Tag / friends

by Kelly Mattei

Fun Holiday Cocktails for New Year’s Eve

Fun holiday cocktails for New Year’s Eve.

I’m 56 years old. The last thing I want to do for New Year’s Eve is go to a big party with lots of people. Like many people my age, I want to visit with good friends, enjoy a good dinner, and drink a few cocktails before returning home to watch New Year’s Rocking Eve on TV from the safety of my own bedroom. This year, we have a big party to go to on the 30th, so I will be all “partied out” after that. Just give me comfy clothes, good friends, and fun cocktails. I will be happy.

In the past few days, I have looked up recipes for some good, easy cocktails, and I’m sharing them with you now.

  • Sugar Cookie Martini. This is a personal favorite! It tastes like a traditional sugar cookie, but not quite as sweet, and that a good thing, in my opinion. If vanilla vodka is difficult to find, I recommend Pinnacle Whipped Vodka or Pinnacle Cake Vodka…both good substitutes. See the recipe here.
Sugar Cookie Martini photo from Wholefully.com

  • Mistletoe Margarita. I had one of these recently at a friend’s house, and I highly recommend! A little tart like a regular margarita, but with a merrier taste! See the recipe here.
Mistletoe Margarita photo from Delish.com

  • Poinsettia Champagne Cocktail. This is a personal favorite…for the ease, and because I love champagne cocktails. However, I usually substitute Prosecco for the Champagne, simply because of personal preference. For a non-alcoholic version, you can always substitute white sparkling grape juice. See the recipe here.
Poinsettia Champagne Cocktail from thespruceeats.com
  • More cocktails. The ones listed above are my personal faves, but there are lots more out there. I also love Bailey’s on the rocks…super simple, and even soothing! But to see more holiday cocktail ideas, click here. You can get great ideas for cocktails to prepare ahead in a pitcher.

I hope you all plan to enjoy the remainder of the holiday season as much as I do! On Christmas Day, we had some friends over and tried a few of these different cocktails…all were a big hit! And if you want to do something different, maybe try Drunken Cherries! We made batches of them! You’ll need to start them at least 24 hours in advance, but they are super easy, super good…and boozy, so don’t let children have them under any circumstances! See the recipe here. (We used Pinnacle Whipped Vodka and Pinnacle Cake Vodka. We also used melted Andes Mints on some of them for a twist on the flavor!)

Happy Holidays!

Remember, be safe…don’t drink and drive.

by Kelly Mattei

Holiday Gifts for College Students 2023

Holiday Gifts for College Students 2023.

We have a college student in our family, and she’s pretty easy to buy for at holiday season, mostly because she sends me a list of what she wants/needs. If you have a college student on your Christmas list, you can likely make him/her happy with some of the gifts listed below:

  • Jewelry Stand. College students need items to help keep those tiny rooms organized. A jewelry stand that helps organize necklaces, bracelets, and watches? They can all use it! Get it here. It comes in several colors. For rings? Get the hand-shaped ring holder here. It also comes in several colors.

  • Bronax Cloud Slides. College students like easy-to-use, comfy footwear. Fifteen colors! Slip on. Slip off. Get it here.

  • Samsonite Freeform Spinner Carry-on. I have mentioned this one before in another category (Travel Gifts), but every college student needs a good piece of luggage. They take weekend trips. They go home occasionally. Make it easy for them. Voted “Best Overall Spinner Carry-on” by Travel and Leisure Magazine, the Samsonite spinner is durable, nice looking, and inexpensive. It comes in lots of colors, so you can pick one that’s not just like everyone else’s, making it easy to identify in the overhead bin or in the jetway. Get it here.
  • Travel Bag with Trolley Sleeve. Also mentioned in my Travel Gifts piece. Since I listed the spinner luggage, I’m telling you about a companion piece…a travel bag with a trolley sleeve that sits atop the spinner and doesn’t fall, thanks to the sleeve that goes around the handle of the spinner. I have one, and I love it. Get one for less than $30 here, and pick your color out of several.
  • Hatch Restore 2 Alarm Clock. “No more jarring alarms.” That’s how Hatch markets this product that is a sunrise alarm clock. It’s supposed to support circadian rhythms. Sounds awesome to me! Any college student will love it! It also acts as a sound machine and helps lull the recipient to sleep; that’s what it says! The recipient can also sign up for a Hatch membership that offers meditations, sleep stories, and curated wind-down channels, if desired. This special clock is not cheap, but it gets fantastic reviews. Priced at $199. Get it here.

