Yesterday, my daughter and I returned home from a trip to the Bahamas. We went with my college friend and her daughter. Our daughters were born about 17 months apart; her daughter is 21, and mine is almost 20. Our girls go to the same college and have been friends since they were born, but it had been a while since we had vacationed together. It was time to make new memories.
And we did.
Our friends flew out of Atlanta, and we flew out of Charlotte, so we all met at the hotel. My daughter and I arrived several hours late, but it was fine, because we got there safely, and we got there in time for dinner.
We had all sorts of plans for making special memories. We just knew we would celebrate our birthdays each night at the different restaurants where we had reservations. We thought we would likely spend some time on the beach drinking cocktails out of coconuts or pineapples. Oh, we had plans…but we were flexible.
And nothing happened the way we thought it would. In fact, the things we are most likely to remember were completely unplanned…just like always. Sure, we enjoyed our planned dinner on the first night. We even celebrated my friend’s daughter’s birthday. We also overate, so when the staff came out singing Happy Birthday, we didn’t even want dessert. We enjoyed the fountain light show. We spent time in the casino. We made new friends. Lots of the time, the girls did their own thing while we (the moms) just lounged by/in the pool all day. At 56, I’m just not good about baking in the sun for hours in tropical weather. Give me a cocktail and a pool instead…so that’s where we spent our days. The girls found a more “happening” pool (no old people!) to spend their days, and we were so glad they were having fun and making memories together.
We canceled two of our dinner reservations, because the girls made other plans. We (the moms) didn’t mind one bit. And on the last full day, the girls hung out with us in our pool cabana and in the pool. I think they were tired from the day before. We made some great memories laughing in the pool and chatting over cocktails with our girls, since they are both of legal drinking age in the Bahamas.
But the funniest memory we made on the whole trip was completely unplanned…and it was a doozy! In fact, I’m guessing I don’t know many people who can say they share this memory. Lots of people can say they have visited the Bahamas. Lots of people can say they dined at the restaurants and spent time in the casinos. Lots of people can say they met interesting people on vacation. Lots of people can say they got lots of rest or stayed out all night.
How many people can say their taxi ran out of gas on the way back to the airport in Nassau?
Well, we can! We hopped in a cab at the resort, and about five minutes later, the car swerved a little. Then it swerved again. I looked at my daughter, who was sitting next to me in the back seat. She looked confused too. And then our taxi driver said, “I think we are having a fuel problem.” A fuel problem? Like running out of gas?!?! Yep…she got us off the road just in time to run out of gas. The driver hopped out and started trying to flag down other cars, and my friend’s daughter looked at the dash. She said, “All the lights on the dash are on! Should we get out of the car? Or does that just mean we ran out of gas? Is that what happens when you run out of gas?” I replied, “I don’t know! I’ve never run out of gas!” We all laughed. My brain was working, and I knew, if all else failed, I could call my friend who works at the Nassau airport, and she could send a taxi for us, but our driver flagged one down pretty quickly. Crisis averted.
We got out of the taxi and loaded our bags in the other taxi, and we were on our way. The original taxi driver was with us, and she was apologizing profusely. I told her not to worry…we had just made a new memory!
And you know what? It’s true. We will likely remember running out of gas on the way to the airport for the rest of our lives.
Sometimes, a minor crisis becomes a funny memory, and that’s what happened here.
I’m no Heloise, but I know how to get things done when I need them done.
You don’t know who Heloise is? Heloise is the woman behind a syndicated “household hints” column published in newspapers nationwide. It’s called Hints from Heloise, and if you can find a newspaper to read, you will likely find her column. She is also the author of several books of household hints. You can see those at Amazon here.
However, I did not have to consult with Heloise to find my handy dandy tips for drying clothes in a hurry. These are all things my mother taught me or that I learned elsewhere.
Yesterday, my daughter was going to the major league soccer game here in town, Charlotte FC vs FC Cincinnati. A friend was here with her as she was getting dressed, and when they came downstairs to leave, my daughter did not look happy. I asked, “What’s that frown?” She replied, “I don’t really like this outfit.” I thought she looked pretty and perfect for the game, but she went on to explain, “I wanted to wear my jean shorts, but they’re in the washing machine. How long would it take them to dry in the dryer?” I replied, “About 30 minutes, probably.” She groaned, “I’m already late. I can’t wait 30 minutes on top of my 25 minute drive.” Bad timing, I guess.
