Category / university

by Kelly Mattei

Don’t Sweat Fall Sorority Rush Yet

Don’t sweat fall sorority rush yet.

I have received three phone calls from worried friends this week. Their daughters are planning to participate in sorority rush in the fall at big southern schools, and they are worried they should be working on “rush stuff” right now. No. The answer is no. Let your daughter enjoy her senior year!

Mom, you can start thinking about the preparation, but there’s no need to be consumed by it. What can you do now? Look up which sororities have chapters at your daughter’s school. Start thinking of your friends who know your daughter; which ones were in sororities in college and would be willing and able to write recommendations for your daughter? Make a list in the notes on your phone. Or you can do like one of my friends and make a spreadsheet. I’m not Type A, so a spreadsheet was not my thing. I just made a list. Anytime you’re out and about and hear that someone is a member or alumna of a sorority, make a note of it in your phone.

If you’re thinking about hiring a rush consultant, that’s entirely up to you. We didn’t hire one for my daughter when she rushed, and she landed exactly where she wanted to be. I have lots of friends who have daughters who have rushed, and personally, I don’t know anyone who hired a consultant. And all my friends have daughters who are very happy with their rush choices. The hiring of a consultant is a personal choice.

Seriously, right now, just start compiling your recommendation list and having your daughter start working on her resumé. The girls cannot even make a complete resumé right now, because they don’t know what they’ll have to add before the end of the school year.

In May, have your daughter contact your friends who are sorority alumnae by phone, text, or email to ask them to write recommendations for her. This is something she needs to do herself, and she needs to ask people who actually know her. In a pinch, she can ask a friend of a friend. Recommendations are basically introductions of your daughter to the chapters, so she will want them to be able to write about her from personal knowledge. For example, when my neighbor’s daughter participated in “recruitment,” I was able to write a detailed recommendation/introduction of her, because I had first-hand knowledge of her personality and great attributes. Try to get recommendations to every chapter, and whatever you do, make sure your daughter does not say to any alumnae, “I’m only interested in sororities A, B, and C.” First, it sounds bad. Secondly, until rush begins, your daughter might think she knows what she likes, but she might change her mind. She also might not get invited to the ones she think she will.

You can start looking at dresses if you like. Spring dresses are coming out now, so it’s perfectly fine to start looking and even purchasing dresses she thinks she will wear. When shopping, look for fairly conservative dresses but not too conservative. Amanda Uprichard offers some great options at amandauprichard.com.

But right now, the main thing is to have rush in the back of your mind. Keep you ears and eyes open for people who can help with recommendations. Soak up every moment of senior year of high school, and enjoy having your daughter at home with you!

Here’s a rough timeline of preparation:

  • January-April: Find out which sororities have chapters on campus. Also, make a list/spreadsheet of sorority alumni who can write recommendations for your daughter. ***ALSO, make sure your daughter cleans up her social media…no alcohol or extreme photos.***
  • March-May: watch the university’s Panhellenic website to find out when registration is. At most southern universities, you can register for fall rush starting in May.
  • May-June: Your daughter can contact sorority alumni and ask for recommendations, telling them they will send their resumé soon.
  • June: create a resumé using the Canva app or another app. Distribute the resumé to the alumni who have agreed to write recommendations. Most sororities want digital recommendations now, so please don’t do old school “rush packets.” If you don’t know what that is, don’t worry about it…you don’t need to know.
  • July: make sure you have your rush wardrobe, and finish gathering everything for the “rush bag.” For more information on the rush bag, click here.
  • Late July/August: move her into her dorm and let the magic happen!

I will have posts later in the spring and summer with more information.

Mostly, relax. Don’t let your daughter get nervous about it.

***Over the next few days, I will be re-posting some posts about rush and preparation for it.***

by Kelly Mattei

I’m Glad I Went to College in the 1980s

I’m glad I went to college in the 1980s.