  • Lap Desk. There’s not much space in dorm rooms or college apartments, so a lap desk comes in handy. College students have been using them for decades; I even used one way back when I was in school! Now, they are new and improved, of course. The best I have found is from LapGear, and it’s priced right at under $40. See it here.

  • Portable Safe/Lock Box. College students get lots of visitors in dorms and apartments. If they have valuables they want to keep secure, this portable safe/lockbox can be a great gift! Even if they just want to lock up their cash or jewelry, this is perfect. With the included cable, they can attach it to a fixed object…like the closet hanging bar. It has a combination lock. Purchase here.

  • Lifestraw Products. I am a big believer in Lifestraw Products. They offer a variety of water-filtering products, including water bottles and pitchers that are great for college students. I have one of the water bottles I purchased when I traveled to Panamá earlier this year, and I love it. See all Lifestraw products here. See their latest filtering water bottles here. And if your college student likes to carry a favorite water cup/bottle, you can get them them the Lifestraw filtering water pitcher for filling the favorite cup/bottles here. Highly recommend.

  • Ugg Slippers. In winter, college students want to stay cozy, and dorm/apartment floors can be cold. My daughter loves her Ugg Coquette slippers. In fact, she likely wears them outside the dorm on occasion. See the women’s Coquette slipper here. Men seem to be a little more picky about their slippers. See the Ugg selection of men’s slippers here.

  • Nestl Reading Pillow. This goes hand-in-hand with the lapdesk we posted above. If they’re going to sit in bed to read or study, they’ll need a good reading pillow. This one gets great reviews. Purchase here.

  • Ninja Portable Blender. College students don’t want appliances that take up a lot of space. Their space is limited, so a portable blender is perfect for those days they want to make a smoothie! I hate seeing coffee shop charges on my credit card, so I told our daughter to get recipes for her favorite smoothies or coffee drinks. The Ninja portable blender is great. My husband uses one regularly. Get it here.
  • Portable Speaker. College students like their tunes. My daughter loves her JBL Flip 5 Portable Bluetooth Speaker. She uses it all the time. Priced at about $90, it provides a big bang for the buck. Everyone knows JBL quality is great. Get it here.

  • Board Games. Sounds silly, I know, but college students love distractions, and they especially love distractions that involve their friends. Yes, people still play board games…especially young people. Some of the old greats are still great. Yahtzee? Click here. Operation? Click here. Uno? Click here. Sorry? Click here. Pictionary? Click here. Scattergories (my personal fave)? Click here.

  • Basketball. Basketball hoops are everywhere on and near college campuses. However, if you don’t have a basketball, it’s a little difficult to start a pick-up game. Give the gift of fun and friendship: a basketball. Get it at Amazon here.

  • Bliss Lights Skylite Projector. College students are under a lot of stress, so they love anything that helps them relax. The Bliss Lights Skylite Projector will do just that! Get it at Amazon here.

  • Jonathan Adler Lollipop Holder. It’s gimmicky. It’s silly. However, friends will think it’s hilarious when they visit your college student, and they’ll love knowing they can grab a lollipop any time! We keep our daughter’s stocked with Tootsie Pops. Get it here.

  • Taco Tuesday Essentials. College students living in apartments love to host friends for Taco Tuesday. Amazon has lots of fun stuff just for that! Your college student will be the host with the most! See a great Taco Tuesday set here. It serves four, but you can purchase more pieces at the link.

Hoping you found some great ideas for the college student on your list. We will likely publish another list for college students in the coming weeks, so stay tuned!

Happy Holiday Shopping!

by Kelly Mattei

College Cocktail Dresses, Part 3

College Cocktail Dresses, Part 3.

Here’s the third installment of the series, featuring cocktail dresses for college students. This one features ten dresses of varying lengths, colors, styles, and prices. Let’s go shopping! If you haven’t found anything yet, don’t fret! There will be more coming tomorrow! (I need to watch football today.)