She and her friend got into the car to leave, and I could tell she was likely not going to have as much fun as she had hoped, because she simply didn’t feel great in what she was wearing. I stopped them just outside the garage and said, “Hold on. I know what to do.” I’ll get to that in a minute…
There are lots of ways to get clothes to dry more quickly:
If you have one article of clothing to dry, you can use a handheld hair dryer focused directly on it. Jeans are a heavy fabric, though, so it won’t be as quick as other fabrics.
Another way to dry one article of clothing quickly is to put it in the dryer with a couple of dry towels that will, hopefully, absorb some of the moisture as the items are tossed.
My mother used to iron clothes dry on occasion. She would put a light towel over the article of clothing, and with the iron on a high setting (no steam!), she would iron it until it was dry. It worked pretty well. I don’t do that, because I don’t even know where my iron is! No, we don’t walk around in wrinkled clothes; we use an upright steamer, but that won’t help get clothes dry, for sure.
Dryer balls are a great tool for drying clothes more quickly, because they keep the items in the dryer from clumping together, so the hot air can get to each item better. You can purchase them from Amazon here.
The most obvious thing to make clothes dry faster (but not in a pinch) is to make sure the lint filter and the hose out of the dryer are clean and clear of obstruction. That will make clothes dry more quickly on a regular basis.
There is one more method I can think of, and it’s the one my daughter used yesterday. You might think I’m crazy, but she wanted to wear those shorts so badly yesterday that she would have done just about anything. I knew the washing cycle was finished on the washing machine, and honestly, our machine has a really good spin cycle that gets most of the water out of the clothes. I knew they wouldn’t be dripping wet. I said, “Come inside and get your shorts out of the dryer while I get something else.” She met me back at the car with the shorts, and I had a belt from an old bathrobe. I said, “You’re going to think I’m crazy, but I have seen this done before (when I was a teenager), and it works.” I said, “You have some options since you drive a Jeep. You can open the top and hang the shorts from one of the crossbars, or you can open a window and hang it from one of the handles inside the Jeep, letting it hang in the window.” It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon, and with the temperature hovering around 90 degrees, I felt sure she had a good chance with this method. I warned her it would be a bad look to have jean shorts hanging like a flag, but since she had a 25 minute drive ahead of her, the shorts would likely be dry when she got to her destination. Her friend thought it was hilarious and was happy to hang them in her passenger-side window.
When they arrived at their destination, my daughter texted me, “It worked! The shorts are dry!”
She and her friends went to the soccer game and had a great time.
Obviously, this is not something to do in winter, but we used to do this in the 1980s when we went to the beach and needed our swimsuits or coverups to dry quickly. Don’t expect more “household hints” from me. That’s about all I have.
Last year, at this time, I was at a completely different place in life. My only child, a daughter, was preparing to leave for her freshman year of college 450 miles away from home…and me…450 miles away from me. Actually, for the most part, I was the one preparing. I’m not even sure she was giving it much thought, as she tried to relish every moment with her friends at home. I, however, was gathering everything I could think of that she might need for a dorm room. I was trying to have everything done, but there were definitely things I missed. You can read my piece titled College Nestinghere. *See the bottom of this page for information about things you might need for a freshman dorm room that you haven’t considered.
But here we are, one year later, and it’s amazing how things have changed!
My daughter leaves in less than a month to start her sophomore year. Ask me how many times we have discussed bedding or dorm essentials. Zero. OK, maybe once…when I asked if I need to be worrying about her room in the sorority house, and she told me no. That’s it. I’m not even exactly sure what day we are taking her back! August 3rd? 4th? 5th? I have asked several times, but I get a different answer every time, and I’m not worried about it. We will take her when we take her.
Last year at this time, I was worried she might get homesick. She was fine. I was worried she wouldn’t know how to handle medical emergencies. She had a few and handled them like a pro! I was worried I would miss her so badly that my heart would break. It didn’t. I probably wasn’t as worried as most moms, because I’m just not a worrier, but I had a little bit of worry. I was mostly excited. I was excited about all the new friends she would make. I was excited for her to start classes. And yes, I was excited about becoming an empty-nester.
OK, so maybe “empty-nester” is a little extreme. No, she isn’t living in our nest full-time anymore, but we are paying all her bills. She is self-sufficient as far as taking care of herself, but financially…not one bit. So we are empty-nesters in that we have the house to ourselves most of the time, but the credit card bills would say otherwise.
