Category / coping

by Kelly Mattei

Best Items I Purchased On Amazon This Year

Best items I purchased on Amazon this year (so far).

The year’s not over, but for those who might want to do some holiday shopping, I have listed more than 20 of my “best purchases” to share, starting in January of 2024. It’s a big mix of price points and products. You might have seen some of them before, but there are likely some you haven’t seen! These would make great gifts for family, friends, or party hosts/hostesses! Here we go…

  • Amazon Fire TV. I purchased one for my daughter’s bedroom at school and then turned around and purchased one for use on our back patio! At $99 right now, you cannot beat the deal on this Smart TV! Get it here.
  • Bible Jar. It’s a little thing that can make a big difference. I sent one to my daughter, and I sent one to myself too! Inside the jar are Bible verses that are color-coded to your needs. Feeling anxious? Angry? Happy? Sad? Lonely? It’s all there, and you can just pull out a color-coded verse. It makes a great gift. Right now it’s priced under $15. Get it at Amazon here.
  • Lolavie Glossing Detangler. I love this stuff! It makes my hair smooth and shiny, and it doesn’t take much to get the desired effect! I stumbled upon it as a free gift when I purchased something, and then I had to go buy it at Amazon! Get it here.

  • Amazon Essentials Women’s Lightweight Terry Joggers. Y’all, I feel like I’m walking around in my pajamas when I go out in these, but they aren’t pajamas. They’re just that comfortable! Pair them with a tunic sweater, and they’re great for airline travel. Priced at $19. Get them here.
  • Colorful Crystal Hoop Earrings. Sure, I have some nicer earrings, but these are colorful and match almost everything! These are great for travel, because you can wear them with so many things, day or night! They’re priced right at under $15, so if you lose one, you won’t sweat it. In fact, go ahead and buy two pairs on the front end! Get them here.
  • Seekway Water Shoes. I ordered these on a whim right before we went to the Bahamas, and after we got there, I realized how smart I was! Wow! I could walk around the beach and sandbars without worrying about stepping on sharp objects. I love them! They come in lots of colors, and the price is right! Get them here.
  • Foot Massager. This is listed as a foot massager, but it’s more of a TENS machine for the feet, and I love it. It folds up nicely in my suitcase, so I can take it anywhere I go! When I have been on my feet all day, it helps my feet and legs relax. Or if I’m struggling with Restless Leg Syndrome at night, this will sometimes help. Priced under $40, and there’s an 8% off coupon you can use with it at time of writing. Get it here.
  • Neoprene Socks. This goes back to a trip to the Bahamas. I purchased these neoprene socks to wear under my fins when I’m snorkeling, so the fins don’t rub blisters on my heels or toes. They work great, and they’re even helpful when walking on the beach too. Priced under $15 at time of writing. Get them here.
  • Personal Air Cooler. Sometimes, hotel air conditioners just don’t get the job done. A fan helps, but a personal air cooler really helps. It’s the difference in good sleep and no sleep. This one is small enough to fit into my suitcase, and from the nightstand, it blows cool air directly on my face or the back of my neck. I love it. Highly recommend, and it’s 30% off right now! Get it here.
  • Yukon Charlie’s Hammerhead Sled. Greatest sled ever made, if you’re asking me! We have enjoyed Yukon Charlie’s Hammerhead Sleds for years! It’s fast, sturdy, and somewhat steerable. At $199, it’s expensive, but the kids will love it if it snows! Get it here.
  • JBL Vibe Beam or JBL Vibe Buds. I have purchased both of these wireless ear buds, and I love both of them. I guess it’s just personal preference. I can tell you this…I will not purchase any more Apple Air Pods. I lose them too easily, and these are much less expensive and more comfortable. Get the Beam here. Get the Buds here.
  • Stitch Gun, Tagging Gun for Clothes. Y’all, how did I live without this?!?! It has saved me so many times since I purchased it! Dress too low cut? Put a stitch in it! Bra strap keeps showing? Stitch the shirt to it! And yes, i have hemmed pants with it when necessary. Sooo many uses! I love it! Highly recommend! Get it here.
  • Milani Violet Eyelash Primer. I have tried “high dollar” eyelash primers and none have worked as well as this one. This is a secret I almost kept to myself, but you can get it here! It would make a great stocking stuffer!
  • CorDx TyFast 10 Mins Flu A/B & Covid-19 test. Quick and easy! I used this last week when I needed to know if what I had was a cold, the flu, or Covid. It was a cold. I used something similar earlier this year to find out I had flu, but this one is much less expensive. Keep this in your house this winter! Get it here!
