Category / memories

by Kelly Mattei

Good People Are Easy to Find

Good people are easy to find.

Last Thursday morning, I met my friend, Angela, in the Charlotte airport and boarded a plane to Los Angeles. It was the first time the two of us have taken a real trip together, just the two of us, I think. We have taken vacations with our daughters, and we have even taken vacations with my husband, but as far as I can remember, we had never taken a real vacation without anyone else. We have been friends for almost 40 years, so we were overdue. Before we went, we knew we were likely to have a lot of fun laughing, drinking, talking, relaxing, and more, but we had no idea what was ahead of us. We were pleasantly surprised!

It all started when I boarded the American Airlines flight to LAX. I got to my seat and lifted my carry-on bag into the overhead bin. Immediately, a gentleman in the row in front of me asked, “Would you like to trade seats?” I didn’t want to be rude, but I plan my travel ahead of time and pick my seats carefully. I booked the aisle seat on row 2, because I like to be near the front of the plane, but I do not like to sit at the bulkhead. I like to be able to put my handbag underneath the seat in front of me. When you sit at the bulkhead, you have to put all carry-ons, including your handbag into the overhead bin, and I don’t like to do that. Some people might think it’s ridiculous that I feel that way, but I like having my migraine meds, my reading materials, and my earbuds readily available. Therefore, I told the gentleman, “No, thank you, I don’t like sitting at the bulkhead. Sorry.” At about that time, my seatmate arrived, and he was that gentleman’s business partner. The first gentleman in row 1 turned to the woman in the seat next to him and asked if she would switch with my seatmate. She agreed and came back to sit by me.

Before we took off, I told her, “Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you need to get up during the flight. It’s not likely I will fall asleep, but please just let me know, and I can let you out of the row at any time.” I also told her I always get an aisle seat, because I end up going to the bathroom several times, so I understand needing to get up. We exchanged pleasantries. Soon after takeoff, we engaged in conversation. Her story is not mine to tell, but I can tell you this: she is one of the loveliest, most interesting people I have ever met! I can tell you most people would love to meet her, and she has an incredible life story. In fact, you can read her story in her own words, because she has written a book about her different life experiences. Her name is Dr. Niedre Heckman, and the book is called The World Where I Belong: My Quest for Identity As a Black Woman in White Skin. You can purchase it on Amazon (I started reading it last night) here. Like I said, I will not tell her story, but as an introduction, I will tell you she is an African-American woman who is about my age, and she was born with the condition called albinism. I will not pretend to know everything about the condition, but the most obvious characteristic is the lack of pigmentation in one’s skin/hair/eyes. Those of us who don’t have the condition can only imagine what it’s like to grow up with it, but Dr. Niedre Heckman is sharing some insight into her own life and experience. I highly recommend the book, based simply on the fact that I found her to be fascinating. She is most kind and wants good things for other people. We can all learn something from her. Highly recommend her book! That good person (#1) was easy to find!

It was an incredible start to the weekend! When we arrived at baggage claim in LAX, I introduced my longtime friend (40+ years!), Angela, to Dr. Heckman, and she walked away with the same impression. It was foreshadowing, I believe, for the rest of the weekend. Our meeting set the tone for a weekend with great people.

The next day, we opted for a late lunch in our hotel’s largest restaurant. We had a great table for people watching, one of my favorite hobbies. I was not disappointed that day. We were lingering over cocktails after lunch when a couple came in and sat at a table nearby. I noticed they were taking pictures, so I motioned to the gentleman that I would be happy to take pictures for them. He misunderstood my poor attempt at sign language and came over to our table, asking, “Do y’all want me to take your picture?” I said, “No, thank you! We were offering to take yours, but did you just say ‘y’all’?” He said, “I did! I’m from Alabama!” We said, “We are too!” (I was born in Florida but grew up in Alabama before moving to Charlotte 25 years ago.) After some discussion, we figured out this charming southern gentleman grew up with someone I know in Charlotte! We had a great time chatting with him and his friend…day made! Oh, we also got a glimpse of a few celebrities, one of whom even impressed my college-age daughter! Angela and I were most impressed by the lovely people we spent time with on that beautiful, sunny afternoon. What a great “small world moment”! And another good person (#2) who was easy to find!

The next afternoon, we had a lunch reservation at one of my very favorite restaurants ever. We were welcomed warmly by the manager, whom I had met on a previous visit. He has a positive, uplifting spirit and a genuine warmth about him, so I was thrilled to see him again. I introduced him to Angela, and we enjoyed talking with him. The food was fantastic (as always), and the whole experience could not have been better. Why? Because the staff at the restaurant was attentive; they were friendly and made us feel special! Woot! Good person (#3)…easy to find.