Moms of college freshmen, if you’re wondering what you’ll be like in one year from now, I can’t tell you exactly, but I can tell you how things have played out for me. Life is a little quieter in some ways but more fun in some ways too. On a day-to-day basis, when our daughter is away at college, life is quieter. I have my hobbies. I have my friends. I have some work to do. I have plenty to keep myself busy, but it’s quieter around our house while she’s at school, for sure. This summer hasn’t been so quiet, because her friends have been in and out of the house all day and night when we have been home. How is it more fun since she left? Well, my husband and I have enjoyed some trips together that we wouldn’t have been able to make if our daughter were still in high school. Back then, we had to plan everything around the school calendar. Not anymore! Now, we just pick dates and go! Does that mean life is more fun without her around? No way! She is way more fun than either of us, so we always love having her with us.
We get really excited every time we get to see her!
Do I miss having my daughter around all the time? I definitely miss my time with her, but we talk everyday. She didn’t come home a lot during the school year, so we were excited when it was time for her to come home for summer! She had only been home for about a week when we remembered how much noisier our household is with her here. We enjoy her friends. We enjoy the silliness. But we don’t sleep as much when she’s here, because she is in and out of the house at all hours. It doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers my “disciplined” husband who believes he should go to sleep and wake up at the exact same time every single day of life. I’m less rigid, so it doesn’t bother me, but I have to listen to him. Ugh. I always say, “He just stays in my ear!” And that’s the truth, but I have to admit he’s getting better.
So what am I doing to prepare for her to go back to school? I’m not doing all the things I was doing last year. I’m not running around trying to find things for the dorm or dresses for sorority recruitment. I’m just relaxing. She’ll take care of it. She has a year of college experience behind her, and she knows what she needs.
***Dorm items you might not realize you need:
Clothes steamer. If your daughter is going to school in the south, she needs a steamer. I don’t care if it’s upright or handheld, she needs one. I sent my daughter and her roommate with an upright one, and they used it all the time. Purchase it here. (It’s a quality steamer!) For a quality handheld one, click here. Here’s my theory: an upright, to me, is easier to use, and no one will remove it from the room. A handheld one is much more likely to go missing when someone “borrows” it. Keep that in mind.
Bluetooth Speaker. They need it. Just trust me on this. JBL has a whole Amazon store. You can certainly find what you need here. My daughter needed her speaker, but I didn’t think of it in advance, so I took it when I went down for a football game. How did I not know she would need it? Back when I was in school, we played “getting ready” music; surely, they still do that? By the way, my own personal “get ready” music back in the day was Aretha Franklin’s Greatest Hits.
Swiffer. Dust bunnies collect fast in dorm rooms. Encourage your student to keep the floor in his/her room with a Swiffer. Purchase here.
Disinfecting Wipes. They might not even use them, but if they get the urge to wipe down the surfaces in their rooms, these work great, and they’re disposable! Purchase here.
Can and bottle opener. Last year, when my daughter wasn’t feeling well, a friend brought her a can of chicken noodle soup, but she couldn’t open it, because she didn’t have a can opener. Make sure your student has a can and bottle opener! Purchase here. And make sure they know how to use it beforehand! See some other cool gadgets for opening plastic soda bottles and jars here.
Laundry backpack. You can get baskets or bags, but laundry backpacks are a lot easier to carry! See them here.
Medicines. In the state where my daughter goes to college, people under 19 cannot purchase cold medicines…not even Benadryl! Therefore, I tried to think of every possible medical item she could need, and I packed them in boxes….bandages, Band-Aids, Neosporin, Motrin, Tylenol, Benadryl, Cortisone cream, allergy creams, cold meds, cough meds…and on the labels, I wrote when to use them…for cough, for fever, for headaches, for muscle aches, etc. I used plastic storage bins from Amazon. There are lots to choose from here.
Hulken Bag. I tell everyone about these all the time, because we have them, and we use them all the time! They’re especially helpful when taking things to and from the car. For example, if my daughter goes to the UPS Store to pick up packages, she might have several. It can be difficult to carry them all in, but she just puts them in her Hulken bag and pulls them in! See it here. I highly recommend them. And when you’re not using it, just fold it and put it away!