  • Window Alarm System 4-Pack. For peace of mind, I got these for my daughter and all her college roommates. It’s easy to install! Get it here.
  • Dr. Barbara Sturm Glow Cream. This is not something I purchased myself, but someone gifted it to me! It’s expensive, but I love it. I use it very sparingly, because it is so expensive. Someone on your list would likely love it! Get it here.
  • Arched Floor Mirror. My daughter needed a full-length mirror for her bedroom in her apartment, and this one does not have to be mounted to the wall. It comes with a stand! Get it here!
  • Round Nightstand Table. When I purchased this for our daughter’s apartment, I thought it was probably going to be junky, but it’s not! She loves it! It required some easy assembly. It looks great in her room! Get it here.
  • Pietro Simone Skincare Dewy Reboot. This serum, while pricy, uses peptides to provide an “intense epidermis reboot.” Love this stuff. A little goes a long way. It would be a great gift for the person who wouldn’t spend it on themselves. Get it here.
  • Rainbow Loom. Hands down, this is one of the greatest inventions ever for kids of all ages. My daughter got her first Rainbow Loom in elementary school. Now that she is a junior in college, she will still pick it up and make some silly rubberband bracelets to relax. It’s a great gift and inexpensive! Get it here.
  • Pawland Wooden Freestanding Pet Gates. My friend, Meg, told me about these when I was complaining about our dogs hanging out in our dining room. These solved the problem! I highly recommend these if you want to make certain spaces off limits to your pets. Get it here.
  • Peter Thomas Roth Instant Eye Tightener. Yes, I bought it, and yes, it works. It’s temporary, but it does work. I had some friends over this summer, and they liked it so much that they went out and bought some too! I haven’t purchased the face tightener, but they said it works too! Get the eye tightener here, and the face tightener here.
  • Hollywood Vanity Mirror. Another purchase for our daughter’s bedroom in her apartment, she uses this every day. Easy setup and operation. Get it here.
  • Credit Card Holder Wallet with RFID protection. I bought one of these for myself when I went to Mexico City earlier this year. Then, one day, my daughter’s friend saw it when we were at dinner, and she loved it! She thought it was a designer label. I ended up ordering them for my daughter and her friend! They make great gifts, and they’re inexpensive. Get the credit card holder here. And the larger credit card wallet here.
  • Thermacell Patio Mosquito Protection. It works! This small machine and its cartridges protect you from mosquitoes. I know, because it even works for me, and mosquitoes seek me out in a crowd! It’s a great gift! Get it here.
  • Deco 79 Recycled Glass Tall Vase. I needed a tall vase for my foyer, and this one did the trick! We love it! Get it here!
  • Meiz Pregnancy Pillow. No, I’m not pregnant. I’m 57, but I love this pregnancy pillow. I have used other brands, but this one is my all time favorite. I sleep so much better with this pillow. The only problem? I can’t travel with it. And yes, it’s also great for pregnant women! Get one here.
  • Lenox Blue Bay Colors Dinnerware. I changed colors in my kitchen this year. I have another “nicer” set of everyday dinnerware, but I wanted to add this to mix and match. I love them. Get them here.
  • Naturalizer Womens Amble Block Heel Loafer. Y’all, these look way more expensive than they are, and I love the tall block heel. They have a little platform, too, so the heel doesn’t feel as tall. I have worn them with pants, but now that it’s getting cooler, I will wear them with dresses and tights too! Get them here.
  • SANTINY Womens Joggers. These are stretchy but look better than joggers, if that makes sense. They almost look like dressier pants. I have them in two camouflage shades and black, and they look great with sweaters or blouses…or even a denim top or jacket. Get them here.

Happy Shopping! All these items have been great purchases (or gifts) for me! ***I might receive commission on items purchased from Amazon through my links.***

by Kelly Mattei

All You Need is Love

All you need is love.

My friend, Linda, shared a video recently (on Facebook) that featured Sir Ian McKellen telling a story about getting into a taxi in Manchester, England, and the driver asks, “Where you going to, love?” Sir Ian said he immediately feels at home, where grown men call strangers “love.” He goes on to say the world would be a better place if we all called each other “love,” and I agree. It’s a practice I hope to start now. In my estimation, once I say in 10 or 12 times, it should become a habit, right?

It’s really not a stretch. I already tell everyone I love that I love them when we hang up the phone or when we say goodbye in person. I have written about that before and how it annoyed my friend, Wendy, until I got her in the habit of saying it too. But calling complete strangers “love” could be a little tougher.

