is home for fall break and asked, “When is Milly’s fall break?” I replied, “She doesn’t get one.” Her eyes widened and she asked, “What? I thought everyone did!” Well, my daughter doesn’t.

When we moved her into college, I knew she wouldn’t get a fall break. I had already looked ahead at the academic calendar for fall, and I realized that while she doesn’t get a fall break, she does get a full week for Thanksgiving, which I think is ideal. I thought nothing of it. Why does anyone need a fall break, anyway? It never occurred to me that she might need it! Did we have those extra days off when I was in college? I don’t remember.

But she does need a fall break.

As it turns out, it’s midterm exam season, and she is worn out. She was sick with the flu last week. She is ready to come home and sleep in her own bed for a few days, but she doesn’t have a fall break. I’m going down to the football game this weekend, and I thought that might be enough to carry her through to Thanksgiving, but no…she wants to come home for a weekend visit.

So yesterday, I purchased her an airline ticket to come home next weekend. After completing the purchase, I said, “Maybe I should just stay home this weekend, since you’re coming home next weekend?” She said, “No. Please come to the game!” That’s all it took. As soon as I heard those words, I knew I was definitely going. Done! As parents, we know that as our kids get older, every minute with them is valuable, and if she wants some time with me, I’m taking advantage of it. So I’ll be leaving Friday. I’ll return to Charlotte Sunday, and next Friday, I’ll pick her up at the airport in Charlotte. She’s needing some Mama and Daddy time…and that’s OK.

She simply needs a reboot. And she needs to sleep in her own bed. And she needs some of her favorite foods…Mama’s grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup, some roasted veggies, cake batter popcorn (recipe here) and some homemade mashed potatoes…not all at the same time, of course. I’ll be going to the grocery store next Wednesday to make sure we have everything I need to make her favorites. And we will sit outside and have a charcuterie board for dinner Saturday night before she goes out.

I have a friend who has a daughter who is a sophomore at another college, and I vividly remember her telling me that when her daughter was a freshman, she would come home occasionally, and she seemed most excited about sleeping in her own bed. In fact, my friend said her daughter made “snow angels” in her bed the first time she came home from college, saying, “I’m just so happy to be back in my BIG bed!” Those twin beds in college dorm rooms are adequate, but who doesn’t love their own big bed in their own bedroom at home?!? Our daughter has slept in a queen bed in her own room her whole life, so I’m sure she is excited to sleep in her own big bed, with her own blankets and her own sweet dog, who misses her terribly.

So no, she doesn’t get an official fall break. She won’t get an extra two days off to come home, but we will create a fall break for her. She will be home for about 52 hours (the same amount of time I was in labor with her, by the way…don’t ask), and we will try to make it as special as possible. We will try to make her comfortable. We will give her lots of hugs. We will prepare all her favorite foods. And we will just love her. There’s no doubt in my mind that we will be happy to be home. We are thrilled to have a weekend with her…which will really be just a few hours that we get to see her, but that’s OK. There will be lots of hugs.

And she just called to tell me we will have a bonus! A friend is coming home with her! We will have lots of extra laughs, and I am going to call the friend’s mom right now to find out what her favorite foods are!

They just didn’t want to wait till Thanksgiving. We will welcome them with open arms and help them “reboot” to finish out the weeks till Thanksgiving. Sometimes, college students just need to be loved.

Come home, baby!

by Kelly Mattei

Youngest in the Grade

Youngest in the grade.

My daughter just turned 20 a few days ago. She’s a sophomore in college, living her best life. My husband and I traveled to her university to celebrate her, and a good time was had by all! In fact, we are still enjoying our time with her and her friends! It did, however, make me think about how fortunate she is that she will turn 21 at the beginning of her junior year in college. She is definitely not the youngest in her class, and believe me when I say I tried to design it that way.

I was one of the youngest in my grade growing up. I wasn’t the youngest, but with a late May birthday, I definitely wasn’t one of the older ones. Add in the fact that I was short with a round little face, so I looked even younger. I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and then, in college, I was one of the last of my friends to turn 21…after the end of my junior year of college!

