Tag / friends

by Kelly Mattei

You Are Not Going to College with Your Child

You are not going to college with your child.

Why am I saying that? Well, because it seems lots of parents think they need to be involved with their child’s college experience. I’m here to tell you: you do not need to know anything, Mom. Even if you went to your child’s orientation session (or plan to attend), you don’t need to remember the information. College is your child’s job. It’s not your job. If you keep assisting your child with everything he/she needs to do/know, your child will never learn to do it on his/her own. Stick with me, and at the end of this piece, I will tell you what you can do to make your child’s transition to college more successful.

I think parents became more “helicopterish” with their college students when colleges and universities started offering orientation sessions for parents. No, just no. It makes me sick. I have said before that I went with my daughter two years ago, but I only went because it seemed everyone else was going, and I didn’t want her to feel like an orphan! I skipped out at lunch on the first day and never looked back. I simply couldn’t take it. It made me crazy that parents were asking questions kids should have been asking for themselves. If I had a second child, he/she would be going it alone, and I would feel great about it. You know why? Well, I truly believe those parent sessions are simply babysitting sessions to keep parents busy after they have traveled there. It wasn’t terrible, but I did not need to know the information they were putting out there. Where to park? I don’t care. Where to eat? I don’t care. I have already graduated from college…way back in the 1980s…and I figured it all out myself.

In 1985, my parents didn’t go to orientation with me! No way! I drove myself two hours to the university, found the dorm without a navigation system in my car, learned what I needed to know, made my schedule, and drove myself home…alone. In fact, I don’t recall seeing one parent at orientation at The University of Alabama in 1985!

And while I’m at it, allow me to also remind you that you don’t need to make your child’s academic schedule. Again, he/she needs to learn how to do it on his/her own. I see parents on the parent pages regularly talking about helping their kids make their schedules. What??? I don’t even know what classes my daughter is taking! And my parents never knew what classes I was taking!

Take a deep breath, Mom. Your child can navigate college without you. If you don’t believe that, maybe your child shouldn’t be going too far from home. Mine goes to a school 450 miles away, and it’s the greatest thing I ever did for her…letting her do college on her own. She takes care of herself and handles everything on her own, and we don’t waste our time talking about school. We talk about life and fun things, instead!

So, how can you help your child with the transition to college? I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I am a mom, so I know a little bit. Here’s what you can do:

  • Help them prepare to outfit their dorm room. Gather what they need, and purchase what you don’t have. (Amazon Prime Days are coming up in mid-July, and there will be lots of dorm stuff on sale…a great time to get good prices! Come back to my site to get information on some special deals!)
  • Answer the phone when they call you…anytime, day or night. That first semester can be difficult, so they might need a sounding board. Be there for them. Be supportive. Be positive and encouraging.
  • Make sure they know what to do in emergency situations.
  • Provide whatever they need.
  • Most of all:

Let your little birdie fly! It might not be easy, but it’s important! They can do this! And you can too!

by Kelly Mattei

Poison Ivy

Poison Ivy.

A few weeks ago, I was in Miami with my husband. We sat outside on the lanai one evening, and before I realized it, the mosquitoes had feasted on my feet and legs. Mosquitoes love me. I’m one of those people.

The next day, my husband caught me singing a song as I walked around. He stopped me and asked, “What are you singing?!?” I said, “Poison Ivy by The Coasters.” He had never heard it, and if you’re under 65 (maybe 70), chances are, you haven’t ever heard it either. I explained to him that, when I was in college, I went to a fraternity cocktail party where they had an old band called The Coasters playing. They sang some songs you might know like Charlie Brown and Yakkity Yak, and they also sang Poison Ivy. But why was I singing Poison Ivy on that day in Miami? I was singing it, because of the mosquito bites on my feet and legs. There’s a line in the song that says, “It’s gonna take an ocean…of calamine lotion…” I was thinking of how I needed some calamine lotion for my mosquito bites, and that made the song pop into my head.

