College Dorm Move-Out (and what you’ll need)

College dorm move-out (and what you’ll need).

In less than a week, I go to move our daughter out of her freshman dorm. Anyone who has experienced this knows how I feel right now. It’s hard to believe she has finished a year of college. Less than a year ago, we were experiencing excitement and fear over the fact that we were all entering new phases of life…she as a college student, and we as empty-nesters. Now, here we are, ready to bring her home for summer. And anyone who is planning to go move their son or daughter out of a freshman dorm knows what else I’m feeling: How are we going to get her out of there?!?!

Here’s my plan and what I plan to take to make it easier:

  • Encouraging daughter to get rid of stuff early. That’s my first plan of action. I tell her every day: take out a few items you don’t need and throw them away. Does she hear me? I don’t know, but if I get there, and there’s a bunch of junk to toss, I’m not going to be happy.
  • Moving bags from Amazon. I shipped moving bags to her, so she can start packing up anything she isn’t going to use again. I purchased heavy duty ones from Amazon. You can purchase here. I used some of these for move-in, but stupidly, I brought them home with me. I will take them with me, but she needed some to start packing early, so I ordered the same ones. They’re awesome.
  • Collapsible wagon. When we moved her in, the university provided volunteers and giant bins. That won’t happen at move-out. They honeymoon’s over! I highly recommend a collapsible wagon. Amazon offers a multitude of choices. Pick one here. You can roll out a lot of stuff in a collapsible wagon, and because it’s collapsible, you can still fit it in your car to bring home when you are done.
  • Hulken Bags. These tote bags on wheels have become necessities at our house. They fold flat, so I keep one medium-sized one in my car at all times, in case I have a lot of things to bring in when I get home. My daughter has a large Hulken, because she is likely to have more to carry from her car in the dorm parking garage to her room. They roll on wheels, and they’re easy to pull alongside or behind. I cannot stress enough how great these bags are. If you can get one or two, get them. Starting at about $89, they’re an investment, but we have found we use them all the time. Purchase the medium in silver here. Or see other Hulken sizes/colors here.
  • Large Nylon bags. OK, you could use garbage bags instead, but for me, it’s important to keep garbage and “good stuff” separate. I have made the mistake of throwing away a garbage bag full of “good stuff,” thinking it was garbage. Therefore, I only put garbage in garbage bags. Plus, I feel like large Nylon bags are more sturdy. Get two for less than $10 here. You can use these instead of the moving bags or in conjunction with them.
  • Cleaning supplies. If you purchased cleaning supplies for your student when you moved him/her in, they likely still have some. Double check. You’ll need a Swiffer Wet/Dry Mop, sponges, Windex, Clorox Wipes, and maybe Bathroom Cleaner. If you don’t want to take them with you, click on the name of each above to purchase through Amazon and ship to your child, so it’s all waiting for you when you arrive.
  • Garbage bags. You’ll need them. Get them from Amazon here.

And if there are things your child will not be using again, consider whether you really need to bring it home. Your child might have some stuff to store locally for next year. If that’s the case, get it arranged now! And if there’s stuff they don’t want to keep at all, the best thing to do is donate it to a local charity instead of bringing it home, but there will be some things you simply need to throw away. Every time I talk to my daughter these days, I say, “I hope you’re throwing out what you don’t need!”

I’ll give a report after the move-out…what we refer to in our family as “post-game wrap-up.” Good luck, Moms and Dads! I suppose we should pat ourselves on the backs for surviving freshman year.

Weekly Link Recap, Week Ending 4/15/23

Weekly link recap, week ending 4/15/23.

COLLEGE FACEBOOK PARENT PAGES REVISITED: ADVICE FOR FRESHMAN MOMS

  • Adulting Made Easy: Things Someone Should Have Told You About Getting Your Grown-up Act Together by Amanda Morin. Purchase here.
  • Adulting for Beginners – Life Skills for Adult Children, Teens, High School and College Students / The Grown-Up’s Survival Gift by Matilda Walsh. Purchase here.
  • The Manual to Manhood: How to Cook the Perfect Steak, Change a Tire, Impress a Girl & 97 Other Skills You Need to Survive by Jonathan Catherman. Purchase here.
  • Emily Post’s Etiquette, 19th Edition: Manners for Today. by Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning. This is a hardcover book that I think every young lady should have. Having it in hardcover form allows them to keep it forever and reference it often. My mother gave me one when I went to college, and I still use it for reference. Also makes a great graduation gift. Purchase here.
  • SureGuard Mattress Encasement. Click here.
  • Viscosoft Mattress Topper. Click here

COLLEGE GEAR FOR FRESHMEN FAMILIES

  • Amazon Fan Shop for college gear. Purchase here.