*The photo above is a file photo from Wikimedia Commons in 2008. It should not be used as an example of “what to wear” during recruitment 2023.*
Yes, it’s a thing. Moms get involved in sorority rush at big southern schools. Does that mean they’re actively going from house to house with their daughters? No. Oh Lord, I hope not…for their own sake but especially for their daughters’ sakes. But yes, Moms help their daughters prepare for rush. They worry about them. They get nervous. They feel all pain and all excitement. Some of them might have been in sororities themselves, and they want their daughters to pledge their chapter. Perhaps a mom has expectations about some chapters offering her daughter a bid. Maybe another mom thinks her daughter couldn’t possibly be dropped by a house. Maybe another one is worried hers will be dropped by every house.
The truth of the matter is that every mom is different, and every girl’s rush experience is different, so different moms and daughters will have different approaches. However, there are some things that are pretty universal…or should be:
Help prepare. For information on recruitment preparation, click here. Mom should be calling all her friends asking if any of them are sorority members, and if so, would they write a recommendation for her daughter? She should help her daughter shop for dresses and for the all-important “rush bag.” (See info about the Rush Bag here.) Most moms I know also proofread/edit their daughters’ resumes…or ask someone else to do it. And she should remind her daughter that it is important to keep an open mind about the chapters while she participates in recruitment.
Be supportive and positive. This is a stressful time for the girls, so they need the support from Mom. They need reassurance. They need you to be their cheerleaders this week. They need their moms to tell them how much they believe in them.
Be realistic. You have likely seen a list of the sorority chapters’ required or recommended GPAs for potential new members. Take those seriously. Those recommendations are there for a reason. No chapter wants to take a grade risk, because the “grade risk” is more likely not to stay in school, based on her academic history. Sororities like to maintain their membership, so if someone fails out of school, it hurts the chapter.
Be sympathetic. If/when daughter calls Mom and says, “My favorite house dropped me,” Mom needs to be sympathetic but not enabling. Do not enable your daughter to drop out of the process. If she will stick it out, chances are she will end up where she belongs. Encourage her to continue with the process! If she still has houses inviting her back, then she can still land somewhere she will be happy.
Be smart. Remember, some of recruitment is a numbers game. There are different reasons people get dropped, and it’s not always personal. It might be that a chapter is focusing on a different geographic area. It might be that a chapter has a lot of in-house sisters. It might be a GPA issue. Or maybe they are simply looking for something else. Mom, as difficult as it is, remind your daughter not to take it personally.
What are the no-nos for Mom? Well, different people have different thoughts, but I think it’s important for Mom to let her daughter fly. Don’t hover. Get her moved into the dorm, and then, let her start rush without Mom looking over her shoulder. If Mom doesn’t hover, the daughter can make new friends more quickly. And mom shouldn’t put undue pressure on her daughter to pledge where she wants her to pledge.
Mom, you’re likely to feel like you’re going through recruitment with your daughter, and in some ways, you are, but when it comes right down to it…it’s your daughter’s experience. Let her make it her own.
My daughter graduated from high school last year. It was an exciting and scary time. Everybody talks about the excitement, but it seems not many people talk about the fear. I remember 18. I remember graduating from high school. I knew where I was going to college, but I didn’t really know what it would be like. I had visited the campus many times for cheerleaders camps and football games, but I didn’t really know what it would be like to live in a dorm with a roommate I didn’t know. There is such a thing as fear of the unknown. That didn’t mean I wasn’t excited. I was very excited to be going off to college. I was excited to make new friends. I was excited that I wasn’t doing “13th grade,” which is what we call it when people go to college with lots of their friends from high school. However, I didn’t really know what was ahead of me.
When I look back at pictures from this time last year, I remember my daughter and I were preparing to attend her college orientation. Yes, I had to go to orientation simply so she wouldn’t look like an orphan. Apparently, parents going to orientation is popular now, unlike when I went in the 80s. Do I need to remind you that I drove myself to orientation without my parents? I drove without GPS or a cell phone. I just looked at the map before I left and figured it out. We came home from our daughter’s orientation and tried to enjoy the summer, but even though I don’t think of our daughter as an anxious person, there was trepidation. She was looking forward to everything college life offered, but wondering what to expect, and it showed itself in tears and agitation.
All that freshman year college stuff is behind us now. I look at my daughter’s friends who are preparing to go to college, and I remember what it was like at my house last year. She was nervous. She was scared but wouldn’t admit it. She was fearing the unknown a bit. Therefore, I am reminding parents that it’s not all rainbows and confetti. Going off to college is a big deal. I feel like our daughter learned more in her first year of college than in any other year since toddlerhood. I’m not even including the academics! I mean she learned more about life, in general. She developed more problem-solving skills. She developed more time-management skills. She learned more about taking care of herself and her friends. She learned about living away from home. And she survived it! She not only survived, but she thrived!