And that’s when my husband told me he had never heard the song. Being the good wife I am, I had to play it for him, so I found it in Apple Music on my phone, cranked up the volume, and danced around the condo while playing Poison Ivy for him. Much to my surprise, he loved it! I still cannot believe he had never heard it, but he says it’s true. We laughed and sang that song for the rest of the trip. Anytime he could catch me off guard and wanted to make me laugh, he would suddenly play that song on his phone.

To see The Coasters play Poison Ivy, click here.

Fast forward a few weeks to last Friday night. One of my dearest friends of all time lives in Florida. She has two grown children, one of whom is a young man who recently graduated from Florida State University. He and two friends were driving from Florida to Maine, where they will be working at a summer camp, and they stayed at our house Friday night. We all laughed and talked while enjoying cocktails, and at some point, my husband played Poison Ivy on his phone. He was trying to make me laugh, and he was successful. I then explained all the background on the story to our young friends, and we all listened to the song together. Yes, alcohol was involved, but that song sort of became the theme of the evening.

They left early the next morning on a six-day drive to Maine, with stops in New Jersey, New York, Boston, and more…quite an adventure! Several times during their travels, I have received texts from my friend’s son. One text, on Monday, was simply a photo of the radio screen in their car with a short message that said, “We’re still listening!” It showed they were listening to Poison Ivy by The Coasters. I replied, “OMG! Maybe y’all can perform some Coasters tunes at the camp talent show!” Wednesday (yesterday), I received a text in which he said, “We were with [the girl traveler’s] great aunt, and she was delighted to hear that we wanted to play Poison Ivy in the car.” I replied with laughing face emojis and said, “I’m dead!” And then, today, I texted to them, “My husband is playing Poison Ivy right now. When it tops the charts again, we are going to take all the credit!” His response? “We already made a pact for it to be one of our most played songs at camp. We’re gonna put everybody on it!”

It’s a catchy tune, my friends. Once you listen to it, it is forever embedded in your brain! Until recently, it conjured up fun memories from college, but now, it also conjures up great memories of Miami with my husband and a fun evening with our guests! I’m thinking it’s going to hit the Top 40 within a few months, simply because we revived it!

by Kelly Mattei

Halfway Through Sophomore Year

Halfway through sophomore year…

Our daughter just returned to college after being home for a few weeks for the holiday break. We loved having her, and I think she enjoyed being here, for the most part, but she was more than ready to get back to school. I could tell she was getting fidgety about being here too long.

And you know what? As much as I miss her, I am thrilled she wanted to get back to school.

We were fortunate to have a fun night last night. Somehow, the three of us ending up sitting in the keeping room off the kitchen with all three of our dogs, laughing and talking about anything that came to mind. I don’t know how long we laughed and talked, but it was a great way to end the break…on a very positive note. That’s not to say we didn’t get on each other’s nerves here and there while she was home. Of course, we got on each other’s nerves a few times. My mother used to say, “No house is big enough for two women.” My mother was a wise woman, but since our daughter is still our baby, our house is still big enough for all of us. While we annoyed each other a few times, the holiday break was full of positives for our little family. Ending it with an impromptu family. night was perfect.

Today, she drove the 450 miles back to school, and a friend rode with her. I will admit that I checked on them several times, and they even called me to ask some questions about the route. Each time my phone rang, I answered with, “Is everything OK?!?” I got questions like, “What’s a safe place to stop for a bathroom break?” I told them to pay attention to the signs and don’t take the exit if the signage isn’t good. Some generally safe places to stop are Chick-fil-a and even Starbucks, but if they don’t feel safe, don’t stop. Another question? “Should I go straight through Atlanta or get on the bypass?” I told her to just go straight through, and it worked out perfectly. She was on the other side of town in no time. Fortunately, her car gets pretty good gas mileage, so they were able to drive the whole 450 miles without filling up. That’s a big relief, because I don’t need to worry about her standing outside the car, filling it up with gas…and being a sitting duck.

We probably won’t see her for about two months, when we visit for Parents’ Weekend, and that’s OK. If she needs us, we can get there pretty quickly, but we just want her to be happy. She is already making plans to attend some basketball games and gymnastics meets this week, so good times are ahead for her! They’re ahead for me too, as I have a trip with a friend coming up this weekend!