MORE HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION GIFTS

  • Longchamp bags. Click here.
  • Shower Steamers Aromatherapy. Click here. ***This one has become a personal favorite!***
  • Clear Accessories Bags. Click here.
  • Personal Blender. Click here.
  • Dyson Airwrap System. Click here.
  • Blissy Silk Pillowcase. Click here.
  • Dry Divas Showercap. Click here.
  • Compact Binoculars. Click here.
  • Monocular. Click here.
  • Rumpl Nanoloft Puffy Blanket. Click here.
  • Rumpl Amazon Store. Click here.
  • LapGear Home Office Lap Desk. Click here.
  • LapGear other lap desks. Click here.
  • Illuminated LED Message Board. Click here.
  • Amazon Basics Safe. Click here.
  • Electric Scooter. Click here for various offerings. Click here for Amazon’s recommendation.
  • DynoTag Smart Recovery Luggage Tag. Click here.

FAMILY LADIES WEEKEND

  • Mayhaw Jelly. Click here.
  • Proud Source Water. Click here.

Happy Shopping!

College Gear For Freshmen Families

College gear for freshmen families.

As we approach high school graduation, seniors are making final college decisions. Our daughter graduated last year, and at her high school, they have “College T-shirt Day” every year. It’s a day all the seniors wear shirts showing which college or university they will be attending in the fall. They take a big group picture, and it’s fun to see where everyone will be going. If students didn’t get t-shirts when they visited their future colleges, they need to get them now.

Even if their schools don’t have T-shirt Day, it’s a good idea for them to get some gear for school spirit. It’s also fun for the rest of the family to get in on the school spirit. I have friends who are all in on the school spirit for their kids’ colleges. My own daughter goes to my alma mater, so I already had some fan gear, but I have to admit that I likely accumulated more after she decided to go there. I also have to admit we probably went a little overboard getting gear for her before she left.

There are lots of places to stock up on fan gear, including the university or college bookstores and souvenir shops when you visit. However, if you’d like to shop from home, Amazon has its very own “Fan Shop” where you can purchase all types of gear for lots of colleges and universities that have sports teams. Last year, I encouraged my daughter’s friends and their parents to check it out, so now I’m telling everyone else. You can shop the Amazon Fan Shop here. When you get to the Amazon Fan Shop page, you simply choose your team (or school) by clicking on “choose your team,” then clicking on NCAA, and then clicking on the college or university of your choice.

Last year, our daughter had to have a t-shirt that clearly showed her college choice for T-shirt Day, so we started with that. She also wanted a hoodie or two and a couple of crewneck sweatshirts. Oh, and don’t forget the sticker for the back window of her car. That was important too. In addition to the student’s fan gear, lots of dads like to get collared shirts and t-shirts with school emblems on them, and you can find lots of those at the Amazon Fan Shop too. Also, keep in mind that, if you plan to attend any sporting events in a stadium or arena, many require that any handbags are clear. You can find clear handbag options for moms and daughters with school logos at the Amazon Fan Shop as well.

This is an exciting time for families and their soon-to-be college students! Start accumulating gear now, before your student has T-Shirt Day at school and before they go to summer orientation, if their college does that. No matter what, it’s fun to have some school fan gear to wear during the summer too. Amazon is a one-stop shop for fan gear, and if you have an Amazon Prime account, shipping is often free.

Happy shopping!

The College Facebook Parent Pages Revisited: Advice for Freshman Moms

The college parent Facebook pages revisited: advice for freshman moms.