Most people my age probably agree with me on this. I have always thought college was great in the 1980s for lots of reasons, and here are a few:

  • No smartphones. Sure, there are advantages to smartphones. You can call for roadside assistance if you need it. However, you can also take videos and photos with smartphones…not always the best thing for college students. I have to always remind my daughter there are cameras everywhere. I’m just thankful that was not the case in the 1980s when I was a student. We all tell stories about what we did, but we don’t need photographic evidence.
  • Our parents were clueless. I know what my daughters major is, but I don’t know what classes she is taking or what classes she needs to take to complete her degree…that makes me more like an 80s parent. Based on the Facebook parents’ pages for her university, parents are making their kids schedules these days, telling them what to take, and monitoring their progress toward graduation! They’re even checking their grades online! Nope. I don’t have access to my daughter’s grades, and I don’t even know what classes she is taking. OK, so I know she is taking a math and an English class this semester (because she mentioned them in passing), but I don’t know her other classes or anything else. I just expect her to handle it. I do, however, see her grades at the end of each semester, because she shows them to me.
  • Information was in an easy-to-read catalogue. We got hardcopy catalogues about majors and graduation requirements. It made it easy to look up what classes we had to take to graduate. It’s just as easy to look online, but apparently, students don’t do that! Well, I think lots of them do, but apparently, some don’t, and as the graduation date nears, they realize they have more classes to take! How does that happen? If they had a hardcopy catalogue on their nightstands, would this happen?
  • A night out was cheap. Seriously, I think I could buy a bottle of beer at my favorite watering hole for $1.50 or $1.75…then leave a dollar tip. I could take $15 and enjoy a night!
  • Transfer portals didn’t exist. Sure, athletes could transfer, but they often had to sit out a year after doing so. Athletes made their decisions and usually stuck to them. There was loyalty. Now the thinking is more like a 1986 Janet Jackson song, “What have you done for me lately?” There are athletes who transfer two and three times during their college careers! It’s insanity! Not only are they not loyal to their teams, they are ruining their own college experience! That’s just my opinion. People can do what they want, but I wouldn’t want mine doing that. Honestly, I think this generation expects immediate gratification in everything. Maybe we learned something from having to send off film from our 110 cameras and wait a week to see the photos! Now they see the photos as soon as they take them…even faster than a Polaroid! And speaking of Janet Jackson…
  • We had the real MTV! Yes, it’s a thing. We had the real MTV that actually showed music videos and featured music-related content. Plus, there was Remote Control, the MTV gameshow! Good times! How many of us can remember rushing home to see the world premier of the videos for Thriller and The Reflex? For me, that was high school, but even in college, we watched a lot of MTV…I can still dance along with Bobby Brown! (If you’d like to purchase an MTV sweatshirt to help you remember the good old days, click here.)
  • We could make prank phone calls. It’s a fact. We loved making prank calls in college. My junior and senior years , we made one prank call Monday nights…sending a college boy on a wild goose chase, and it worked every time. It was so funny that I often laughed until…well, you get the idea. With “caller ID” automatic now, students can’t make those prank calls now. Well, I guess they can, but it’s not the same.

I’m sure there are lots more reasons I love college in the 80s! My own daughter has said many times that she wishes she had been in high school/college in the 80s, and I tell her, “It was a good time to be alive!”

If you have other reasons it was great to be in college in the 1980s, please share!

by Kelly Mattei

College Student Struggled?

College student struggled?

The grades have come in for first semester, so by now, parents everywhere know if their college student did well, struggled, or failed. I have a friend whose daughter’s first semester was a disappointment, and I told her what I’m going to tell you: One semester does not a failure make.

It happens every year. Kids who were successful in high school get to college and struggle. Often, it’s students who skated through high school, so they never really learned to study. Other students went to college thinking they were the smartest people in the room, so they decided to start with difficult classes, and they weren’t really prepared. They should have started out with a lighter schedule.

My daughter is a sophomore in college, so I know lots of college students. For students who go to college where football is big and Greek life starts in the fall, I always tell those students, “Take it easy on yourself academically first semester. You’re going to be adjusting to college. You’re rushing a sorority/fraternity. Football season is a lot of fun, and there will be lots of distractions. Don’t make the first semester more difficult than it has to be.” My daughter listened and did very well her first semester. Some of her friends even listened! Others…not so much…and they struggled or even failed first semester. They came home and said, “I should have listened.”

But what I want to tell you is that your student can recover! One of my very best friends made a 1.0 her first semester in college! Her dad sold her car and sent her back to college without it, telling her she had one more semester to get her act together. When she went home for spring break, she asked her dad where her car was, and he replied, “You mean my car? The one I paid for? I sold it!” And you know what? At the end of that second semester, her grades were much better. He got her a new car. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think the car had anything to do with it. I think my friend simply buckled down, because she knew her dad would make her leave school and go home if she didn’t do well her second semester.