If you have a freshman who is returning to college right now, one thing I can tell you is that, for me, it did get easier to send her back this year. She is established at her school and has friends. She is happy with her living arrangement. She is doing well in school, and she is making lots of fun plans. Did I get a little emotional yesterday? Yes. I was in a mood, but then I realized I was simply dreading her departure, and once I gave into it, I felt better. A few tears later, I felt better.

Before I know it, her sophomore year will be over, and she will be halfway through her bachelor’s degree requirements! Time flies, and I’m just happy she’s having fun!

by Kelly Mattei

Come On Over!

Come on over!

A friend just posted on Facebook that she is happy to be back in her home after living in a hotel for 333 days. Yes,…333 days! A pipe burst on an upper floor in their home on Christmas Day 2022, and they lost most of what they had. In her post, she seemed truly grateful to be spending time in her home again…so grateful, in fact, that they had Thanksgiving on a folding card table using dishes from Dollar Tree. She was determined to have Thanksgiving in her own home, and she did. She also added a reminder to invite people over…telling friends to do it now. Don’t wait until everything is perfect in your home, because it will never be perfect. Have friends and family over now.

I’m sure she has no idea how much I appreciated her words of wisdom. Often, I get lazy or simply forget to invite friends, neighbors, and family over, but I’m going to change that. What am I waiting for? My friend’s “entertain now” theory goes right along with “wear the shiny shoes now,” which I do. Or “use the silver now,” which I also do more often after dining at a friend’s house; she told me she uses hers all the time. Really…what is the point in having something if we don’t use it? If we keep waiting for the perfect time, we will never use it!

Because of my friend’s post, I am planning to invite my friends over more often in 2024. I will invite them for cocktails or lunch or dinner or brunch. I will invite them for coffee or football games or even baseball or basketball games. Can I guarantee I will always serve the best food? No. We might have charcuterie, or we might have steaks. Maybe we will have whatever is in the refrigerator/pantry! Can I guarantee we will have the best wine? No. I can’t even guarantee it will be fun, but it’s likely to be fun, and we are likely to have good conversation. Just know in advance, though, that I might be wearing my shiny shoes and using the real silver…or I might be wearing sweats and using Christmas plates in July…one never knows with me!

If I invite you over in 2024, just know you don’t have to be dressed up. Just come hang out with us. Come laugh with us. And if I don’t invite you? Well, send me a text and invite yourself! We don’t even need to have an occasion. In college, we had a party called “No Occasion Tuesday,” just because. At 56, I look back and think “no occasion” is the perfect reason to get together with friends.

I hope to see lots of friends at our house in 2024!

by Kelly Mattei

Moms After Christmas Day (again!)

Moms after Christmas Day (again!).

Two years ago, I wrote a piece the day after Christmas titled Moms After Christmas Day. You can see it here. It’s recognition of all the extra work moms do during the holidays…the list-making, the shopping, the wrapping, the cooking, the baking, the scheduling…and that’s in addition to our regular roles! Lots of moms even take on extra part-time jobs just to make Christmas happen for their families. And no matter how old our children get, moms still want the holidays to feel special.

My husband and I have one daughter. She’s 20 now and a sophomore in college, so Christmas at our house looks a lot different than it did 15 years ago. It’s still fun, but it’s fun in a different way. And you know what? There’s still a lot of preparation that goes into it. As the mom of the house, I still do all the preparation. I’m fortunate to have a sweet husband who will help me upon request, but truthfully, the ultimate responsibility of the holiday is mine. I orchestrate everything. I purchase everything. I wrap everything. I cook everything. I even play bartender! Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy every minute of it. I really do. I finally feel like I have everything planned out in advance now, so I don’t end up dropping the ball on anything. I wrap the gifts as I purchase them, and I love wrapping and making bows…it gets me into the spirit of the holiday. And the meal prep? Well, I even got that right this year! In fact, this year, the timing of the meal even worked out perfectly! We weren’t waiting for biscuits to finish baking. We weren’t waiting for any particular dish to be ready. Somehow, I managed to make it happen on time! And after the meal? I directed the cleanup efforts…and the whole family participated! One cleared the table. One loaded the dishwasher. One put away everything else.