From there, we went to a scheduled shopping session at a store on Rodeo Drive. I love shopping with a particular gentleman who works there, because I have known him for years. I first met him probably 10 years ago when he was working at another store in the area. After COVID, I lost track of him, as he moved back to his hometown. However, last June, I walked into this particular store with my daughter and a friend, but without an appointment. The doorman called for an associate to meet us at the door, and out walked my old friend from the other store! I had found him! We agreed it was a God moment…I cried. Now, every time I’m in town, I shop with him, and I’m thrilled to know he is doing very well. My visits with him (and sometimes my purchases) always put a smile on my face. Good person (#4), easy to find.

But wait! There’s more! Saturday night, Angela and I had a reservation at another of my favorite restaurants, but we weren’t terribly hungry. We were also feeling a little lazy. For a brief moment, we considered canceling our dinner reservation, but finally decided to rally and go. We arrived at the restaurant right on time, and the hostess said, “Ohhh! I have the perfect table for you!” She whisked us off to a table that was, indeed, the perfect table. We could see the whole room! There was a fun birthday group at the table next to us. There was excitement in the air! Our server approached our table almost immediately. When I looked up at her, she asked, “Do I know you from somewhere?” I looked at her, puzzled, and replied, “Maybe here?” She said, “Maybe Bel Air?:” I recognized her then, but it was one of those rare moments I didn’t recall the name…”What is your name?” She replied, “Francesca.” Y’all. I met her when I dined at a restaurant in Bel Air five years ago! She was my server, and the next time I went, a year later, I requested her. This time, she recognized me first. I’m usually the one who remembers all the names and faces, so I was absolutely flattered that she remembered me! She literally said to me, “I have thought of you many times and wondered if I would ever see you again! When I saw you walk in, I recognized you immediately!” I was so happy to reconnect with her, and now, I will request her every time I go to this particular restaurant. Good person (#5) easy to find.

Sunday night, we had dinner with a friend we have known for several years. We have always known he’s a good person. We stumbled upon a friendship with him years ago.

Just goes to show you…good people are easy to find…if you just keep your eyes and ears open. It was a great vacation with a great friends and lots of new friends.

by Kelly Mattei

All This Drone Talk…

All this drone talk reminds me of the 1970s, when we were obsessed with UFOs, or spaceships/flying saucers. Maybe everyone wasn’t obsessed with them, but it sure seemed like it when I was a little girl. I was terrified I might actually see one, and then, there was a high school bonfire.

I went to the TR Miller High School bonfire in Brewton, Alabama, with my neighbor friend, Allyson, and her family. I’m not sure what year it was, but it was probably the fall of 1974, which means I was seven years old. Allyson had an older brother who played on the football team, and I was lucky she invited me to the bonfire with her. Her mom drove us there in her two-tone, gray and black Buick (it was the first car I ever rode in that had electric windows!), and we were having a great time, when suddenly, as I remember it, things got a little crazy. I don’t know if a helicopter flew over, or if someone just pretended they saw a flying saucer, but it seemed people were screaming, “UFO! UFO!” To me, it seemed like everyone started running. My memory could be skewed. I was just seven years old, after all, and honestly, someone might have just played a trick on us. When things got crazy, Allyson and I ran to her mother’s car and dove into the back seat. It seems her brother eventually came to the car and rode shotgun, and Allyson and I talked about UFOs all the way home. I feel sure I went inside telling my family about the UFO at the bonfire and how we had heard someone say UFOs liked bonfires. I was seven. Someone did say that, and of course, I believed it, because why wouldn’t some Martians want to hang out at a high school bonfire in Brewton, Alabama? There are a lot of nice people in Brewton, and back then, there was Bracken’s Big R Restaurant, where you could get a great burger or some fried chicken. It would have been worth the trip for some Martians, for sure.

I’m not saying these drones aren’t real. I believe drones could be flying over us, and I have no idea who would be piloting them. I know that, a couple of years ago, a drone flew over my backyard while I was out there at night. It wasn’t one of these big drones they’re talking about now. It was a small drone someone probably got for Christmas. It was likely just someone from another house in the neighborhood, but it gave me the heebie geebies that someone was watching me in my own backyard. I went inside promptly.