Oh yes, the college parent pages….sometimes it’s the best entertainment of the day. Sometimes, I simply cannot believe what I read from other parents. And yet, rarely, I do get some valuable insight and/or information. Today, a mother of an incoming freshman had a good question:

If you could give any advice/suggestion to a parent of an incoming freshman, what would it be?

Oh, I could think of several things, but I haven’t typed a response to her on the page yet, because I really don’t want to offend anyone on there. I will tell you the things that came to my mind, and then I will tell you the answers from other parents. Personally, I think it’s a good time for this advice, as the parents and students are just starting the high school to college transition process.

My advice/suggestion to the parent of an incoming freshman:

  • Don’t put anything on the Facebook parent page that could, in any way, embarrass your child. Stop and think before you post. You don’t need to help Little Johnny find a girlfriend. In fact, Little Johnny likely doesn’t want the whole world to know that you still call him Little Johnny.
  • Let your child figure it out! This one is important! College is a great transitional time in life. If the parents are supportive, it can be a smooth transition from childhood to young adulthood. However, if you always help Little Mary make her schedule or find a roommate, she will never learn these skills for herself. Do you want Little Mary to be dependent on you her whole life? I started college in 1985, but I remember it very well. I also remember that, other than writing the checks, my parents didn’t help me with it. They didn’t help me make my schedule. They didn’t help me find friends or roommates. In fact, I’ve said before that I’m not even sure they knew what I was majoring in at the time. And that was OK, because 1980s parents were way cooler and more laid back than 2020s parents. Be like 1980s parents…let the students figure it out!
  • Be happy if, when you visit for a football weekend or other busy time, your child doesn’t have tons of time to spend with you. Be happy he/she has friends and activities that are important to her. Don’t get offended and do the “we traveled all this way” speech.
  • Sometimes, when our students think they won’t have any fun at an activity or on a weekend, they have the best time ever. My daughter once called me and said everyone was leaving the university for the weekend, so she might like to come home. I said, “That’s fine, but it’s not that long before your planned trip home. Try to find something to do, and call me back.” She thought it would be the most boring weekend ever. However, a friend from another school called and wanted to visit her, so she stayed for the weekend, and it was later declared “one of the best weekends ever.”
  • If your rising freshman student will be attending a university with big football, I, personally, would advise against taking the hardest classes they can take the fall semester (football season). I told my daughter, who attends an SEC big football school, “Take the easiest classes you can take that first semester. You will be adjusting to college life. You will be pledging a sorority. You will be going to football games and everything that goes with that. You want to adjust and enjoy it too, so take a light load.” Fortunately, she listened. And I know some parents might disagree with me on this, but I’m not giving their advice/suggestions. I’m giving mine.
  • And for the parents: if you’re going to be an empty nester when this child leaves, enjoy your time! Wow! People have asked me if I was sad when our daughter (an only child) went off to college. The answer is a resounding NO. I was (and still am) absolutely thrilled that she gets to experience life at a big university, complete with all the fun and distractions. I’m also glad I’m able to get out and enjoy the things I like to do without having to chaperone anymore. If you need more information about how to enjoy being an empty nester, there are lots of great books on Amazon. Click here.

I’m sure you’re wondering what other parents’ advice/suggestions were, so I’m going to share a few of those too (I did not write these myself):

  • Don’t worry when they cry and say they have no friends, or a friend hurts their feelings. Second semester everything changes and suddenly everything is in bloom!
  • Stagger visits. My husband and I plus other family and friends visited separately so our DD had lots to look forward to throughout her time there.
  • Get a tutor scheduled for any ‘hard’ classes BEFORE classes begin. Once you realize you need a tutor, it is too late!
  • The first year away from home will be the most difficult. Be mentally prepared for the inevitable feelings of homesickness. This bit of advice helped my DD more than I can tell you.
  • Prepare for them to be sick first semester. It’s just going to happen when you bring kids together from all over the country, living in close quarters and not eating or sleeping their best. Have a first aid box with over the counter remedies and have a list of phone numbers and addresses for local urgent cares in area with a plan on how to get there if needed. The student health center is great, but not always open for hours needed or can get backed up with appointments. ***I would add: please make sure they are up to date on all vaccines, including the Meningitis B vaccine before they go, even if it is not required by the college/university. Meningitis is contagious, and living in a group setting makes you more susceptible. By the time doctors diagnose it, it’s often too late.***
  • Know they are smarter, more resilient, and able to think for themselves more than we ever realized. I know all kids are different, but let them make a few “mistakes” along the way…such as over sleeping and figuring out how what dining halls serve what! If they get sick, let them know you are there for them, but they need to find a way to get to the health clinic! We have spent the last 18 or so years thinking and doing so many things for them. I know it’s hard to let go. But, they have to learn to adult and sometimes that includes choosing to do things in ways we wouldn’t. You will be pleasantly surprised at how awesome your kids are at Adulting if given the full chance! And trust me…having 2 daughters (1 has graduated and 1 is in her 2nd year) I have never not helped when they called asking, but I always encouraged them to first talk about ways to fix their issues before just swooping in to do it for them. They usually have the solution and didn’t even know it! Enjoy these last few months with your senior.
  • Send a meds box: Advil, flu meds, allergy stuff, thermometer, tummy meds . bandages etc.