Another friend had dreams of going to law school. After two semesters of playing too much, her grades were in the toilet, and her parents did not send her back to the university. Interestingly, after working for a couple of years, her parents sent her back to the university. She did well. She graduated and went to law school! Yet another friend made a 1.6 his first semester of college and eventually went on to a prestigious medical school.

Sometimes, kids just need a little kick in the pants…not literally, of course. I mean they need a little wake-up call. Many of them have never experienced failure, so seeing bad grades at the end of the semester is a shock to their system! Some are motivated by it. Others, not so much. And some just need a little more time to mature. What I’m trying to tell you is, “Don’t give up on your kid!” It’s OK to punish your student. It’s OK to sell the car or use whatever “currency” is important to them, but I have seen many first semester failures turn into successes.

Hang in there, Mom and Dad. Encourage your student to work hard and get the help he/she needs…tutors, study sessions, office hours with professors, time management, etc. Check in regularly. Be your student’s cheerleader.

One semester does not a failure make.

by Kelly Mattei

Halfway Through Sophomore Year

Halfway through sophomore year…

Our daughter just returned to college after being home for a few weeks for the holiday break. We loved having her, and I think she enjoyed being here, for the most part, but she was more than ready to get back to school. I could tell she was getting fidgety about being here too long.

And you know what? As much as I miss her, I am thrilled she wanted to get back to school.

We were fortunate to have a fun night last night. Somehow, the three of us ending up sitting in the keeping room off the kitchen with all three of our dogs, laughing and talking about anything that came to mind. I don’t know how long we laughed and talked, but it was a great way to end the break…on a very positive note. That’s not to say we didn’t get on each other’s nerves here and there while she was home. Of course, we got on each other’s nerves a few times. My mother used to say, “No house is big enough for two women.” My mother was a wise woman, but since our daughter is still our baby, our house is still big enough for all of us. While we annoyed each other a few times, the holiday break was full of positives for our little family. Ending it with an impromptu family. night was perfect.

Today, she drove the 450 miles back to school, and a friend rode with her. I will admit that I checked on them several times, and they even called me to ask some questions about the route. Each time my phone rang, I answered with, “Is everything OK?!?” I got questions like, “What’s a safe place to stop for a bathroom break?” I told them to pay attention to the signs and don’t take the exit if the signage isn’t good. Some generally safe places to stop are Chick-fil-a and even Starbucks, but if they don’t feel safe, don’t stop. Another question? “Should I go straight through Atlanta or get on the bypass?” I told her to just go straight through, and it worked out perfectly. She was on the other side of town in no time. Fortunately, her car gets pretty good gas mileage, so they were able to drive the whole 450 miles without filling up. That’s a big relief, because I don’t need to worry about her standing outside the car, filling it up with gas…and being a sitting duck.

We probably won’t see her for about two months, when we visit for Parents’ Weekend, and that’s OK. If she needs us, we can get there pretty quickly, but we just want her to be happy. She is already making plans to attend some basketball games and gymnastics meets this week, so good times are ahead for her! They’re ahead for me too, as I have a trip with a friend coming up this weekend!

If you have a freshman who is returning to college right now, one thing I can tell you is that, for me, it did get easier to send her back this year. She is established at her school and has friends. She is happy with her living arrangement. She is doing well in school, and she is making lots of fun plans. Did I get a little emotional yesterday? Yes. I was in a mood, but then I realized I was simply dreading her departure, and once I gave into it, I felt better. A few tears later, I felt better.

Before I know it, her sophomore year will be over, and she will be halfway through her bachelor’s degree requirements! Time flies, and I’m just happy she’s having fun!

by Kelly Mattei

DEAL on Rubbermaid Commercial-Grade Laundry Cart

Y’all know I encourage folks to purchase this on a regular basis. It’s a great cart for moving college students into and out of dorms. It’s great for moving towels to and from the pool deck. It’s great for moving laundry or other items around your house without having to carry them. Highly recommend, and it’s on sale ($127.93 instead of $200) until November 28, while supplies last! Get it here.

by Kelly Mattei

MORE Sorority and Fraternity Gifts on Amazon

MORE sorority and fraternity gifts on Amazon.