In recent months, I have started something new with my daughter. She likely hasn’t noticed. Every now and then, I simply text her “I love you” out of the blue. That’s not really abnormal for us, but in recent months, it has become more frequent for a reason. Sometime after the first of the year, I realized I would text her things that sounded like I was correcting her or giving unsolicited advice. Once I realized it, I decided to try to keep myself in check, so every time I find myself preparing to send her a text with unsolicited advice, I stop myself and text “I love you” instead. Don’t get me wrong. I still offer advice, but normally, only when we are talking on the phone or in person. So basically, I’m replacing my unsolicited advice and nagging with love messages. It makes me feel better, and I’m sure that, even thought she hasn’t even realized the difference yet, she feels better too. She always returns the message with “I love you too.”

So now I need to implement my plan to call everyone “love.” I’m sure some people will find it odd. Some people might even say, “I’m not your love.” And that’s OK. I will know, deep down, that I’m just trying to be nice and spread joy and love. I know everyone will react differently, because my friend, Mary Ann, and I did a social experiment in Beverly Hills ten years ago. We said “good morning” to everyone we passed on the sidewalk. Some people acted like we were weirdos, but a few hugged us and thanked us. You never know when someone needs some love! I feel like there are lots of people walking around out there who haven’t been called “love” or felt loved in a long time! Maybe just one stranger will appreciate being called “love”? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to walk around just saying “hi love” to everyone I see. It will likely be used where I would normally use “sir” or “ma’am.” For example, if someone holds the door open for me as I’m walking into a store, I might say, “Thank you, love!” Or if I’m in a restaurant and my server asks me a question, maybe I answer, “Yes, love.” Maybe I will use it with my friends when they answer the phone, “Hi love!” It is a work in progress. I’ll keep you posted.

Any chance you might want to join me in this plan, love?

All you need is love…love!

by Kelly Mattei

This,Too, Shall Pass

This, too, shall pass.

It is a reminder that we are likely to move beyond problems or things that bother us…that the only constant is change. It was a phrase my mother lived by. Since her passing, one of her dear friends (who is also my friend) has offered up this gentle reminder to me on a regular basis, always adding my mother’s initials behind it or saying “a wise person once told me…”

It is meaningful throughout life, but I find it is especially meaningful in dealing with my college-age daughter and her friends. Sometimes, things that happen in their lives seem like a big deal to them, but we, as older, more experienced adults, know things will get better, and the current situation will be long forgotten.

Those four words, “This, too, shall pass,” can be applied in lots of different instances…especially short-term annoyances…most illnesses, most disagreements, homesickness, heartbreak, or an unexpected difficult setback…and many more.

I went online to do a little research on the saying and found that Abraham Lincoln used a longer version of it in a speech at the Wisconsin State Fair in Milwaukee before he was elected President of the United States. According to abrahamlincolnonline.org, he recounted a tale of an Eastern monarch:

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: “And this, too, shall pass away.” How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!

I especially love Lincoln’s observation…”How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction.”

Somewhere along the way, it became, “This, too, shall pass.” Words to live by, I suppose. Throughout my own life, because I heard it from my mother, and because I have the good fortune of still hearing it from her friend, I have found comfort in those four words. Or sometimes, I have been reminded to check myself! When my daughter was an infant and would not nap, I was exhausted all the time. Many times, I had to remind myself, “This, too, shall pass.” But even in good times, when she was snuggled up to me as an infant, I also had to remind myself that she wouldn’t want to do that forever. It helped me live in the moment.

Even as we enjoyed the glow of our home after our daughter arrived home for the Thanksgiving break yesterday, I had to remind myself that the moment would pass. She was excited to be home. She was excited to eat her favorite foods. She was excited to talk with us. We are still enjoying every moment, but tomorrow, she is going to visit a friend at another university for a couple of days before coming home for a few days and then, returning to her own university. This great joy we are experiencing is short-lived. It is a reminder to live in the moment!

The sadness we will experience after she leaves? Well, that will pass too, as soon as she calls us to share a funny story from school. We will still miss her, of course, but we will rejoice in her happiness, just as we suffer in her pain…like all good parents. Our daughter is a piece of our hearts living outside our bodies…we tend to feel what she feels. Its true empathy. I truly believe my own empathy grew after having my daughter…not just for her, but for others. But that’s a discussion for another day.

Now, I find myself sharing those words of wisdom with my daughter on a regular basis. Spending extra time studying for a difficult class? This, too, shall pass. Homesickness? This, too, shall pass. Freshman joy? This, too, shall pass. (Live in the moment.) Heartbreak? This, too, shall pass. Extreme sadness or happiness? This, too, shall pass. Even confusion about her own emotions…this, too, shall pass.