There were more, but alas, there’s only so much room in this post. If you’re concerned that your rising freshman doesn’t have “adulting” knowledge, maybe help him/her with some books that contain useful information. Here are a few (and these could make great graduation gifts too):

  • Adulting Made Easy: Things Someone Should Have Told You About Getting Your Grown-up Act Together by Amanda Morin. Purchase here.
  • Adulting for Beginners – Life Skills for Adult Children, Teens, High School and College Students / The Grown-Up’s Survival Gift by Matilda Walsh. Purchase here.
  • The Manual to Manhood: How to Cook the Perfect Steak, Change a Tire, Impress a Girl & 97 Other Skills You Need to Survive by Jonathan Catherman. Purchase here.
  • Emily Post’s Etiquette, 19th Edition: Manners for Today. by Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning. This is a hardcover book that I think every young lady should have. Having it in hardcover form allows them to keep it forever and reference it often. My mother gave me one when I went to college, and I still use it for reference. Also makes a great graduation gift. Purchase here.

Weekly Link Recap, Ending 4/8/23

Weekly link recap, ending 4/8/23. Click on the item name to go straight to the corresponding site page of items I posted this week. To read the piece about the items, click on the TITLE of the piece. Thank you!

*Each week, I will post a recap of any links I have shared in any posts during the week prior. Happy Shopping!*

WHAT TO PURCHASE NOW FOR A DORM ROOM

HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION GIFTS 2023

WHOA DOUGH EDIBLE COOKIE DOUGH

BASIC TRAVEL OUTFITS FOR WOMEN

Whoa Dough Edible Cookie Dough

Whoa Dough Edible Cookie Dough.

Our daughter is finishing up her freshman year in college. Throughout the year, I have been on the lookout for grab-n-go snacks for her that have some nutritional value and taste good. It’s not easy to find things I think she will like, because she has always been a picky-ish eater. I’m not really sure where she got that gene, because I will eat almost anything…except organ meat. That’s where I draw the line. Fortunately, our daughter seems to be coming out of her “picky” ways, but I still like to get grab-n-go snacks for her that are “sure things.”

While our daughter has been in college, my husband and I have taken several trips. His favorite destination is the Bahamas, because it’s easy to get there, and we have some favorite resorts and know some absolutely beautiful beaches there. We always fly American Airlines, because they have a hub in Charlotte, making them the easiest airline for us to fly.

On our most recent trip home from the Bahamas, American Airlines offered us a snack we had not seen before. Called Whoa Dough Edible Cookie Dough, it had colorful packaging, and the concept of packaged “edible” cookie dough looked interesting to me. For those who don’t know, kids love to eat cookie dough, but because it normally has uncooked egg, it’s an invitation to salmonella. Therefore, kids are always looking for ways to make cookie dough without egg. This product appeared to be an answer to that! I took one, thinking it might be something our daughter would like. The flavor I got was Sugar Cookie, and at my suggestion, my husband picked the Chocolate Chip Cookie flavor.