And you know what? It’s stressful for them! They might not process it as stress, but the stress is there, and it takes a toll on their bodies. They often live around a lot more people than when they are home, so all kinds of germs are passed around. They end up sick. My daughter had strep throat for the first time since she was a kid. She had the flu for the first time since she was 11. She had a horrible skin infection that started from a heel blister. She was in a car accident. All of that = stress. I’m no psychologist or counselor, but I could see the effects of the stress.
What I’m telling you is you should be happy and excited about your child’s college experience. At the same time, know you are going to get those phone calls. “Mom, I’ve been in an accident.” “Mom, I think I have a fever.” “Mom, should I go to the doctor about this wound on my heel?” You’ll be far away, so you can offer guidance, but you’re not there. They have to actually take care of business. And you know what? They will.
In most cases, they will pull themselves together and get things done. Most of them will make it to class on a regular basis. Most of them will weather the storm. Some of them might not make it academically the first time around, but does that mean they are doomed to failure? No. I have a friend who failed out of college our sophomore year. She went back a few years later and graduated before going on to law school and graduating at the top of her class. Another friend had a 1.6 GPA at the end of his first semester of freshman year. He buckled down the next semester and succeeded at Duke, going on to medical school.
Just remember: we have to trust them but guide them. If at first they don’t succeed, they can try again. They are going to have missteps along the way, and they will learn from them. Just like Elon Musk told the world after a recent failed rocket launch; he reminded us SpaceX will learn from the mistakes on the failed launch and apply that knowledge to the next one.
Keep smiling, moms and dads. Sometimes, they just need to see we, the parents, are calm. It’s a bit like taking a child to the pediatrician when they are sick. Often, the parents just need reassurance. Many times, that’s what our college-age kids need too.
Congratulations to all the 2023 high school graduates…the ones who are going to college, the ones who are taking a gap year, the ones who are learning a trade, the ones entering military service, and the ones who are going into the work force! I celebrate them all! It might sound like I’m only celebrating the ones going to college, but that’s certainly not the case. I’m simply drawing on my own experience. But if your child is entering the workforce or entering military service or taking a gap year or going to trade school, you’re worrying about them just the same.
Fasten your seat belts, moms and dads. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
This just in: BIG Memorial Day deals at Amazon! Some of the items listed below could be great graduation gifts!
HUGE deals on Gap Apparel at Amazon…up to 68% off! Click here, and click on “deals”!
Rent the Runway New and Pre-Loved Apparel on Amazon! If you’re not familiar with Rent the Runway, it’s an online business that offers apparel for rent. Right now, they are selling off some of their apparel on Amazon! Get it here! There are lots of great deal, including this gorgeous Victoria Victoria Beckham dress for less than $100!!
Amazon Basics. Lots of deals on Amazon Basics Home products. It’s a good place to stock up on stuff for dorm rooms! I see deals on shelving, hangers, bedding, towels, organizers, chargers, garbage cans, sheets, tensions rods, pillows, and lots more stuff you can use in the dorm! Check it out here.
Segway Electric Scooters. I see some that are up to 48% off! Some college students use electric scooters to move around big campuses! If your student needs/wants one, this is a good time to get a deal on Amazon! Purchase here! The one pictured below is regularly about $400, but you can get it now for $275! Click here to see this one.
Mr Coffee Iced and Hot Coffee Maker. Priced at just $45, this is a deal. If your kid spends a lot on iced coffees at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, this could save you some big bucks. Click here.
Aqualeisure Pool Products. It’s their summer kickoff sale, so you can get up to 47% off and inflatable recliner and more! Click here.
Those are some of the deals offered by Amazon for Memorial Day weekend. I will post more tomorrow!
Graduation ceremonies are happening…or at the very least, they are just around the corner. I have listed some graduation gifts in the last few months in some previous posts, but just in case you missed them, I’m sharing the pieces again. Check out the links here:
High School Graduation Gifts for 2023, click here for the first graduation gifts I suggested this year. They are in all different price ranges, and I highly recommend them.
More High School Graduation Gifts. For a few more suggestions, and some that are unusual, click here.