Yesterday, I published a piece with a few items from The Sorority Shop on Amazon. Today, I’m taking a look at Greek Gear on Amazon. I have purchased several items for my daughter and other young ladies from Greek Gear, and everything was a big hit, so without further ado…

  • Greek Gear. For an overview of what they offer, visit the Greek Gear at Amazon home page here. You will see they have a large selection! I’m going to narrow down to some of the more popular options below. You can shop by entering something in the search bar, like “sweatshirts.” Or you can search by specific fraternity or sorority.

  • Comfort Colors Rainbow Arch Crew. I got this for my daughter and the daughter of a friend. They both love it. Its colorful without being “too much.” At $60, it’s not cheap, but it’s the great quality of Comfort Colors, and it’s an awesome gift. I’m showing it in ADPi, but they offer most national sororities in this design here. Or to see more crewneck sweatshirt options, click here.

  • Hooded Sweatshirts. If you’ve seen a design out there, Greek Gear likely has it. See their hooded sweatshirts here.
  • Flannel Plaid PJ Pants. My daughter has these and loves them. They’re great PJs for sleeping, lounging, or studying. Offered in most national sororities and fraternities. Prices start at $48.89. Get them here.

  • Greek Lettered Sweatpants. College students love comfort, and what’s more comfortable than sweatpants in winter? Prices start at about $35, and again, they are offered in most national fraternities and sororities. Get them here.
  • Greek Letter Anorak. An anorak always makes a great gift, and Greek Gear offers them with your recipient’s letters or crest…for most Greek organizations. This is a gift they’ll use forever. Get it here.

  • Quarter Zip Pullover. There are lots of different styles of quarter-zip pullovers for your fraternity or sorority member. See some of the options here.

  • Pillowcases. Freshmen girls love their sorority letter pillowcases! There are lots to choose from at Greek Gear at Amazon. Starting at about $22, these make a great gift. See them here.

  • Lettered Crewneck Sweatshirt. A classic, for sure. The crewneck sweatshirt with twill or embroidered letters. Check them out here.

  • Greek Letter Hats. College students love baseball hats. Check out the selection of Greek letter hats here, all reasonably priced.

There you have it! Some more great gift options for sorority and fraternity members! Order early! These gifts are made-to-order. I’m ordering some now!

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

Holiday Gifts for *Future* College Students

Holiday gifts for future college students.

If you know someone who will be off to college in the fall (or even in January), there are lots of gift options for them! A friend contacted me yesterday, asking me to compile a shopping list for those future college students. Knowing someone is going off to college can help make your holiday shopping easier, and you can help them prepare for what is ahead of them! First, you can check out my post about Holiday Gifts for College Students here. That post, however, doesn’t include a lot of the things they will need for a dorm as a freshman. Here are some ideas:

  • Laundry bags. If they’re living in a dorm, they’ll likely need to go down the hall or even to another floor to do laundry. Easiest way to transport that? A laundry backpack. Get a great one here.
  • Rush bag. If a girl on your list will be participating in sorority recruitment in January or in the fall, it’s OK for her to start preparing. A Rush bag is a necessity in the south. They can carry all the little things they’ll need between recruitment “parties.” The best bags are water resistant and have zipper closures. I found a great one at Amazon here. Add a bright-colored luggage tag, making her bag easy to identify here. To read more about what you can put into the bag for the future rushee, see my post about rush bags here.
  • Over the door hanging organizer. I was in a friend’s daughter’s room recently and noticed that she keeps all her jewelry in an over-door hanging organizer. What an awesome idea! The pockets are clear, so she can see each piece without even taking it out of the pocket, making it easy to find what she needs/wants. Purchase here.

  • Laundry cart. One of the greatest things ever, the Rubbermaid rolling laundry cart gets all kinds of jobs done, including moving into and out of dorm rooms! We also use one for pool towels, and anytime I have a lot of stuff to move around the house, I’ll use it. It’s commercial-grade and awesome. Our daughter is a sophomore, and when she moved into the sorority house this past fall, this is what the movers used to haul her stuff into the room. You might think you’ll only need it once, but since we got one, we use it all the time around the house. In fact, I really need one upstairs and one downstairs. Your future student will use it for moving, and will use it for gatherings…taking lots of things to parties. It folds when not in use. Get it here.
  • Moving bags. You’ve seen me recommend these many times. They’re sturdy and make moving easier. They can pack a lot of stuff in these bags. They can even use them for storage in a dorm room! Get them here.