The packaging looks like the packaging for breakfast bars or cereal bars. I opened the blue package. I broke off one corner and tried it, and like Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials of the 70s, I liked it! I asked my husband to try his, and he liked it too! After reading the label, I realized there was actually some nutritional value in Whoa Dough, and it’s vegan, plant-based, soy free, egg free, gluten free, non-gmo, Kosher, and dairy free! At under 200 calories, each bar contains 3 grams of fiber, 5 grams of fat, and 4 grams of protein. With 30 grams of carbs, it’s not perfect nutrition, but I knew it was likely better than what my daughter was (or wasn’t) having for breakfast.

When we got home from that trip, I ordered a variety pack to have delivered to our home, and when our daughter came home for the last few days of Spring Break, she tried them and loved them! She and a friend ate some from the variety pack and took the rest back to school. Soon thereafter, I received a text, asking, “Can you please have some Whoa Dough shipped to me at school? Chocolate Chip and Sugar Cookie, please!” And so I promptly went to Amazon and ordered some to be delivered to her. If you would like to try Whoa Dough or think your children might like it (they likely will), you can order the variety pack or one flavor from Amazon here.

If you order, let me know what you think!

As for our daughter, I knew she really liked Whoa Dough when she sent me a snapchat photo of herself on her way to an early morning workout, and I saw a Sugar Cookie Whoa Dough in her hand. Sometimes, I find things she loves, and I was happy to be successful with this one!

What to Purchase Now for a Dorm Room

What to purchase now for a dorm room.

My daughter will finish her freshman year of college in less than a month. It’s hard for me to believe she is 1/4 of the way through college. I remember my own college days so well; I’m so happy she is getting to go to the same awesome university and have her own experiences. We feel pretty seasoned now that she has survived freshman year in a dorm, and soon we will be moving out all the stuff we took for her when we moved her in. So while I’m thinking about it, and since you have time to prepare now, I’m going to make some suggestions on necessities. Seriously, I know graduation festivities (ugh) are upon you, but start purchasing and ordering now, and you’ll have less to do as your college freshman’s departure approaches. These are just a few items I recommend purchasing early, before everyone else jumps in, and they’re sold out.

Mattress Topper. I never met a dorm mattress I liked. Goodness. One would think they could find a way to improve those things. I was a freshman in 1985, and I daresay my daughter’s freshman dorm mattress is no more comfortable than the one I had way back when. We knew that would be the case, so we invested in a quality mattress topper. There are lots of them out there, but we opted for the Sleepyhead brand. Our daughter’s dorm room has a twin XL bed, so we ordered the Twin XL 3″ Topper from Sleepyhead. She loves it. Priced at over $300, it’s not cheap, but they do offer a 20% discount for students. I don’t think I was aware of the discount at the time I purchased, but I will tell you, it’s probably the best $300+ I’ve ever spent. Our daughter loves sleeping in her bed, calling it “cozy and comfy.” In fact, because she will have the same type of bed her sophomore year, she will get another year out of it. Check out Sleepyhead on Amazon here.

Stand-up Steamer. I think people thought I was crazy when I told them I was getting our daughter a stand-up steamer to take to college with her, but it is one thing that definitely got used…and it’s so much easier than ironing! Our daughter participated in sorority recruitment as soon as she arrived at school, so I knew she would need to steam out her dresses before she wore them. We couldn’t have her showing up all wrinkled! She tells me she has used it countless times throughout the year for steaming formal dresses, cocktail dresses, and anything else that was overly wrinkled. We opted for the a Rowenta model. You can see it and purchase it on Amazon here.

Bankers Box Smooth Move Wardrobe Boxes. These stand-up boxes are more for the move-in, but they were big helps with our daughter’s hanging garments. They have a bar across the top on which to hang the clothes, and they hold a lot of clothes. We only used one, and our daughter took a lot of clothes with her. When we arrived in the dorm, we simply lifted the hangers off the bar and moved them straight to the closet bar…super easy. For about $32, we got three bankers boxes. We gave one to a friend who was going off to college too, and saved the third one…might use it for move-out. You can purchase here.

Swiffer Sweeper 2-in-1 Mop. I don’t know how often this item has been used, but you will want to run it through the room before you set everything up. I hope our daughter and her roommate have used theirs, but if they haven’t, I’ll have a new-ish Swiffer when I bring her home! Just get it. It will make you feel better knowing your child can mop the floor if he/she chooses or needs to! Get it from Amazon here.