And today? The day after Christmas? I have rested. It’s raining, so I have the perfect excuse to stay in my pajamas. In fact, right now, it’s 3:40pm, and I am still in my pajamas. Am I embarrassed about that? Not one bit. In fact, I’m a little bit proud that I have been lazy after being so busy for the holidays. In fact, it’s my gift to myself. I have watched a little television. I have talked on the phone. Well, I have done two loads of laundry, but that’s all the work I have done…and frankly, because I enjoy doing laundry, it’s not really work at all. There aren’t many household chores I enjoy, but I do enjoy doing laundry…including ironing or steaming. Just don’t ask me to vacuum.

Our daughter is out and about this afternoon. That’s a lot different than just a few years ago when the new toys were still exciting. I do regret that she didn’t get any toys this year. In fact, she told me a college friend’s mom insists that everyone in the family should get at least one toy every year. I love that! The friend got a pogo stick this year, and I immediately wished I had gotten one for our daughter! She was quite good at pogo back in the day, so it would be fun to see her do it again. So my daughter and I have made a pact that all of us will get at least one toy next year. We will see what we come up with!

Today has been a lazy day, but tomorrow, I will hit the ground running. There are more things to prepare for before the New Year’s celebration, including a big party on the 30th, so there won’t be any laziness tomorrow! Until then, I’ll be searching for the next movie to stream. Or maybe I can watch a few episodes of some favorite old shows? First, though, I’m taking a shower and putting on some real clothes. It’s time.

by Kelly Mattei

Fun Holiday Cocktails for New Year’s Eve

Fun holiday cocktails for New Year’s Eve.

I’m 56 years old. The last thing I want to do for New Year’s Eve is go to a big party with lots of people. Like many people my age, I want to visit with good friends, enjoy a good dinner, and drink a few cocktails before returning home to watch New Year’s Rocking Eve on TV from the safety of my own bedroom. This year, we have a big party to go to on the 30th, so I will be all “partied out” after that. Just give me comfy clothes, good friends, and fun cocktails. I will be happy.

In the past few days, I have looked up recipes for some good, easy cocktails, and I’m sharing them with you now.

  • Sugar Cookie Martini. This is a personal favorite! It tastes like a traditional sugar cookie, but not quite as sweet, and that a good thing, in my opinion. If vanilla vodka is difficult to find, I recommend Pinnacle Whipped Vodka or Pinnacle Cake Vodka…both good substitutes. See the recipe here.
Sugar Cookie Martini photo from Wholefully.com

  • Mistletoe Margarita. I had one of these recently at a friend’s house, and I highly recommend! A little tart like a regular margarita, but with a merrier taste! See the recipe here.
Mistletoe Margarita photo from Delish.com

  • Poinsettia Champagne Cocktail. This is a personal favorite…for the ease, and because I love champagne cocktails. However, I usually substitute Prosecco for the Champagne, simply because of personal preference. For a non-alcoholic version, you can always substitute white sparkling grape juice. See the recipe here.
Poinsettia Champagne Cocktail from thespruceeats.com
  • More cocktails. The ones listed above are my personal faves, but there are lots more out there. I also love Bailey’s on the rocks…super simple, and even soothing! But to see more holiday cocktail ideas, click here. You can get great ideas for cocktails to prepare ahead in a pitcher.

I hope you all plan to enjoy the remainder of the holiday season as much as I do! On Christmas Day, we had some friends over and tried a few of these different cocktails…all were a big hit! And if you want to do something different, maybe try Drunken Cherries! We made batches of them! You’ll need to start them at least 24 hours in advance, but they are super easy, super good…and boozy, so don’t let children have them under any circumstances! See the recipe here. (We used Pinnacle Whipped Vodka and Pinnacle Cake Vodka. We also used melted Andes Mints on some of them for a twist on the flavor!)

Happy Holidays!

Remember, be safe…don’t drink and drive.

by Kelly Mattei

Holiday Gifts for College Students 2023

Holiday Gifts for College Students 2023.