I read today on the Next Door app that people in Charlotte are saying they are seeing the big, SUV-sized drones. Some have even posted some pretty impressive, believable videos. Maybe there are massive drones hovering overhead suburban South Charlotte? I guess anything is possible. We do, however, live in a city with a pretty busy airport, so there are lots of planes landing and taking off all the time. Just last night, I was driving down the winding Elm Lane and saw a bright light overhead. Once I got to the traffic light, I looked at my FlightAware app and saw it was just a plane coming in from Pittsburgh. In fact, I spend a lot of time outdoors on the patio at night, checking out the stars, the satellites, and yes, the airplanes, and so far, I haven’t seen a drone as big as an SUV. One night, however, I did freak out a little when there was something with blinking lights flying overhead making a whirring sound. Even our Doberman was freaked out! Finally, after standing there watching for a minute or two, I realized it was a blimp. It was difficult to identify in the dark until it was directly overhead.

Right now, I’m still waiting to see a drone as big as an SUV hovering overhead. I’m not sure I want to see one, but if one appears, I’m sure I will react much like Allyson and I did in 1974. I will run for my life!

by Kelly Mattei

Polaroid: The Gift of Nostalgia and New Memories

Polaroid: The Gift of Nostalgia and New Memories

I love nostalgic gifts, and I believe lots of other people do too. There’s something fun about remembering old times, and a gift that can conjure up those memories is usually a hit! Polaroid does that for me. I can remember Polaroid cameras from my childhood, my teen years, and even as an adult! When I was a kid, it was fun waiting for the picture to develop, and back then, it was the only way we could see a photo almost instantly! I took one on a school trip to Mexico, and I still have the fun photos! Times have changed, but it’s still fun to print out instant photos instead of just looking at them on our phones. I have used Polaroids at parties as parting gifts and used them at other times for capturing new memories. I even see people using them online to surprise people with a picture of an unexpected guest standing behind them at a party!

Someone on your list would love a Polaroid, and now it comes in a bundle when you purchase the Polaroid Now+ Generation 2 – Camera + Film Bundle (16 Photos Included) – Bluetooth Connected App Controlled Instant Film Camera from Amazon. This is not the Polaroid of your childhood…it’s better! It still offers fun instant photos, but it also offers a Bluetooth compatible app that increases creativity, and the bundle comes with film and extra lens filters! It will be a favorite gift this Christmas! Or gift one to yourself and use it to make new memories during the holiday season! It’s offered in Black and White, so you can choose! It gets great reviews on Amazon, and it’s priced at less than $160 for the whole bundle! I’m buying a black one as soon as I finish typing. My daughter will have a lot of fun capturing memories at college with a Polaroid. Purchase now at Amazon here.

Order now to get them in time for the holidays!

by Kelly Mattei

You Are Not Going to College with Your Child

You are not going to college with your child.

Why am I saying that? Well, because it seems lots of parents think they need to be involved with their child’s college experience. I’m here to tell you: you do not need to know anything, Mom. Even if you went to your child’s orientation session (or plan to attend), you don’t need to remember the information. College is your child’s job. It’s not your job. If you keep assisting your child with everything he/she needs to do/know, your child will never learn to do it on his/her own. Stick with me, and at the end of this piece, I will tell you what you can do to make your child’s transition to college more successful.

I think parents became more “helicopterish” with their college students when colleges and universities started offering orientation sessions for parents. No, just no. It makes me sick. I have said before that I went with my daughter two years ago, but I only went because it seemed everyone else was going, and I didn’t want her to feel like an orphan! I skipped out at lunch on the first day and never looked back. I simply couldn’t take it. It made me crazy that parents were asking questions kids should have been asking for themselves. If I had a second child, he/she would be going it alone, and I would feel great about it. You know why? Well, I truly believe those parent sessions are simply babysitting sessions to keep parents busy after they have traveled there. It wasn’t terrible, but I did not need to know the information they were putting out there. Where to park? I don’t care. Where to eat? I don’t care. I have already graduated from college…way back in the 1980s…and I figured it all out myself.

In 1985, my parents didn’t go to orientation with me! No way! I drove myself two hours to the university, found the dorm without a navigation system in my car, learned what I needed to know, made my schedule, and drove myself home…alone. In fact, I don’t recall seeing one parent at orientation at The University of Alabama in 1985!

And while I’m at it, allow me to also remind you that you don’t need to make your child’s academic schedule. Again, he/she needs to learn how to do it on his/her own. I see parents on the parent pages regularly talking about helping their kids make their schedules. What??? I don’t even know what classes my daughter is taking! And my parents never knew what classes I was taking!