Velvet Hangers. I know how easy it is for a college student on the go to grab a shirt and just snatch it off the hanger on the way to class. Hangers go flying, and other items fall to the bottom of the closet. That doesn’t happen with velvet hangers. They have added a lot of organization to my own closet. I purchase Zober non-slip Velvet Hangers in Ivory. Just trust me on this one. Shirts don’t get horns in the shoulders. Dresses hang nicely and don’t fall off the hanger and into the floor. Get them at Amazon here. You’ll think you won’t need many, but start with 200.

And I’m going to repeat some move-in essentials from a piece I wrote recently:

Hulken Bag. I ordered two. My daughter has one at college, and I have one at home, but I will take mine down with me when we move her out. They simply make moving lots of items easier. We got large ones. Get them here.

Moving Bags. These are similar to the Ikea moving bags, but I ordered from Amazon, because I thought these were a little bigger and sturdier. They worked great for move-in, and I expect them to work great for move-out too! Get them here. (Keep in mind: these sell out during summer, as families stock up on them, so get yours early.)

Collapsible Wagon. We got one of these for our daughter when she was returning to college after the holidays. It was an easy way for her to get everything from the parking garage to her room. Get it here.

Versacart. This is one my aunt told me about, and it’s awesome! She calls it her “old lady cart,” but it does the job! She uses it to bring in groceries or any packages from her car. Get it here.

Stick with me, moms of future college students, and I’ll provide you with all sorts of helpful ideas over the next few months. Start shopping now! And please use my links above to purchase! *I may be compensated for some of the items I suggest, but I wouldn’t suggest them if I didn’t believe in them!

***Featured photo from sleepyheadusa.com

First College Parents’ Weekend in the Books

First college parents’ weekend in the books.

My husband and I got home last night after a whirlwind Parents’ Weekend with our freshman daughter at my college alma mater. Whew! We were exhausted when we got home, but we remarked several times that it was totally worth it to get to meet all her college friends and their parents…all in one place. At her university, there is a parents’ weekend in the fall, during football season, for all parents of children at the university, and in the spring, sororities and fraternities have their own parents’ weekends…usually spread out over February and March. We didn’t go to the all-school parents’ weekend. It’s just way too crowded, and I feel like it would be a little like going to Target on a Saturday, meaning all those people who aren’t normally there don’t know their way around and just create chaos for those of us who do know our way around! Therefore, we just did the sorority parents’ weekend. I have friends whose sons and daughters are in different fraternities and sororities, so I had heard how awesome these events are, but this weekend, my husband and I got to experience it for ourselves.

We were a little tired going into the weekend, because we scheduled poorly. We arrived home from a Bahamas vacation late Thursday night and had to get up Friday morning to go to Tuscaloosa. We opted to drive there this time, because we had some things to take with us. It’s not a short drive…about seven hours…but we loaded up the car and took off, caffeine in hand.

Honestly, I don’t remember even having a parents’ weekend when I was in school! Maybe we had it? It seems like we had something like a parents’ brunch, but I don’t think it was like the parents’ weekends they host these days. I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t remember correctly. I can tell you this: it’s certainly a big deal now. There were activities all weekend! Parties, parties, and more parties! We loved it, and we are grateful for the opportunity to get to know lots of people in our daughter’s life…and have lots of fun too! Sororities at Alabama have over 400 members each, so imagine how big these parties were! If 400 girls attend and bring two parents (some bring one, and some bring step parents), you’re looking at potentially 1200 people or more! It’s insane, but it was well-organized.

Mostly, it was fun to see our daughter in her element. She is a freshman, so this was our first sorority parents’ weekend experience. The best part of the whole thing was seeing how happy she is and how much she loves her friends. I watched her talking and laughing with her friends and thought, “Some of these girls will be her friends forever.” I know that, because I still have lots of my friends from my sorority days 30+ years ago. Yes, we actually stay in touch. We actually get together. We talk on the phone and follow each other on social media.