  • L’Idee Gala Mini. Want a different color? Try this dress in Sunset! Regularly priced at $350, this one is on sale for $123! Very popular style. See it here.
  • Show Me Your Mumu Jasmine Dress. A popular halter-style dress that comes in lots of colors and is priced under $150. See yellow and pink here. See it in black here. Ivory here. And a lovely bellini color here.
  • NBD Lila Gown. This full-length dress also comes in several colors. See it in champagne ($122) here. Mauve pink ($194) here. Or navy ($228) here.
  • Blaine Mini Dress. This one is a steal at $30! Long sleeves, ruching, mini. Get it in red or teal here. Great for fall or holiday!
  • Montrose Mini. This one is offered in glorious purple or pink. At $111, you almost have to get it. See it here. I could totally see my daughter in the purple.
  • Kerrie Deep V Mini. Priced at just $70, this dress comes in pink or green. Super cute! See it here.
  • Joyce Mini Dress. This cheetah print, long sleeve number is on final sale for $42 (orig $168) at Revolve. See it here.
  • Amelia Gown. This black, full-length gown is beautiful and on sale for $153! See it here.
  • Old Money Gown. With a plunging neckline and tiered skirt, this black gown is simply gorgeous. Originally $325, it’s on sale now for $195. Purchase here.
  • Lovers and Friends Lazo Gown. This one is on sale for $188. It’s red, and it’s dramatic. Purchase here.

Happy Shopping! Come back tomorrow for more suggestions!

by Kelly Mattei

Back Pain? Foot Pain? Leg Pain? OOFOS!

Back pain? Foot pain? Leg pain? OOFOS!

This summer, I learned about chronic pain. When I say I learned about it, I mean I experienced it, and that’s how I learned. I mentioned in The Only Pain I Want in My Life is…Champagne, which you can read here. I wrote that piece when I was less that a month into the excruciating pain of sciatica. At the time, I had no idea how long it would last.

Now it’s September, and while the pain is mostly gone (FINALLY!), I still have intermittent pain. It’s not severe, and it’s not constant, thank God, but I feel it sometimes. And yes, I’m still praying about it every day. I thank God every day that it’s better, and I pray every day asking Him to help me get well. I’ve done everything I can think of to help myself with it. I’ve seen multiple doctors. I’ve walked. I’ve done physical therapy. I’ve stretched. I’ve done new exercises as directed by the physical therapists. I’ve taken steroids. I’ve iced my back and heated it. I’ve used a TENS machine. I’ve used lidocaine patches and creams. I’ve worn sneakers instead of heels or sandals with every outfit since May. Seriously, I’ve done everything I can think to do.

And on my neighbors recommendation, I purchased some OOFOS recovery flip-flops. She said she had suffered from sciatica and plantar fasciitis, and the OOFOS helped, so I got some to wear around the house. Going barefoot hurts my back and feet, and after wearing sneakers at home all the time, I finally tried the OOFOS.

I have thanked my neighbor many times since.

I have thanked her and thanked her. I will be traveling to a sunny destination next week, and I will be especially thankful for my OOFOS there. All I can say is buy them if you experience back, leg, or foot pain. Try them. They might offer you some relief. If you’re hurting badly enough, you’re likely willing to try them. No, they’re not the cute, but they’re awesome. To purchase from the OOFOS store on Amazon and take advantage of Prime benefits, click here. You can see their various lines and choose for yourself. I choose the thong-style, but they also make slides, clogs, and even sneakers.

Hoping you have happy feet (and back and legs) soon!

by Kelly Mattei

When Sorority Rush is Over

When Sorority Rush is over.

When sorority rush starts, for the potential new members, it seems as though the week will never end. It’s a week of great fun for some and a week of misery for others…and some fall in between. If your daughter is participating in recruitment, here is something you should know: it will end, and it will be emotional.

No matter how it ends, it’s an emotional time…an emotional rollercoaster. They might be overjoyed. The excitement might be overwhelming! They might be sad. They might even be angry or embarrassed. But emotions definitely run high. Here’s something no one warned me about:

A couple of days after rush is over, almost everyone falls flat.