  • Cosmetics organizer. College girls need cosmetics organizers, as their vanity space is usually pretty limited. My daughter preferred an acrylic one. Purchase it here.
  • Basketball. Lots of boys and even lots of girls will want to have a basketball on hand for pickup games, but make sure it’s an indoor/outdoor ball. For a good one at a great price, click here.
  • Light up basketball. For an extra gimmick or for courts where there are no lights, a light up basketball can be a lot of fun! Get one here.

  • Sunset lamp. My daughter had one freshman year, and loved it. They’re fun in dorms. Get one here.
  • Disco ball light. Much like the sunset lamp, these tend to be popular in freshman girl dorms. Get one here.
  • Trinket tray. For the little things on the nightstand. Boys and girls need these. I found one that is acrylic, so it won’t break easily, and the price is right. See it here.
  • Portable speaker. I cannot emphasize this enough. They need a portable bluetooth speaker. Get the JBL Flip 6 (the latest model) here. Or save a little money and get the Flip 5 (a slightly older model) here.

  • Yeti trunk/lockbox. A Yeti Go Box is a great place to store items in a dorm room or anywhere. It can also be used for camping trips. They come in three sizes, and while they’re not inexpensive, they’re built to last. Attach a lock, and you can secure valuables. See them here.

  • Yeti cooler. Since we’re talking about Yeti brand, we have to discuss coolers for college students. College boys need coolers, and they love the durability and quality of Yeti. It’s not so important for girls, but it’s important for boys. They are offered in lots of colors and sizes. Check out the Yeti cooler offerings here.
  • Keurig Coffee Maker. College students love coffee, but parents (like me) don’t like seeing charges at various coffee shops. Therefore, a Keurig single cup coffee maker is a great gift for a future college student. There are lots of different ones, but right (at writing), you can get a single cup Keurig coffee maker with a 36 ounce reservoir for just $50. Hurry. Get it here.

There you have it. Fifteen excellent gift ideas for ***future*** college students.

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

Holiday Gifts for College Students 2023

Holiday Gifts for College Students 2023.

We have a college student in our family, and she’s pretty easy to buy for at holiday season, mostly because she sends me a list of what she wants/needs. If you have a college student on your Christmas list, you can likely make him/her happy with some of the gifts listed below:

  • Jewelry Stand. College students need items to help keep those tiny rooms organized. A jewelry stand that helps organize necklaces, bracelets, and watches? They can all use it! Get it here. It comes in several colors. For rings? Get the hand-shaped ring holder here. It also comes in several colors.

  • Bronax Cloud Slides. College students like easy-to-use, comfy footwear. Fifteen colors! Slip on. Slip off. Get it here.

  • Samsonite Freeform Spinner Carry-on. I have mentioned this one before in another category (Travel Gifts), but every college student needs a good piece of luggage. They take weekend trips. They go home occasionally. Make it easy for them. Voted “Best Overall Spinner Carry-on” by Travel and Leisure Magazine, the Samsonite spinner is durable, nice looking, and inexpensive. It comes in lots of colors, so you can pick one that’s not just like everyone else’s, making it easy to identify in the overhead bin or in the jetway. Get it here.
  • Travel Bag with Trolley Sleeve. Also mentioned in my Travel Gifts piece. Since I listed the spinner luggage, I’m telling you about a companion piece…a travel bag with a trolley sleeve that sits atop the spinner and doesn’t fall, thanks to the sleeve that goes around the handle of the spinner. I have one, and I love it. Get one for less than $30 here, and pick your color out of several.
  • Hatch Restore 2 Alarm Clock. “No more jarring alarms.” That’s how Hatch markets this product that is a sunrise alarm clock. It’s supposed to support circadian rhythms. Sounds awesome to me! Any college student will love it! It also acts as a sound machine and helps lull the recipient to sleep; that’s what it says! The recipient can also sign up for a Hatch membership that offers meditations, sleep stories, and curated wind-down channels, if desired. This special clock is not cheap, but it gets fantastic reviews. Priced at $199. Get it here.