A couple of years ago, we were having drinks out on the patio with our next door neighbors, whose daughter went to the University of Alabama too. Our daughter was out there with us, and we were wondering aloud where she would go to college. I threw out some of my favorite college memories, and our neighbor talked about what a great time her daughter, Payton, had at Alabama. In fact, at one point, she exclaimed, “Payton’s four years at Alabama were the best four years of my life!” We all laughed, because when she started the statement, we expected her to say they were the best four years of Payton’s life, but she even enjoyed it as a mom!

After being there this weekend, I see why, and I feel sure that, if all goes according to plan, our daughter will enjoy her college years as much as, or even more than, I did. It’s hard to believe anyone could enjoy it more than I did. I often say I have had three childhoods: my real childhood, my college years, and my daughter’s childhood (because I got to relive all those joyous, fun moments). I took full advantage of the fun, no doubt. I certainly hope she makes as many wonderful, hilarious memories as I did in the 1980s!

If you haven’t experienced parents’ weekend with your child at college, I hope you will go into it knowing it can be an absolutely enriching experience, and you are likely to make some fun memories. Is there anything more heartwarming and fulfilling than seeing your child happy and loved? That’s what we felt this past weekend. We felt the love and happiness she is experiencing, and we came home happy (and exhausted).

Parents of Future College Students

Parents of future college students.

Let me start by telling you I am not a professional anything. I’m not a psychologist or an educational counselor or anything like that. However, I am a mom of a college freshman. If you have a high school senior who is planning to attend college next year, I have some tips for you. Take them or leave them. Everybody does their own thing, but these are based on experience and observations.

-Join the Facebook parents’ page of your son or daughter’s future college or university as soon as you know where he/she is going.

-If you choose to post on said page, be careful what you post. Always remember your name can be linked back to your child, and you don’t want them to start college having to live down “where can little Johnny meet a girlfriend?”

-In fact, also on said page, resist the urge to post snarky replies to stupid questions. The stupid questions will be plentiful, but just resist the urge. Call your friends and laugh about it instead.

-Let your future college student handle the logistics of registering for everything. You don’t need to do it for him/her. Let them register for orientation, if necessary. It’s OK to remind them. It’s even OK to scan the parent page for info or recommendations, but let your student do it! Same with picking classes…make recommendations, but don’t make their schedule for them. Let them learn how to do it! When I went to college, my parents wrote the checks. That’s it. I tried to do my daughter the same favor…the favor of letting her figure it out. And yes, I keep sending the money.

-Little Jane doesn’t need your help finding a roommate. She can do it.

-Since I mentioned roommates, I have to say this: if your child is going away to college and has the option of living off campus freshman year, resist that urge. Freshmen need to live on campus. It’s how they make friends…almost immediately. I don’t care if Little Janie has never had to share a room or bathroom before. My daughter is an only child and has always had her own room and bathroom, but she lives in a traditional dorm and shares a bathroom with her roommate. She absolutely loves dorm life, because she has made lots of friends. I saw a post on the parent page just yesterday that said, “My freshman daughter who lives off campus has had trouble making friends.” They need to feel like a part of the college community. They also need to learn to share space with other people. Off-campus living is a big mistake freshman year.

-Plan ahead to decorate dorm rooms for girls, but don’t overdo it. It’s claustrophobic when you put too much stuff in a dorm room. And remember: whatever you take in there, you will eventually have to bring out.

-Once they get there, they might have bouts of homesickness or sadness. It’s normal. Don’t go pick them up and bring them home. Be positive. I remember my daughter calling me soon after class started. She was sad. I was on vacation, but I sat down and said very positive things to her…in a calm, soothing tone. Three hours and a new friend later, she called to tell me how happy she was!

-Know you will say the wrong things to them sometimes. If it’s your first child going to college, you are on a learning curve too.

This is all I have for right now. I’m empty-nesting on a beach today, but I’m sure I will think of more in the months leading up to move-in day. I get lots of fodder from the parents’ page on Facebook!

Parenting College Students After Idaho Tragedy

Parenting colleges students after Idaho tragedy.