Last year, my daughter completed recruitment and pledged her favorite house as a freshman. She was thrilled. She was excited. For about two days, it was all she could talk about. And then, about 48 hours after pledging, she called me crying. No, she wasn’t disappointed with her choice. She was thrilled. She was simply feeling down in the dumps. At first, I wondered if it was homesickness, but then I realized it wasn’t that at all…she was simply having a “post-rush letdown.” That’s what I call it anyway. After being “courted” by sorority members during the recruitment process and all the excitement of Bid Day, everything else seems flat. If you’re mentally prepared for it, you know what it is, and you know what to do to fight the “blues.”

I wasn’t prepared for it last year. I’m normally really good about remembering my youth, but I had forgotten about the post-rush letdown, so when my daughter called, I was surprised for a minute…until I remembered. I listened to her tearfully tell me she was sad but didn’t know why. Then, I explained to her what was happening. I told her that what she was feeling was normal, because it is. That level of excitement and happiness she had during rush and on Bid Day simply can’t be sustained. She was bound to crash at some point. I told her to go for a walk in the sunshine. Sunshine helps. I also told her to find one of her new friends and invite her to go with her. Then, I suggested she go to her new sorority house and try to meet new friends. Maybe get some exercise with some of those new friends?

A couple of hours later, she called me sounding like her old self. In fact, she went so far as to cheerfully say, “I love it here!” I knew she had turned the corner, and it was a good thing, because I was on vacation in the Bahamas having a great time!

This year, she participated in rush as a member of a sorority. She was rushing new members all week. She was feeling the excitement again! And on Bid Day, she welcomed the girls she had worked so hard to recruit. She was absolutely thrilled! Fast forward 48 hours, and I received a call. “Mom, I don’t know why, but I’m feeling sad.” This time I knew the answer, “Oh, honey, you’re having post-rush letdown! Remember last year? Remember how 48 hours after it was over you had a little bout of sadness? It’s the same thing! The excitement is over and reality is setting in.” I suggested she get some exercise. Two hours later, she called me laughing and telling me a funny story about something that had happened. She had made it through the post-rush letdown again. I just hadn’t expected her to have the same feeling as a member, but she did, and next year, I will be ready to remind her that it’s going to happen.

Why am I telling you this? Moms, I want y’all to be prepared. And I want you to know that the post-rush letdown is a totally normal thing. That sad feeling will likely pass quickly if your daughter will get some exercise and make an effort to make some more new friends. It’s a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but just know the sadness will go away with some good coaching from Mom! Stay positive, Mom!

You got this!

by Kelly Mattei

Preparing for 2nd Year of College

Preparing for 2nd year of college.

Last year, at this time, I was at a completely different place in life. My only child, a daughter, was preparing to leave for her freshman year of college 450 miles away from home…and me…450 miles away from me. Actually, for the most part, I was the one preparing. I’m not even sure she was giving it much thought, as she tried to relish every moment with her friends at home. I, however, was gathering everything I could think of that she might need for a dorm room. I was trying to have everything done, but there were definitely things I missed. You can read my piece titled College Nesting here. *See the bottom of this page for information about things you might need for a freshman dorm room that you haven’t considered.

But here we are, one year later, and it’s amazing how things have changed!

My daughter leaves in less than a month to start her sophomore year. Ask me how many times we have discussed bedding or dorm essentials. Zero. OK, maybe once…when I asked if I need to be worrying about her room in the sorority house, and she told me no. That’s it. I’m not even exactly sure what day we are taking her back! August 3rd? 4th? 5th? I have asked several times, but I get a different answer every time, and I’m not worried about it. We will take her when we take her.

Last year at this time, I was worried she might get homesick. She was fine. I was worried she wouldn’t know how to handle medical emergencies. She had a few and handled them like a pro! I was worried I would miss her so badly that my heart would break. It didn’t. I probably wasn’t as worried as most moms, because I’m just not a worrier, but I had a little bit of worry. I was mostly excited. I was excited about all the new friends she would make. I was excited for her to start classes. And yes, I was excited about becoming an empty-nester.

