Decide To Be Happy

Sometimes, life hands us lemons. We’ve all heard it…we need to make lemonade. My mother used to always say, “You have to decide to be happy.”

Every single day since I lost my mother in December of 2017, I remind myself that I have to decide to be happy. It’s not that I haven’t experienced any happiness, but sometimes, when I get sad about having lost her, it’s hard to bring myself out of it. And every time, I hear her say, “You have to decide to be happy.”

I try not to write about death and loss very often, because I know people don’t want to hear about it. I know it’s a downer. I know that sometimes, I feel better if I think of something happy. But right now, it’s OK if no one wants to hear about it. It’s OK if everybody skips over this, because right now, I need to write about it.

I’m in the process of closing out Mother’s estate. No, there were no loose ends to tie up. She made it as easy as possible. She had a will. She listed survivors on bank accounts. She didn’t have any debt. She made it easy. Maybe if she had made it complicated, I could have gotten angry with her and been in a bigger hurry to close everything, but nope…she made the division of assets easy. Yet, I still haven’t closed out the estate, and it’s time for me to do it. I should have done it six months ago, but it’s downright depressing.

In fact, I feel more sad now than I did immediately after her passing. Weird, I know, but I guess I feel like closing out the estate is like closing the final chapter on her life. There have been days that I knew would be difficult…my parents’ anniversary, Mother’s Day, her birthday, Christmas Eve (the anniversary of her hospitalization), Christmas Day, the anniversary of her death (December 30)…but I never expected this part to be so difficult. I thought it was completely transactional, and being a tough chick, I thought I’d be able to treat this as a transaction. But I can’t. I realize that now, because I’ve been delaying it…and I’ve been sad.

And I’ve been off my game. Sure, I’ve gone through the motions of regular life, but deep inside, I’ve been off my game since she took her last breath.

And now I’m faced with closing the book on the estate.

But something occurred to me today: Maybe…just maybe…it will be freeing. That’s all I can hope. Maybe I will feel a little sense of freedom, like a weight has been lifted, when I sign all the papers. Maybe closing the estate will actually make me feel better. We’ve all had times like that. We put something off because it’s scary, but once it happens, we feel a sense of relief or freedom. I have friends who put off signing divorce papers, because it was depressing, but once they did it, they felt like the albatross had been removed from their necks. Maybe the estate is my albatross? That sounds terrible. My mother would not like it that I referred to it that way, but she doesn’t get a vote in this.

After my daddy died, mother was talking with her doctor about anti-depressants, and she said, “My husband wouldn’t like it.” The doctor, very calmly, said, “Your husband’s not here anymore. He doesn’t get a vote in this.” And he was right! She knew it, and she actually laughed! For the record, she started taking the anti-depressant, and it made a big difference in her approach to life. Sure, she was still grieving Daddy, but the anti-depressant helped her decide to be happy.

As soon as I receive all the paperwork, I’ll sign off on closing the estate. In fact, I’m going to invite friends to a brunch at my house for that very day, so they can come over and drink some champagne with me to celebrate the closure…the freedom.

Mother would laugh about that, and she would be happy to know that it’s done.

I will decide to be happy…just in time for spring!

 

 

 

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Old Stuff And Banana Cream Pie?

If you didn’t know, today is National Old Stuff Day and National Banana Cream Pie day. Which one sounds better to you? The great thing is you don’t have to pick…I plan to observe both.

National Old Stuff Day comes at a perfect time for me. I’ve been listing things to sell on Ebay all week. Sure, I could sell it on Poshmark.com or The Real Real, but I already know how to list on Ebay, and frankly, I’m too old (Get it? National Old Stuff Day?) to learn how to list on another site. Some of my friends list on Facebook sell sites and have folks pick up their purchases from their homes…no thanks…I don’t want strangers showing up on my front porch. I think people believe shipping with online sites is complicated, but it’s not. The post office will deliver packing supplies to your home, or you can run into your local office and pick them up…for free!

If you’ve never shopped Ebay, Poshmark, or The Real Real, it’s high time you checked them out. I’ve loved Ebay for years, and I’ve gotten some great buys on some fabulous high end items. And Poshmark…I’ve purchased some awesome pre-owned designer things there too. There’s no shame in buying pre-owned. Whenever I get a compliment on something I got for a steal on Ebay or Poshmark, I say “thank you” and smile even bigger! Knowing I didn’t pay an arm and a leg for it makes me especially happy!