Some of you who didn’t experience that might not think it matters. Maybe it didn’t matter at all to some of you when you were growing up. It mattered to me. I hated that I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and in college, I especially hated that I was among the last of my friends to turn 21. It mattered…a lot. It mattered so much to me, in fact, that I literally had a countdown from my 20th birthday to my 21st. I could tell you exactly how many days, hours, and minutes it was until my birthday. Yes, I would actually say things to my friends like, “I will be 21 in exactly 163 days, 7 hours, and 22 minutes.” Annoying? I’m sure. Weird? Probably. But I wanted to be 21.

It makes me wonder about the kids who skip grades. I’m not condemning that concept, so don’t come at me. I will fight back, you know. Personally, for me, it would have been a terrible thing to be the youngest among my “peers,” especially if I were a year younger! Lots of people in college don’t want to be the one who can’t go to the bar when everyone else can. I have a friend whose daughter is the youngest in her friend group, and when Taylor Swift was in Nashville, the daughter was one week shy of her 21st birthday. All her friends were in Nashville and able to go out to bars, but she couldn’t go to all of them. She could go to the 18+ or 19+ bars, but not the real bars. She felt left out of the fun.

When I was a little girl, in first and second grade, it was recommended that I skip a grade. My mother, in her wisdom, refused. She would point out how small I was. And she would also say, “She does not need to be behind the curve socially. No, she’s staying where she is.” She was wise. No, I’m not saying you are unwise if you let your kid skip a grade. You do you. I am saying I definitely would not have been socially ready for college a year earlier. I will say I see a lot of great athletes who are young in their grade at school and could have been even greater athletes if they’d had another year to grow. My child was eligible to go to kindergarten in North Carolina in 2008, but I wanted her to do a year of transitional kindergarten. I didn’t want her to be the youngest in the grade. I wanted her to have the most athletic opportunities she could have, if she wanted them (she did). I wanted her to be among the first to get her driver’s license, and among the first to turn 21 in college.

By giving my girl an October birthday, I ensured that she will be among the first to turn 21 in her class in college. She has thanked me many times for it. My husband and I were thrilled that she was among the first to turn 16, because it meant she would be responsible for driving herself, instead of being dependent on other teens. We trusted her driving, because we taught her, and we made her have double the number of practice driving hours required by the state of North Carolina to get her license. With 120 practice hours, she was a fairly experienced driver for a 16-yr-old.

So now I’m wishing a belated Happy Birthday to our 20-yr-old! That sounds weird to say. She will be 21 in 350-something days.

***I’m not an educator. I’m not a psychologist. I’m not qualified in any way to say whose kid should start school when. I’m a mom and a person who turned 16 and 21 after all her friends. I’m not offering parenting advice or educational advice in any way, shape, or fashion.***

by Kelly Mattei

Take a Car to College?

Take a car to college?

Our daughter is a sophomore in college about 450 miles away from home. Last year, when she was a freshman, we sent her with her car. Her university does not discourage freshmen from bringing cars, and honestly, we are a driving family. We are people who like to “have our own horse.” Is it control? Maybe. I don’t need to control everyone else, but I do need to control me, and well…the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

The Facebook Parent Pages

Ahhh…the Facebook parent pages…a great source of entertainment. If you have a child who will be attending college soon or is presently attending college, all you have to do is go to the parent pages for the university to see every possible opinion on every possible topic you can imagine. Questions I never even considered asking pop up daily, and often, I get a good laugh. The latest entertainment on the parent pages for my daughter’s college is the discussion of cars on campus. One parent from out-of-state posted, asking if other parents had an opinion about their child taking a car freshman year. You can imagine the responses! Or can you?!? Holy smokes!

Some parents said they didn’t think any child needed to take a car to college. Several said, “I recommend no car.” Others said, “I think no child should take a car freshman year.” Bah humbug! I didn’t say anything in response, but I was thinking, “You do your thing, and I will do mine.” Some complained about parking issues. My daughter lived on campus last year and is living on campus again this year…no issues with finding parking so far. Yes, I had to purchase a $400 parking permit for fall and a $265 one for spring, but that goes with the territory. I actually feel pretty good about that, since it also offers roadside assistance anywhere on campus. Her university definitely doesn’t discourage freshmen from bringing cars. Heck, her university built a parking deck just for the girls who lived in her freshman dorm! Several parents on the parents page were like me and said they sent their kids with cars. One said, “I’m so glad mine has her car!” Amen, sista! Me too! Does that mean I think parents who don’t send cars with their kids are making a mistake? Nope. Nope. Nope. I will say it louder for those in the back: You do your thing, and I will do mine. Clearly, we all do things differently, and you know what? That is absolutely OK.