We have a college student in our family, and she’s pretty easy to buy for at holiday season, mostly because she sends me a list of what she wants/needs. If you have a college student on your Christmas list, you can likely make him/her happy with some of the gifts listed below:

  • Jewelry Stand. College students need items to help keep those tiny rooms organized. A jewelry stand that helps organize necklaces, bracelets, and watches? They can all use it! Get it here. It comes in several colors. For rings? Get the hand-shaped ring holder here. It also comes in several colors.

  • Bronax Cloud Slides. College students like easy-to-use, comfy footwear. Fifteen colors! Slip on. Slip off. Get it here.

  • Samsonite Freeform Spinner Carry-on. I have mentioned this one before in another category (Travel Gifts), but every college student needs a good piece of luggage. They take weekend trips. They go home occasionally. Make it easy for them. Voted “Best Overall Spinner Carry-on” by Travel and Leisure Magazine, the Samsonite spinner is durable, nice looking, and inexpensive. It comes in lots of colors, so you can pick one that’s not just like everyone else’s, making it easy to identify in the overhead bin or in the jetway. Get it here.
  • Travel Bag with Trolley Sleeve. Also mentioned in my Travel Gifts piece. Since I listed the spinner luggage, I’m telling you about a companion piece…a travel bag with a trolley sleeve that sits atop the spinner and doesn’t fall, thanks to the sleeve that goes around the handle of the spinner. I have one, and I love it. Get one for less than $30 here, and pick your color out of several.
  • Hatch Restore 2 Alarm Clock. “No more jarring alarms.” That’s how Hatch markets this product that is a sunrise alarm clock. It’s supposed to support circadian rhythms. Sounds awesome to me! Any college student will love it! It also acts as a sound machine and helps lull the recipient to sleep; that’s what it says! The recipient can also sign up for a Hatch membership that offers meditations, sleep stories, and curated wind-down channels, if desired. This special clock is not cheap, but it gets fantastic reviews. Priced at $199. Get it here.

  • Lap Desk. There’s not much space in dorm rooms or college apartments, so a lap desk comes in handy. College students have been using them for decades; I even used one way back when I was in school! Now, they are new and improved, of course. The best I have found is from LapGear, and it’s priced right at under $40. See it here.

  • Portable Safe/Lock Box. College students get lots of visitors in dorms and apartments. If they have valuables they want to keep secure, this portable safe/lockbox can be a great gift! Even if they just want to lock up their cash or jewelry, this is perfect. With the included cable, they can attach it to a fixed object…like the closet hanging bar. It has a combination lock. Purchase here.

  • Lifestraw Products. I am a big believer in Lifestraw Products. They offer a variety of water-filtering products, including water bottles and pitchers that are great for college students. I have one of the water bottles I purchased when I traveled to Panamá earlier this year, and I love it. See all Lifestraw products here. See their latest filtering water bottles here. And if your college student likes to carry a favorite water cup/bottle, you can get them them the Lifestraw filtering water pitcher for filling the favorite cup/bottles here. Highly recommend.

  • Ugg Slippers. In winter, college students want to stay cozy, and dorm/apartment floors can be cold. My daughter loves her Ugg Coquette slippers. In fact, she likely wears them outside the dorm on occasion. See the women’s Coquette slipper here. Men seem to be a little more picky about their slippers. See the Ugg selection of men’s slippers here.

  • Nestl Reading Pillow. This goes hand-in-hand with the lapdesk we posted above. If they’re going to sit in bed to read or study, they’ll need a good reading pillow. This one gets great reviews. Purchase here.

  • Ninja Portable Blender. College students don’t want appliances that take up a lot of space. Their space is limited, so a portable blender is perfect for those days they want to make a smoothie! I hate seeing coffee shop charges on my credit card, so I told our daughter to get recipes for her favorite smoothies or coffee drinks. The Ninja portable blender is great. My husband uses one regularly. Get it here.
  • Portable Speaker. College students like their tunes. My daughter loves her JBL Flip 5 Portable Bluetooth Speaker. She uses it all the time. Priced at about $90, it provides a big bang for the buck. Everyone knows JBL quality is great. Get it here.