Take a deep breath, Mom. Your child can navigate college without you. If you don’t believe that, maybe your child shouldn’t be going too far from home. Mine goes to a school 450 miles away, and it’s the greatest thing I ever did for her…letting her do college on her own. She takes care of herself and handles everything on her own, and we don’t waste our time talking about school. We talk about life and fun things, instead!

So, how can you help your child with the transition to college? I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I am a mom, so I know a little bit. Here’s what you can do:

  • Help them prepare to outfit their dorm room. Gather what they need, and purchase what you don’t have. (Amazon Prime Days are coming up in mid-July, and there will be lots of dorm stuff on sale…a great time to get good prices! Come back to my site to get information on some special deals!)
  • Answer the phone when they call you…anytime, day or night. That first semester can be difficult, so they might need a sounding board. Be there for them. Be supportive. Be positive and encouraging.
  • Make sure they know what to do in emergency situations.
  • Provide whatever they need.
  • Most of all:

Let your little birdie fly! It might not be easy, but it’s important! They can do this! And you can too!

by Kelly Mattei

Poison Ivy

Poison Ivy.

A few weeks ago, I was in Miami with my husband. We sat outside on the lanai one evening, and before I realized it, the mosquitoes had feasted on my feet and legs. Mosquitoes love me. I’m one of those people.

The next day, my husband caught me singing a song as I walked around. He stopped me and asked, “What are you singing?!?” I said, “Poison Ivy by The Coasters.” He had never heard it, and if you’re under 65 (maybe 70), chances are, you haven’t ever heard it either. I explained to him that, when I was in college, I went to a fraternity cocktail party where they had an old band called The Coasters playing. They sang some songs you might know like Charlie Brown and Yakkity Yak, and they also sang Poison Ivy. But why was I singing Poison Ivy on that day in Miami? I was singing it, because of the mosquito bites on my feet and legs. There’s a line in the song that says, “It’s gonna take an ocean…of calamine lotion…” I was thinking of how I needed some calamine lotion for my mosquito bites, and that made the song pop into my head.

And that’s when my husband told me he had never heard the song. Being the good wife I am, I had to play it for him, so I found it in Apple Music on my phone, cranked up the volume, and danced around the condo while playing Poison Ivy for him. Much to my surprise, he loved it! I still cannot believe he had never heard it, but he says it’s true. We laughed and sang that song for the rest of the trip. Anytime he could catch me off guard and wanted to make me laugh, he would suddenly play that song on his phone.

To see The Coasters play Poison Ivy, click here.

Fast forward a few weeks to last Friday night. One of my dearest friends of all time lives in Florida. She has two grown children, one of whom is a young man who recently graduated from Florida State University. He and two friends were driving from Florida to Maine, where they will be working at a summer camp, and they stayed at our house Friday night. We all laughed and talked while enjoying cocktails, and at some point, my husband played Poison Ivy on his phone. He was trying to make me laugh, and he was successful. I then explained all the background on the story to our young friends, and we all listened to the song together. Yes, alcohol was involved, but that song sort of became the theme of the evening.

They left early the next morning on a six-day drive to Maine, with stops in New Jersey, New York, Boston, and more…quite an adventure! Several times during their travels, I have received texts from my friend’s son. One text, on Monday, was simply a photo of the radio screen in their car with a short message that said, “We’re still listening!” It showed they were listening to Poison Ivy by The Coasters. I replied, “OMG! Maybe y’all can perform some Coasters tunes at the camp talent show!” Wednesday (yesterday), I received a text in which he said, “We were with [the girl traveler’s] great aunt, and she was delighted to hear that we wanted to play Poison Ivy in the car.” I replied with laughing face emojis and said, “I’m dead!” And then, today, I texted to them, “My husband is playing Poison Ivy right now. When it tops the charts again, we are going to take all the credit!” His response? “We already made a pact for it to be one of our most played songs at camp. We’re gonna put everybody on it!”

It’s a catchy tune, my friends. Once you listen to it, it is forever embedded in your brain! Until recently, it conjured up fun memories from college, but now, it also conjures up great memories of Miami with my husband and a fun evening with our guests! I’m thinking it’s going to hit the Top 40 within a few months, simply because we revived it!

by Kelly Mattei

Green Kool-Aid and Orange Push-ups

Green Kool-Aid and Orange Push-Ups.

The NFL Draft had me thinking about Kool-Aid. Yes, I was thinking about the football player, Kool-Aid McKinstry, and his deal with Kool-Aid brand beverage mix, but while I watched the Draft, I was also on the phone with a friend, and we started talking about the original Kool-Aid drink mix.