  • Lap Desk. There’s not much space in dorm rooms or college apartments, so a lap desk comes in handy. College students have been using them for decades; I even used one way back when I was in school! Now, they are new and improved, of course. The best I have found is from LapGear, and it’s priced right at under $40. See it here.

  • Portable Safe/Lock Box. College students get lots of visitors in dorms and apartments. If they have valuables they want to keep secure, this portable safe/lockbox can be a great gift! Even if they just want to lock up their cash or jewelry, this is perfect. With the included cable, they can attach it to a fixed object…like the closet hanging bar. It has a combination lock. Purchase here.

  • Lifestraw Products. I am a big believer in Lifestraw Products. They offer a variety of water-filtering products, including water bottles and pitchers that are great for college students. I have one of the water bottles I purchased when I traveled to Panamá earlier this year, and I love it. See all Lifestraw products here. See their latest filtering water bottles here. And if your college student likes to carry a favorite water cup/bottle, you can get them them the Lifestraw filtering water pitcher for filling the favorite cup/bottles here. Highly recommend.

  • Ugg Slippers. In winter, college students want to stay cozy, and dorm/apartment floors can be cold. My daughter loves her Ugg Coquette slippers. In fact, she likely wears them outside the dorm on occasion. See the women’s Coquette slipper here. Men seem to be a little more picky about their slippers. See the Ugg selection of men’s slippers here.

  • Nestl Reading Pillow. This goes hand-in-hand with the lapdesk we posted above. If they’re going to sit in bed to read or study, they’ll need a good reading pillow. This one gets great reviews. Purchase here.

  • Ninja Portable Blender. College students don’t want appliances that take up a lot of space. Their space is limited, so a portable blender is perfect for those days they want to make a smoothie! I hate seeing coffee shop charges on my credit card, so I told our daughter to get recipes for her favorite smoothies or coffee drinks. The Ninja portable blender is great. My husband uses one regularly. Get it here.
  • Portable Speaker. College students like their tunes. My daughter loves her JBL Flip 5 Portable Bluetooth Speaker. She uses it all the time. Priced at about $90, it provides a big bang for the buck. Everyone knows JBL quality is great. Get it here.

  • Board Games. Sounds silly, I know, but college students love distractions, and they especially love distractions that involve their friends. Yes, people still play board games…especially young people. Some of the old greats are still great. Yahtzee? Click here. Operation? Click here. Uno? Click here. Sorry? Click here. Pictionary? Click here. Scattergories (my personal fave)? Click here.

  • Basketball. Basketball hoops are everywhere on and near college campuses. However, if you don’t have a basketball, it’s a little difficult to start a pick-up game. Give the gift of fun and friendship: a basketball. Get it at Amazon here.

  • Bliss Lights Skylite Projector. College students are under a lot of stress, so they love anything that helps them relax. The Bliss Lights Skylite Projector will do just that! Get it at Amazon here.

  • Jonathan Adler Lollipop Holder. It’s gimmicky. It’s silly. However, friends will think it’s hilarious when they visit your college student, and they’ll love knowing they can grab a lollipop any time! We keep our daughter’s stocked with Tootsie Pops. Get it here.

  • Taco Tuesday Essentials. College students living in apartments love to host friends for Taco Tuesday. Amazon has lots of fun stuff just for that! Your college student will be the host with the most! See a great Taco Tuesday set here. It serves four, but you can purchase more pieces at the link.

Hoping you found some great ideas for the college student on your list. We will likely publish another list for college students in the coming weeks, so stay tuned!

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

Youngest in the Grade

Youngest in the grade.

My daughter just turned 20 a few days ago. She’s a sophomore in college, living her best life. My husband and I traveled to her university to celebrate her, and a good time was had by all! In fact, we are still enjoying our time with her and her friends! It did, however, make me think about how fortunate she is that she will turn 21 at the beginning of her junior year in college. She is definitely not the youngest in her class, and believe me when I say I tried to design it that way.

I was one of the youngest in my grade growing up. I wasn’t the youngest, but with a late May birthday, I definitely wasn’t one of the older ones. Add in the fact that I was short with a round little face, so I looked even younger. I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and then, in college, I was one of the last of my friends to turn 21…after the end of my junior year of college!