  • Board Games. Sounds silly, I know, but college students love distractions, and they especially love distractions that involve their friends. Yes, people still play board games…especially young people. Some of the old greats are still great. Yahtzee? Click here. Operation? Click here. Uno? Click here. Sorry? Click here. Pictionary? Click here. Scattergories (my personal fave)? Click here.

  • Basketball. Basketball hoops are everywhere on and near college campuses. However, if you don’t have a basketball, it’s a little difficult to start a pick-up game. Give the gift of fun and friendship: a basketball. Get it at Amazon here.

  • Bliss Lights Skylite Projector. College students are under a lot of stress, so they love anything that helps them relax. The Bliss Lights Skylite Projector will do just that! Get it at Amazon here.

  • Jonathan Adler Lollipop Holder. It’s gimmicky. It’s silly. However, friends will think it’s hilarious when they visit your college student, and they’ll love knowing they can grab a lollipop any time! We keep our daughter’s stocked with Tootsie Pops. Get it here.

  • Taco Tuesday Essentials. College students living in apartments love to host friends for Taco Tuesday. Amazon has lots of fun stuff just for that! Your college student will be the host with the most! See a great Taco Tuesday set here. It serves four, but you can purchase more pieces at the link.

Hoping you found some great ideas for the college student on your list. We will likely publish another list for college students in the coming weeks, so stay tuned!

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

College Cocktail Dresses, Part 3

College Cocktail Dresses, Part 3.

Here’s the third installment of the series, featuring cocktail dresses for college students. This one features ten dresses of varying lengths, colors, styles, and prices. Let’s go shopping! If you haven’t found anything yet, don’t fret! There will be more coming tomorrow! (I need to watch football today.)

  • L’Idee Gala Mini. Want a different color? Try this dress in Sunset! Regularly priced at $350, this one is on sale for $123! Very popular style. See it here.
  • Show Me Your Mumu Jasmine Dress. A popular halter-style dress that comes in lots of colors and is priced under $150. See yellow and pink here. See it in black here. Ivory here. And a lovely bellini color here.
  • NBD Lila Gown. This full-length dress also comes in several colors. See it in champagne ($122) here. Mauve pink ($194) here. Or navy ($228) here.
  • Blaine Mini Dress. This one is a steal at $30! Long sleeves, ruching, mini. Get it in red or teal here. Great for fall or holiday!
  • Montrose Mini. This one is offered in glorious purple or pink. At $111, you almost have to get it. See it here. I could totally see my daughter in the purple.
  • Kerrie Deep V Mini. Priced at just $70, this dress comes in pink or green. Super cute! See it here.
  • Joyce Mini Dress. This cheetah print, long sleeve number is on final sale for $42 (orig $168) at Revolve. See it here.
  • Amelia Gown. This black, full-length gown is beautiful and on sale for $153! See it here.
  • Old Money Gown. With a plunging neckline and tiered skirt, this black gown is simply gorgeous. Originally $325, it’s on sale now for $195. Purchase here.
  • Lovers and Friends Lazo Gown. This one is on sale for $188. It’s red, and it’s dramatic. Purchase here.

Happy Shopping! Come back tomorrow for more suggestions!

by Kelly Mattei

Back Pain? Foot Pain? Leg Pain? OOFOS!

Back pain? Foot pain? Leg pain? OOFOS!

This summer, I learned about chronic pain. When I say I learned about it, I mean I experienced it, and that’s how I learned. I mentioned in The Only Pain I Want in My Life is…Champagne, which you can read here. I wrote that piece when I was less that a month into the excruciating pain of sciatica. At the time, I had no idea how long it would last.

Now it’s September, and while the pain is mostly gone (FINALLY!), I still have intermittent pain. It’s not severe, and it’s not constant, thank God, but I feel it sometimes. And yes, I’m still praying about it every day. I thank God every day that it’s better, and I pray every day asking Him to help me get well. I’ve done everything I can think of to help myself with it. I’ve seen multiple doctors. I’ve walked. I’ve done physical therapy. I’ve stretched. I’ve done new exercises as directed by the physical therapists. I’ve taken steroids. I’ve iced my back and heated it. I’ve used a TENS machine. I’ve used lidocaine patches and creams. I’ve worn sneakers instead of heels or sandals with every outfit since May. Seriously, I’ve done everything I can think to do.