Before my daughter left for college in August, I gave her a Birdie personal alarm. It hangs on her keychain, and we have even practiced using it. If she feels threatened, she can separate the alarm box from her keychain, and it sets off a high-pitched, loud audible alarm and blinking strobe. It’s tiny but mighty. (You can purchase one from Amazon here.) It helps us both have a little peace of mind, but we also know she has to take lots of other measures to stay safe in the world. Haven’t we always worried about the safety of our kids in college? But now, with the murders of four college students in one house in Moscow, Idaho, I’m more concerned than ever, even though they have a suspect in custody.

I graduated from the same southern state university our daughter is attending…way back in 1989. Things were different then. We didn’t have cell phones. The university was less than half the size it is now, and there were dark areas in the parking lots. Sometimes, if I drove home from somewhere late at night alone, I would park across the street, in a two-hour parking spot, because it was safer. And often, in the morning, I would find multiple parking tickets on my windshield. I looked at it as the price to pay for safety. My dad was angry the first time he received notice that I had accumulated city parking tickets. When he asked, I told him I would pay them that day. At first, he started to talk sternly with me about the cost of the tickets, but I stopped him when I said, “Would you rather I park in the rape zone?” No, there wasn’t an area actually called the “rape zone.” It was just what I called dark, scary parking lots. And you know what his answer to that question was? “Absolutely not. You park wherever you need to park to feel safe.”

The world can be a scary, dangerous place, and hopefully, our college students realize that. The good news about that realization? If you realize it, then you can take precautions to decrease the possibility of your becoming a victim…like not parking in the rape zone.

The brutal murders of four college students in Moscow, Idaho, in November was a horrible crime, and while it likely frightened every student at that university, I can safely say it scared college students and their parents everywhere. My daughter, a college freshman, called me after hearing about it, asking, “Should I be afraid?” I explained to her that she should be cautious, but she should be cautious all the time. I’m the mother who always reminds her to be aware of where the exits are no matter where she goes…a movie theater, a bar, a hotel room…anywhere. It’s a practice I learned years ago when I was a flight attendant…always know a way out. Also, always be aware of your surroundings. Pay attention to the faces around you; are some of them appearing too often in different places? There are so many things I have told my daughter over the years. I hope and pray she has listened.

But back to her question, “Should I be afraid?” Maybe “afraid” isn’t the right word. I told her to be extra cautious. I told her to take extra safety measures she should be taking in everyday life anyway. I remember Ted Bundy in the 1970s. He was in Washington state, then Utah, then all the way down in Florida. It’s a big country, but it’s pretty easy to move around in it unnoticed. Could the Idaho murderer have found his way to North Carolina? Georgia? Florida? Alabama? You bet he could have. Fortunately, they have arrested a suspect that the authorities feel pretty strongly is the murderer. Does it make us all feel a little safer? Yes, but there are lots of evil people out there in the world, and they’re not easy to identify. If I had seen Bryan Kohberger, the suspect in the Idaho murders, in a store or restaurant, would I have thought he looked scary or capable of brutally murdering four people? Probably not. He doesn’t look particularly strong to me. He doesn’t even look evil to me, but if he committed the murders, he is definitely evil.

That’s what that crime made us all realize. We can’t always recognize evil when we see it, but we can take measures to avoid it. I’m guessing college parents all over the country have been reminding their children of that very fact before sending them back for this upcoming semester. My parents used to tell me ways to stay safe. It’s always on my mind. My daughter now understands why I want her to text me a secret symbol when she gets in to her dorm (or a safe friend’s house) at night. Just sending me “I’m home” isn’t good enough. Anyone could text that from her phone, but not just anyone knows our secret symbol. When I see that symbol late at night, I sleep more soundly. Does she always remember to do it? No. In fact, last night was her first night back at school, and I didn’t get the symbol after she went out. Thankfully, I slept through the night.

Have the Idaho murders changed college students’ approach to safety? I hope so. My daughter and I discussed safety again before she went back to college yesterday for her second semester. I hope college students everywhere know they can’t share their door codes with other people. A secret isn’t a secret if more than one person knows it. Right? If you’re sending your child off to college for the next semester soon, remind them to be cautious. Remind them to walk with friends. Remind them to look out for each other. Remind them to always lock doors. Remind them to park in safe areas. Remind them to be cautious. Remind them that it’s OK to call the police if they are concerned about something or someone.

Tell them you love them every time you text or talk, and hug them every time you see them.