More High School Graduation Gifts (and these are good!) To see my last list of graduation gifts for this year, click here
Hulken bags. I had to list these separately in different posts over the last few weeks, because I believe these are some of the best gifts ever. My college-age daughter has one, and I have one, and we find lots of great uses for them: retail returns, bringing stuff in from the car, even laundry at college! These big bags on wheels are lightweight and easy to use! Seriously, the graduate in your life needs this bag. Pick a color. I highly recommend the more manageable size Medium. To purchase, click here.
.I’m hoping you found some fun ideas in my lists. And remember, if you have an Amazon Prime Membership, most items ship for free! Happy Shopping!
I just discovered something I wish I’d had last weekend when I moved our daughter out of her dorm…a Rubbermaid collapsible laundry cart! When fully expanded, it stands at almost 36 inches tall, 24 inches wide, and 34.6 inches long, and it supports 220 pounds of load! Y’all, I need this for move-in and move-out next year, but I think I can find uses for it around the house! Seriously! Priced at $178 on sale (regularly $245), I’m ordering one right now. Purchase it here.
I have already seen lots of parents on the Facebook parents page for my daughter’s university complaining about the lack of moving carts in the dorms. This could solve that problem. Order today, and you might have it in time to move out your college student. If I order right now (12:12pm on Tuesday, May 2), I will have mine by Thursday. Hopefully, you could get yours that quickly too!
Truly, I think this is something I can use around the house on a regular basis…for laundry, for gardening, for de-cluttering, for taking towels out to the pool.
Sorority recruitment (rush) preparation in the south.
Planning to participate in recruitment at a big, southern school? Don’t fret. Yes, recruitment is a big deal at big, southern schools, and it can be intimidating, but there’s a method to the madness. I hear lots of high school seniors and their moms talking about it every year, so I’m going to give a few suggestions. I don’t claim to know everything, but I do know it is likely to go more smoothly if you do your homework and prepare.I am a mom who joined a sorority at a big, southern school in the 80s, and I have a daughter in a sorority at a big, southern school now. I have lots of friends who have daughters in sororities at big, southern schools. That’s my background, so glean what you will from the information below.
I am not a rush consultant or coach.
Every year, I hear about people from different parts of the country who send their daughters to southern schools, and they are surprised at how popular and stressful sorority recruitment is in this part of the country. That’s why I say “do your homework.” If I had been sending my daughter to college in Michigan or California, I would have expected a different rush experience for her, and we would have had to do a lot of homework to see how it goes there. I, likely, would have started doing my homework as soon as she knew where she was going to school, but here is some information that might help if you don’t know how to deal with recruitment in the south. All the information might not apply to every southern college or university, but hopefully, you will find the information helpful.
How to prepare for recruitment in the south? It’s important that moms help. No, don’t do all the legwork, but be there to remind your daughter about deadlines and to edit/proofread the resumé. Preparation can depend on the school, but generally speaking, here are some things you can do:
Update your social resumé. This is a good starting point, because you will need to give a social resumé to women who write recommendations for you (more on that below). There are different apps for creating a social resumé. My daughter used the Canva app. You can look for sample resumés online. Don’t panic if you see ads for “rush packets.” For most alumnae who will be writing recommendations, those packets are not only not necessary, but they’re also not wanted. A resumé plus a headshot will be all you need, in most cases. I haven’t talked to any alumnae or rush chairmen/advisors in the past five years who have wanted packets. For recruitment, make sure your social resumé includes:
your full name,
the name you actually use…example: legal name is Elizabeth, but you go by Betsy
your home address/phone number/email address
your parents’ names/colleges/Greek affiliations
your standardized test scores/GPA/class rank (if your school ranks)
your extracurricular activities/honors/leadership positions
work experience/community service/interests
other family Greek affiliations.
Lots of girls, like my daughter and all her friends, also include a photo on the resumé.