Some of you who didn’t experience that might not think it matters. Maybe it didn’t matter at all to some of you when you were growing up. It mattered to me. I hated that I was among the last in my grade to get my driver’s license, and in college, I especially hated that I was among the last of my friends to turn 21. It mattered…a lot. It mattered so much to me, in fact, that I literally had a countdown from my 20th birthday to my 21st. I could tell you exactly how many days, hours, and minutes it was until my birthday. Yes, I would actually say things to my friends like, “I will be 21 in exactly 163 days, 7 hours, and 22 minutes.” Annoying? I’m sure. Weird? Probably. But I wanted to be 21.

It makes me wonder about the kids who skip grades. I’m not condemning that concept, so don’t come at me. I will fight back, you know. Personally, for me, it would have been a terrible thing to be the youngest among my “peers,” especially if I were a year younger! Lots of people in college don’t want to be the one who can’t go to the bar when everyone else can. I have a friend whose daughter is the youngest in her friend group, and when Taylor Swift was in Nashville, the daughter was one week shy of her 21st birthday. All her friends were in Nashville and able to go out to bars, but she couldn’t go to all of them. She could go to the 18+ or 19+ bars, but not the real bars. She felt left out of the fun.

When I was a little girl, in first and second grade, it was recommended that I skip a grade. My mother, in her wisdom, refused. She would point out how small I was. And she would also say, “She does not need to be behind the curve socially. No, she’s staying where she is.” She was wise. No, I’m not saying you are unwise if you let your kid skip a grade. You do you. I am saying I definitely would not have been socially ready for college a year earlier. I will say I see a lot of great athletes who are young in their grade at school and could have been even greater athletes if they’d had another year to grow. My child was eligible to go to kindergarten in North Carolina in 2008, but I wanted her to do a year of transitional kindergarten. I didn’t want her to be the youngest in the grade. I wanted her to have the most athletic opportunities she could have, if she wanted them (she did). I wanted her to be among the first to get her driver’s license, and among the first to turn 21 in college.

By giving my girl an October birthday, I ensured that she will be among the first to turn 21 in her class in college. She has thanked me many times for it. My husband and I were thrilled that she was among the first to turn 16, because it meant she would be responsible for driving herself, instead of being dependent on other teens. We trusted her driving, because we taught her, and we made her have double the number of practice driving hours required by the state of North Carolina to get her license. With 120 practice hours, she was a fairly experienced driver for a 16-yr-old.

So now I’m wishing a belated Happy Birthday to our 20-yr-old! That sounds weird to say. She will be 21 in 350-something days.

***I’m not an educator. I’m not a psychologist. I’m not qualified in any way to say whose kid should start school when. I’m a mom and a person who turned 16 and 21 after all her friends. I’m not offering parenting advice or educational advice in any way, shape, or fashion.***

by Kelly Mattei

Take a Car to College?

Take a car to college?

Our daughter is a sophomore in college about 450 miles away from home. Last year, when she was a freshman, we sent her with her car. Her university does not discourage freshmen from bringing cars, and honestly, we are a driving family. We are people who like to “have our own horse.” Is it control? Maybe. I don’t need to control everyone else, but I do need to control me, and well…the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

The Facebook Parent Pages

Ahhh…the Facebook parent pages…a great source of entertainment. If you have a child who will be attending college soon or is presently attending college, all you have to do is go to the parent pages for the university to see every possible opinion on every possible topic you can imagine. Questions I never even considered asking pop up daily, and often, I get a good laugh. The latest entertainment on the parent pages for my daughter’s college is the discussion of cars on campus. One parent from out-of-state posted, asking if other parents had an opinion about their child taking a car freshman year. You can imagine the responses! Or can you?!? Holy smokes!

Some parents said they didn’t think any child needed to take a car to college. Several said, “I recommend no car.” Others said, “I think no child should take a car freshman year.” Bah humbug! I didn’t say anything in response, but I was thinking, “You do your thing, and I will do mine.” Some complained about parking issues. My daughter lived on campus last year and is living on campus again this year…no issues with finding parking so far. Yes, I had to purchase a $400 parking permit for fall and a $265 one for spring, but that goes with the territory. I actually feel pretty good about that, since it also offers roadside assistance anywhere on campus. Her university definitely doesn’t discourage freshmen from bringing cars. Heck, her university built a parking deck just for the girls who lived in her freshman dorm! Several parents on the parents page were like me and said they sent their kids with cars. One said, “I’m so glad mine has her car!” Amen, sista! Me too! Does that mean I think parents who don’t send cars with their kids are making a mistake? Nope. Nope. Nope. I will say it louder for those in the back: You do your thing, and I will do mine. Clearly, we all do things differently, and you know what? That is absolutely OK.