I cannot even tell you the last time I actually drank Kool-Aid, but when I was a kid, it was a staple at our house. I’m sure it was cheap, and that’s why my mother let us have it. Plus, it was easy to store the little packets without using up much room in the pantry. We would get to pick our own flavor packet(s) at the grocery store. Grape was always a safe flavor, and I feel like orange was pretty safe too. We didn’t branch out much, because if we picked a bad flavor, we were stuck with it until we went to the grocery store with Mother the next week. However, there was one time of year that we always had a different flavor.

For some reason, at our church, they always seemed to serve green Kool-Aid at Vacation Bible School during the summer. At the time, I thought it was lime flavored, but maybe it was lemon-lime? I can’t find any record of plain lime flavor. Whenever I think of VBS, I think of green Kool-Aid served in tiny, paper Dixie Cups and orange Push-Ups. No, not exercise pushups, but the sherbet treat that appears to be served in a toilet paper roll. If you were a kid when I was a kid, you know what I’m talking about. However, I’m not sure if my college-age daughter has ever even seen one! She’ll be home in a week; I’ll have some Push-Ups in the freezer when she gets home. If she doesn’t like them, I can make cocktails with them later.

So I was talking with my friend, named Kelli with an “i,” about VBS, and she reminded me that, not only did we have the Kool-Aid and Push-Ups at VBS, but we also had butter cookies! Remember butter cookies? You know, the ones that were shaped like little flowers with the hole in the middle? We would each get two or three at VBS and hold them on our fingers until we were ready to eat them. I hadn’t thought about those in years until Kelli mentioned them, but now, I have to go purchase some. They’re made by Lil Dutch Maid, and it appears they are sold in Publix for $1.25 for an 11 ounce package. No wonder they served them at VBS…they were cheap. Thinking about it, I realize now that the church was giving us the cheapest possible snacks they could give! It was the 1970s. If they tried to serve the same items today, it’s likely some moms would complain about “too much sugar” or “too much artificial flavoring/coloring.” In the 1970s, no one cared about that. Everything had artificial flavoring, and we lapped it up! Moms didn’t shop for “organic” foods…not where I lived, anyway. We were able to get fresh fruits and vegetables from local farms at the farmer’s market, so everything we ate wasn’t “bad,” but it was at VBS! Of course, this was the same era when you could toss just about anything into a Jell-O mold and call it a salad.

As usual, I find myself reliving my childhood, but this time, I will be reliving it through Kool-Aid, Push-Ups, and butter cookies. When I stop to pick up the lemon-lime Kool-Aid packets, I also hope I’ll find the limited edition Black Cherry Blitz Kool-Aid that was recently released as part of a merchandising deal with Kool-Aid McKinstry after his draft by the New Orleans Saints!

I suppose I can make cocktails with Black Cherry Blitz or Lime Kool-Aid! Do I mix them with vodka? Prosecco? I might be on to something here!

by Kelly Mattei

Revisiting Childhood

Revisiting Childhood.

Anyone who has spent any time with me has heard me say that I feel like I have had three childhoods: 1. my real childhood 2. college 3. my now 20-yr-old daughter’s childhood. I’ve had a lot of fun in my life, and a lot of it was associated with those three eras. Now, I’ve entered what I think might be a fourth childhood…empty-nesting! I often think of all those other childhoods, including the great experiences I had with my child as a stay-at-home mom. However, it’s not often I revisit a place that we frequented when she was a toddler/young child.

Today I did just that.

I read recently that the Charlotte Nature Museum would be closing. It’s a quiet little nature museum in Charlotte near Freedom Park. When my daughter was a toddler/little girl, we were regulars at the Charlotte Nature Museum. I was fortunate to be a part of a playgroup made up of moms who had kids about the same age. Lucky for us, the moms were pretty close in age too, and we all became great friends. In fact, I’m not sure I would have survived toddlerhood without my awesome playgroup friends. We had places we visited regularly with the kids, and on the short list was Charlotte Nature Museum. It’s likely the kids don’t even remember much, if anything, about the “museum,” but that’s OK. It gave us moms lots of peace when our kids were little. There were turtles, an opposum, a butterfly garden, and there’s even a planetarium. Somehow, we never made it to one of the planetarium shows, but we did enjoy watching the kids watch the animals.

I realized today was the last day for the museum to be open, so yesterday, I called my friend, Kelli, who grew up in Charlotte, and I asked her if she would visit the museum with me. She said she recalled visiting the museum as a schoolgirl; the whole class would load up on school buses, go to the museum, and then go to McDonald’s for lunch…a big treat back in the day. After talking about some of her memories, she agreed to go with me today.