So I’ll be celebrating National Old Stuff Day by listing more things on Ebay. It’s a great way to get a little extra WAM (Walking Around Money). Anything of any value that we don’t use anymore gets listed on Ebay, and it adds up! I paid for a big vacation last year with my Ebay “earnings,” even though I’m really selling things at a loss, technically…I got my use out of them. And sometimes, it’s possible to sell things for more than you paid for them…especially if you purchased them on Ebay and resell them after you use them…or if you get a good bargain on something and resell it.

Banana Cream Pie Day sounds delicious, but I won’t be eating a banana cream pie. You know what they say…”A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips.” I’ll celebrate Banana Cream Pie Day by eating Dannon Light & Fit Greek Yogurt in Banana Cream flavor. It’s delicious! My daughter loves it, and my husband was surprised at how good it is…and only 80 calories in every 5.3 ounce serving. I top mine with a dollop of Redi-Whip to make it seem even more like dessert. You can purchase it in the dairy section of most grocery stores.

If you’re wondering how I know what National Day it is, you can find out too by clicking here on the National Day Calendar website. We have some good National Days coming up too…Fat Tuesday being a biggie. So today, do some online (or in-store) thrift shopping to celebrate National Old Stuff Day. Or maybe purge some old things from closets and donate them to a local charity. Or even prefabricate them into something else! But whatever you decide to do, enjoy some Banana Cream yogurt too!

Now, if I could just find a low-calorie King Cake for celebrating Fat Tuesday…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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February Celebrations

February. Yes, Valentine’s Day and Presidents Day both fall in February, but for me, some very important anniversaries fall in February.

My parents were married on February 18, 1961, so today is their  58th anniversary. Of course, we lost Daddy 12 years ago, and we lost Mother in December of 2017. But every year, on this day, I think of my parents. All their wedding photos are in Alabama, so I don’t have access to them right now to share.

Every year on their anniversary, they would do something together…even if they just ordered in and had some wine. Sometimes they went out to dinner, and sometimes they went out of town, but every year, my mother would tell me about their wedding day.

In 1961, Mother was a nurse and finished her shift at Baptist Hospital in Birmingham the night before they married. As soon as they were married, she would be moving to Florida, where Daddy lived. The head nurse, who was an older unmarried lady (referred to as a spinster back then), asked her as she was leaving, “Do you feel like you can’t live without him?” Mother replied, “Oh, I can live without him. I just don’t want to live without him.” Who knew that was foreshadowing for her life 45 years later? After Daddy died, Mother lost a lot of her get-up-and-go. She seemed as if she didn’t want to go on. I never would have believed it if someone had told me that would happen, but it happened. She just didn’t enjoy life without him as much as she had enjoyed it with him.

So the day after finishing that hospital shift, she and Daddy married at my maternal grandparents’ home. Mother was quite practical…no big shindig for her. Her Aunt Ola helped her with the arrangements, including a beautiful cake, and Mother and Daddy left for New Orleans right away…their honeymoon. Mother got a job at a hospital in Florida, and the rest is history.

Two years ago, just two days before my parents’ anniversary, my brother married the girl he took to his high school prom. They celebrated their second anniversary two days ago.

Their wedding was nothing fancy…a civil ceremony. I could hear the joy in my mother’s voice when she called me to tell me my brother had gotten married. She was thrilled.

Both of them had been married before. He was 48, and she was 47 when they married. My brother had been divorced for two years. They didn’t rush into anything. They didn’t live together before they were married. In fact, they live together part-time now, and it works.

Our family has known his “bride” since the mid-80s. Her granddaddy was our family doctor and put stitches in my knee when I was 11 and diagnosed me with mono when I was 17. My daddy adored her back in the day, and he would laugh and laugh if he could spend time with them now. The bride has a quirky sense of humor, making her perfect for dealing with my brother’s crazy sense of humor. They laugh with each other…a lot. They take care of each other, and they help each other. They enjoy traveling together, and lucky for me, they’ll travel with us too.

My brother has two grown boys, twins who turned 21 in December. His bride has three boys, ranging in age from 15 to 22. They all get along, and my daughter is thrilled that she is the only girl in the bunch! She loves telling people all five of her first cousins are boys, and that she is the youngest. She adores them all.

So, February is a big month for us. I had a glass of champagne Saturday to celebrate my brother and sis-in-law’s anniversary, and I’ll have a glass tonight to celebrate my parents’ anniversary.

If my mother hadn’t decided in 1961 that she didn’t want to live without Daddy, my brother and I wouldn’t be here.

 

***Next entry: Squash…***