The only constant is change.

Personally, I tell myself “this, too, shall pass” on a regular basis. Even after each of my parents died, I knew the grief would never go away, but the immediate feelings of hopelessness would pass. The loneliness would pass. Eventually, good memories would take over. And I was right.

As the holidays approach, I find it especially meaningful. There are lots of emotions that accompany this time of year, not just for me, but for lots of people. I feel a sense of loss, because my parents are no longer here, and I lost my mother during the holidays. I also feel a sense of joy, knowing we will have our daughter under our roof for a while. Enjoy the good times as much as possible, because the high is temporary. Weather the bad ones…hang in there long enough, they will pass too.

Both emotions are temporary…

Even though she has been gone for five years, my mother’s four words still resonate in my mind, “This, too, shall pass.” They even helped me when I was deep in grief after she passed. Thankful for a sweet mom who shared her wisdom with me.

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by Kelly Mattei

Writing My Way Through Tough Times

Writing my way through tough times.

If we live long enough, we all experience heartache at some time or another. It might be in the form of a breakup, or it might be in the loss of a loved one. I experienced a few breakups as I grew up, just like most everyone else, but my first big, real heartache was when my daddy was diagnosed with and eventually died of pancreatic cancer in 2006.

He was officially diagnosed in February of that year, and he died on October 2 of the same year. Today is the 16th anniversary of his death…a tough day for me, and a reminder of the heartache I managed to survive. I suffered. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced…losing my daddy. I was the mother of a toddler, but I was afraid I was losing my mind. I made lots of plans, because I thought I needed to stay busy. I ran myself ragged. But I learned.

When my mother fell ill 11 years later, my friend, Angela, who has also lost her father, said, “Get ready. It’s going to be tough when you lose her.” I vividly remember turning to her, saying, “It’s going to be tough, for sure, but I feel like I learned something when Daddy died. I feel like I developed some coping skills.” And after Mother passed, I learned I had, in fact, developed some coping skills. I had learned not to run from it. I had learned from my experience with Daddy’s death that I needed to just drop out of the world for a little while and process it. So that’s what I did after Mother died. I have written about it before. I literally gave myself permission to recover quietly and cancelled all plans and went to bed for a month. Don’t get me wrong. I was functional. But I didn’t feel like being social, so I wasn’t. I did what I needed to do for our daughter, but for the most part, I stayed home. And after a month, I “pulled up my bootstraps” and rejoined the living.

For Christmas that year, I had received a gift from a friend. It was a book called My Future Listography: All I Hope to do in Lists. When I received the gift, I thought it was cool, but when Mother died five days after Christmas, the book took on more meaning. It’s a journal, of sorts, and it’s part of a series of Listography books. Each one contains lists to fill in, and this one is full of lists about the future. Examples of some of the lists: What countries do you want to visit? What films do you want to see? What fictional characters would you like to hang out with? But after Mother died, the book became good therapy for me. Sounds crazy, but it gave me things to think about in the future. It made me see past the state of gloom I was in and look to the future. It really helped me move through the grief. It helped me realize that the act of putting my thoughts out there could help me heal. To order My Future Listography, click here.

And because of that, I started my blog. Writing things down…or typing them, in the case of the blog…was therapeutic! My Future Listography had brought me through the initial trauma of losing my mother, and writing the blog helpted me continue to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Since losing my Mother on December 30, 2017, I have given copies of My Future Listography to lots of friends when they have been going through tough times…breakups, death of a loved one, or even new empty-nesters who are having a hard time. Sometimes, they look at me like it’s a weird gift, and maybe it is…but several times, people have called me later to tell me how much it helped them keep putting one foot in front of the other…keep looking toward the future. We know time helps with heartache, but knowing there is life ahead of the heartache can help too. When someone is in the middle of grief or heartache, they aren’t necessarily thinking about the good things ahead, but this journal can help them see what the future might look like.

I have a friend who went through a terrible breakup two years ago, and I gave her a copy after the relationship ended. There’s something about a relationship ending that can seem particularly dismal. It can feel like everything you believed about someone was wrong…a lie. Later, we realize that’s not always the case; sometimes, there are just extenuating circumstances that cause relationships to end. And as with my friend, sometimes we need to be reminded that there is a bright future ahead. She called me months after the breakup and told me the journal of lists had helped her. Now, I keep a few handy to give as gifts, because you never know when someone you love is going to experience something bad.

Sometimes, we just need a reminder that better things lie ahead.