We met at 11:00 and rode together to the museum. When we walked in, she said, “Oh my gosh! It hasn’t changed since the 1970s!” I could verify that it hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years, but Kelli gave me verification that it was much the same in the 70s. We walked around, taking pictures of the taxidermy animals to show our kids, hoping to jog their memories with photos later. I took a picture of myself posing as an insect, in a photo op that has been around since I started going there in 2005. I sent it to my 20-yr-old daughter and asked, “Do you remember this?” She responded, “OMG! Yes!” I knew there probably wouldn’t be much she would remember, but because the kids used to have to take turns with the insect photo op, I thought she might remember it. It warmed my heart that she had some recall of the Charlotte Nature Museum! (See photos from today at bottom of page.)

After we strolled through the butterfly garden and saw a few butterflies, we took photos of the resident turtles, the opossom, and the snakes. Very little had changed since my last visit there. Sadly, the building will be demolished soon to make room for a new and improved Charlotte Nature Museum. While I’m sure it will be awesome, I feel sure it won’t have the same charm as the old museum…small with several small rooms, no hi-tech gimmicks, and lots of little creatures and lessons about little creatures.

We left with smiles on our faces. Back in the car, we talked about our memories of the nature museum…how Kelli’s class used to line up on the back porch of the museum and along the boardwalk. I talked about how my daughter and my friends’ kids mostly just wanted to stand and watch the snakes and turtles. They weren’t much interested in the little indoor playground…and I was thankful for that, because it really looked like a germ fest to me.

As we drove away from the Charlotte Nature Museum in our car instead of a school bus, I asked Kelli, “Where would you like to have lunch?” She didn’t really have a preference, but after a brief discussion, we decided McDonald’s would be the perfect ladies lunch place today. We agreed it would be the perfect ending to a nature museum visit, so we went to McDonald’s and ate in the dining room there. That also conjured up memories of my daughter’s childhood, as someone’s child had left a Happy Meal toy on the table we chose. I told Kelli, “This would have been pure gold when my daughter was little.” I didn’t know a lot of moms who took their kids to McDonald’s, but I did, and fortunately, my playgroup friends did too. McDonald’s was a great rainy day destination back in the day, because the one we went to had an indoor playground…yes, a germ fest, for sure…but on a rainy day, I didn’t really care.

Lucky me! I got to revisit my daughter’s childhood today! Just walking into the nature museum, I stepped back in time…it still smelled the same, and basically, it looked the same. Now I wish I had taken my daughter when she was home for the holidays.

by Kelly Mattei

Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mother…

Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mother…

All of my adult life, I called my mother “Mother,” except when I was upset. As a little girl, I called her “Mama,” but if I called her that as an adult, it had special meaning. If I called her and started the conversation with “Mama,” I’m sure she knew there was some emotion attached to it. Calling her “Mama” meant lots of different things. It might have meant my daughter wasn’t feeling well. It could mean I was sick, or my husband was sick. It could mean I was upset about something or worried about something. But it could also mean I was excited about something…as in, “Mama, you’re not going to believe this!”

Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of my mother’s passing. Six years without my Mama. I miss her every day, but I especially miss her when emotions run high. Often, I wish I could call her so she could be excited with me, help me with something, or calm me down in a volatile situation. I wish I could ask her for advice when I need it. She was a natural nurturer. She gave good advice, but most of the time, she got me to use my own judgment by nudging me in the right direction. She was a firm believer that it was always a good idea to do the right thing. She also believed we needed to do what was right for ourselves. Many times, when I was younger, she would ask, “Are you doing that because it’s the right thing for you, or because you’re being pressured into it?” She was the voice of reason.

While she has been gone for six years, I still hear her voice in my head on a regular basis. She is still with me. Could I still use her here to talk me down when I’m upset? Yes, definitely. But how many times do I say to friends and family, “Mother would have loved this.” Or maybe, “My mother would have said….” She is still with me, without a doubt. I miss so much about her. I miss the way she listened to me and everyone else she knew. I miss her sense of humor…and it was really good. I miss her strength…her calm. I miss her perspective…how she knew most things we worry about don’t really matter…life, faith, health, death…those were the things that mattered. A bad grade on a test in college? She didn’t care…learn from the experience. She believed life was one big series of lessons, and she was correct.