OK, so maybe “empty-nester” is a little extreme. No, she isn’t living in our nest full-time anymore, but we are paying all her bills. She is self-sufficient as far as taking care of herself, but financially…not one bit. So we are empty-nesters in that we have the house to ourselves most of the time, but the credit card bills would say otherwise.

Moms of college freshmen, if you’re wondering what you’ll be like in one year from now, I can’t tell you exactly, but I can tell you how things have played out for me. Life is a little quieter in some ways but more fun in some ways too. On a day-to-day basis, when our daughter is away at college, life is quieter. I have my hobbies. I have my friends. I have some work to do. I have plenty to keep myself busy, but it’s quieter around our house while she’s at school, for sure. This summer hasn’t been so quiet, because her friends have been in and out of the house all day and night when we have been home. How is it more fun since she left? Well, my husband and I have enjoyed some trips together that we wouldn’t have been able to make if our daughter were still in high school. Back then, we had to plan everything around the school calendar. Not anymore! Now, we just pick dates and go! Does that mean life is more fun without her around? No way! She is way more fun than either of us, so we always love having her with us.

We get really excited every time we get to see her!

Do I miss having my daughter around all the time? I definitely miss my time with her, but we talk everyday. She didn’t come home a lot during the school year, so we were excited when it was time for her to come home for summer! She had only been home for about a week when we remembered how much noisier our household is with her here. We enjoy her friends. We enjoy the silliness. But we don’t sleep as much when she’s here, because she is in and out of the house at all hours. It doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers my “disciplined” husband who believes he should go to sleep and wake up at the exact same time every single day of life. I’m less rigid, so it doesn’t bother me, but I have to listen to him. Ugh. I always say, “He just stays in my ear!” And that’s the truth, but I have to admit he’s getting better.

So what am I doing to prepare for her to go back to school? I’m not doing all the things I was doing last year. I’m not running around trying to find things for the dorm or dresses for sorority recruitment. I’m just relaxing. She’ll take care of it. She has a year of college experience behind her, and she knows what she needs.

***Dorm items you might not realize you need:

  • Clothes steamer. If your daughter is going to school in the south, she needs a steamer. I don’t care if it’s upright or handheld, she needs one. I sent my daughter and her roommate with an upright one, and they used it all the time. Purchase it here. (It’s a quality steamer!) For a quality handheld one, click here. Here’s my theory: an upright, to me, is easier to use, and no one will remove it from the room. A handheld one is much more likely to go missing when someone “borrows” it. Keep that in mind.
  • Bluetooth Speaker. They need it. Just trust me on this. JBL has a whole Amazon store. You can certainly find what you need here. My daughter needed her speaker, but I didn’t think of it in advance, so I took it when I went down for a football game. How did I not know she would need it? Back when I was in school, we played “getting ready” music; surely, they still do that? By the way, my own personal “get ready” music back in the day was Aretha Franklin’s Greatest Hits.
  • Swiffer. Dust bunnies collect fast in dorm rooms. Encourage your student to keep the floor in his/her room with a Swiffer. Purchase here.
  • Disinfecting Wipes. They might not even use them, but if they get the urge to wipe down the surfaces in their rooms, these work great, and they’re disposable! Purchase here.
  • Can and bottle opener. Last year, when my daughter wasn’t feeling well, a friend brought her a can of chicken noodle soup, but she couldn’t open it, because she didn’t have a can opener. Make sure your student has a can and bottle opener! Purchase here. And make sure they know how to use it beforehand! See some other cool gadgets for opening plastic soda bottles and jars here.
  • Laundry backpack. You can get baskets or bags, but laundry backpacks are a lot easier to carry! See them here.
  • Medicines. In the state where my daughter goes to college, people under 19 cannot purchase cold medicines…not even Benadryl! Therefore, I tried to think of every possible medical item she could need, and I packed them in boxes….bandages, Band-Aids, Neosporin, Motrin, Tylenol, Benadryl, Cortisone cream, allergy creams, cold meds, cough meds…and on the labels, I wrote when to use them…for cough, for fever, for headaches, for muscle aches, etc. I used plastic storage bins from Amazon. There are lots to choose from here.
  • Hulken Bag. I tell everyone about these all the time, because we have them, and we use them all the time! They’re especially helpful when taking things to and from the car. For example, if my daughter goes to the UPS Store to pick up packages, she might have several. It can be difficult to carry them all in, but she just puts them in her Hulken bag and pulls them in! See it here. I highly recommend them. And when you’re not using it, just fold it and put it away!

by Kelly Mattei

A Great Gift for Mother’s Day or Graduation

A great gift for Mother’s Day or Graduation.