And on my neighbors recommendation, I purchased some OOFOS recovery flip-flops. She said she had suffered from sciatica and plantar fasciitis, and the OOFOS helped, so I got some to wear around the house. Going barefoot hurts my back and feet, and after wearing sneakers at home all the time, I finally tried the OOFOS.

I have thanked my neighbor many times since.

I have thanked her and thanked her. I will be traveling to a sunny destination next week, and I will be especially thankful for my OOFOS there. All I can say is buy them if you experience back, leg, or foot pain. Try them. They might offer you some relief. If you’re hurting badly enough, you’re likely willing to try them. No, they’re not the cute, but they’re awesome. To purchase from the OOFOS store on Amazon and take advantage of Prime benefits, click here. You can see their various lines and choose for yourself. I choose the thong-style, but they also make slides, clogs, and even sneakers.

Hoping you have happy feet (and back and legs) soon!

by Kelly Mattei

When Sorority Rush is Over

When Sorority Rush is over.

When sorority rush starts, for the potential new members, it seems as though the week will never end. It’s a week of great fun for some and a week of misery for others…and some fall in between. If your daughter is participating in recruitment, here is something you should know: it will end, and it will be emotional.

No matter how it ends, it’s an emotional time…an emotional rollercoaster. They might be overjoyed. The excitement might be overwhelming! They might be sad. They might even be angry or embarrassed. But emotions definitely run high. Here’s something no one warned me about:

A couple of days after rush is over, almost everyone falls flat.

Last year, my daughter completed recruitment and pledged her favorite house as a freshman. She was thrilled. She was excited. For about two days, it was all she could talk about. And then, about 48 hours after pledging, she called me crying. No, she wasn’t disappointed with her choice. She was thrilled. She was simply feeling down in the dumps. At first, I wondered if it was homesickness, but then I realized it wasn’t that at all…she was simply having a “post-rush letdown.” That’s what I call it anyway. After being “courted” by sorority members during the recruitment process and all the excitement of Bid Day, everything else seems flat. If you’re mentally prepared for it, you know what it is, and you know what to do to fight the “blues.”

I wasn’t prepared for it last year. I’m normally really good about remembering my youth, but I had forgotten about the post-rush letdown, so when my daughter called, I was surprised for a minute…until I remembered. I listened to her tearfully tell me she was sad but didn’t know why. Then, I explained to her what was happening. I told her that what she was feeling was normal, because it is. That level of excitement and happiness she had during rush and on Bid Day simply can’t be sustained. She was bound to crash at some point. I told her to go for a walk in the sunshine. Sunshine helps. I also told her to find one of her new friends and invite her to go with her. Then, I suggested she go to her new sorority house and try to meet new friends. Maybe get some exercise with some of those new friends?

A couple of hours later, she called me sounding like her old self. In fact, she went so far as to cheerfully say, “I love it here!” I knew she had turned the corner, and it was a good thing, because I was on vacation in the Bahamas having a great time!

This year, she participated in rush as a member of a sorority. She was rushing new members all week. She was feeling the excitement again! And on Bid Day, she welcomed the girls she had worked so hard to recruit. She was absolutely thrilled! Fast forward 48 hours, and I received a call. “Mom, I don’t know why, but I’m feeling sad.” This time I knew the answer, “Oh, honey, you’re having post-rush letdown! Remember last year? Remember how 48 hours after it was over you had a little bout of sadness? It’s the same thing! The excitement is over and reality is setting in.” I suggested she get some exercise. Two hours later, she called me laughing and telling me a funny story about something that had happened. She had made it through the post-rush letdown again. I just hadn’t expected her to have the same feeling as a member, but she did, and next year, I will be ready to remind her that it’s going to happen.

Why am I telling you this? Moms, I want y’all to be prepared. And I want you to know that the post-rush letdown is a totally normal thing. That sad feeling will likely pass quickly if your daughter will get some exercise and make an effort to make some more new friends. It’s a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but just know the sadness will go away with some good coaching from Mom! Stay positive, Mom!

You got this!