Last night, I had a social event to attend. Mother would have loved it…a fun party. She loved spending time with young people and she especially loved seeing young people having fun. She loved having energy around her. There were lots of young people having a lot of fun at this particular event. I got home late, and my husband and I did the “post game wrap up” of the event while I enjoyed Bailey’s on the rocks in honor of Mother. That woman loved coffee her whole adult life, and she especially loved Bailey’s in her coffee. While it was too late for me to have Bailey’s and coffee, it wasn’t too late for a little Bailey’s on the rocks. In fact, I was a little hoarse from talking so much at the party, but the Bailey’s was soothing…a good way to wind down before bed…just like talking to Mother used to be.

In a couple of weeks, I’m traveling to Mexico City with a friend for a few days. It was one of Mother’s favorite places. She traveled there with me right before I got married. I had been a couple of times before, and I could hardly wait to share it with her. She loved everything about it…the food, the people, the culture, the architecture, the cathedral at the Zocalo…but afterward, she especially loved the memories we had made. We laughed and laughed, after the fact, about my forcing her to walk up the hill to Chapultepec Castle in the first few hours we were there. The elevation is real. Mexico City is about 7,400 feet above sea level, but I didn’t think about that when I said, “Let’s walk up the hill!” After walking uphill for a while, she told me I was crazy and hopped on the tram. We laughed and laughed. I can hardly wait to share the city with my friend, and while we are there, I will remember my mother too. I’m sure I will share stories about Mother with my friend.

Six years have passed in the blink of an eye. She didn’t see my nephew graduate from college and start his path as an adult, using his artistic talents as a tattoo artist…exactly what he wants to do. She didn’t know his twin brother works for the city and still does the announcing at sporting events…exactly what he wants to do. She didn’t see our daughter graduate from high school, and didn’t get to see her as a college student. Sometimes, it seems like forever since I have seen her, and sometimes, it seems like yesterday. Life is funny that way.

I miss you, Mama.

by Kelly Mattei

Making Memories

Making memories.

Yesterday, my daughter and I returned home from a trip to the Bahamas. We went with my college friend and her daughter. Our daughters were born about 17 months apart; her daughter is 21, and mine is almost 20. Our girls go to the same college and have been friends since they were born, but it had been a while since we had vacationed together. It was time to make new memories.

And we did.

Our friends flew out of Atlanta, and we flew out of Charlotte, so we all met at the hotel. My daughter and I arrived several hours late, but it was fine, because we got there safely, and we got there in time for dinner.

We had all sorts of plans for making special memories. We just knew we would celebrate our birthdays each night at the different restaurants where we had reservations. We thought we would likely spend some time on the beach drinking cocktails out of coconuts or pineapples. Oh, we had plans…but we were flexible.

And nothing happened the way we thought it would. In fact, the things we are most likely to remember were completely unplanned…just like always. Sure, we enjoyed our planned dinner on the first night. We even celebrated my friend’s daughter’s birthday. We also overate, so when the staff came out singing Happy Birthday, we didn’t even want dessert. We enjoyed the fountain light show. We spent time in the casino. We made new friends. Lots of the time, the girls did their own thing while we (the moms) just lounged by/in the pool all day. At 56, I’m just not good about baking in the sun for hours in tropical weather. Give me a cocktail and a pool instead…so that’s where we spent our days. The girls found a more “happening” pool (no old people!) to spend their days, and we were so glad they were having fun and making memories together.

We canceled two of our dinner reservations, because the girls made other plans. We (the moms) didn’t mind one bit. And on the last full day, the girls hung out with us in our pool cabana and in the pool. I think they were tired from the day before. We made some great memories laughing in the pool and chatting over cocktails with our girls, since they are both of legal drinking age in the Bahamas.

But the funniest memory we made on the whole trip was completely unplanned…and it was a doozy! In fact, I’m guessing I don’t know many people who can say they share this memory. Lots of people can say they have visited the Bahamas. Lots of people can say they dined at the restaurants and spent time in the casinos. Lots of people can say they met interesting people on vacation. Lots of people can say they got lots of rest or stayed out all night.

How many people can say their taxi ran out of gas on the way back to the airport in Nassau?

Well, we can! We hopped in a cab at the resort, and about five minutes later, the car swerved a little. Then it swerved again. I looked at my daughter, who was sitting next to me in the back seat. She looked confused too. And then our taxi driver said, “I think we are having a fuel problem.” A fuel problem? Like running out of gas?!?! Yep…she got us off the road just in time to run out of gas. The driver hopped out and started trying to flag down other cars, and my friend’s daughter looked at the dash. She said, “All the lights on the dash are on! Should we get out of the car? Or does that just mean we ran out of gas? Is that what happens when you run out of gas?” I replied, “I don’t know! I’ve never run out of gas!” We all laughed. My brain was working, and I knew, if all else failed, I could call my friend who works at the Nassau airport, and she could send a taxi for us, but our driver flagged one down pretty quickly. Crisis averted.