I cannot possibly be the only person in the world who sometimes has to return items I have purchased. Sometimes, things don’t fit, or I’m disappointed with the quality of a product, and sometimes, I have several things to return at once. This happened to me yesterday. I had several pairs of shoes to return to a local store…three boxes. It’s difficult to juggle three shoe boxes walking into a retail establishment, so I used my trusted Hulken bag. (Amazon shopping link here.) It’s a tote bag (medium or large) on wheels! And it’s easy to use! Plus it folds! Y’all know I have mentioned the Hulken bag before for college move-in and move-out, but it occurred to me yesterday that the Hulken is the perfect Mother’s Day gift or Graduation gift! Every woman on the planet could use a Hulken bag to help return items, for grocery shopping, for bringing things to and from the car, for moving, for spring cleaning, for college laundry…seriously, I use mine all the time. Their slogan says it all: Schlepping made easy.

I have the medium Hulken bag that I purchased through Amazon, and my college student daughter has the large. The medium sells for $89,90, and the large sells for $104.90. The bags are offered in three colors: black, rose gold, and silver. They have smooth-rolling wheels that go in all directions, and they each carry up to 66 pounds! The handles are long and reinforced…one on each side for rolling the bag next to you, and one on the end for pulling the bag along. Plus, an added bonus is that they are lightweight and easy to fold and unfold, so they take up minimal space in your home or car. I only have one right now, but I’m getting myself another one, so I can keep one in the house and one in my car. You never know when you’ll need it! I normally recommend products, but I’m absolutely insisting you purchase a Hulken bag for the mom or graduate in your life.

You see the silver bags above. Black and rose gold are pictured below. You can purchase all colors and both sizes from Amazon here, but order now, because right now, they are estimating delivery between May 12 and May 17. The longer you wait, the later the delivery. Mother’s Day is May 14, so there is a chance you will receive it before the actual date. Mine arrived earlier than estimated, so fingers crossed. But if you’re purchasing a graduation gift, order now too, to ensure it arrives in time!

I simply cannot stress enough how much I love this product. This is a gift they will actually use!

***Shopping link: Hulken bag

by Kelly Mattei

Finishing Freshman Year of College

Finishing freshman year of college.

My daughter attended an independent school in Charlotte from Transitional Kindergarten through 12th grade, and the former head of the school often had wise words to share. One of his favorite phrases? “Finish well.” As the end of each school year approached, I would remind our daughter, “Finish well!” Did she always hear me? She always finished pretty well, so maybe.

Now, the end of her freshman year of college is rapidly approaching. Like a train out of control, freshman year is moving forward at lightning speed. She will be home in less than a week. Less than a week! I find myself saying, “Finish well!”

We moved her into her dorm at the beginning of August. It was an exciting time. It was a scary time. Like lots of moms out there, I was excited for her to experience college, but I was nervous about leaving her 450 miles away. However, I remembered something I had read before:

Put the basket in the water.

I got that sentence from a piece written by Ashlei Woods. You can read it here. “Put the basket in the water” is a reference to the time of Moses, when midwives were ordered by Pharaoh to kill baby boys born to Israelites by drowning them in the Nile. Moses’s mother, in an effort to save her baby, placed him in a basket and placed the basket in the river, in hopes that he would live. I’m no Biblical scholar, but even I remember the story from Sunday School lessons. Moses did live, obviously, and went on to become a great prophet. I certainly don’t expect my daughter to become a great prophet, but I want her to live and become the best person she can be. I want her to live life. And by placing her proverbial basket in that proverbial river (college), I sent her on her way.