Do I think a car is a necessity at my daughter’s college? No. Will students survive without it? You bet. Mine would survive without it, but as my mother would ask, “Is that what you want her to do? Survive? Don’t you want her to thrive?” I know having a car is not important to everyone. I have a friend whose daughter didn’t even learn to drive until she had graduated from the University of Florida. It simply wasn’t important to her. Our daughter, however, is happier if she has a car. She is her mother’s daughter. You know how couples have code words for getting out of parties or social situations? You know…your husband somehow works “unicorn” or “confetti” into a sentence at a party, and you know he’s ready to go? Well, in our family, we look at our cars as our own “way out” when we need it. Cars are our mode of transportation, but they are also our “escape.”

Another reason for her to take a car? Our daughter undoubtedly has more driving experience than most people her age. She probably has more driving experience than people who are several years older than she is! Before she got her license, she had 120 driving hours, double the required amount in the state of North Carolina. I insisted that she have double the hours so she would feel comfortable behind the wheel of the car. In the four years that she has had her license, she has likely driven 100,000 miles. Therefore, I trust her instincts and reflexes better than I trust most other people’s instincts and reflexes. Personally, I would rather she drive herself than ride with most other people. For us, there is also the question of how to get back and forth to the airport without a car. The airport is about 45-50 minutes from her university. If she doesn’t have a car, she becomes dependent on friends or a car service that only books as groups on busy days, meaning she, potentially, could have to wait up to two hours after her flight arrives. Nope. For me, that is not an option. I want her to be able to get off the plane, into a car, and back to school as efficiently as possible. And depending on friends to do it? Well, if the friend is not on the exact same flights on the outbound and return, then it might not work out. Even if the friends are scheduled on the same return flight, they might miss a connection (we live in a hub city with nonstop flights, so we won’t), and then there’s a problem. That’s just not something I’m willing to worry about, especially since sending her car is not a hardship on us.

Maybe parents should make a list of pros and cons if they have trouble deciding. It was an easy decision for us, but if I had to make a list of pros and cons for us, I guess it could look like this:

  • Pro: she can get anywhere she wants when she wants
  • Pro: she doesn’t have to ask other people for a ride or take a shuttle service to the airport
  • Pro: she feels more independent
  • Pro: we don’t worry as much about her driving as we would if she were riding with someone else.
  • Pro: she’s happy
  • Pro: she can drive to visit friends or family in other cities (or at other universities) when she wants
  • Con: finding parking for some people, but it hasn’t been an issue for her at all

Honestly, for us, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. I can’t think of another con.

The moral of the story? If you are considering sending your child to college with a car, and the college/university is OK with it, you do what is best for your family. ***If your student’s university discourages it or doesn’t allow freshmen to bring cars, obviously, they shouldn’t take a car.***We all think differently. You might not want to have to worry about the car. You might not want to have to worry about the kid with the car. You might not want to buy the parking pass. Maybe you can’t afford a car to send with your child. Whatever…everyone has their own reasons for doing what they do. That’s one of the great things about parenting: we all make our own decisions based on our own experiences and our own beliefs.

If your student takes a car, I do recommend that he/she has the Life360 app on his/her phone. Browse their plans to see which one works best for your family. My daughter was in an accident last year, and Life360 dispatched police and called her to see if Medic was needed. Life360 also offers roadside assistance with upgraded memberships. Also, I like having extra “roadside assistance” options. I recommend a AAA membership for peace of mind when roadside assistance is needed. AAA follows the member, so even if she is in someone else’s car and needs roadside assistance, they will help. See the AAA website here.

Bottom line: I took a car to college, so I see nothing wrong with my child having hers. We believed she would be happier with a car to drive. Therefore, we sent the car with her. End of story.

****Amended to add that we have set rules for the car:

  • NO ONE else drives it, unless it’s an emergency situation (like my daughter is incapacitated)
  • Try to park under/near a light
  • Call me if any dashboard lights come on
  • Never let the gas tank get below 1/2 tank
  • Know where the wheelocks are