We got out of the taxi and loaded our bags in the other taxi, and we were on our way. The original taxi driver was with us, and she was apologizing profusely. I told her not to worry…we had just made a new memory!

And you know what? It’s true. We will likely remember running out of gas on the way to the airport for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes, a minor crisis becomes a funny memory, and that’s what happened here.

by Kelly Mattei

Graduation Evokes Memories

Graduation evokes memories.

My daughter graduated from high school last year. It was an exciting and scary time. Everybody talks about the excitement, but it seems not many people talk about the fear. I remember 18. I remember graduating from high school. I knew where I was going to college, but I didn’t really know what it would be like. I had visited the campus many times for cheerleaders camps and football games, but I didn’t really know what it would be like to live in a dorm with a roommate I didn’t know. There is such a thing as fear of the unknown. That didn’t mean I wasn’t excited. I was very excited to be going off to college. I was excited to make new friends. I was excited that I wasn’t doing “13th grade,” which is what we call it when people go to college with lots of their friends from high school. However, I didn’t really know what was ahead of me.

When I look back at pictures from this time last year, I remember my daughter and I were preparing to attend her college orientation. Yes, I had to go to orientation simply so she wouldn’t look like an orphan. Apparently, parents going to orientation is popular now, unlike when I went in the 80s. Do I need to remind you that I drove myself to orientation without my parents? I drove without GPS or a cell phone. I just looked at the map before I left and figured it out. We came home from our daughter’s orientation and tried to enjoy the summer, but even though I don’t think of our daughter as an anxious person, there was trepidation. She was looking forward to everything college life offered, but wondering what to expect, and it showed itself in tears and agitation.

All that freshman year college stuff is behind us now. I look at my daughter’s friends who are preparing to go to college, and I remember what it was like at my house last year. She was nervous. She was scared but wouldn’t admit it. She was fearing the unknown a bit. Therefore, I am reminding parents that it’s not all rainbows and confetti. Going off to college is a big deal. I feel like our daughter learned more in her first year of college than in any other year since toddlerhood. I’m not even including the academics! I mean she learned more about life, in general. She developed more problem-solving skills. She developed more time-management skills. She learned more about taking care of herself and her friends. She learned about living away from home. And she survived it! She not only survived, but she thrived!

And you know what? It’s stressful for them! They might not process it as stress, but the stress is there, and it takes a toll on their bodies. They often live around a lot more people than when they are home, so all kinds of germs are passed around. They end up sick. My daughter had strep throat for the first time since she was a kid. She had the flu for the first time since she was 11. She had a horrible skin infection that started from a heel blister. She was in a car accident. All of that = stress. I’m no psychologist or counselor, but I could see the effects of the stress.

What I’m telling you is you should be happy and excited about your child’s college experience. At the same time, know you are going to get those phone calls. “Mom, I’ve been in an accident.” “Mom, I think I have a fever.” “Mom, should I go to the doctor about this wound on my heel?” You’ll be far away, so you can offer guidance, but you’re not there. They have to actually take care of business. And you know what? They will.

In most cases, they will pull themselves together and get things done. Most of them will make it to class on a regular basis. Most of them will weather the storm. Some of them might not make it academically the first time around, but does that mean they are doomed to failure? No. I have a friend who failed out of college our sophomore year. She went back a few years later and graduated before going on to law school and graduating at the top of her class. Another friend had a 1.6 GPA at the end of his first semester of freshman year. He buckled down the next semester and succeeded at Duke, going on to medical school.

Just remember: we have to trust them but guide them. If at first they don’t succeed, they can try again. They are going to have missteps along the way, and they will learn from them. Just like Elon Musk told the world after a recent failed rocket launch; he reminded us SpaceX will learn from the mistakes on the failed launch and apply that knowledge to the next one.

Keep smiling, moms and dads. Sometimes, they just need to see we, the parents, are calm. It’s a bit like taking a child to the pediatrician when they are sick. Often, the parents just need reassurance. Many times, that’s what our college-age kids need too.

Congratulations to all the 2023 high school graduates…the ones who are going to college, the ones who are taking a gap year, the ones who are learning a trade, the ones entering military service, and the ones who are going into the work force! I celebrate them all! It might sound like I’m only celebrating the ones going to college, but that’s certainly not the case. I’m simply drawing on my own experience. But if your child is entering the workforce or entering military service or taking a gap year or going to trade school, you’re worrying about them just the same.

Fasten your seat belts, moms and dads. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.