Do I think a car is a necessity at my daughter’s college? No. Will students survive without it? You bet. Mine would survive without it, but as my mother would ask, “Is that what you want her to do? Survive? Don’t you want her to thrive?” I know having a car is not important to everyone. I have a friend whose daughter didn’t even learn to drive until she had graduated from the University of Florida. It simply wasn’t important to her. Our daughter, however, is happier if she has a car. She is her mother’s daughter. You know how couples have code words for getting out of parties or social situations? You know…your husband somehow works “unicorn” or “confetti” into a sentence at a party, and you know he’s ready to go? Well, in our family, we look at our cars as our own “way out” when we need it. Cars are our mode of transportation, but they are also our “escape.”

Another reason for her to take a car? Our daughter undoubtedly has more driving experience than most people her age. She probably has more driving experience than people who are several years older than she is! Before she got her license, she had 120 driving hours, double the required amount in the state of North Carolina. I insisted that she have double the hours so she would feel comfortable behind the wheel of the car. In the four years that she has had her license, she has likely driven 100,000 miles. Therefore, I trust her instincts and reflexes better than I trust most other people’s instincts and reflexes. Personally, I would rather she drive herself than ride with most other people. For us, there is also the question of how to get back and forth to the airport without a car. The airport is about 45-50 minutes from her university. If she doesn’t have a car, she becomes dependent on friends or a car service that only books as groups on busy days, meaning she, potentially, could have to wait up to two hours after her flight arrives. Nope. For me, that is not an option. I want her to be able to get off the plane, into a car, and back to school as efficiently as possible. And depending on friends to do it? Well, if the friend is not on the exact same flights on the outbound and return, then it might not work out. Even if the friends are scheduled on the same return flight, they might miss a connection (we live in a hub city with nonstop flights, so we won’t), and then there’s a problem. That’s just not something I’m willing to worry about, especially since sending her car is not a hardship on us.

Maybe parents should make a list of pros and cons if they have trouble deciding. It was an easy decision for us, but if I had to make a list of pros and cons for us, I guess it could look like this:

  • Pro: she can get anywhere she wants when she wants
  • Pro: she doesn’t have to ask other people for a ride or take a shuttle service to the airport
  • Pro: she feels more independent
  • Pro: we don’t worry as much about her driving as we would if she were riding with someone else.
  • Pro: she’s happy
  • Pro: she can drive to visit friends or family in other cities (or at other universities) when she wants
  • Con: finding parking for some people, but it hasn’t been an issue for her at all

Honestly, for us, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I can’t think of another con.

The moral of the story? If you are considering sending your child to college with a car, and the college/university is OK with it, you do what is best for your family. ***If your student’s university discourages it or doesn’t allow freshmen to bring cars, obviously, they shouldn’t take a car.***We all think differently. You might not want to have to worry about the car. You might not want to have to worry about the kid with the car. You might not want to buy the parking pass. Maybe you can’t afford a car to send with your child. Whatever…everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do. That’s one of the great things about parenting: we all make our own decisions based on our own experiences and our own beliefs.

If your student takes a car, I do recommend that he/she has the Life360 app on his/her phone. Browse their plans to see which one works best for your family. My daughter was in an accident last year, and Life360 dispatched police and called her to see if Medic was needed. Life360 also offers roadside assistance with upgraded memberships. Also, I like having extra “roadside assistance” options. I recommend a AAA membership for peace of mind when roadside assistance is needed. AAA follows the member, so even if she is in someone else’s car and needs roadside assistance, they will help. See the AAA website here.

Bottom line: I took a car to college, so I see nothing wrong with my child having hers. We believed she would be happier with a car to drive. Therefore, we sent the car with her. End of story.

****Amended to add that we have set rules for the car:

  • NO ONE else drives it, unless it’s an emergency situation (like my daughter is incapacitated)
  • Try to park under/near a light
  • Call me if any dashboard lights come on
  • Never let the gas tank get below 1/2 tank
  • Know where the wheelocks are