Register for recruitment.Do not miss the deadline. Read all the information. Know the cost of joining and being a member of a sorority. At some schools, it’s a few hundred dollars a year. At some larger schools with big sorority houses, it can be between $7,000 and $10,000 per year. Do your homework! At my daughter’s university, the student and the parents sign a contract saying they understand the cost. It is important to know this…and keep in mind the costs they post don’t include the dresses she’ll need for formals/parties, the t-shirts she will get afterward, pictures, and more! It is unfair to the student and to the chapter to join if you cannot afford it. ***See bottom of page for some southern schools’ recruitment info/guides.***
Follow the Panhellenic Instagram and the Instagram accounts of all the sororities at the college or university you will be attending. This is a way of showing interest in the sororities, and it’s a great way for you to learn more about each chapter. You actually can learn a lot about the feel of a chapter by its posts, just like you can learn something about a person from his/her posts on social media. And that leads me to…
Clean up social media. Southern sororities rely heavily on social media these days to get a bigger picture of the potential new member. If you’re planning to participate, go through the photos/posts on your social media accounts, including Facebook, Instagram, and Tiktok. If there are risqué outfits or alcohol in your photos, remove those photos. If there are risqué outfits or dances in your Tiktok videos, remove them. You don’t have to look like you don’t have any fun, but you want your social media to be a clean representation of who you are. Sororities want to get a bigger picture of who you are and what you enjoy. *Sororities at some schools like for potential new members to have public Instagram accounts, so they can get to know you better.*
Make and submit video, if required.*Some schools require potential new members to submit a video.* If you are required to submit a video before recruitment, you want your personality to shine through, but you also want it to be the best representation of you. You don’t want to be in a swimsuit or too casually dressed. You want to look your best.This is your first impression moment! There will be guidelines to follow. They often ask for a background that is not distracting, and you need to have good lighting that highlights you and not the area around you. Speak clearly and answer the prompts. My daughter had to pick three prompts from six or eight. I recommend having a loose script or some highlights to cover when making your video…or even a big cue card hanging on the wall. Be memorable…in a good way. And remember…a smile is your best accessory! *If the video is optional, do it.* ***Also, I recommend using a tripod to hold the camera and a Ring light for best facial lighting.***
Get recommendations from sorority alumni. If at all possible, get recommendations from sorority alumnae. Moms can ask on Facebook if they have friends who are sorority alumnae who are willing to write recommendations. Some sororities do not require/accept recommendations, but some require them. For big, southern schools, it’s a good idea to have at least one to each house, if possible. Lots of people believe you need to give alumnae “packets” containing a letter, your resume, and a headshot. That’s old school. Most sororities accept (and prefer) recommendations online now, so most alumnae do not want packets. I do not want packets; they are the bane of my existence. I always ask girls to send me a resumé and photo online, and I include that with my online recommendation. The recommendations are actually done with online forms through a sorority’s national website. They are not personally-written letters. They are forms, but alumnae can add comment to the forms. Recommendations do not guarantee anything. They are simply a “formal” introduction from an alumna to a chapter.
Make connections. Different schools have different rules about contact before recruitment. My daughter’s school has very strict rules regarding contact between potential new members and sorority members. Other schools allow contact right up until the start of recruitment. You can usually find the rules on the school’s Panhellenic website. Get the word out to friends and family that you will be participating in recruitment. You never know who might know a sorority member at a school. ***If you’re going to a larger southern school, you might need to set your Instagram account to “public” until rush is over. It’s a way for the girls in sororities to get to know you better.***
Start preparing your “rush bag.” I have a whole post about rush bags and what goes into them. “Rush bags” are handbags for potential new members to carry with them during the recruitment process. They contain necessities for hot days, rainy days, and wardrobe emergencies. My post even has links to lots of the needed items, so it makes your shopping easier. See it here.
Start thinking about wardrobe, including shoes. Most southern schools have published information about 2023 recruitment, or they will soon. Read it, and learn what you’ll need to wear for each day. At my daughter’s school, the first round is watching videos of the chapters. The girls are issued t-shirts to wear for the second round; they wear them with cute shorts or skorts/skirts…and I don’t mean “booty” shorts. Cute dressier shorts or a skirt will be perfect. They need dresses for the next round, and they need a dress for the preference round, but all of that is different at different schools! Keep that in mind! Do your homework! Make sure you have an extra dress or two, in case of spills or if you need options, Obviously, different schools have different styles…even across the south. What is popular at Baylor might not work at SMU or South Carolina. What works at Georgia might not work at TCU or Florida State. Look at sorority Instagrams. Look at the Instagram accounts of girls who go there; you will likely see some pictures that will help. Don’t wear anything skimpy or too tight. Fitted is fine; too tight is a no-no. Last year, for our daughter going to Bama, we looked at Zara and Amanda Uprichard. There are some cute Amanda Uprichard styles on Amazon. For shoes, our daughter took nice sneakers for the first two days and comfortable low-heeled, nude-colored wedges for other days, except a dressier pair of shoes for Preference Day. The goal is to wear tasteful, flattering dresses that are comfortable. You don’t want to be fidgeting with your clothes, and if you aren’t comfortable, it will show. ***Also, some chapters require girls to have simple white dresses for formal pledging soon after Bid Day. It’s a good idea to have one on hand, just in case! They often go on sale after July 4 at lots of stores.Simple, modest, not low-cut, covered shoulders preferred. My daughter wore the white romper below, and no one was the wiser.***Here are a few simple styles I saw on some girls during recruitment last year. But keep in mind, you need to get what’s right for YOU and what’s right for the climate and vibe at the school you are attending:
Amanda Uprichard Allora Dress, some colors offered at $85 at time of writing. Several colors availablehere.