Has she learned things in college that will help her in her future endeavors? In short, yes. She has learned something in each class she has taken. She has learned about music, public relations, writing…so much. More importantly, she has learned more about who she is. She has learned how to make friends from lots of different places. She has learned how to handle medical emergencies and automobile situations. She has learned how to make doctor appointments and pick up her own prescriptions. And even though I always tried to expose her to as many new experiences as possible, she has been exposed to even more new experiences. She has learned to manage on her own. Sure, she still gets advice (sometimes wanted, sometimes not) from me, but she is doing it! We still support her financially, but she is doing it! We put the basket in the water, and we trusted God and trusted her.

Have there been hiccups along the way? Yes, but she has learned from each one. Last week, SpaceX launched a test rocket…the most powerful one ever launched. There was excitement surrounding it, but it failed. And afterward, Elon Musk, the founder of SpaceX, seemed happy in spite of the failure, saying they (the engineers, the company) would learn a lot from the failure. He was excited about what they would learn! Those words stuck with me, because this very successful man was reminding the world that we learn from failure. Don’t get me wrong. Our daughter’s hiccups, so far, haven’t been in the classroom. But any hiccups she has experienced along the way have been opportunities for learning. Learning what doesn’t work is how she will learn what does work.

In a few days, we will move our daughter out of her freshman dorm. As she finishes her freshman year, I will remind her several times, “Finish well.” I am already reminding her to start packing things up and cleaning out her room. And after we get her home for the summer, I feel sure we will notice she is a different girl than the one we sent to college in August. She is older. She is more confident. She is more independent. She is more knowledgable. As my own parents said when I came home after my freshman year, “We sent our daughter off to college and got a different person back.” They often joked that I was “switched at college.”

We are excited to have our girl home soon.

by Kelly Mattei

Mama Is Your Ally

Mama is your ally.

For me, this was the single most important message I have wanted to send to my daughter throughout her life: I am your ally. Does it mean I don’t get mad? No. Does it mean I won’t disappoint you? No. There are times I get mad at my daughter. There are times I disappoint her with my reaction to things. However, because we have always had open communication, she knows, deep down, that even though I might get upset about something she does or something she tells me, I will calm down and help her find a solution. She is 19 now…only about eight more months in her teens…and somehow, I feel like I have been successful in the area of communication with her.

When she was growing up, as far back as I can possibly remember, I answered questions honestly. When she was a little girl, if she asked a question, I didn’t sugarcoat it or present some fairytale (like a stork dropping a baby on the front porch); I answered honestly and in an age-appropriate way. Did I always answer perfectly? No. I am the first to say I am an imperfect mother, but that’s part of it. Motherhood is a position in which we learn on the job, so we are going to make mistakes, but we learn as we go.

I follow an Instagram account called Raising Teens Today. It’s not run by a psychologist. It’s run by a mom who also happens to be a public relations professional, and that’s one reason I love it. Her posts are real life posts, not some psycho-babble. Today, she reposted something that said “I hope my daughter grows up thinking ‘I have to tell Mom; she will know what to do’ instead of ‘I’m scared to tell Mom, because she won’t understand.'” Yes. Yes. Yes. Just like that post, I have always wanted my daughter to know she can come to me with anything. Not only that, but she should come to me…and come to me first! ***Raising Teens Today also has a website. You can see it here.***

Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure there are things I don’t know about my daughter. I’m not supposed to know everything, just like she isn’t supposed to know everything about me, but if she has a problem, I want to be the first ally she seeks out. Why? Well, I actually have her best interest at heart. Other teenage girls aren’t always looking out for their friends’ best interests. Another reason? I’m going to offer up 55-yr-old wisdom instead of the wisdom of another 19-yr-old. Come on. Do 19-yr-olds really have answers to real life problems? They don’t have enough life experience, and frankly, the frontal lobes of their brains are not fully developed. I have told her the last person to consult for a real problem is another teenager. Yet another reason? Unlike teenage friends, I’m not going to share her private business.

The main reason I want her to come to me, though, is that I want to help her grow into a happy, healthy, productive member of society who knows she is loved…just like she knew she was loved when she was a little girl. We all remember when our college-aged kids were younger. They came to us with everything. Skinned knee? Mama can fix it. Broken bone? Mama will get me to the doctor. Hungry? Mama will feed me. Tired? I can fall asleep in Mama’s lap. Difficulty in school? Mama will help or find me a tutor. Friend problems? I can talk to Mama. Where to go to college? Mama will talk it out with me.