Amanda Uprichard Fiori Dress, some sizes offered at $93 at time of writing. Purchase here.
*This is a romper simply because it has shorts built in underneath, but it does not show as a romper. It looks like a dress.*
Steve Madden Apparel Kianna Dress, $89. Click here.
These are a few things you can do to get prepared for the experience ahead of recruitment. It’s something most people will experience only once in their lives. Be prepared.
Recruitment can be a lot of fun. Be yourself, and be open-minded. Those are the two most important things. You got this!
***If you have suggestions you would like to add to the above, please leave a comment!***
My daughter attended an independent school in Charlotte from Transitional Kindergarten through 12th grade, and the former head of the school often had wise words to share. One of his favorite phrases? “Finish well.” As the end of each school year approached, I would remind our daughter, “Finish well!” Did she always hear me? She always finished pretty well, so maybe.
Now, the end of her freshman year of college is rapidly approaching. Like a train out of control, freshman year is moving forward at lightning speed. She will be home in less than a week. Less than a week! I find myself saying, “Finish well!”
We moved her into her dorm at the beginning of August. It was an exciting time. It was a scary time. Like lots of moms out there, I was excited for her to experience college, but I was nervous about leaving her 450 miles away. However, I remembered something I had read before:
Put the basket in the water.
I got that sentence from a piece written by Ashlei Woods. You can read it here. “Put the basket in the water” is a reference to the time of Moses, when midwives were ordered by Pharaoh to kill baby boys born to Israelites by drowning them in the Nile. Moses’s mother, in an effort to save her baby, placed him in a basket and placed the basket in the river, in hopes that he would live. I’m no Biblical scholar, but even I remember the story from Sunday School lessons. Moses did live, obviously, and went on to become a great prophet. I certainly don’t expect my daughter to become a great prophet, but I want her to live and become the best person she can be. I want her to live life. And by placing her proverbial basket in that proverbial river (college), I sent her on her way.
Has she learned things in college that will help her in her future endeavors? In short, yes. She has learned something in each class she has taken. She has learned about music, public relations, writing…so much. More importantly, she has learned more about who she is. She has learned how to make friends from lots of different places. She has learned how to handle medical emergencies and automobile situations. She has learned how to make doctor appointments and pick up her own prescriptions. And even though I always tried to expose her to as many new experiences as possible, she has been exposed to even more new experiences. She has learned to manage on her own. Sure, she still gets advice (sometimes wanted, sometimes not) from me, but she is doing it! We still support her financially, but she is doing it! We put the basket in the water, and we trusted God and trusted her.
Have there been hiccups along the way? Yes, but she has learned from each one. Last week, SpaceX launched a test rocket…the most powerful one ever launched. There was excitement surrounding it, but it failed. And afterward, Elon Musk, the founder of SpaceX, seemed happy in spite of the failure, saying they (the engineers, the company) would learn a lot from the failure. He was excited about what they would learn! Those words stuck with me, because this very successful man was reminding the world that we learn from failure. Don’t get me wrong. Our daughter’s hiccups, so far, haven’t been in the classroom. But any hiccups she has experienced along the way have been opportunities for learning. Learning what doesn’t work is how she will learn what does work.
In a few days, we will move our daughter out of her freshman dorm. As she finishes her freshman year, I will remind her several times, “Finish well.” I am already reminding her to start packing things up and cleaning out her room. And after we get her home for the summer, I feel sure we will notice she is a different girl than the one we sent to college in August. She is older. She is more confident. She is more independent. She is more knowledgable. As my own parents said when I came home after my freshman year, “We sent our daughter off to college and got a different person back.” They often joked that I was “switched at college.”
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