Yes, my daughter’s problems become more serious as she gets older, but it’s every bit as important…maybe more so…that she knows Mama is there for her. As long as I’m alive, I will be her ally. Even after I’m gone, she’ll likely hear my voice in her ear, just like I hear my mother’s regularly. My mother has been gone for five years, but many times, when I have been trying to find an answer to a problem, I remember things she told me.

Mama wisdom is the gift that keeps on giving.

by Kelly Mattei

Writing My Way Through Tough Times

Writing my way through tough times.

If we live long enough, we all experience heartache at some time or another. It might be in the form of a breakup, or it might be in the loss of a loved one. I experienced a few breakups as I grew up, just like most everyone else, but my first big, real heartache was when my daddy was diagnosed with and eventually died of pancreatic cancer in 2006.

He was officially diagnosed in February of that year, and he died on October 2 of the same year. Today is the 16th anniversary of his death…a tough day for me, and a reminder of the heartache I managed to survive. I suffered. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced…losing my daddy. I was the mother of a toddler, but I was afraid I was losing my mind. I made lots of plans, because I thought I needed to stay busy. I ran myself ragged. But I learned.

When my mother fell ill 11 years later, my friend, Angela, who has also lost her father, said, “Get ready. It’s going to be tough when you lose her.” I vividly remember turning to her, saying, “It’s going to be tough, for sure, but I feel like I learned something when Daddy died. I feel like I developed some coping skills.” And after Mother passed, I learned I had, in fact, developed some coping skills. I had learned not to run from it. I had learned from my experience with Daddy’s death that I needed to just drop out of the world for a little while and process it. So that’s what I did after Mother died. I have written about it before. I literally gave myself permission to recover quietly and cancelled all plans and went to bed for a month. Don’t get me wrong. I was functional. But I didn’t feel like being social, so I wasn’t. I did what I needed to do for our daughter, but for the most part, I stayed home. And after a month, I “pulled up my bootstraps” and rejoined the living.

For Christmas that year, I had received a gift from a friend. It was a book called My Future Listography: All I Hope to do in Lists. When I received the gift, I thought it was cool, but when Mother died five days after Christmas, the book took on more meaning. It’s a journal, of sorts, and it’s part of a series of Listography books. Each one contains lists to fill in, and this one is full of lists about the future. Examples of some of the lists: What countries do you want to visit? What films do you want to see? What fictional characters would you like to hang out with? But after Mother died, the book became good therapy for me. Sounds crazy, but it gave me things to think about in the future. It made me see past the state of gloom I was in and look to the future. It really helped me move through the grief. It helped me realize that the act of putting my thoughts out there could help me heal. To order My Future Listography, click here.

And because of that, I started my blog. Writing things down…or typing them, in the case of the blog…was therapeutic! My Future Listography had brought me through the initial trauma of losing my mother, and writing the blog helpted me continue to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Since losing my Mother on December 30, 2017, I have given copies of My Future Listography to lots of friends when they have been going through tough times…breakups, death of a loved one, or even new empty-nesters who are having a hard time. Sometimes, they look at me like it’s a weird gift, and maybe it is…but several times, people have called me later to tell me how much it helped them keep putting one foot in front of the other…keep looking toward the future. We know time helps with heartache, but knowing there is life ahead of the heartache can help too. When someone is in the middle of grief or heartache, they aren’t necessarily thinking about the good things ahead, but this journal can help them see what the future might look like.

I have a friend who went through a terrible breakup two years ago, and I gave her a copy after the relationship ended. There’s something about a relationship ending that can seem particularly dismal. It can feel like everything you believed about someone was wrong…a lie. Later, we realize that’s not always the case; sometimes, there are just extenuating circumstances that cause relationships to end. And as with my friend, sometimes we need to be reminded that there is a bright future ahead. She called me months after the breakup and told me the journal of lists had helped her. Now, I keep a few handy to give as gifts, because you never know when someone you love is going to experience something bad.

Sometimes, we just need a reminder that better things lie ahead.